Confession: I do love some time away from my family. To get a break. To focus on work without interruptions.
Okay, not much of a confession. You know this
Super honest confession: I’m a total paranoid freak when I’m away from my kids.
Here goes my train of thought when I’m traveling:
On an airplane: what if the plane crashes and I die and I leave my boys without a mom? What if I leave them without a mom and they grow up asking why Mommy was even on a plane without them and they hear that it was to go have fun? Or even if it was for work, they won’t understand. And omg, the turbulence. We’re all going to die.
The same goes for driving. What if I’m in a horrific car wreck and my boys are left with the last photo of me from the previous night’s Instagram where I’m obviously having a blast without them. Leaving them motherless and I’ll feel guilt even from the great beyond.
Or what if something happens to them while I’m gone? Hubs is more than capable of taking care of them, of course. But if something happened to them, I’d never be able to forgive myself for not being there.
And then I try to shake myself out of it, realizing that a few days away from them now and then isn’t a terrible thing. And that anything could happen no matter where I am.
So then my paranoia goes off on a different tangent.
Getting into a car accident on the way to pick them up from school, dying as they sit with their teachers, wondering why I’m late.
Or them getting hurt at school. Or they wander off.
Or oh hell, cancer. What if I have cancer that will kill me before the year is up and I don’t know it? What if they have something wrong with them their doctors haven’t caught? What if Hubs does?
Speaking of Hubs, he travels a ton for work. What if something happens to him?
It’s one negative thought after another, thinking of all the what ifs.
I know that I can’t think like this all the time and let my paranoia take over and ruin our lives.
But somehow, these thoughts are always worse when I’m away from my family. Maybe it’s having more quiet time to think instead of the constant noise and busyness of our normal routines. Maybe it’s because I miss them so much when I’m not with them.
Usually, it’s solved as soon as I walk back into my house and see all my beautiful boys though every now and then, I let the what ifs creep in.
Do you ever worry about something happening to you, your kids, or your spouse? How do you handle it?