It’s not about those friends who we don’t get to see or talk to very often, but whom we know is always there for us, we’re there for them, and when we finally do get to see them again, we can pick up right where we left off.
Life is busy, distance can make visits near impossible, but we know those people are still friends.
This is about those other friends.
Those ones who seem like friends. Who might even be a huge part of our lives.
But then something happens.
Maybe you don’t talk for a little while for no real reason at all, other than the busyness of life. But instead of missing that person, you realize that you can breathe easier.
That you have a lot less drama to deal with. That you are more confident in yourself because now you don’t have a friend who constantly puts you down or rolls her eyes at every new idea you have.
And with this new distance comes a perspective on the past where you can clearly see all the times you were used. How someone was around a lot when there was something you could give them, but how they disappeared or were scornful when they didn’t see you as useful.
Loyalty can blind you to this in the moment, especially with someone who can sense when you’re starting to feel a bit used and abused so they’ll choose that moment to make some sweet gesture and have you doubting any negative feelings you had.
But they can’t hide who they are forever and their same patterns will reemerge. And you’ll eventually see that you don’t need them in your life, that you have other friends, real friends, the type of friends where you’re both there for each other, you’re both supportive, you each help each other out, who makes you laugh and smile or can cry along with you, and you don’t need to go back to the negativity because one true friend is worth a million of those others.
Yes, I know exactly what you are saying here. I learned who my true friends were about 20 years ago after my then 4 year old daughter was severely brain injured in a car accident. I had two friends (who were my BFF’s from elementary school, who were both in my wedding) who did not know how to be a friend to me during this time. Instead of being supportive of my grief and my time being limited due to having to rehabilitate my daughter, they stopped calling me and stopped returning my phone calls. Eventually, I stopped trying. And NINE years went by without them trying to contact me, not even to see if my daughter had learned to walk again or talk again (the brain injury pretty much took her back to infancy) NINE whole years. And then our 20 year high school reunion came along, and I didn’t want it to be awkward there so I reached out and contacted those two friends. They were both so happy to hear from me, and we rekindled our friendships but to be truthful, it was never the same again. I keep those two at a distance now, not willing to risk being hurt by them again. I limit our friendships to texts and maybe talking on the phone twice a year. I love them both, but I will never forget how they treated me at my time of need. I would forgive and give the friendships a second chance IF they had at least acknowledged that they were hurtful. But no…it was MY fault for not being there for THEM during that time. So twisted and irrational. But hey, whatever. Those two, by the way, are both single in their late 40’s. Never married, and not by choice. They just can’t seem to find a man who will allow them to be the center of the universe. Go figure! (keeping this comment anon but you’ll know me by my email 😉
Yes! Exactly. To all of this.
I feel like every New Year I go through this. Why that time of year, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m reflecting back on the year as a whole, and the people in my life.
When you realize who the users and negativity pushers are, distance yourself, and start to breathe easier, you see what areas of your closet need cleaning out.
It’s always a bit sad, but mostly refreshing.
Sure, we all have drama. We all get those life bombs dropped in our laps and find we need to lean on a shoulder a bit heavier than usual. Are the scales even? Not in a keeping score way, but do I feel just as comfortable having you as my shoulder as you feel using mine, or do I shy away from your shoulders because my time of need is turned into your time of need? Sometimes it’s a tough balance.
And, this is probably why I keep my circle small.
And, I love my little circle.
Thank you for posting this today! You read my mind from some things that happened yesterday.