Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

  • Home
  • About
  • Best Of
  • Recipes
  • PR & Advertising
  • Contact

July 22, 2013 by: Shell

Not Everything Is Gold Star Behavior

This past spring, my then-kindergartener came up with a “star chart” and would mentally calculate how many stars he had for various tasks. He really knew exactly how many stars he had and could tell you why he had each. And he would work towards a goal to earn a prize.

It worked, so we just sort of rolled with it.

But this summer, I knew I needed a more organized way to keep track of such things- and for all three of my boys. Especially with the school work I was having them do.

So now they each have a star chart- it started with a paper one and then we moved to a reward chart app because what isn’t easier with an app?

kids reward charts

My boys can earn stars for doing their summer work: workbooks, journal, the various computer programs, reading, etc.

And they can also earn them for being exceptionally helpful or polite. My middle son opening the door for another family to go through to the pool ahead of us. My oldest making a snack for everyone when I was stuck on a conference call. Little things that they get a star for because I like them to know that I’m watching and I appreciate the good they do(and that I don’t just notice when they are being little punks).

But, not everything is gold star behavior.

They were good at the pool?

They had a positive report from camp?

They listened to Grandma when she’s watching them?

Well, that’s what they are supposed to do.

And getting to go to the pool or camp(and Grandma’s): that’s a reward in and of itself. They don’t get rewarded for behaving during a preferred activity. If they weren’t behaving at the pool, we’d just leave.

Obviously, since I use a reward chart, I believe in rewarding my kids.

But it has to be for something that is more difficult for them to do, or something that we are working on trying to see in them more. Sort of like when they were potty training and would get a gold star(and okay, an M&M) for when they would use the potty. They don’t still get one now, years after being potty trained.

They don’t get rewarded for what they should be doing, only for going above and beyond.

Or next thing you know, they’d expect participation trophies. Don’t get me started on those.

Do you use a reward chart with your kids? What sorts of behaviors are gold star in your house?

Things They Can’t Say: It’s Not Just Luck
Nutella Muddy Buddies: Cooking with Kids

Comments

  1. Tracie says

    July 22, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I think you have found a great balance. Behavior above and beyond should be rewarded.

    My daughter is supposed to do dishes five days a week. When she sneaks into the kitchen and does them on the sixth day (thereby saving me from doing them) – that is definitely gold star behavior in my book.

    Don’t get ME started on participation trophies. So ridiculous.

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:52 am

      I’m only okay with participation trophies for very young kids. But once they are old enough to know if they won or lost- nope.

  2. Teresa says

    July 22, 2013 at 9:48 am

    I need to try a reward chart. It just feels so complicated.

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:53 am

      I really like the iReward Chart app. They have some tasks you can pick from or you can make your own. And having it right on my phone helps me keep up with it.

  3. Brittany says

    July 22, 2013 at 9:51 am

    When I have kids, I’m definitely going to have to remember this post. I totally agree with you on not being rewarded for something that should be done.

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 1:17 pm

      It would be a bad habit to get them into, thinking every deserves a reward.

  4. Melissa Olivero says

    July 22, 2013 at 11:04 am

    I struggle with reward charts because personally, I am so forgetful. We have our chore charts and a morning routine. They have to do certain things to earn video gaming each day. I will definitely look at the app. Maybe it will help me stay on top of it.

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm

      Using an app has definitely helped me. My boys will even bring me my phone when they know they earned a star. LOL

  5. Debra says

    July 22, 2013 at 11:06 am

    We do a reward chart in our house – but instead of Gold Stars, they are R Bucks – reward bucks that they can save up and earn a prize from our redemption closet. We have a set of house rules – six in total – if they follow those all to a T – they earn bucks. It’s been working so far this summer!

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm

      Sounds like a smart idea!

  6. Christine @ Love, Life, Surf says

    July 22, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    I do believe in reward charts and encouraging behavior that above and beyond and for certain things that we are working on. We’re trying to find a balance but it’s mostly that I forget about the rewards after about 2 weeks. I like the idea of an app though.

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:19 pm

      The app definitely helps!

  7. AnnMarie says

    July 22, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    I completely agree with you that some behaviors are expected and shouldn’t get rewarded. Some behaviors should make kids feel good for doing them, not just because they get a sticker. I do believe in rewarding my kids with stickers. I wish I was consistent with it because we start strong and then fizzle.

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:20 pm

      Mine are really into it, so it keeps me going with it.

  8. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom says

    July 22, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    We haven’t used a reward chart, but we do use checklists – especially during the school year. It is just a list of reminders about stuff that needs to get done every day (chores, getting ready for the day, packing up for school, etc.) I agree that certain things are just expected behaviour as part of politeness and following rules and don’t need rewards. I think there is truth in ‘success is its own reward,’ or however the saying goes.  

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:20 pm

      I agree with that saying!

  9. Jennifer says

    July 22, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Exactly! I don’t believe in pats on the back for doing what you are supposed to do. Will I occasionally say, “great job for behaving in the store.” Of course, because I want to reinforce it, but they aren’t getting a parade for doing what is required.

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:21 pm

      Exactly. NO special reward just for doing what they should in the first place.

  10. JanetGoingCrazy says

    July 22, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    I set up this chart for my boy when he was having trouble at daycare and he would get a star for certain chores that he was having trouble with, but when he reached 50 stars in two weeks…we had to rethink our strategy!

    • Shell says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:22 pm

      I had to take a look at how many stars they’d typically get in a day or week before deciding on how many would equal a reward.

  11. just JENNIFER says

    July 22, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    We don’t use a reward chart. I’ve been convinced in makes anything easier. Does it? Also, now I’m not sure it would work much with older kids. BUT, I think you’re a great mom for doing it!

    • just JENNIFER says

      July 22, 2013 at 9:13 pm

      Terrible typos. I’m sorry. I meant to say “I’m not convinced it makes things easier.”

      • Shell says

        July 22, 2013 at 9:22 pm

        I knew what you meant. 😉 The chart is working for us, for now.

  12. Emmy says

    July 23, 2013 at 11:19 am

    Yes!!  Very well said!!  That philosophy is how we work our chore chart– there are chores and things they HAVE to do because they are part of our family and as part of our family we work hard and contribute, but if they do those things without whining, having to be asked a lot- so working on not whining and be self starters, then they get to check off that chore and then get paid based on how many checks they get.  If the whine, have to be asked a lot they still have to do it they just don’t get the extra award. 

  13. Carolyn Y says

    July 23, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    I love the idea of an app. I’ll have to check that out. Right now we are trying (STILL) to get Julia to stop sucking her thumb. She’ll goes days without doing it and then back at it. While it doesn’t truly bother me, I just don’t want her teeth to be “ruined”.

  14. Alison says

    July 23, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    I believe in reward charts. It’s on my to-do list with the kids!

  15. the best period to get pregnant says

    October 3, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    Everyone loves it whenever people get together and
    share thoughts. Great website, stick with it!

  16. best early pregnancy test says

    April 14, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    A person necessarily help to make critically posts I’d state.
    This is the very first time I frequented your web page
    and so far? I amazed with the research you made to make this particular submit amazing.
    Magnificent task!

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

Be a Part of the Sisters’ Hood

alt text SoFab Badge
Everywhere
  • Contact
  • PR & Advertising

© 2021 · Designed by: Carolyn Yalin