I can still remember the bobby pins holding my bun tight in place.
A gold crown fastened atop the bun.
Sequins sparkling, yellow tutu swishing back and forth.
Ready to take the spotlight and dance.
Not a doubt in my mind that I’d do a wonderful job.
That I was a perfect ballerina.
I was the same age that my oldest is now.
And I see that same excitement in him, that same confidence.
Not in ballet, of course.
But in the way that he thinks he can do anything, the way that he gets excited over being a part of things: or how he thinks he’s the star in his own show.
I hope he keeps that confidence.
That he always feels assured that he will kick ass at whatever he tries(though I hope he doesn’t say it like that until he’s much older).
That total self-belief is hard to hang onto as we get older.
We see others who can do things better than we can, we worry about how we’ll perform, and if we’re good enough.
And we don’t want to appear too cocky, so sometimes we downplay our own abilities.
But confidence can carry you a long way. It can be the difference in succeeding and failing.
Though I’ve managed to reclaim a lot of my own self-confidence and even learned that it’s okay to fake it(and oh, can I fake confidence), I have never quite captured that same fearlessness of that tiara’ed seven year-old.
Maybe if I start wearing a tiara again….
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So, One of my best friends and I still wear ours. 🙂 Every once in awhile we will have get togethers where we put them on. Because – you do feel like a million bucks. (or a freak show) – but we go for a million. I say wear it. With pride. Because (fake it or not) – you exude confidence.
I used to have a tiara. I wonder where it went.
I’m trying to instill that same kind of confidence in my child. I don’t remember ever having it, and I want her to meet life head-on instead of rather timidly like her mom has done. I’m glad you remember it, and I’m glad your son is that way too. I hope he holds on to that belief for a long, long time.
And I think the idea of a tiara is splendid!
I think girls are sometimes taught to be more modest- and that ends up translating into not being confident because it’s taken too far.
Children can be so brave and strong, I wish it was easier to hold on to that confidence as we get older, not compare ourselves so much to others or feel so bad about what we think our shortcomings are. That’s so awesome you see that confidence in your son and remember it from your own childhood. I think even having that memory can help us later in life when we need to summon some of that strength for ourselves. Great post!
I hadn’t thought about it like that. That memory can help.
I admire kids for showing how brave and strong they really are. As an adult, I wish I could have a fraction of that.
I think wearing the tiara may give you that confidence again. 😉
Even just a little would make such a difference.
My brother and sister are at that stage, one even jumped off the roof the other day. It’s their confidence that helps me build mine and I love that about them (and all kids, in general)!
Oh, and I say pull out the tiara! 😉
Ha! Jumping off the roof might be a little far!
LOVE this! 🙂 I am probably more confident now than I have been since I was a young kid. And I still have a long ways to go. Maybe I should get a tiara too! 🙂
Tiaras would help us all!
It’s hard to keep the same confidence feeling we once had as a child, but yes, we could fake it, and rebuild. Beautifully written!
It would be nice if we could hang on to some of that.
Someone sent me a tiara. I recommend it.
I think I need one!
My mom and I used to talk about this with my son too… luckily for him, he still pretty much does excel at everything he does… My Girl, she is confident about things she likes, but that whole, ‘I can’t do it, this is too hard” has always been a part of her. It’s hard to know how to help them keep the confidence while instilling humility and grace!
Wear the tiara. You’d totally rock the tiara!
It is a balance. I want my kids to have that humility, but not so much of it that they downplay everything they can do. I was taught to do that and I think it went too far.
I love the confidence children have in what they can do. I think you should start wearing a tiara too.
it really is amazing to see how much kids believe in themselves.
Awww- your picture is so sweet!
It’s so easy for us to feel confidence for our kids- we think they’re so great (and they are) but why is it so difficult to impart those same feelings as adults to ourselves. I can fake it too, but when did we lose it?
Tracy
I wish I knew!
Oh my 5 year old has this confidence right now. I love it. Makes me smile every time.
Somehow I don’t picture you as a ballerina!
Oh, I wanted to be one! LOL
I love the bravado of youth. It’s a gorgeous thing. If only we all had it still.
But then again, in the adults that do, it can be a bit much, right?
That’s true. It’s a balance in being confident and being overly so.
I know what you mean. I feel the same way all the time. We should all wear power tiaras once in a while!
Yes, we should!
What an adorable photo of you. You are so right with your thoughts today. But, let me tell you….you have a lot to be confident about.
Thanks, girl.
Cute picture. The other day, I was telling my mom that when I was little, I remember thinking that I wasn’t little. I felt like an adult…always. My mom said it was my confidence. I still have some of that confidence, but like you said, it’s really hard to hang onto all of it.
I remember feeling that way, too. An old soul, I think.
oh i definitely feel you on this one. i pray she exudes so much confidence in everything she does, but especially just with who she is… the first step is to lead by example. it’s tough some times, but when i think of her, it’s easier to be confident.
Our children can really inspire change in us more than anything else, I think.
Yes, this. Confidence and resilience. I’m always looking for ways to instill these in my kids. So very important!
It’s hard to know how to do this. But such an important part of parenting.
Shell, I love this post! You are put into words what I feel on a regular basis. Maybe I need a tiara as well.
I think we all do!
I love the picture! Somewhere between high school and college my confidence took a dip and it wasn’t until my mid twenties that I recovered it so I really hear what you are saying. I think experience is a great confidence builder; doing things out of your comfort zone and getting ok with failing or feeling the high of succeeding. Knowing that you’ll be there one way or another; it’s important to learn. Thanks for a thoughtful post!
I think it was junior high for me.
I agree…and wish there weren’t so many things (magazines, schools, etc.) working against boosting confidence. I know you didn’t mean to offend, but I certainly hope you support all those male dancers out there!!
Of course I didn’t mean to offend. Simply meant that we don’t see that in him in ballet because he’s a soccer kid.
Such sweet childhood memories. You’re so right, our self-confidence can fade as we grow older. Some because of unfortunate circumstances and some because of some kind of fear they carry within their hearts. Whatever it is, it does take its toll on the level of our self-confidences. However, everyone can improve their confidence if they choose to. You’re already teaching your son to be confident. In his own strengths, abilities and in his own skin. Not in comparison to others because when we compare ourselves to others, we almost always come out short.
Comparing to others never makes us feel good.
I see that in my son and I never want him to lose that spirit. That picture of you as a ballerina is too cute.
I hope our kids can keep it!
I’ve never had confident which is why I never did anything as a kid. I’d be happy to throw a tiara your way. We’ve got about a dozen to spare. And might I point out that you could basically stick a tiara on any one of your boys and they’d look exactly like you? I never noticed it before!
I’d love one.
You should see my boys beside my Hubs, though. They are his clones. Especially the youngest.
I often wonder at what age I lost all confidence in myself. I have slowly been building it up over the last few years. It is so tough though. I pray that I could help my kids hold on to their confidence longer.
I wonder if that’s just the natural cycle of things.
I think it often is. There is probably no way around it, but I sure am going to try!
I wish I was as brave as I was when I was a kid. I’m not sure what happened to me to make me lose that bravery and confidence. I hope my kids hold on to theirs and I sure wish I could find mine.
I hope you do, too.
Amen, friend. We all need to reclaim our awesome.
It’s funny – I remember a very small window of time when that confidence existed. I’m pretty sure that once I started school it vanished. But oh, I was the most fierce four year old you ever saw! 😉
I bet you were!
You should so wear a tiara again.
It’s weird how kids can be so different.
My oldest, when he was your son’s age, wouldn’t want to try anything he knew he couldn’t do perfectly. Left of to him, he would of only read and played video games. I had to heavily encourage him to do recreation sports before high school and to join the marching band (which he L O V E S).
My next, is overly confident sometimes. He seems awfully cocky sometimes, but he is the most determined child I have.
My daughter, oh how I wonder how I have failed her so. Only 8 and she lacks any self confidence. I am constantly trying to build her up to believe in herself. She can do wondrous things, but holds herself back.
My youngest, he is hard to read…some days he can move mountains. Others, he can barely move his feet. LOL
It’s odd you posted this today. I was having a talk with myself today (not aloud, all in my head), after kind of discouraging my 11 year old from starting band next year. I wanted to make sure I discouraged him for the correct reasons and not for selfishness on my part. It all made me wonder if I was affecting his self confidence.
It’s hard to know how our decisions will affect our kids.
And how different they all are.
We ALL need a tiara on hand to break out when life deems necessary. Maybe that’s why so many brides wear them — that extra little boost of confidence.
Hmmm… I wonder where mine is from my wedding.
I think the Tiara would definitely make all the difference in the world! Confidence comes and goes I think. It seems like just as you get comfortable and confident with one thing something else comes along that makes you doubt yourself again.
That’s so true. It does cycle.
I could use a tiara every now and then.. great post.
I think we all could!
First, how cute are you? Second, of COURSE a tiara would help. Even if you’re just wearing it at home 🙂
Thank you.
I wonder if my hubs would think I’d lost if if he came home to find me wearing one.
That’s such a good feeling, to feel you can do anything.
Wear the tiara. A see a new link up in your future. 🙂
Now that would be fun!
its’s amazing to me that all 3 of my children – though raised in the same home – by the same parents – with the same rules and much voiced encouragement: all have different levels of confidence. My eldest, he’s the worrier and hesitant to charge in. always questioning; fear of failure can sometimes hold him back. My middle girl – pretty much charges right in; very few cirumstances give her a moment’s pause. And the youngest? well currently she is balancing on the back of a chair convinced if she just does a small jump, she will be able to reach that thing way up high! and if she misses? she’ll climb back up and try again. maybe stack something on the chair this time: you can see it on her face “I’ll get it by George!”
Reflection of my own journey in confidence as a parent?
I might be on to something there…
That’s true- we do feel more confident with each child.
I am constantly trying to reinforce the confidence of my girls, any children in our extended family, close family friends and the girls on the teams I coach. I couldn’t agree with you more on this. I used to believe in myself and now I let doubt creep in and make me feel like I can’t do anything good enough. I am working on building it back up but it isn’t easy. Maybe I will go dig my tiara out of my wedding memory box and put it on when I am feel that doubt lurking around a corner.
I think that it’s harder in girls. A confident male is applauded and a confident woman is seen as vain. At least sometimes. And that’s not right.
Wearing a tiara every once in a while, even as adults, is a good reminder that we really are the stars in our own show, and we shouldn’t forget it!
I think we all need a tiara!
Every now and again my daughter shares her tiaras with me. I totally feel what you’re reflecting on. 😉 The only tiara I ever had was from my wedding day. I loved it. I think it seriously takes over our bodies and creates a confidence we often forget is there. Beautiful post, Shell.
So fun that she shares with you!
This may be a little long…
We are Catholic and last night we parents had a class for those of us who have children about to receive their First Communion. I was thinking back to when I received mine and how proud and happy I was…
Later, after I got back to my son and I told him how we were at the meeting to learn how to help him learn about the miracle of this event and the importance of the sacrament he said something so amazing. He said, “Mom, I cannot wait to walk up there and this time be able to get my own Eucharist! I’m going to walk with my head held high!!” Anyway, I know that’s a long and “religious” 😉 comment but I just wanted to reiterate the innocent confidence that we DO have as children and yes, if only we could have it as adults as well. This kinda goes along with my post, in a way, huh?
I think we should all start wearing tiaras!! 😉
xoxo
I love that he has that kind of confidence!
I think you’d look pretty fabulous in a tiara 😉
I think I might need to start wearing one!
Great post! Every once in awhile, putting on your tiara and prancing around your room might be a good thing! 🙂
I think so, too! 🙂
I look at my girls and I am amazed and ridiculously happy at their ability to be so comfortable in their own skin. They exude self confidence and nothing makes me more satisfied as a mother. Especially because confidence is a tenuous thing for me. That little voice of self-doubt whispers to me a lot and I try my hardest to shush it. Sometimes I’m successful, sometimes I’m not.
I think it should be a fashion law, (along with leggings should never be worn as pants), that tiaras should hold their rightful place in the fashion world. In fact, there should be a day every week designated to the wearing of tiaras. We would all be better for it.
I love that your girls are so confident!
I have to tell you- I only recently bought a pair of leggings. And I absolutely love them, but I always think Joann says these should not be worn as pants, would what I’m wearing be okay with her? LMAO
I too wish I had the confidence that my 5 year old has. She’s knows withoput a doubt that she will conquer but all I see is me and my failings.
I wish we could all go back to that 5y/o confidence.
I can soooooo relate. My hope is for my boys to never have their confidence and self-esteem broken like I’ve experienced in the past. This is a great post…thank you for putting yourself out there!
I hope our kids can keep it
That unchallenged confidence in children is a beautiful thing to witness and probably in my top five favorite things about being a mother. Ironically, I have as you say so perfectly “reclaimed some of my confidence” through motherhood. Being a mom has been both the most challenging to my confidence AND the map to finding it again. Or perhaps finding it for the first time…I have to think about that one!
Our kids make us grow in unexpected ways.
I think this all the time when I watch my daughter. She thinks she is fabulous all the time. I wish I felt the same way about myself.
You should, girl.
So true. At 7, you didn’t think to worry about the criticisms of others or how you stacked up. Now, influence is everywhere. I’ve been on a mission to quiet my own judgments/questions about my own abilities lately and just be in the moment. When I succeed, it’s liberating.
It’s such a pure belief at that age.
Confidence is so much easier when you’re young eh?
I was a ballerina girl too. I’m not sure I ever got to wear a crown though.
So much easier!!
Confidence is so much easier when you’re young eh?
I was a ballerina girl too. I’m not sure I ever got to wear a crown though. I did love all the sequins.
I am ALL for wearing a TIARA once in a while. Goodness knows it’s deserved, esp in your case 🙂
I also agree that our confidence takes a dive after about 10 yrs old and reappears as much as it can at about 35. I still don’t have it all back, but I wish I did. I look at you and see so much accomplisment, so much to be proud of and I’m thrilled that you are feeling it or faking it…because either way it’s REAL and you should.
I really liked/needed to read this today…maybe we should start a Tiara Club….celebrating our confidence.
xoxoxo
Yes, a Tiara Club would be perfect!
OMG, you were such a cute little muchkin, Shell! I totally get this. It’s hard to hold on to that confidence so many years later, especially when in childhood, everything seems possible. We just have to remember that sometimes we can still make certain dreams come true, too.
In childhood, we do think we can do anything. I wish we could all hang on to it.
I don’t remember ever having that type of confidence :o( I wish I did back then and that I did now. My confidence is better than it used to be, but still needs a lot of work.
I’m reading through all of the posts, even though I’m not participating this week!!
Glad you’re reading!
You may be the cutest ballerina ever! I remember that crazy confidence until, oddly enough, high school! Got it back in college though, just in time for sorority life. 😉 haha
I think it was junior high for me. And then a few years after college.
–Only if we can wear Tiaras every single day 🙂 xx
Sounds good to me! 🙂
Fake it til you make it! Nate is pretty confident too and I hope that only grows as he gets older, but, not into a big douchey ego haha
LMAO!!! Yeah, we don’t want that.
I think about this all of the time, especially when I see my son run so exuberantly over to the neighbor’s house when he sees the kids out playing. Even though they are a couple years older than him, he is so confident that they will be just as eager to play with him as he is to play with them. I certainly was not like this as a child. I would stand timidly on the fringe waiting for someone to invite me to play. How I admire his confidence in himself as a friend and person that people want to be around.
I hope he keeps that confidence!
You go girl! You wear that tiarra. It would have amazing benefits for sure!
I bet it would look great at school pick up.
It SURE would!!
You my friend would rock a tiara. Even to the grocery store. xoxo
This sort of jerked a tear with me. It’s so true that we have this innocent confidence at that age. We haven’t experienced heartbreak or so many of the other confidence shattering things the world has to offer up. My son is 7 too, and he’s going to be a chef, a shamu trainer, a famous artist, and a husband and a father. And let me tell you. I pray he accomplishes ALL of it! And if he has anything to do with it, he’ll be sporting purple crocs on his feet and and hot pink baseball bat in his hand! LOL He’s confidence personified. I wish I could sell it.
Clip to my 13 year old…he’s had a harder time in life. Things don’t always seem to flow for him. ( I know you know what I’m talking about.) He has a harder time envisioning his future. He never can quite put his finger on his dreams and desires. I can tell it’s filled with self doubt. He questions whether he’ll be good at this or that. I hate it. Curse this stupid world that breaks our kids. I wish I could slap it, punch it in the face, and spit on it sometimes!
Great post!
I do know what you’re talking about. And it’s heartbreaking.
I don’t know why, but I am totally tearing up. I guess it is because it all just so…sweet. You look adorable. You look happy, fearless…confident. Your son is those things now. My son, also 7, is those those things now on many days. I wish I could bottle up that passion, that excitement for life. I loved this, Shell.
I wish we could all stay this way.
I had a teacher knock my confidence and call me a braggart. Which…is horrible. Maybe I was? I don’t know but…I’ve never been sure of myself since.
I’ll buy you a tiara next time I see you 😉
Ugh, how awful. Teachers don’t always realize how a flippant comment can really stick with us.
Tiaras all around at the next conference.
Such a cute picture! I would love to have that confidence and my outgoing personality back!!
You always seemed so confident to me! I envied that.
I love that my children still feel like they can do anything, too (for the most part). It’s a beautiful time in childhood. 🙂
Such a beautiful and innocent time.
I remember that “I can do anything” feeling and so wish I could get that back. I love when I watch my children and they have that look of pride on their face. There is nothing like it! I think the tiara wearing would do the trick! 🙂
Such a powerful, freeing feeling!
I remember watching Alex dance in the grocery store isle once and I longed just to be able to let go and dance with her– as yes that freedom and confidence of childhood is wonderful.
Love the picture!
I think you should dance with her. 🙂
I totally thought that you captured Bear being silly wearing a tiara!!
It is hard to keep that confidence. So many people tell you that you aren’t good enough, not pretty enough, etc.
It’s hard when there are people tearing you down. Even my mom telling me when I was a child that it was a good thing I was smart because I wasn’t getting by on my looks. Gee, thanks, Mom.
I think we all deserve a tiara. Especially if it can magically transport us back to the confidence of our childhood.
Wouldn’t that be great? I think I should get one.
Please sign me up for a confidence inducing tiara!
We should be able to get a bulk discount!
i am terrible with confidence. Do you know how many times I read then re-read posts before i publish them and then I still worry if they’re even good enough..gah!
I understand that! Sometimes, I have to make myself stop reading or I know I’ll never hit that publish button.
I could use some confidence
Maybe from a tiara. 😉
I too wonder where along the way we lose the confidence and assurance we once had. How does it happen? More importantly, how can we get out kids to retain it??
I hope we can figure it out!
So very true. I’ve been thinking about this a lot too lately – how to instill the nurture confidence in my kids. It’s amazing when I see it shine through in my boys and I wish that I carried more of that within myself. However, I did recently buy some sparkly headbands for working out and boy, when I have those on, I feel like I can conquer anything!
The grown-up version of a tiara! Love it!
I wish I had that 7 year old confidence too! I am an expert at faking it at times! 🙂
I am really late in linking up. Had it done this morning but have been offline most of the day…oops! I still linked up though! 🙂
xoxo
Faking it helps.
Glad you linked up! I am only about halfway through, but I’m getting to yours soon!
My daughter is 8 and she is full of self confidence (most of the time) but the problem we are having is that she is coming off as arrogant with that self confidence. She walks around talking about how awesome she is. We are trying to teach her to act awesome instead of saying she is awesome. But I do hope that she never loses her confidence in herself.
It can be a fine line.
I was taught to always downplay my abilities. To the point of taking it too far.
You could totally rock a tiara! I say, GO FOR IT!!
And when you’re done with it, can you pass that bad boy on to me?
I think we both need them!
You should don a tiara and have someone take a pic and just keep it somewhere you can take it out and glance at it every once in awhile. You know, to remind you.
That’s a great idea!
I think you’d look fabulous in a tiara.
I hope the same for my kids. Self-confidence without being cocky or arrogant…perfectly said.
Hopefully, we can figure out how to instill that!
Wow, sorry to post a second time but I finally linked up for the first time. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Yippee..
Glad to hear it! I haven’t read all of them yet, but I’m getting there!
Sigh…we could all us the power of a good Tiara. I hope my girls hang on to thier confidence too!
We need to all have tiaras!
How cute were you?! My mom kept all of our dance recital costumes. I had a yellow one that I will never forget. Somewhere along the line, I lost my free spirit and confidence. I used to be such a social butterfly but that seemed to change when I became a mother.
I know I need to work harder at believing in myself so my kids learn this skill themselves!
I lost mine in junior high and started to get it back after college. Though I could definitely still use help.
I wish we could have the same confidence and fearlessness of our younger selves. I try to remind myself what do you really have to lose? But even then it is still sometimes hard to put yourself out there and take those chances!!
It is hard- but really, it’s worth trying!
I never know how to react when people note how “confident” I appear to be. I don’t know whether to laugh because it’s all such bravado, or cry because they really have no idea how exhausting it is to live inside my own head with all the self-doubt.
I marvel at my 2YO’s confidence. In her mind, there’s pretty much nothing she can’t do. She’ll walk right up to a group of kids on the playground and join them in their play. It’s such a marked difference from me at that age. I never had that confidence; not in making friends or otherwise. And one of my biggest hopes as a new mother was that she didn’t “inherit” that quality from me. Right now, it appears she didn’t – and so I just pray that she continues to approach life with the type of gusto I never had as a child.
I have confidence in some aspects of life (work) and much less in others (home). It’s so strange to feel so different in two settings yet I’m the same person. I hope my daughter never lacks confidence or at least never lets her lack of confidence make her feel like less of a person – this is always on my mind.