I totally stole the “#th Glass” thing from my good blog buddy, Chelle from The Winey Mommy. Why didn’t I think of that? Love you, Chelle!
Yes, I’m actually going to write a little about my faith today. I’ve done it before, about how I don’t judge anyone based on what they believe or don’t believe. If you want to read that, you can go HERE.
I grew up in the church. Eventually, my faith became a personal thing to me: a choice that I made to believe in God and not just going through the motions.
I was actively involved in my student ministries group and even went to a Christian college where going to chapel was part of our requirement to graduate. We were taught everything from a Christian perspective(some classes more than others, but it was always there).
I was a student ministries intern at a church and did a lot of volunteer work with my church, including heading a moms’ ministry.
I tell you this because I want to make it clear: I know what I’m supposed to say. I know what I’m supposed to feel, think, and do in order to try to live my life the way that God wants me to.
I know how to talk the talk.
But, I don’t always walk the walk.
If you read my post this weekend, about the loss of little Ethan, you know that instead of praising God in all things, I sometimes yell and question and cry and bitch and moan.
Yes, and say the word “bitch.”
But, I also think that God knows my heart.
He knows how I feel.
To spout words that feel empty to me…well, it just isn’t me.
I pray about this. I know that I don’t have the best “walk.”
And that that might make someone look at me and judge: who does she think she is, calling herself a Christian? When she questions God instead of praising him? When she says things that you’d never hear in the Bible?
Would you rather that I pretend like I’m perfect and I never screw up and spout all the “right” words that I’ve heard preached, even though they conflict with how I really feel?
Should I tell you that I always live according to how the Bible wants me to? When you know that’s not true. So, you’d call me a liar and a hypocrite and point to me as yet one more example of why you stay away from the church.
I’m me. I say things that aren’t always the “correct” thing to say. Instead, I say how I really feel. And I hope that by me admitting to my faults and telling you how I struggle and yet still telling you that I love God and know that He loves me…well, I hope that means something more to you than the “right” words. 
I think it does mean more. It's easy to say the right thing, I think, if you don't mean it. It's much harder to find yourself in the context of your faith and to be yourself while living that faith. I'm not even sure what I believe most of the time, but I can't imagine that God would want you to be perfect and fake. I think He'd just want you to be real and you.
I am sure you know Angel from Singwingedangel. Whenever I feel like I am not following my faith to my best ability, I love to read her blog. She says it like it is, and makes you think a lot.
And that being said….if we were perfect we couldn't learn. If we did everything we were supposed to, we couldn't grow from those lessons.
And I am with you, I just don't understand, I just don't think things are fair, and I don't get how some people's faith can grow in these situations…but I hope I never have to learn.
You said it perfectly! God does know what's in our heart and that's the most important. Love you!
Well first of all let me personally say TY to Vicki cause that has just made me all weepy eyed.. ok pulling it together… Sweetie let me tell you that even the best questioned God and his plan. I seem to recall Jesus in a Garden of Gethsemane begging the cup to be taken from him.. If even the son of God who knew the end from the beginning has questions why shouldn't we??
wonderful post Shell! I dont walk the walk very well & well my talk is just plain awful! I do belive in God and feel very blessed for everything he has done for us, but I sometimes question things. In fact i think everyone does and its the people that try to say they dont whom are hypocrites!Now I don't go to church, well because everytime I asked questions I got looked at like a fool or told "you shouldnt question it" well why not? I read my bible at home & I pray for God to show me the right way! 🙂
No one is perfect. Remember Peter denied Jesus three times! How awful he must have felt for that, but he was forgiven and became a pillar in the congregation.
Something I've found in my study of the bible is that God allows bad things to happen, but he doesn't cause them. James 1:13 says 'When under trial, let no one say: “I am being tried by God.” For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.'
The reasoning is too long to type here, but be assured that hears you and understands your feelings and will be there for you if you want him to. "God is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves" Psalms 34:18.
You know, I firmly believe that God knows our hearts. So if we were to "fake it" and say the things we think we're supposed to say, it doesn't matter because in the end, God knows. I like to believe that He would want us to honest with Him, as well as ourselves.
God can only help us when we're open to understanding, especially when it comes to the sad and unfair parts of life. He doesn't expect us to be perfect.
This is a wonderfully written post. I appreciate you sharing such deepness with us each week on this meme!
And I finally linked up myself!
You know my dear we know deep in our heart and we know that he is watching over us. I love your post and to get to know more about you and your faith. Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
I do not talk the talk nor do I walk the walk…
I do believe in God. I believe that He knows what is in everyone's heart. I think that we are supposed to question things because if we don't question things, how do we learn and grow?
Love learning more about you and what makes you tick! Gonna try and get a post up if I can get myself together!
I always love your pour your heart out posts. All I can say is I FEEL YA. I live in Utah, where the LDS (Mormon) church is huge. I am religious, and love the church.
I DON'T love people who judge.
I am definitely not perfect. I feel pressure from family and friends to be a perfect example…. but when it comes down to it, I want to be a good person INSIDE, and not just put on a show.
I always tell my husband that God is just. You are RIGHT about him knowing our hearts. I think we will be surprised in the next life, what really matters here on Earth. We know if we are trying our best to be a good person… and that is all that matters. 🙂
I like your honesty. It creates an even plain and sad that some can't see past piety to be real.
Shell, I am right there with you. I am a Christian but oh I mess up and sadly I mess up a lot. We are human and there is no way we can be perfect. I do strive for it but I often fall short. There is nothing wrong with it. What you wrote was honest and I appreciate that and I think you deserve a standing ovation
Amen. Well said!
I love this post. Totally identify!
God does know your heart, and loves you for you.
Personally, I don't think it's Faith if you don't question it.
Right now, believe it or not, my church is doing a series called No Doubt. We are covering the book of Habakkuk. Now there is a book that gives Biblical Proof of doubt. Habakkuk really questions God in ways that I do. I can't wait to finish this series. No it won't end all doubt, I'm sure. But, I think it will validate the fact that I do doubt and that doesn't mean I'm not a good Christian.
Totally agree with you. I did not grow up with most religious parents. My mom was catholic and I think she had been overwhelmed by it all and she just wanted us to believe. She always said we are not perfect but God still loves us.
I dare to say that I believe God wants to be questioned and yelled at and really put through the ringer. If He didn't want that, He wouldn't have given us free will and He would just say "Look! Here I am!" But, instead, He gives us the option to question Him. Because it's only when we question Him that we can find the glory he has hidden in every situation. "Seek and ye shall find" and all that good stuff.
My pastor has a saying that he repeats basically every week: "I'm messed up. You're messed up. We're all messed up." It's very well known in my church that nobody is perfect, but we all do the best we can and know that is all God has asked of us. We are still human, after all.
When we're kids everyone tells us to ask questions…as many as we can so we can learn new things every day..
why would we stop asking questions…at any point in our lives…just because God has all the answers already.
He'd want us to keep asking questions..of that I'm pretty certain
Great post Shell. ;o)
Great post and I can totally relate. I am not the best Christian but I do feel that God's knows us for who we are. And I agree with the post above, if we don't question things how do we learn?
I think that being a good Christian is hard. You can't do the right thing or say the right thing all the time. Sometimes it's painful or uncomfortable to listen to God, trust him or do the right thing. Luckily – he accepts us flaws and all, huh?
I agree. God knows what is in our hearts and knows why we question things – after all – HE made us.
Being human also means you have been granted the ability to question and to feel- more psople should say how they feel and not how they think they are supposed to feel 😉
What a great post. Very insightful, and you can tell that you've taken a lot of time to think about this in your life.
Always love your thoughts and insight…
Like I said to you the other day on twitter: God created you, knows you and embraces you…just as you are.
Thanks for your candor always!
xoxox
I think we all do the best we can. Sometimes it is just easier to walk the walk then others !
Maybe I'm the black sheep here because I really don't know where I stand on religion. I'm still trying to figure it out. But I think if you don't question, you will never learn more and you will never understand.
Love your post! I think many people question God at one point or another and noone walks the perfect walk. That's why we're here….to learn. I know I certainly need to work on that walk. 🙂
That is a great post SHell… Cuz ya know if we are all honest with ourselves… we don't always walk the walk… but you know whatyou feel in your heart and so does GOD. We have a forgiving GOD for a reason, and we all still sin and make mistakes everyday. God is awesome and amazing, and so are you!
Thanks for sharing your feelings on your faith. There are so many awesome comments on here that pretty much say anything I could say. God made each one us the way we are and he knows what is in our hearts.
Completely agree! I grew up Catholic, which is all about rules and traditions. But I think they're more man-made. Faith is another thing entirely, and God absolutely knows our hearts. Might as well be honest on the outside, because HE already knows what's on the inside!
I needed that ma'am. Thanks.
Have you read The Shack? If not- I hope you will.
We are flawed, we are human. We aren't perfect and we aren't supposed to be perfect. We live in a damaged and broken world and have to make the best of it. I'm not one who believes that there is some sort of Christian Cookie Cutter and that if you don't fit the mold, you're out. We are all beautifully unique and diverse and have special gifts and talents and pet peeves and so on. It's who we are!
Thanks for sharing this post. It is so difficult not to get caught up going through the motions trying to make it more about our works/actions that people see, but our faith is a personal thing. He knows our heart/thoughts.
We are very similiar.
The perfect post about imperfection!
btw, told my friend your word last night and she nearly peed her pants laughing.
She is a teacher and has been dealing with motherbitches! I am sure you can relate. 😉
Good post and instead of stirring the pot like I did over at Angel's I'll leave well enough alone 🙂
I wish there were more Christians like you. No one is perfect!!! 🙂
Thanks for sharing this 🙂
You said it perfectly! God doesn't want us to be perfect, He created us to be us! I think it's wonderful that you speak your mind and don't try to talk the talk. I question God all the time, I don't think He minds at all. Normally it's those times I learn the most! Thanks for pouring your heart out!
You wouldn't be human if you didn't struggle daily with "the walk." Thanks for being so honest about a subject that some consider controversial.
when i wrote this post i didn't know of this link up, i just tend to overshare. it definitely fits the bill though.
Awesome post!! I agree that people should not judge others based on their philosophy on religion. It means something different to everyone and I know it has changed over time for me! You are a brave one talking about it!!
I love it when people are transparent. Pretending that everything is perfect or just fine doesn't do anyone any good. Saying just the right thing every time is overrated. Saying just the right thing at just the right time is what I hope for. I think you did it here. Great job.
What a great pour you have written.
I think it's nearly impossible to always "walk the walk." We will sin always and forever, right? It is the hope that we recognize this and try to live on the right path, but we will all fail, and make mistakes and fall down. It is our Faith that makes us get back up and do it again.
And, your honesty is refreshing. So many people are anti-church because they think churches are full of hypocrites.
I love this quote
"There was only one true Christian and he died on the Cross" as for the rest of us we are imperfect lowly believers trying to get by. More wars were faught over religion than land and power and yet I still know "christian" People who are unwilling to accept the fact that not everyone believes what they do…They have this perception that they are elite to everyone else and that to me is as far from Christianity as you can venture ….Great post Shell
Love this post girl! Ya wanna know why? Because you just described what it means to be Christian perfectly!
A Christian is someone that sees themselves the way God sees them…someone that has embraced God. We are not perfect which is why Jesus died for us.
He knows your heart and I think its okay to be angry at him sometimes. I probably get angry at him once a day.
Your fabulous, your a great mom, you care about others, and it seems you love life and God…well dammit…that's right I just swore in the same sentence as the word God…anyway your just an awesome Christian!
Hope you have a great Wednesday!
Hey Shell! In my humble opinion, for whatever that's worth, God wants us to bring ourselves (the real us, not the cleaned up polished and pious version) to the throne and pour our hearts out to Him! And that's not always pretty! But that's okay! He loves us in spite of ourselves and sees who we are becoming not just who we are! Pretty cool!
Beth
I love your pouring your heart outs… I think they are my favorite Memes but I always over think it and put way too much pressure on myself about what to write and then end up with nothing. Look at me pouring it out in a comment. 😉
As always Shell, wonderful post.
I know I have not been doing a good job walking the walk. But I know what is in my heart and so does the Lord.
I loved this post! I agree that even though we know hat should be done, it isn't always what happens…but in the end, God knows how we really feel.
WM
Great post.
I'm glad that no one is perfect. It would be a boring world indeed.
Helene's comment says it all. God will know if you aren't being truthful. He knows we are all not perfect. I respect you for being who you are while living with faith, rather than lying.
I blogged about "keepin' it real" a few weeks ago. So often I think Christians "acting" perfect keeps people from knowing Christ. I've actually heard people say, "when I get my act cleaned up I'll go to church." Didn't Christ say that's like waiting to be healthy to go to the doctor. He came for the unrighteous (and that includes me).
The other side is Christians acting like hypocrites. This turns people away from Christ. But I know a lot of atheists, agnostics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and Christians and you know what? We are ALL hypocrites. Phew. I said it.
I am not perfect and SO don't have it all together and I want people to see that in me. I may not be where I should be, but I'm not where I used to be. And glory to God for that!
Awesome heart pourings today!
You are exactly right!
God does indeed know our heart and even when we cry and scream and argue with Him He knows where our heart is and the root of our emotions.
I for one would much rather hear the truth of the matter than a bunch of words read to me like a script.
And I think that is exactly what God wants from us when we talk (yell, cry, and argue) with Him.
I couldn't agree more. I think God would like us to admit that we aren't perfect and do the best we can than have us lie to ourselves and try to be something we aren't. As far as judgment goes, many Christians need to stop and realize that judging isn't our job, it's God's.
What a great post! I too grew up with the Christian faith and try my darndest to live by the bible. But I know that God understands that we screw up sometimes…we are only human!
And if someone wants to judge me for that, go ahead. I always think of the bible verse about "those who have not sinned may throw the first stone".
glad I popped over today!!I am a very strong Christian or should I say more that I love God with all my heart!!Sometimes when I feel like I am definitely full of flaws and a very bad sailor mouth, at times I am reminded that it is Jesus who was perfect so I dont have to be!!Thank God!!!
Great post!!:) I just know that we are related somehow!!!
Hey Shell,
This was a great post. I'm sorry that you feel you have to stick up for yourself, that you are a good Christian. I don't think it matters how you "talk" or what you "think" or "say". Your relationship with God, is just that it's "your" relationship. No one should ever judge that, or ask if you are walking in the path of the Bible.
I was reading your comments,someone mentioned The Shack…I loved it but my mom hated it. I think its a book you either love or hate,no in between.
I LOVE this post.
Keep it real!
Ah yes, I've been struggling with the whole God and relationship, etc. I commend you for being open and honest.
Such a great post Shell. I definitely am more impressed with someone who is true to themselves and speaks their mind instead of "walking the walk". I don't trust anyone who is all walk and no talk.
This was a powerful post. thank you for sharing it.
Oh Shell, I know what you mean! I grew up going to church every Sunday am and pm, then on Wednesday nights. (hubby's faith is different but he had the same experience). Now…we don't go to church at all! I have done bible study until a few months ago. I know God knows my heart and knows how my life is. It is hard when hubby is not quite on board with the same teachings as myself. It's tough! God knows you Shell and loves you as you! 🙂
I wish I could just copy-paste this. <3
Shell, this post was awesome. Touched my heart like you wouldn't believe. People in my family who aren't LDS {which is about 95% of them} call me a fake Mormon. Roll their eyes at me, because guess what… I'm not flipping perfect. BUT who the fricking hell is????? Church isn't for perfect people, the bible isn't for perfect people, Jesus isn't for perfect people… thank God for that!
I've dealt with A LOT from going to completely inactive as a Mormon, to dipping my toes in, to trying really hard… BUT LOVING MY WINE!!!! LOL ~ I don't care what people think and I too have bad words fly out of my mouth, I don't do exactly as Jesus did, because I'm human and I'm not fake. I know that a lot of Christians who act as if they are holier (sp?) than thou are fake. Those that sit back and judge, they're fake. There's a lot of fake ~ and I'd rather be friends with those who are upfront, honest and aren't afraid to show that while they are Christian they are far from perfect, and thank God for sending Jesus to us for that reason alone.
Okay… so I just poured my heart out in a post LOL. And my post is a shorter one this week and on Faith as well… kindof LOL
I know exactly what you're saying! I'm not good at walking the walk either.
I think God is totally fine with our bitching and moaning! That's whatthe Psalms are. Back and forth from praise and worship to crying and complaining. It's biblical to question, to be frustrated. and He does know your heart! 🙂