I totally stole the “#th Glass” thing from my good blog buddy, Chelle from The Winey Mommy. Why didn’t I think of that? Love you, Chelle!
Yes, I’m actually going to write a little about my faith today. I’ve done it before, about how I don’t judge anyone based on what they believe or don’t believe. If you want to read that, you can go HERE.
I grew up in the church. Eventually, my faith became a personal thing to me: a choice that I made to believe in God and not just going through the motions.
I was actively involved in my student ministries group and even went to a Christian college where going to chapel was part of our requirement to graduate. We were taught everything from a Christian perspective(some classes more than others, but it was always there).
I was a student ministries intern at a church and did a lot of volunteer work with my church, including heading a moms’ ministry.
I tell you this because I want to make it clear: I know what I’m supposed to say. I know what I’m supposed to feel, think, and do in order to try to live my life the way that God wants me to.
I know how to talk the talk.
But, I don’t always walk the walk.
If you read my post this weekend, about the loss of little Ethan, you know that instead of praising God in all things, I sometimes yell and question and cry and bitch and moan.
Yes, and say the word “bitch.”
But, I also think that God knows my heart.
He knows how I feel.
To spout words that feel empty to me…well, it just isn’t me.
I pray about this. I know that I don’t have the best “walk.”
And that that might make someone look at me and judge: who does she think she is, calling herself a Christian? When she questions God instead of praising him? When she says things that you’d never hear in the Bible?
Would you rather that I pretend like I’m perfect and I never screw up and spout all the “right” words that I’ve heard preached, even though they conflict with how I really feel?
Should I tell you that I always live according to how the Bible wants me to? When you know that’s not true. So, you’d call me a liar and a hypocrite and point to me as yet one more example of why you stay away from the church.
I’m me. I say things that aren’t always the “correct” thing to say. Instead, I say how I really feel. And I hope that by me admitting to my faults and telling you how I struggle and yet still telling you that I love God and know that He loves me…well, I hope that means something more to you than the “right” words.