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Pour Your Heart Out: Gone in an Instant

My heart raced and my chest ached.

I was hyperventilating and finding it hard to get a word out.

My boys looked at me in fear, not sure what to do or say.

Hands shaking as I tried frantically to call my husband with the news, trying to catch him before he made it all the way home.

Ten minutes before, I had called him in a panic.

So hysterical that I couldn’t even make my voice clear enough to have my call sent to the right desk at his office.

Screaming “It’s an emergency, I need him now!”

Telling my husband “I can’t find him. I lost him. Oh, God, what do I do now? Do I call the police? I don’t know where he is. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.”

Because moments before that, I had been out in the yard shrieking for our 6 year-old.

“Bear! Where are you? Bear! I need you to answer me! BEAR! WHERE ARE YOU?”

Over and over.

My voice echoing throughout our quiet neighborhood.

The terror in my voice growing with each passing moment.

Shortly before that, I’d searched the house, figuring he’d gone back to sleep or was hanging out in a corner with my iPad or his DS.

But realizing he was nowhere to be found, I headed outside and began a calm search for him, which quickly elevated into a full-out panic attack when he wasn’t answering me.

It hadn’t been that long since I’d seen him last.

He’d woken up and asked if he could get his Mario from the van.

I said sure and continued to work.

And work.

Minutes passed.

I had assumed he’d come right back in.

I didn’t think to check.

He was just getting his toy from the van.

And the other boys were still sleeping so it wasn’t weird that it was quiet.

But then I went to check on him….

The quick and calm search in the house, the terror of him not responding to any of my screaming for him outside, the phone call to my husband.

Scenarios of him wandering off, of someone taking him, of him being gone forever….

I tried to stop hyperventilating so the police would understand me when I called.

And as I looked across my yard, I thought maybe I’ll ask the neighbors if they’ve seen him.

I ran to their front door, still in my pajamas, knocking in what became more of a pounding than a knock on their glass door.

Their interior door open so I could see inside.

One second from pulling their door open and running inside when I see a face.

My son.

With a smile on his face and Wii remote in his hand, a Mario game on the tv screen behind him.

I don’t know what I said in my weak attempt to explain how my child could be in their house and playing games for a little while without me having a clue where he was.

My neighbor said Bear had told her I knew where he was and that next time, she’d call or text to make sure I really did know. My boys had spent some time at their house when I’d been out of town last month but not so much when I’d been around, so I didn’t think of them right away.

We headed back home.

And that’s where my boys were staring at me, listening to me hyperventilate and watch me try to call their Daddy to tell him everything was okay.

In that moment, seeing those three faces, knowing they were all safe…

Instead of calming down, my panic attack only grew worse.

Thinking of everything that could have happened.

Thinking of how it only took a small lapse in vigilance to lose one of my kids.

Thinking of all the what ifs.

Unable to get my breathing under control for almost an hour after I found my son.

Having to calm myself over and over all day long as my terror kept returning with each thought of what if.

Knowing we were lucky. No harm done.

But seeing how a child could be gone in an instant.

It’s been a week since this happened and that fear is still there. I don’t know if it will ever fully go away. Maybe it doesn’t need to.

Have you ever had a moment like this with any of your kids?

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Comments

  1. Oh my… I can’t imagine how you felt… not even for a moment. Andrew is my wanderer and he has no fear and now that he’s learned to unlock and open all the doors I worry…. busy road, pool, woods that go on forever… if he went outside it could take forever to find him.

    I am really glad that you were able to find your son and that he was safe.

  2. This story is making ME hyperventilate. It’s so easy to let those minutes pass, focused on our own things, assuming the kids are fine where they are. It could’ve happened to anyone. God had his arms wrapped around your son that day. And all along the little guy was oblivious, playing his video game. I would’ve freaked out, too, Shell. Hugs from one mom to another.

  3. As you wrote this I felt as if it were happening to me.  Very scary moment in your life, and the instant relief you must have felt when you saw his face, but yet, at the same time, annoyance!

    I’m glad everything worked out.  Although I don’t have kids, the worse fear is losing them.

    xoxo

  4. I am so sorry this happened to you.  I’ve had a couple of MOMENTS where I feel like I can’t find them, but not long enough that I’ve made the call to my husband or thought about calling the police.  The minute or 2 of panic is bad enough – I CANNOT imagine how scary more than a short time was for  you.  I’m soooooo glad everything turned out ok for you.  

    • I’ve had other short moments- even seconds feels like an eternity when you don’t know where they are.

  5. Oh my gosh.  I am glad everything was okay.  My disabled son-who can’t really speak- got out of our house when he was 5 and went in the neighbors house across the street.  He had never been over there before.  That was the most awful feeling.

  6. OMG – terrifying!

    I had one of those moments last week. I woke up and Jellybean was not next to me in bed where he should have been. At 2am. I checked the floor. Scanned the room. Then I heard him. Playing out in the dining room. At 2am. I was able to joke about it the next day but it scared the day lights out of me at the time.

  7. I am so, so sorry you had to go through this! I have had moments, but not as prolonged as this one.  Mine have  been a few moments at the most, but then my kids have been found.  But I know – even in those brief moments – the panic…Thank God his is OK – and hopefully you are OK!  

  9. Oh honey. That is so scary, and I felt like I was right there with you. I “lost” D at the cider mill one time. He was there, and then he wasn’t. We were outside, and I was with my MOMS Club pouring cider and organizing, and he was just not there. It was maybe five minutes that he was “gone” (he’d wandered back into the store) but oh my heart. Hugs to you.

  10. Yes, at the zoo when my middle girl was maybe 6. It was the most excruciating few minutes. Even now, years later, I can still call up that feeling of helplessness, of utter dismay, labored breathing. I can still feel it. I’m sorry Bear scared you but you know it wasn’t anything you’d done or didn’t do. It was harmless. I’m smiling as I type this because I know the what-if tells us differently.

  11. Oh I am so sorry-  that would have been so scary and it is scary to think it really could happen that fast.

    I have had this happen a few times.  Once when Lucas was just two and a half= he asked to go swing in our fenced in backyard.  After he had been out there a while I called out to him and he never responded.  I called again and nothing– I hurried outside thinking, how did he get out of the gate– he had fallen asleep on the teeter-totter.  

    Then another time time, when I was sick with the flu- Lucas and Alex were outside playing and I sat in a chair outside to be by them; I fell asleep only to wake up and they were both gone.  Thankfully they had both just gone inside and gone upstairs and played.

    And just recently, when we were on vacation and we were at a State Park, we were all heading to the train and once we got there I realized Alex was not there.  Ran around searching, only several minutes to finally find her at a different area she wanted to go to first. 

    So yea several times- not as long as yours but that panic it comes quickly. 

  12. Oh Shell, I could barely breathe while reading this post. It’s happened to me too with our oldest, Ty, when he was 7. And it was the scariest 15 minutes of my life. The visions of what could have happened were with me for quite a long time and I really beat myself up because it was my lack of attention that caused it. That mommy panic is immediate and brutal. Wishing you peaceful thoughts, my friend. 

  13. *gasp* quickened heartbeat and tears just reading this. It’s such a scary thing when they don’t answer when you call for them. OMW. So glad everything turned out ok. Time for some new highlights to cover up the grays you must have received from this, eh? lol

  15. I think that might be the scariest thing in the world for a mother to have to face. I’ve never lost Noah, but he did vanish from my immediate site in Walmart one day. He had wandered a few aisles over and I couldn’t see him. He wouldn’t answer me and panic immediately set in. Scary, scary stuff. Glad everything was ok!

  16. That is one of my biggest fears too. My sweetie lost Crafty at Sea World and she was gone for about 10 terrifying minutes. She was 7 and she had enough sense to find an older grandma-type person to help her. So glad things worked out right for you!
    Sandy

  17. Oh I felt your terror, Shell. I’ve had a few moments when I thought I’d lost the toddler – once in a small zoo in Australia. I’d just assumed he was walking alongside me after we’d stopped to look at some animals. I was talking to my husband who was pushing the stroller slightly ahead of me. Then I realized the toddler was nowhere to be seen. I asked my husband where the boy was and he said, wait, wasn’t he walking with you?

    I swear my heart fell right through to my feet. Then my husband swung the stroller around and there he was, my son. I nearly pummeled his father to a pulp for scaring the shit out of me. 

    So glad Bear’s okay.

  18. I am so sorry that you had to go through this! I can’t even imagine. This is one of my biggest fears and I honestly don’t know if I would have handled it as well as you did. I am so glad that Bear is okay!

  20. That is the worst feeling…scary part is that it happens to all parents at some point.  My son once got out and was walking up the street.  The mailman found him and brought him home.  We had not even realized he has snuck out yet – we though he was still napping.  That was both scary and embarrassing.

  23. Thank God. It has been a rough week because I lost Evil this past Monday. We were at Cub Scouts during a Round Up. It is where new people come and the boys show off their derby cars and rainboats and there is popcorn and cotton candy. It was outside in a church parking lot but there are business around and a street behind with government housing. It was chaos and Evil is very social and was all over the place but I kept my eye on her until I turned to talk to one of the new parents turned back and she was gone. I walked around, got paniced and got DH, then started yelling. Soon, the whole pack was yelling. It only took a few minutes but it seemed like an eternity. She had went to the yeard of one of the housing units to play with a friend from school. Anyone could have grabbed her. I was scared and embarrassed that I had let it happen. I have held her a little tighter every night this week.

  26. I’m so sorry you had to experience that.  Something very similar happened to us on Easter day.  Only we were at my inlaw’s house, and they live on a lake.  Buster was next door at the neighbor’s, who somehow, didn’t hear us screaming at the top of our lungs for him (even though they were outside on their second story deck).  The panic and fear is immobilizing and traumatizing.  I’m so glad Bear was okay.

  28. Yikes!  So very, very scary!  I can’t even imagine how you must have felt but just reading this made my heart skip a few beats and tears form in my eyes.  Thankfully the only few seconds I have lost sight of my 3 year old is when he has gone into another isle at the store.  That is scary enough!!!  This is for sure one of a mom’s worst nightmares.  I’m so glad he was at the neighbors  house.  

  29. I teared up reading this. I am so sorry you had to experience that, my friend. I cannot imagine it. I hope that the panic subsides but know that it is perfectly normal.  Sending you hugs.

  30. I was explaining how to properly cross the street to my EIGHT year old, just yesterday. It was so diferent when we were kids. We could safely go places by ourselves. I walked 6 blocks to school when I was 6.

    It’s just too scary, now. When mine were babies there was a terrible crime and I think we lost out on a lot of living because of my overwhelming fear.

    Stay alert, but don’t let it steal your joy. I know that could be impossible to hear, right now, but I became a slave to it. It’s no way to live.

    • You’re right- when I was his age, I was allowed to just roam our neighborhood. But now…

  31. That is so scary! So glad that he is ok. I think adults should always double check with the parent to make sure they know where their child is

    • I told our neighbors that I’ll never just send my kids over there without checking so if one shows up, to please let us know.

  32. My now 35 year old son did that in a store in a strange town when he was about three!  I had a major panic attack, made them call all their clerks to alert them and started frantically looking around thinking many of the same thoughts that went through your mind.

    When I found him, he was hiding in a round rack of clothes!  I hugged him, then spanked him (don’t panic, it was just a little whack on the bottom between hugs) and heard the very young sales clerk call to cancel the BOLO and she said “cancel, she found him and she’s beating him”…..:)  

  33. So very scary. I lost my daughter at a wedding once – and it was terrifying. I remembered all those feelings when reading this. I’m so sorry you had to go through it, too. But very happy you found him safe and sound. (hugs)

  34. My son got out of our apartment twice early this summer, both times by figuring out how to unlock doors. Now, we live out in the country and I think I panic daily. I’m not used to him going outside to play and there’s a 45mph road at the end of our driveway. 

    I’m considering a cowbell for him…

  35. Yes Shell, I have been throgh something very similar and NEVER want to feel like that again! I will share my story (if I can write it) next week

    • So scary, isn’t it? I wrote and then couldn’t go back to edit b/c I didn’t want to relive it!

  36. I don’t even remember where we were now, but I once lost sight of Lil’ Bit for all of 30 seconds – and that’s all it took for the panic to begin to mount, given the fact that she’d barely reached toddlerhood at the time. As she gets older and more independent, I’ll clearly need to loosen the reigns a bit, but I can fully understand your stress and anxiety – so palpable in your writing – in this situation. A few months ago, as we were getting settled to watch a parade with some friends, their 18MO wandered off into the nearby crowd. We found him within moments – he’d only wandered a few feet – but I will never forget the knot of fear in my stomach or the panic in my friend’s voice as she screamed out, “Where’s the baby? Has anyone seen my little boy?!?!” to anyone who would listen. In that kind of situation, you just don’t care what kind of spectacle you make of yourself. 

    • Nope, I didn’t care at all that I was screaming for all to hear.

      Even just a few seconds is too long.

  37. Oh yipes- my heart was pounding for you. I had a moment like that the other day- Nora’s so small that she can curl up and be completely invisible. (And her new favorite game is to not answer, thinking it’s a big ol’ game of hide n’ seek. We’re kiboshing that one.)

    I don’t think my fear will ever go away. I mean, good God, I lie awake enough as it is with irrational fears. A real one? Yeah, that’s not going anywhere.

  38. So scary! I’m so glad everything turned out ok. Yes, it has happened to us… at Wal-Mart. They were just going to the next isle to look at the fish. When we turned the corner to get them my middle son wasn’t there. We searched and searched. I felt a lot like you did as the realization that he could really be gone kept getting more real. We finally found him. He had taken a wrong turn and ended up near the front of the store where he was waiting with a customer service lady. Thank God!

  39. You think you are vigilant enough, and then-WHAM!-they’ve disappeared. My prayers for you and your family.

     It is terrifying when you think your child has gone missing. We lived just off a very busy street where folks tended to go 50mph rather than 30, and the back yard dropped into a large wooded area. One day, our 3 year old just disappeared. Just as you describe, it is frightening. LIke you, we found her, only she was actually in the house. I can’t imagine what it would be like to really have them go missing. My heart goes out to all those parents who have missing children.

    • I can’t imagine what it would be like to really lose a child. Can’t even begin to imagine.

  40. So scary!  I’m freaking out just reading this.  I am SO glad he’s ok.  A few years ago at a fair, my son was watching a cow walk around and the next thing I knew he was gone.  Luckily a friend of mine had him, but it was truly terrifying.

  41. Scary!!  I have had this happen once before at Chris’ store.  Nate knows the usual places his Dad might be and he occasionally gets a little in front of me but this time he got away from me and I just assumed we are in the store, he will be in my sights soon and I couldn’t find him and I looked and looked and just as I was starting to panic I found him and his Dad.  I yelled ‘I can’t find him!!!’ and he was right there with one of his favorite people who work for Chris.  I started bawling, it wasn’t until after I had found him that I got really worked up.

    • It was so scary. He keeps telling us “I’ll never do that again.” But he tried to go to the neighbors again without telling us.

  45. GULP.  This hasn’t happened to me yet but with my adventurous son, I’m sure it is bound to happen.  I have a hard time even letting the kids play in the fenced back yard alone but I want them to feel freedom (in a controlled environment).  

    {{HUGS}} to you as you reminisce over this scary event.  Breathe deep–you are a good momma!

    • I don’t like mine out my sight. I want them to have some freedom, but I want them safe, too. 

  46. I don’t have an exact moment like that but as far as “pour your heart out” moment, I did link up. It’s about my 10 year old daughter. Thanks for sharing your story. <3

    • PYHO is personal- it’s whatever you want to pour out- no one has to write about what I do. 😉 

  47. I was breathing heavily and had goose bumps as I raced through this post. I knew it had to have a good ending but my eyes couldn’t get me there fast enough.
    I am so thankful for the reminder that it truly only takes a second but I am so sorry that you had to go through this. That panic is enough to put you in bed for days. It wears out your body and soul!

  48. Went to Valleyfair last week. An amusement park. My boys, 13 and 9 walked ahead of me. Fine, no problem. I ran back to the van to grab something. They weren’t waiting for me when I got in. Found 13 yr old & his friend, but not my 9yo and his friend. FOUR hours later, after I had sat at the entryway the entire time, they went moseying on by me. I was a mess. I’ll be blogging about this as soon as I can, but it was the longest four hours of my life! I understand your fear!

  49. Bless your heart, Shell, I could feel the terror pouring out through the page. It’s hard to know that we cannot protect our kids every second of every day – blocking out the “what-ifs” becomes such a necessary part of life. Until you can’t. Hugs.

  50. Oh how I can relate! You are not alone! We accidentally left our youngest son at a ball game my daughter was playing in. I couldn’t believe it! We drove back and he was no where to be found. Like you I majorly freaked out, called the police, they even put it on the local radio station. As we were driving all over looking he was walking to grandpa’s… Oh my word! How this little five year old walked 2 miles and made it was a miracle! He said he just kept walking and things looked familiar along the way and then came to Grandpa’s house. To this day I think angels led him and I know I’ve never prayed so hard in all my life for a child’s safety. 

  51. Oh, Shell! I could barely read this without my heart hurting! I’m so sorry you had such a scare! I can only imagine how horrible it was for you, mama. Huge hugs!!

  52. This happened to me at a park last year in a different state. Just me and my friends with the kids, husband home in Oregon.
    I still haven’t wrote about it and it still scares the shit out of me. 🙁

  53. Oh Shell. My little AJ loves to dart in and out of clothing racks in big stores like Walmart, Target, Kohls. He loves to hide in them too. One time, when he was 2, we were at Walmart doing some grocery shopping. Hubs was thirsty and wanted to go up to the front of the store to get a cold drink. AJ wanted to go with him. I warned Mark to keep a hold of his hand cuz we know how likes to dart. And he did hold his hand, except for 1 second. AJ darted into the men’s clothing racks. We couldn’t find him for seemed like an eternity. It was definitely several minutes. We had to tell an employee who called a code Adam. Another employee spotted him and brought him back to us, shaken up, but safe. It is the scariest thing ever.

  54. I had such panic and anxiety for you reading this.  My kids vanishing is seriously my worst nightmare.   Glad it turned out the way it did, but I can see how the fear never goes away.

  55. Oh this is such an awful feeling and you describe it so well . I went to the bathroom while my toddler was watching Sesame Street in the living room less than 2 minutes later I came out and he was gone. I was screaming his name like a crazy person, cursing myself for having to pee. Turns out he had opened the door to a guest room that is always closed and was in there.

  56. So, so glad to hear he was found safely!
    I can only imagine the panic you had. Once my son got up before I did and I didn’t hop right out of bed, until I remembered that my husband had taken his motorcycle and left the garage open that morning. When I went to the living room, no little boy was to be found. I called for him and he didn’t answer, so I checked outside…. Turns out he was hiding behind the kitchen table – thankfully he giggled when I came back inside.
    That was enough panic for me! Shwew!

  58. A mother’s worst nightmare.  I once lost track of Julia for a second and panicked. The feeling is horrible. {She’d run ahead to the check outs…}

  59. What a scary moment. I’ve had this happen a time or two but the kids were always somewhere in the house or the yard where I couldn’t see them.

  61. So, so sorry, friend. I can’t imagine how scary that was. I couldn’t even breathe reading this. Even when we’re at the mall playing, if I can’t see D for 1 second, I get sweaty and panicky. I’m so glad he’s ok.

  62. So scary!  Worst nightmare for a mom….I’ve had those experiences myself.  It takes a long time to “get over”…and even thinking about it now makes my stomach churn!  Glad he’s ok!
    Michelle

  63. That is the worst feeling in the world, to not know where your child is. When we first moved into our current house, our three year old took his pillow into the coat closet, and fell sound asleep. He didn’t hear our calls for him. It was terrifying.

  64. Yeah, I’ve had that moment.

    I was nine and a half months pregnant.  We were at Millennium Park in downtown Chicago for a free concert.  It was full of strangers.  My two year old fell and scraped her knee, and after getting on the ground and giving her a kiss, I couldn’t stand up again.  It took me almost a minute to get my post-due body to its feet.  And when I did stand up?  She was gone.

    She was forty feet away, where a police officer had picked her up.  But thinking about it still makes me want to vomit.  I haven’t really felt safe about my kids since.

  65. Oh. My. God.  My heart was pounding the entire time reading this.  I could so easily see one of my kids doing the same thing and thinking nothing of it.

    So glad he was safe at your neighbor’s house but still….it is the worst feeling in the world to not know where your child is.

  66. Sadly yes. We were making Shrimp Boil for dinner and the pot was in the front yard. My mom and her husband were watching the kids while my husband and I were cooking and setting the table for dinner. I called everyone in and they came in. I didn’t pay attention to the fact that my twins didn’t come in. By the time we figured it out, they were around the corner on a 6 lane street standing on the sidewalk. Thankfully a couple saw them and pulled over and made them stay on the sidewalk. It makes me sick to think about what could have happened. And I still haven’t forgiven my mom who yelled at me to watch my kids closer. She likes to forget the part where she was in charge of them and she informed me that it was my responsibilty not hers.

    I’m so glad your son was safe. It’s the WORST feeling in the world!

  67. I’ve had that happen to me with several of my children, and in public places as well as in the neighborhood. I felt your anxiety and panic as it transported me back to those instances.  Im so glad he’s ok, and that you felt brave enough to write about this day. *HUGS*

  69. I’m so sorry this happened to you! My mind would have immediately gone to the ‘what if’s’ also. I’m so glad everything was okay.

  70. Oh, Shell! I was on the edge of my seat! I’m so glad he is okay but how terrifying for you! With four kids, I can honestly tell you that yes, this has happened to me before. Especially now with Gia. I leave her with one kid in Target and go to another aisle and then that kid comes strolling down without her. I have that heart stopping moment where I can’t find her and then get mad at myself that I trusted the other kids (or that I brought them all in the first place),

    • I hate having mine out of my sight. I don’t even like letting them go into the bathroom at a store with me standing outside waiting for them. My boys are starting to protest this though and want to go into the boys’ room.

  71. My heart started beating faster just reading this…

    I lost Drew in a Wings store at the beach. Now I have yet another reason to hate those stores.

  72. I have never had one of those extended moments when I felt like I couldn’t find one of my children, but I did have a spooky moment when my youngest was 3.  We were at a local festival type thing.  We had let my oldest go into a jumpy house alone, we had my son who was still a baby in the stroller.  I was casually watching her bounce when I noticed a man standing directly across the jumpy house looking in.  The look on his face chilled me to the core and I immediately ripped my daughter out of there.  I felt like he was a predator just waiting for some parent to be distracted so he could snatch their child.  I didn’t see the man again that day and have never seen anyone who gave me that kind of chill again.

  73. Oh, Shell…..what an awful, awful moment for you. every parent’s absolute worst fear.
    My heart is pounding and I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go count my children.

  74. Unfortunately I know exactly how that feels!! I can’t believe he was in the neighbors house playing – lil stinker!! Thank God it ended well!!

  75. Oh, those terrifying moments.  I haven’t had one as powerful as this yet, but last fall one of my neighbors and I were chatting at the park when we realized his daughter wasn’t anywhere around.  We looked everywhere and he finally headed back home, where she had indeed gone.  It was around the block and she was 4, so anything could’ve happened!  I think I was hyperventilating more than her dad was, though!  These children bring us to the brink, don’t they?

  76. I just had a very similar moment like this with my son… who is 5. What is it with kids and not tell us where they are? They just like us with gray hair. 

  77. Oh, Shell. I am so sorry. That’s every mom’s worst nightmare. I’m so glad he’s safe. I imagine that it will take a long time to get over it, if at all. In the meantime, all your babies will get extra hugs and kisses.

  78. We lost Sam 2x. Once in Dicks for 7 minutes (a Code Adam and a call to the state police later he was in the bathroom) and once at church during a communion. the church was full of people we didn’t know. he was gone for 15 minutes. he was hiding in a room and locked the doors behind him. Nothing can ever put into words the panic you feel when you cannot find your child. Im glad you found him and Iam glad he was safe

  79. Oh lady.  I wouldn’t have understood fully until Wednesday.  We went to a kids museum and I was trying to keep track of both kids.  My 3.5 year old ran after a ball.  I went to follow him and he was gone.  I “knew” he’d gone up into the slide/ballpit area.  I knew it. But I couldn’t see him.  I called his name.  I yelled.  I ran around in circles.  I was feeling pains in my chest…that anxious feeling.  I was about to ask someone who worked there to help when he came down the stairs.  

    We left.  

    I just couldn’t do it.  It freaked me out too much.  Hugs lady!  Lots and lots of mama hugs.

    • So terrifying, isn’t it? 

      I’m glad yours was okay, too. And I would have left as well.

  80. Oh gosh… chills. and yes, I understand. I write about this subject a bit as I am quite in touch with that terror. Thank goodness all is well. I think you are right that a little fear is good for parents and kids– just a little. 

  81. Oh my goodness this is chilling. I know that feeling – that ‘what-if’ feeling and it is purely awful. I don’t think it ever goes away anytime we go through something like this and you’re right, maybe it shouldn’t. But it is the most awful feeling in the world.

    So glad your boy is ok and hoping you find that soon you can take a deep breath.

  82. I’m so glad that he was okay!

    That moment of panic is one that lingers with you for a long while, I think.  A few months ago, my little one had to be rushed to the hospital via ambulance after getting into some medication.  Different scenario.  Same panic stricken fear that didn’t go away for a couple of days, thinking about the terror of what could have happened.

  83. Once again, your writing is riveting.  I hung on every word, and yes, I felt that terror.  We lost my son in  a store briefly.  Those moments are terrifying.  And this summer at an arcade, Baby Diva slipped away and I panicked.  It was only a few minutes, but long enough.  She slipped inside an arcade with her cousins. 

  84. Ohmygoodness, girl! I have chills and tears reading this! I’m so sorry this happened, so glad he’s okay, and am off to hug my kids extra tight.

    {And yes, these kinds are pure terrifying for our mama hearts.}

  86. Oh I understand the terror. My 8yo disappears often. He goes to a friend’s house and doesn’t tell me. Or he changes friend’s houses, and doesn’t tell me. Everytime I think the worst. So glad it all worked out, and he is safe, and you are somewhat sane.

  87. Ugh. This happened to me recently at Target. My three year old daughter disappeared for five minutes and I was running around the store, the parking lot, the bathrooms–screaming for her. Screaming. Someone finally heard her say “Here, mommy,” and we were able to find her behind an aisle divider. She was “hiding” from me, she said. I don’t think she’ll ever do that again because I was a sobbing wreck when I found her. I cried for like twenty minutes afterwards because my mind had gone to all of those horrid places that mothers cannot stand to go. 

    I am so sorry for your experience! I think we’ve all been there at one time or another and it is absolutely a nightmare.

  88. I think I posted about my moment like this when G went missing for a bit at the soccer fields, while I was taking all 3 of my kids to the games by myself.  I figured some child predator had just snatched him right behind me.  SCARIEST moments of my life so far.  

    xoxo

    • That is my real reason for disliking soccer so much. Mine are always spread out so far and I can’t keep eyes on them all at once. 

  89. We were at the pumpkin patch and the crowds were huge. I had a my baby in a carrier and had walked my 2 yr old up the stairs to this slide. My 5 yr old was going down the slide when I finally got to the top. By the time I made it out of the barn she was gone. My husband had my 2 yr old but the Fish was gone. I started calling her and now answer..I kept calling and nothing. It felt like 10 minutes but it had only been seconds. I caught a glimpse of her across a huge area…she had moved on to the next play structure. I instantly started bawling at the overwhelming fear of what could have happened

  90. I felt this fear earlier this summer.  We were at the beach with my in-laws, enjoying a week of fun in the sun.  On our first day there, I let my oldest walk to the edge of the water to get some water for making sand castles.  We were only a few feet from the water, so when he started walking back, I glanced down at my book to read a few paragraphs.  And when I looked up not a minute later, he was gone.  I have never felt such overwhelming fear in my life.  We had half the beach looking for him while I tried to hold back tears, scared to call my husband who was resting at the beach house and tell him that I’d lost our 6 year old.

    He’d gone to the next beach down, having gotten just a little off from coming directly back to us.  He was more afraid of me being mad than of being lost.  A woman at the next beach down saw that he looked lost and brought him to the lifeguard just as my brother-in-law was walking up to see if they’d seen him.  The important thing was that he was found, but I have never felt like a worse parent in my life because I’d let him out of my sight long enough for him to get lost in the first place.

    I’m so glad that both our situations turned out with happy endings. *hugs*

  91. Oh my gosh, You poor thing.

    I have lost each of my kids at least twice. And every time, I got weak in the knees.

    Minutes felt like eternity.

    I don’t even like to think about it right now.

    SO GLAD ALL IS WELL.

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