Anne Hogan is a social media manager who spends far too much time tweeting at @Anne_Hogan. She also blog at www.annehogan.net and has two adorable rescued pets, a Pomeranian named Teddy and a tortishell cat named Jenna.
I’m excited to be here today to “Pour My Heart Out” on a topic that I’ve been thinking of a lot lately: long distance friendships. Personally, my long distance friendships fall into two categories, old friends I’ve moved away from, or social media friends I’ve never lived close to.
When I was younger, my friends and I assumed that our lives would be like Friends; we’d all live within fifty feet of each other and spend every waking moment together. It would be amazing, and we would be so. cool. Then we grew up and realized that real life isn’t like TV life.
I consider myself lucky to have a group of best friends I’ve known for almost twenty years. We grew up together, went to school together, and we’ve been in each other’s weddings; we’re more like family than friends and we talk multiple times every day. Since all of us hate the phone, Facebook group messages are a lifesaver and a lifeline for us. I live in Southern California, one of my friends lives near Philadelphia, and two others live in Florida. While it’s nice that technology makes it easy for us all to stay in constant contact and share random thoughts and BuzzFeed links throughout the day, there are times that I would give anything to get an in person hug from one of them, or sit on the couch and watch stupid television together instead of just texting about it while we watch from our own homes. We try to get together as often as we can, but being so far flung it’s hard, especially with all of our pesky careers and things. I love these women like the sisters I never had, and I would never trade them for next door neighbor friends, but it doesn’t mean I don’t hate how far away we all are.
Then there’s another group of long distance friends, the ones I’ve never lived close to, maybe I’ve never even met in person at all, the social media friends. Even before I started working in social media, I had “internet friends”. One of my best friends is a woman I met on a message board almost ten years ago. We talk every day, we know everything about each other’s lives, and yet we’ve never been to each other’s homes. We’ve never even met face-to-face, despite millions of emails, texts, Facebook messages, and even a few phone calls. We exchange Christmas gifts, worry about each other’s families, and share in triumphs. Sometimes I think we’re better friends because of the distance, not in spite of it. With long distance friends you have to put in the effort, they’re not just convenience friends. You know the ones, the people you see so often that you’ve forged friendships, but if you added some distance and effort, you would most likely drift apart. Long distance friends are always worth the effort, which can make them even closer than friends who live next door.
Long distance friendships are each unique, but they each share the special blend of heartwarming and heartbreaking. While you wouldn’t trade the comfort you get from long distance friends, there’s also an element of childish foot stomping. It’s just not fair. Why can’t it be like TV? Why can’t we trade text messages for coffee dates? Although, the bittersweet nature of long distance friendships means that when you do get to see your friends in person, you hug them a little tighter, listen a little more carefully, and never take their presence for granted. So I suppose that’s the tradeoff, you have to deal with the pain of not always getting a hug when you need one, but in return your friendships are strengthened and more appreciated.
I think it’s awesome that you have a group of friends that you’ve known for so long. I haven’t stayed in touch with a lot of my friends from when I was younger but most of my best friends are ones I met via social media. We try to get together at least once a year!
I have someone, who I guess is a friend, that I have known since we were in 1st grade. She only lives about an hour from me, though, so it’s not exactly long distance. I have enough trouble keeping up with long distance relatives let alone friends.
I have many long distance friends, my best friend and I used to live in the same city and worked together, but I moved away to another state for a new job and now we text every single day more or less all day long. I loved your comment about watching TV shows together because that’s our favorite pastime, especially when Breaking Bad was on we would try and sync our DVRs so no one’s “OH MY GOD” reaction would spoil anything. =) But I also have long distance friendship were we barely ever talk, but when we see each other its like I just saw them yesterday.
I haven’t kept up with most of my friends from high school and college. Many are on Facebook so I know what’s going on with them, but some I haven’t saw or spoken to in years.
I can relate to this post all too well. I have moved away from my close friends and have made so many friendships with women online. While I never feel lonely since I always have someone to talk to, it is certainly different not having friends nearby.
Although I much prefer being able to spend time with friends in person it’s fun having friends all over the country too! It makes for a fun experience when you travel to get to meet up with everyone!
One of the biggest reasons I got into blogging in the first place was the thought that I can make new friends online. Those friendships are just as cherished as my friendships IRL.
Oh, this is so true. You do sometimes want to foot stomp that you can’t be in the same city as your friends. It can be hard, but as you point out…sometimes your closeness can form partly because of the distance. I, too, have made “internet friends” just like that. At first it was funny to say, ‘My friend X’ and be talking about someone I’d never actually stood in the same room with, but I realized that they really are my friends in all the ways. –Lisa
I’ve managed to remain friends with all of my best friends since middle school. They’re the best! (And three of us still live in the same town.) I still remain close to the ones who live 12 hours away and I’m SO grateful for them!
I know exactly how you feel! I have a friend that we have been nesties since Kindergarten. That is 25 years! We have been through so much together and yet we have lived apart from each other all of our adult lives. We even, oddly, got pregnant only 3 months apart and both had boys. We only see each other 1-2 times a year and its not enough. She lives in Boston and I live in Orlando.
I’m fortunate that I can pick back up where I left off with a lot of my long distance friends! I have a few long distance friends that I still talk to once a week even after living apart for over 8 years!
This post is so full of truth. I lived in the same community for 25 years, and then moved to a different country. The friends from there I still keep in touch with, but like you it’s more through Facebook than seeing them in person. I’ve also made a bunch of online friends both through video gaming and blogging. After playing with another family for over 3 years, and moving to the same state as them earlier this year, we finally met face to face last November. It was an incredible experience. We decided to see them again this past January because we all had such a good time together. It’s hard work maintaining long distance relationships, but well worth the effort I think, especially when you can meet up in person!
I have a bunch of long distance friends after living 1/3 of my life across country. Plus I have a lot of blogging friends I only get to see once in a while. I love that social media can make it so much easier to stay in touch!
I have friends near and far. Friends I grew up with and reconnected with. Some of them I haven’t seen in over twenty years–good grief I’m OLD! Some friends I have made I have never met, but I know we would be besties.
Long distance friends can be the best! The other day something happened that made me really upset and the first person I texted was my long distance friend! I sure do wish she loved close to me though!
My bestest friends ever are people I met through blogging, one before I even started blogging and she is like a sister to me. Sadly all of them live out of state, one lives in Texas and I am here in New Hampshire so we haven’t seen each other since 2011. Friendships are awesome!
I love how Facebook helps to keep some of our older relationships in tact. Actually, I hadn’t spoke to many school friends until Facebook came along and I graduated back in 1996……wayyyyyyyyy back. I also have several blog friends that I’ve never met but am really close to and some that I have finally been able to meet through conferences. You should consider yourself lucky that you do have such close friends. I too, have some Rachel’s and Phoebe’s to my Monica. Joey’s and Chandler’s to my Ross. I <3 Friends!
I lived in FL for 18 years, and my strongest friendships were made there. When I moved up north, that required long distance maintenance. Not near as fun as getting together for a movie, but good friendships are worth maintaining, even if you only see your friends once a year or so, if you’re lucky!!
almost every one of my truly close friends lives hundreds if not thousands of miles from me. and yet- the moment we are together, time hasn’t changed a thing!
I have a few old friends that I don’t see as much as I would like to. Luckily we can stay somewhat connected with social media!
Most of my friendships are long distance friendships. I think it is so much easier these days because of computers and cell phones.
My sister is in KY and I’m in MD. It is hard to stay connected. Sure we text occasionally, but it’s not like it should be.
My best friends are those I have met on the internet or forums of some sort. I have had a blast visiting them around the country and in the UK. I am off to Australia in 5 weeks to visit more.
Great post
My best friend and I went 6 years without seeing each other! We talked almost everyday on the phone but when we moved again man it was sure nice to see her!!
My first set of long distance friends were those I met online. It wasn’t until just recently that I reconnected with several people I went to school with. I think it’s great that being online allows us to find those people – both new and old.
The internet has made a huge difference for me as far as friends go. Facebook is one place where I’ve reconnected with old friends. We check in from time to time.