You can’t do this parenting thing alone.
You need to have your village, your tribe.
You start hearing this early on in motherhood, maybe even while you’re still pregnant with your first baby.
And it’s true.
You do need that tribe.
The ones who don’t make you feel guilty when you have to ask for a favor because you all know no one can do everything and you’ll be returning the favor soon enough.
The ones you can vent to, who can give you advice, who know how to gently let you know when you might want to reconsider your stance on something.
Who you can tell the really embarrassing, juicy stories to, knowing they won’t share those tales. Who listen, whom you share all the mom stuff with but also all the other stuff that is your life outside of being just a mom.
And you do the same for her, for them, for this tribe you’ve built.
There’s a trust, a support system, a feeling of building each other up, not judging, just helping each other.
It’s true friendship.
Maybe you were lucky and found your tribe from the start and maybe it’s a large tribe because that’s your personality, to have a large support system.
Or maybe it took longer, to figure out who you could really trust, who “your people” are. And maybe it’s a small tribe, but you’re invaluable to each other.
I was talking to a friend recently about this, someone I’m lucky enough to have in my tribe.
About tribes of moms.
And if tribe was just another name for a clique. A nicer spin on the same old junior high mean girls story.
I know that I can come off
bitchy reserved and quiet when someone first meets me and really, I might continue to give off that impression because I am quiet and introverted and don’t tend to throw myself into other people’s conversations unless I’m specifically invited and even then, I can be too awkward to fully join in.
Yet, even introverts find their tribes eventually.
Does my tribe look like a clique to people who aren’t in?
I guess it’s all a matter of perspective, though I shudder at the thought of ever being thought of as in a clique.
But here’s where I know I’ve chosen wisely in my tribe, because my friend told me that there is a difference between a tribe and a clique.
In tribes, we lift each other up in some way. Our mission is never directly aimed at making ourselves feel better at the expense of others- cliques are the ones who do that.
I’m lucky to have found that tribe.