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January 10, 2014 by: Shell

Mess or Memory? You Decide.

Together-edited-smallerBecky Kopitzke and Heidi Maranell met when Becky stopped into Heidi’s garage sale and bought a Hello Kitty bingo game. It was the best dollar she ever spent. What began as daily chats about family life, faith, and coupons grew into Haven Help Us, their new joint blog home for fellow “frazzled, flawed and fabulous” women. Join the havenistas at www.havenhelpus.com where we explore fun, simple, and effective ways of making our homes a haven—including topics on marriage, parenting, cooking, crafting, and finding time for ourselves.

things they can't say

Tidy moms, it’s time for a chat. You know who you are. When your kids ask to build a fort in the living room, you might say okay-sure-fine but really you’re calculating how many sheets and clothespins you’ll have to pry off the furniture before bedtime. I totally get that, because I am one of you—a recovering neat freak.

When parenting took over my home seven years ago, I fought to uphold my old standards for cleanliness. By the first birthday party, I finally realized I had to surrender or die. Babies spit up strained carrots, toddlers spill chocolate milk, and school-age kiddos would rather make mud pies than help their mother de-clutter closets. Motherhood is a messy life. And I want to enjoy it.

So I’m learning to tell myself this:

 Honey, you’re not making a mess. You’re making a memory.

Mess-or-Memory

 When my girls beg to tape stickers all over the house “for decoration.”

When they insist on fingerpainting a life-size poster for Dad.

When we roll a snowman in the yard then drag wet snow pants, dripping boots and soggy mittens onto my freshly scrubbed floor.

I’m usually left with a disaster. But messes can be cleaned later. Memories don’t wait.

Sure, sometimes we moms need to limit the mess before the whole family is evicted. I battle this every day. Yet there has to be a balance, see. As moms, is it more important to keep our environment tidy, or to give our children space to learn and play and grow? I don’t want my kids to grow up with memories of mom running behind them with a broom and dustpan. This house is their home, too.

So. Will you give it a try? Make some sloppy cookies, concoct a baking soda volcano, let the kids mix swimming pool water in the sandbox, for goodness sake.

You’re not really making a mess, tidy mom. You’re making a memory.

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Comments

  1. Amber says

    January 10, 2014 at 8:43 am

    Great post. Yes, I try not to worry about messes. Sometimes I do when it might stain the carpet, but for the most part I try and let it go. I made Jello with my daughter the other day. It was BRIGHT RED. Staining. But, I ignored the fact and we had fun, despite her going crazy on the stirring part and getting red dots everywhere. Most of them came out. The ones that didn’t, well, that’s what Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser is for, right? 

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 9:30 am

      So true, Amber! That magic eraser is a good friend of mine. I have a green spot on my countertop… it took me three months to realize it was NAIL POLISH. All in the name of a happy household. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Blessings for a happy Friday!

  2. Melissa says

    January 10, 2014 at 9:50 am

    I love how you framed this! I am the type that cringes at Play-Doh getting smashed together so I know what you mean. I’ve learned to let it go though and enjoy the mess (and let the kids help clean up- haha).

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Oh, you’re speaking my language, Melissa! When the kids mix colors and I end up with twenty cans of tie-dye (or worse, gray) Play-Doh – I cringe, too, but Play-Doh can be replaced for cheap and my girls’ childhood is fleeting, so I intentionally shrug it off. You should see all the dried Play-Doh spots on my carpet, though. 😛

  3. Lindsey @ Redhead Baby Mama says

    January 10, 2014 at 10:00 am

    This is something I struggle with. I don’t always wait to clean up, and I blame my OCD and Type A personality.  Thankfully, my husband is usually there to talk some sense (or clean up in my stead!).

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      I don’t always wait to clean up, either Lindsey – it’s an ongoing struggle for my neat-freak brain. But I figure recognizing the issue is half the battle. I want my kids to grow up respecting their space by taking good care of it, but not at the expense of their enjoyment of life. It’s a balancing act for sure!

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 10, 2014 at 4:33 pm

      Lindsey I think you can read my mind! I am FAST to follow along behind the scissors with the garbage can to try to keep any pieces of scrap paper from even making their way onto the floor. Only problem is there are 3 kids and only 1 mom. So I am outnumbered, and it ends up on the floor anyway! 🙂 I keep reminding myself “THEY’RE JUST KIDS HEIDI.” It’s a good reminder to me to put their needs ahead of my own.

  4. Amy says

    January 10, 2014 at 10:11 am

    Just yesterday I read a blog that reaffirmed this very thing. It is more important to ensure the happiness and creativity than to maintain all the control like I want to. 🙂 great post!

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      Thanks for reading, Amy! It’s so good to know we tidy moms are not alone in facing this challenge!

  5. Jennifer says

    January 10, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Growing up we made LOTS of messes, but even more memories! And the messier it was, the better the memory 🙂

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      I still have a vivid memory of my sister and me getting stripped down behind a towel curtain that my mother held over us on the porch one day because we covered ourselves – and I mean COVERED ourselves – in wet sandbox sand. We were plastered from head to toe. And she took it all in stride, stripped us down and made us hop in the tub but never once scolded us for getting dirty. I wish I’d inherited that trait from my mother!

  6. Jennifer says

    January 10, 2014 at 10:19 am

    I wrote a similar post this week, Life is Messy. I had so many people tell me, “but I hate mess.” The truth is you can’t avoid it so you might as well embrace it.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      Amen, Jennifer! We are thinking alike! I hate mess, too, but I love my kids more. 🙂

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 10, 2014 at 4:35 pm

      Oh Jennifer I love this reminder to embrace it. And based on the state of my house today I surely have! Happy Friday to you and thanks for reading! 🙂

  7. Virginia @thatbaldchick says

    January 10, 2014 at 10:28 am

    What a great reminder. I sometimes cringe at the messes my kids make (and I help them make) but they are only kids once.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      So true, Virginia. Before we know it, they’ll be grown and gone from the house and then we’ll be able to keep things spotless… but I’ll miss the people who used to make the mess. Funny, isn’t it?

  8. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    January 10, 2014 at 10:42 am

    This almost made me cry.  I was always the type of person that prided myself on having a neat, clean, uncluttered house and since I had kids it’s all gone to crap.  I hate the way we live, but it’s impossible for my house to not always be in a state of chaos apparently.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      Embrace the crap, Robin. You and I can do this together! Seriously, it’s a mental battle that will wear us down to the core unless we change our perspective. I feel your pain. But our kids sure will be happier when we let it go. Hugs to you, fellow momma!

  9. melinda says

    January 10, 2014 at 10:58 am

    i’ve gotten better at remembering that when they were younger. these days my kids are messy cause their lazy LOL

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      Ha ha – and then there’s that stage, true. I’m in the process of trying to teach my kids to pick up one toy before they move on to another one. Wow, do they resist that idea. Thanks for reading, Melinda!

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 10, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Such a fine line isn’t it Melinda? Mess…or lazy…great point! Different messes at different stages of life.

  10. Ellen Christian says

    January 10, 2014 at 11:14 am

    I love the idea of making a memory.  What a nice way to look at it.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      It’s a sanity-saving perspective for sure, Ellen! Thanks so much for reading!

  11. Tina @ Life Without Pink says

    January 10, 2014 at 11:51 am

    I’ve learned over the last year with two boys to just look the other way. I so agree…it’s about the memories you are creating!

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      I read once that in order to get any reprieve from the urge to pick up after the family constantly, we have to just wear blinders. So, when my youngest goes down for a nap, I promise myself I will take a break and read or write or do something I enjoy… which means I have to slap on those blinders and tell myself the dishes are not really stacked in the sink or those baskets of laundry are not really sitting waiting to be folded. It works – temporarily! Thanks for reading, Tina!

  12. Ashley - Embracing Beauty says

    January 10, 2014 at 11:55 am

    This is a great post,  Sometimes it’s hard to remember that memories can be messy and that’s okay!

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      I’m even coming up with new ways to get messy just to practice my resistance! 🙂 Have a great weekend, Ashley!

  13. brett says

    January 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    i don’t mind mess but play doh mixed together makes me so so twitchy. i’m conflicted.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:47 pm

      I get that. Unless you really love brown speckled Play-Doh. I keep a backup supply in the closet just so I can crack open a solid color every once in a while.

  14. Debra says

    January 10, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    The OCD in me sometimes makes it hard to remember that it’s making a memory, not a mess. This was a good reminder of that!

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      Seriously, Debra, I have to say the words in my head so I don’t lose perspective. “It’s a memory, not a mess. A memory, not a mess.” Crazy but it works. Thanks for reading!

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 10, 2014 at 4:40 pm

      I am right there with you, Debra! This is especially hard for me to find the fine line between memory and mess…especially when my husband appreciates coming home to a “picked up” house. It can be a hard balance. Thanks for reading and happy Friday!

  15. Chelsea says

    January 10, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    This is definitely something I’ll struggle with when I become a parent someday! I also like to keep a very clean house and often wonder how my friends with children can live in such mayhem, but I am sure I’ll learn firsthand soon enough 😉

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 10, 2014 at 4:41 pm

      Oh Chelsea this was exactly me! I was the type of child who cleaned her room “for fun” when I was younger. Everything had a place, and everything IN its place. Having children is humbling and reminds me the world does not revolve around me. But I do still enjoy a nice clean house…even if only for 10 minutes! 🙂

      • Becky Kopitzke says

        January 10, 2014 at 9:59 pm

        Is that right, Heidi… we had similar childhoods. I was the kid who vacuumed my room every Saturday. Then my sisters crushed their footprints into my beautiful carpet and made me cry. Yet another reason I like you so much. 🙂

  16. Lauren says

    January 10, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Great advice! I know that children will remember the memories more than the mess. Messes can always be cleaned up later!

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      Ah, yes, Lauren – I only hope my kids will remember the memories more than they remember their mother freaking out about the mess. I wasn’t wired to be laid back about this topic, but I am training myself to appear that way, for my kids’ sake. And for my own sanity. 🙂

  17. Paige says

    January 10, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    we don’t have kids but our house is always a mess…too busy with memory making! haha

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      You go, girl! I love that!

  18. Debi says

    January 10, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    I live by this lol

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      🙂

  19. Melissa says

    January 10, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    I completely agree! I am not a tidy mom at all although sometimes I wish I was. It’s hard to do with 3 kids. 

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 10, 2014 at 10:02 pm

      Maybe one of your kids will become the tidy one, so you have a built-in housekeeper. Now that would be a deal!

  20. Erica says

    January 10, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    I am a “neat” mom for sure… but I am getting better!

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:13 pm

      You are me both,

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      You and me both, Erica!

  21. sisters from another mister says

    January 11, 2014 at 10:05 am

    We moved several times and so my kids were used to having a house on the market.  ie. model home clean and tidy!  Now in our new normal, i am more relaxed … that said, just told the girls we were cleaning before going out to lunch #bribery

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 11, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      OH I am so with you on this. We moved 9 times during my childhood, so we got very used to having a clean house for “showings”. Now I’m really living it up being able to not only have a messy house, but actually unpack boxes too! 😉 Thanks for reading and happy Saturday!

  22. kim says

    January 11, 2014 at 10:19 am

    I used to be a “clean as I go” type person, but now after Brody came along….it’s messy turned memory. We typically clean at night before we go to bed, but even that doesn’t always work. I have a great husband that doesn’t harp on cleanness!!

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 11, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      What a great guy! 😉 I like to have the house picked up before bed too. There is just something about waking up to a messy house that can set me off on the wrong foot. I have to keep reminding myself, though, that it’s memories…I can clean it up when they head to college. But I’m sure I’ll be missing the messes then! 😉

  23. Stacey says

    January 11, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Such a great post! I have always struggled to have a neat home because neat does not come naturally to me! But I am a project Mom. Recently, we made a milk jug igloo. It was the best time I have spent with my son in a long time! I highly recommend making memories!

    • Heidi Maranell says

      January 11, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      Ooh that sounds like an interesting project! Good job, Mom, on memory making! I’m sure you’re son will remember the fun of working on it with you. Happy Saturday!

  24. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says

    January 11, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    That is the perfect way to look at things. It’s 100% true too. Some messes are more than worth it.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Amen, Liz. 🙂

  25. Amy Desrosiers says

    January 11, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    I am such a tidy mom in that I do not like my kids even playing in the snow because of the mess it tracks in! I need to adopt this memories, and not messes attitude. 

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      You can do it, Amy. 🙂

  26. Angela says

    January 11, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    This is so true – messes can surely wait. How fun that Heidi and Becky met at a yard sale. You just never know when a chance encounter will turn into a beautiful relationship.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      It was definitely a divine appointment, Angela. 🙂 I was meant to walk over to that rummage sale!

  27. Charmin - The Momiverse says

    January 11, 2014 at 5:56 pm

    Oh, this really resonated with me! I used to be a neat freak like Monica Geller on the show Friends. I finally realized how important it was to let my two boys be messy, get messy, make messes. The trick for me is getting them to help me clean up before we move on to anything else. They now know it’s just part of the process, so we can make memories and still have a good time.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      I get that! I’m still working on teaching my kids to pick up one mess before they move on to another. But the picking up part isn’t nearly as fun. 🙂

  28. katherine says

    January 11, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    I have such a hard time with messes. I hate them so much!

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      And so do I. But I’m learning to see into them – they’re actually just the backdrop of a happy childhood.

  29. Stefani says

    January 12, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    I love making memories with my kids. We bake and we do arts and crafts. Just today we made a mess but it is okay, it was fun.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      My kids will make a mess whether I facilitate it or not. So I say let it go, right?

  30. Ashley M says

    January 12, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    For some reason the mess has never bothered me, Ive always been all about the memory. I

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:34 pm

      Oh I wish messes didn’t bother me, Ashley! You’re one step ahead.

  31. Karen Hartzell (@InTheKitchenKP) says

    January 14, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    I really need to remember this. I hesitate more often than not when it comes to craft time with the kids.  It’s time to throw caution to the wind and make memories.  🙂  Thanks for the reminder.

    • Becky Kopitzke says

      January 15, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      I do, too, Karen. But I’ll be throwing caution to the wind right alongside you! Thanks for reading!

Trackbacks

  1. Mess or Memory? You Decide! says:
    January 10, 2014 at 7:28 am

    […] you join us? Read the rest of the story at Things I Can’t Say where we’re happy to be guest posting today! I’ll race […]

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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