Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass of Success

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.
But, really, it’s anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.
Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.
Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. 😉

 

Today is my husband’s birthday. He is 32.

Yes, I’m 33 and older than he is. Like 14 months matters. Even though he loves to tease me about being older.

I asked him on Sunday night what he wanted to do for his birthday. He just sort of shrugged it off.

Hubs doesn’t usually shrug off birthdays. They are a big deal. In fact, the first time that we did anything together outside of work(I’m not really calling it a date because it wasn’t really) was for his 23rd birthday. Tons of people out to dinner, the whole standing up on a chair in the middle of a restaurant while everyone sang to him sort of thing.

So, I wondered what was up. “You’re not old you know. You’re just 32.”

“But, I haven’t really accomplished anything with my life,” he responded.

I replied, “But, you’re only 32. You still have time.”

I guess it’s all in how you measure success.

Do we have friends who are our age or younger who have more than we do? Absolutely.

More toys, more awards, more STUFF.

But, I think that Hubs has accomplished a lot.

He’s been my husband for seven years. Seven years of marriage- ups and downs, but we have made it through together.

He’s the father to three beautiful, smart, hilarious little characters. Our boys love their Daddy.

He’s loyal to the end to his family. BIL might sometimes get on my very last nerve and messes up sometimes, but Hubs is always there to support him or give him a kick in the butt if that’s what is needed. He’s a very loving and protective son, too.

A great friend to everyone. He’ll always help out or be there for anyone.

He works hard to support us. He may not be where some of his coworkers who started at the same time as him are- but that is because he was gone for 4 years, moving with us to another state, and has only been back for about 6 months, while they have been there continuously.

I feel bad about that one. Maybe if we’d never left, he would be at that same level and feel better about where he is. Then again, if we had never moved away, I’m not sure what would have happened with our family.

It’s all in how you define success, I guess. How you come to the conclusion that you have made something of your life, whether you have accomplished something or not.

In my eyes, my husband is a success. He has accomplished a lot. I just hope that he will see the value in the things that he has done and can realize that the rest of it can come someday, but it’s not what matters most.

Comments

  1. Happy birthday to him! I totally understand the insecurities. A ton of my friends are already married with families, and I am completely single. It's hard not to judge myself next to them.

  2. You know Shell, I can totally relate with him. And you. I am certainly FAR from where I thought I would be at 32. I had a big 'ol successful career until I was laid off almost 3 years ago and now I'm a frigging bartender… But it really is just perspective. Every day is just a stepping stone. Tell the hubs happy birthday for me!

  4. It's not about what you accomplish compared to everyone else. Its about being happy with where you are now but not being afraid to keep reaching for more. I hope your hubby has a wonderful birthday!

  5. Sometimes I think we're able to see things in other people–especially positive things, like accomplishments–that they aren't able to see in themselves. You guys are so lucky to have each other; it's important to have someone to see the best parts of you (and someone willing to stay for the worst!)

    Happy birthday to him. I hope it's an amazing day.

  6. Such a sweet tribute. How the world measures success is not nearly as important as how God measures success. Your husband has a loving wife and three adorable boys. I think that's more successful than the richest man on earth.

  7. happy birthday to your dear husband!

    What matters most in life is not the things someone has accomplished but being happy,contended and grateful to God for everything he/she has. And all things will come in God's time….

  8. Hey Happy Birthday to your hubbs!! It's my birthday too! But I totally get how he is feeling bc I kinda feel the same way. I don't have any kids. I am divorced and I started over recently at the bottom rung with work. But I am very lucky too. I have finally met a man who is good to me and I have learned how to enjoy life. Good things. Small, but good.

  9. That song makes me cry, I love it.
    Your husband sounds like a wonderful guy who has accomplished MUCH in his 32 years. Happy Birthday to him!

  10. Wonderful to read such positive things about your husband. I know I'm totally guilty of bitching about mine via blog a lot. 🙁

    And happy birthday to him!

  12. I think we all question our successes at sometime. Most of us had pretty specific dreams in our early 20's and think we are failing when we realize we may have not gone those routes.

    I know I have been there, and then I realize I wouldn't have what I do have if I had gone that way. I love my family so, I can't imagine not having them in another scenario.

    Still, the what-ifs find there way in my head on occasion.

  13. I hate when hubbys are feeling glum. It's hard to know whether to encourage them or just be a silent supporter.

  14. I loved this! Stuff is just stuff, and the thing with stuff, is that it can all be taken away from you at any moment.

    It's the important things like family and love that are rock solid. Your hubs should be extremely proud of who he is and what he's accomplished!

  16. Awwww, happy birthday to him! I'm sure your sweet words are very uplifting to him :). How the world defines success and how we define it is very different!

  17. I think Wayne sometimes feels the same way when he sees what a lot of his brothers have.

    But in my mind it is happiness that means success. As long as you and your family are healthy and happy – then you are successful!

    Happy Birthday to your man!

  18. Happy bday to the hubs. I'd say he's accomplished what is really important in life! Y'all are young btw, plenty of time to do more!

  19. Happy Birthday to Mr. Shell!

    I think that it sounds like he's accomplished a lot in his personal life. Everything isn't equated in career!

  20. Happy birthday to your husband!!

    I can understand what he's going through. I felt that way when I turned 30. For some reason, it was just rough.

    But you're right, success is more than the job you have and the money you make!!

  21. Aaaah, so you're a cougar are ya!? JUST JOKING!! 🙂

    Our guys really do need our support and to feel respected and successful in our eyes.

    What a sweet encouraging tribute to your main sqeeze on his special day !!-He's fortunate to have you as his help-meet!

  23. Happy birthday to your husband!

    I'm slightly older, too, and always get teased for it.

    It is so hard not to compare our lives to those around us, but he sounds pretty successful to me!

  24. I hope your hubby finds a way to enjoy this day. Being able to have a loving family around you is a huge success. You both are blessed to have each other.

  25. You're a GREAT wife! : ) that was a sweet little letter. My husband has said the same things before and that for gifts, he just prefers food! hee hee…boys are funny. I don't mind getting new shirts or shoes one bti!

  27. Happy Birthday, hubby! It's so true that sometimes success isn't measured in the things you have or the money you hold, but in the love you have and the family you hold. <3

  28. oh lord, did you ever pour your heart out today. Everything you've pointed out are things that he should be proud of. Consider this – my husband is losing his job soon, one he's had for almost 10 years. So he's going to have to start over, at 36…and we're hoping he gets something right away. That's been making him feel similar, like he shouldn't be in that position at this age…I listen and be as supportive as I can…all we can do is reassure and love them,  right?

    Happy Birthday Mr. Shell

  31. Awww…. Happy Birthday to him. You are so sweet. I struggled (a lot) with 30, so I get what he's going through, but it's so nice he has you to remind him of his accomplishments!!

  32. BIG Happy Birthday to him!! I think from reading this post that he absolutely has accomplished a lot.

    My husband and I are creeping up on 30 and we both don't have our degrees {I'm still working on mine} and he's been with the same company since he was 20.

    BUT looking back I can say that we accomplished a heck of a lot. We've survived a lot of odds against our marriage, we moved away {like you did} to save our family…. there's so much time to do so much more.

    And if he's happy…. he's accomplished the world 🙂

  33. Hubby teases me too about that (I'm old than him by 11 mos). Happy birthday to your hubby and I hope that you get him to see that he really has accomplished a lot

  34. Happy Birthday!

    I think it's so interesting the way men and women define success.

    I'm sure he does feel successful in his personal life with a wonderful wife and happy children.

    And having the support of a loving wife, is heads above where so many men are.

    I think the older we get the more we tend to reflect on where we thought we'd be at a certain point in our lives and perhaps he just needed to grieve that.

    Love the song, of course…I cried when I saw the title.

    p.s. I'm 16 months older than mine and I also get the comments. 🙂

  35. I understand at times it's hard not to compare your life/success to those around you. In the end, you're still living so that means you have a life ahead where you can keep accomplishing things. So far i think he's doing great. Being part of a great family is pure inspiration to keep strong.

    Sweet Post & happy birthday to him!

  36. Yea, I thought I would be doing something super important with my life. Well, I am. Im raising my kids and stuff… So I guess I thought I would be doing something where I actually got paid. You know, with REAL money.. lol

  37. Happy birthday to your hubby.

    I think many of us don't think we are where we should be in life. I think birthdays remind us of our younger goals.

    Remind him to be thankful for what he does have. A loving family, supportive wife, and health of everyone.

  38. I agree…success is all a matter of perspective. It's easy to feel unsuccessful when you compare yourself to co-workers or friends…and depending on what you are using as a measuring stick. It does sound like your hubby has been a great success…and deep down, he probably realizes that, but sometimes I think it's hard for us to see all these little things as indications of our success.

    Anyway, happy birthday to him! 🙂

  39. aw happy birthdayhubby! the fact of the matter is, everyone wants more, and someone is always better than us, ya know? I agree with you completely! There is no better success than with marriage and children. Go him!

  40. Aww what a sweet tribute to your husband!
    i'm grateful for mine too..WHo is working out of town for us right now…Because that's the job he got.
    Yay for our hard working men!

  41. we ALL feel that way sometimes. we all do. i can totally relate. i am nearly 40 and feel like psh, this is it? i feel bad for him. and me. yes this is an official pity party for both of us. hope he has a great bday even though he likes the steelers. GAG. – cleveland browns fan

  42. I think it would be safe to say that the majority of people aren't where they thought they'd be or able to accomplish what they thought they would…at any age!

    But you are right – all of those things you noted? THOSE are the real accomplishments!

  43. You know I am a great believer in taking stock of life once in a while and it is not a bad thing either to feel some sense of there being a lot more to achieve. I guess the key thing in doing so is not to look back but to look forward and determine what you want to do at the same time as you enjoy and appreciate what it is you have right now.

  44. Big time Happy Birthday to your husband.

    My dad was one of the most amazing men. He never held a powerful position. He never made boatloads of money. But he was this awesome father, great husband, good friend. Everyone loved him.

    A good friend of his used to tell my dad he thought he was the richest man in the world because he had the blessings of the most important things.

    My dad died a few years ago. Over 500 people attended his funeral.

    give your husband the biggest hug and tell him what really matters. He is a man of great success.

  45. You know, I think birthdays cause us all to evaluate where we are in life, what we have accomplished, where we thought we'd be, etc. Your hubs has an amazing wife and a wonderful family, so I think he's doing pretty darn well. Happy Birthday to him!!

  46. This is something I have to remind my hubs of too. I think its a guy thing…guys are more apt to compare the "things" it seems.

  47. What a great post. I can totally relate with your husband..just wrote a post about it. He's so lucky to have someone like you to support him! (and I'm lucky I have my wonderful hubby, not a comparison)

    Happy birthday to him, may he find joy in it!

  49. Happy Birthday to your Husband!

    You hit the nail on the head – it depends on how you measure the success. Around here we measure it by happiness and the health/strength of our family. We're uber successful! Sounds like you are too!

  50. Better late than never, huh? It's been a crazy day! I'm so glad I made it(even if I am late!). I loved your post. Sometimes I feel like my hubs doesn't see the measure of success I see in him too. He keeps me home with our boys, he's such a great dad. I could go on and on. Success isn't what you drive, a title on a business card. It's what your husband seems to bring home to you and your sweet boys everyday! 🙂

  52. A fine tribute to a successful man. It's obvious he's much-loved. A lot of fancy stuff doesn't mean you are wealthy, sometimes all it means is you are up to your ears in debt!

  53. I totally agree – each of us defines success differently. I say if you have your family and health, you've got everything!

    Happy B-day to the hubs!

  54. What a beautiful, loving tribute to your husband! You know, I've been learning that the world's view of success doesn't matter nearly as much as being a hero to the people who love you. He definitely sounds like he fits that bill.

    Wish I had had time to write a Pour My Heart Out post this week. I sure could have filled the page. Hardest week I've had in a long time. Maybe it'll still find the way to a page and I'll link up next week. Probably need the distance from it anyway before I pour it all out. Being a mama is so hard and heartbreaking sometimes.

  55. What a beautiful tribute to your husband! Wish him a happy birthday for us! So many of the things that we think measure our worth have so little value in the end! Only what we pour into other people truly matters!

  56. Shell, that so cool. Has your hubby read this post? Does he know how you feel about him andhow you see success?
    I think what you have said here is fantastic. And is truely what success is. the things that MATTER.
    xx

  57. It's funny how in our thirty's we start thinking like that, I know my hubby and I have had the same conversation! But really and truthfully ALL the things you mentioned are great accomplishments! Way to go reminding him!

  58. If he had a miserable wife and three rotten kids, he might be justified in saying that he hasn't accomplished anything, but it takes a dedicated man to nurture a family like that. Happy Birthday, Hubs!!! 🙂

  59. I love that song, it puts things into perspective.

    It sounds to me like your husband has an awful lot to be proud of. Success shouldn't be measured in job positions or possessions or stuff like that but who you are.

    Happy Belated Birthday to your husband who sounds like a wonderful man!

  60. I agree. It's not the stuff or the position that is important. It's the wonderful family you have created.

    Happy Birthday.

    LisaDay

  63. My hubby is very similar…he seems to measure his success based on material items. I'm constantly hearing, "I wish I made more money so we could have a nice car like that family" or "I wish we could afford the bigger home in the nicer neighborhood".

    Your hubby sounds like an amazing person…one who often forgets that being an upstanding, honest, hard-working family man is more successful than some other men will ever achieve in a lifetime. A full wallet doesn't necessarily mean you're successful….or happy.

    Happy birthday to him…hope he has a wonderful day!

  64. What a wonderful tribute to your husband. And things and toys don't make you happy, especially when they come with 11 hour workdays.

    Hope he has a great birthday.

  65. It's hard when we can't "fix" our husband's problems. He just needs to work it out himself, although I'm sure your encouragement means the world to him.

  66. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's odd to leave your kid alone like that.

    Michelle

  67. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM!!!!!

    This was so sweet! I hope he reads your blog.
    Sorry I haven't been around lately…hoping I'm back in the groove. 🙂

  68. Happy BIrthday to your hubby! You guys are so lucky to have one another. I am sure this post will mean the world to him. Thanks for stopping by today.

  69. Happy birthday to the hubs! I'm older than my husband by 364 days. We are the same age for one day. 😉 Us cougars gotta stick together! 😉

    I think 'the world' messes with our perspective of success and I think you are spot on-he is one successful guy! 🙂

  72. Happy birthday… and it sounds like he's accomplished a LOT in 32 short years. Hope y'all had a great day.

  74. Happy belated birthday to your hubby! Sounds like he's a successful man to me! What a wonderful post to show him just how much he has accomplished.
    Love the song too!!!!

  75. Oh, this post made me misty eyed.

    Happy Birthday to your husband.

    And he is a success. A man who has the respect and love of his wife means one thing: he treats her well.

    Very successful, indeed.

  76. Awww… this is very sweet. I think men do not get enough credit for being great hubbys and dads. Look how many schmucks there are in the world! A man who spends time with his kids and stays faithful to his wife deserves an award, in my book. I am reminded almost every day how lucky I am that my husband is a good man. I think it's great that you wrote this. I hope he saw it. 🙂

  77. Happy Birthday to him!! He is very successful. What a loving tribute you gave him.

    Question: When is Pour Your Heart Out? Not that I will remember. But I do like this meme.

  78. Ohmyword I have missed reading you. This is perfect — I hope that your hubby knows just how much you think of him, he sounds like he's incredibly successful to me!

  79. Men measure success so differently. My hubby and I had this discussion once – so much of how he defined success was being able to provide for and accommodate the needs of his family (sounds archaic, but I have talked to so many friends whose hubby's measure their success the same way.

  80. I feel like everyone has that point, and we hit at different and multiple times.

    I turned 25 and was like, "Wait, I'm in grad school? What the hell for? So you can have more debt and a piece of paper you very well may never do anything with?"

    I hope he was able to enjoy his birthday as much as humanly possible!

  81. Happy birthday to your hubs! It sounds to me he has accomplished a lot in his young life! I hope he was able to enjoy his day ♥

  82. I'm sorry I missed this, this past week. I hope your hubby had a great birthday.
    Success is a hard thing to measure up to…I'm not sure we will ever be happy with where we are NOW, since we're always trying so hard to get somewhere else.