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October 21, 2014 by: Shell

Lost in the Shuffle: Pour Your Heart Out

When you have a child with special needs or one who struggles academically for whatever reason, you know you have to advocate for your child.

You’ll have multiple meetings a year and frequent progress updates. The teacher is aware and tends to stay on top of things.

Or maybe you have a child who is at the top of the class, ahead of where he needs to be. You don’t worry all that much because you know he’s doing a fantastic job. And you probably even hear that from the teacher because it’s exciting when a child is succeeding.

I have one of each of those.

But I also have one in the middle. One of those kids who so often gets lost in the shuffle.

lost in the shuffle

He’s not a behavior problem. He follows directions, he’s polite, he’s a very hard worker. He really excels in one class, but has some difficulty in another.

But not so much difficulty that it would send up immediate red flags. After all, he’s working hard and not causing any problems.

Yet, he’s not making the progress that he should because he’s in the middle of chaos(or “a really chatty class” as it was more diplomatically put to me) and while he doesn’t join in with the chatter(because that’s against the rules and he’s very much a rule follower, even when others aren’t following the rules), he’s not able to tune it out and focus on his work, either.

So those grades? They aren’t a reflection of what he can really do.

And no, this isn’t a parent getting all worked up because her child doesn’t have straight A’s. But a parent concerned that her child isn’t in the right environment to actually be able to learn and to show what he really knows, instead of what he manages to accomplish in the midst of that situation.

And yes, suck it up, he’s not always going to have the ideal environment and he’s going to have to learn to adapt.

But, I also don’t think that’s something we have to tell our kids who are still in elementary school, to just suck it up.

He doesn’t complain, because that’s not his nature.

And he doesn’t draw the teacher’s eye because he’s not a troublemaker, or the one who struggles the most, or the one who always knows all the answers.

He’s getting lost in the shuffle.

Update: after talking to his teacher, I feel a little better about the situation. She’s trying to not lose him in the middle and she really does want to help him. But there are still changes to be made and I’m still worried. Can’t we ever just have an easy school year? Just one, please. 

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Comments

  1. Becky Kopitzke says

    October 21, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    We had a year like that. It was so hard… because I wanted the teacher to know and care about my child as well as I did.

  2. Julia says

    October 22, 2014 at 7:44 am

    I was that kind of kid and I know how hard it can be to learn when everything else is distracting in the classroom. Good luck!

  3. Amber says

    October 22, 2014 at 8:49 am

    I’m sorry. I understand. My son follows the rules too. But he doesn’t speak up if he’s confused, so he’ll sometimes get bad grades. He says he worries he’ll bug the teacher.

  4. julie gardner says

    October 22, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Ah, the “can’t we ever just have an easy school year?” question.
    I’ve asked myself this same thing many times. (Every year?)

    Unfortunately, when you’re a parent who is involved, conscientious, and paying attention, it’s harder to have an easy year.
    You’re going to notice and wonder and challenge and worry. This isn’t a bad thing.
    It’s better than being blissfully unaware of your children’s struggles, I suppose.

    But still. Hard sucks. And as they get older, you face different kinds of hard.

    Take heart in the fact that this means you are PAYING ATTENTION and TRYING. That you LOVE THEM.
    Your boys know this and it will make all the difference. No matter how not-easy the year might be for them.

    PS: Hopefully they will keep trading off having tough years so that overall, school is a good experience. As the mama, you’re the one stuck worrying every time. But better us than them, right?

  5. Jennifer Hall says

    October 22, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    My daughter does struggle in school due to ADHD, but she would do so much better if she would speak up more. I’ve often felt like she’s overlooked and constantly worried about it.

  6. michelle says

    October 22, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    I don’t think we’re allowed “easy”! Wouldn’t that be bliss!

  7. Kelley says

    October 22, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    This post sums up EXACTLY what is going on for my oldest son. I am just at a loss. I have talked to the teacher and his Literacy teacher. They said they heard me and yet I feel my words fell on deaf ears. I have no clue what to do and how to approach this situation without getting the “over bearing mother” label. I am not a teacher by trade and worry a lot…probably way too much….that I am bothering this man with my “problems” when he clearly has more than a full plate dealing with the real problems in the class. Thank you for pouring you heart out…certainly made me feel less alone and less crazy for wanting some change. Good luck!

  8. Teresa says

    October 22, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    My sentiments exactly on the “why can’t we just have an easy school year?” thing.

  9. Stephanie says

    October 22, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    I have a “B” and “C” kid. She has always been a below average student, and likely always will be. She has learning disabilities and other issues due to a combination of being premature and inhering her father’s learning problems. Actually she got the worst of both of us – he can’t read or spell much, and neither can she, and I can’t understand math, and neither can she. We’ve spent $9,000 on a tutor just for two subjects in the last few years. We even homeschooled last year.

    She loves school, but she’ll never be an “A” student. And I’m okay with that. She does her best, and that’s all I ask of her. Her teachers have always loved having her, and she is a very good kid.

  10. Alison says

    October 23, 2014 at 3:53 am

    Ugh, so hard. I don’t have any advice, just…. hugs.

  11. Jill says

    October 24, 2014 at 12:20 am

    This is a good reminder to pay attention to people, in general. My daughter always got attention for one reason or another….it’s too early to tell what my sons are going to be like in class, but I think they’re leaning toward “stander outers.” As someone who works with people everyday, this is good advice not to overlook the ones who might not be super bright and shiny or struggling. The folks in the middle not drawing attention to themselves are important, too.

    Perfectly said.

  12. Natalie says

    October 27, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    I’m glad that you spoke to the teacher…I’m so worried about my boys staring school 🙁

  13. Emmy says

    November 3, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Oh shoot! I am so sorry. I hope his teacher really does help him to not get lost. I too think it is often those kids in the middle that get the least attention and help when they really might just need it.

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Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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