Dianne is a momma of three wonderful boys, a wife to an incredible and patient husband, and a former preschool/daycare center director. After having her third son, whom she refers to as her saving grace, she decided to become a stay at home mom. On her down time, (wait, she has down time as a SAHM?!) she reads, writes book reviews and crochets. She’s also a semi-blogger and uses this platform as a way to get out of her comfort zone and push herself to share and discover new things.
A few weeks ago, I found a startling note in my oldest son’s, who is 10 years old, backpack. My first and initial reaction to the content of the note was to get angry but it was also enough to give me pause and make me think.
It was time. Time to have the talk I was dreading and kept prolonging but knew I needed to have. It was time to talk about S-E-X. Oh boy, this was going to be fun. Not!
See, it wasn’t my son’s fault for what was written on that note. I couldn’t get angry at him and punish him. He wasn’t informed. He wasn’t educated on sex. He knew next to nothing about sex and body parts.
Initially, while I prolonged the sex talk, I had a plan in my mind on how it was going to happen and when. I wanted my 8 year old in on the conversation too. I figured it’d be easier to give both of them the same info at the same time. Plus my 10 year old wouldn’t have the burden of knowing this and not talking to someone else about it, besides his parents.
As we all know, in parenting, no matter how much you plan, life has a way of rearranging things for you and forcing you to take a different course of action. So, I just rolled with it.
When his dad got home, I broke the news to him. His initial reaction, too, was to get angry. After both of us talking about it, he also realized it was time for the S-E-X talk.
I was not about to have the sex talk with my son alone. I was also not about to let my husband have the sex talk alone with our son. Call it control issues, if you will, (and really that’s what a major part of it is) but I needed to be involved in that conversation. Not because I don’t trust my husband or because of control issues but because I want my son to see us as a united front on this. I want him to know that he can come to either of us should he need to.
We called our son in and spoke about the note, then it happened. We asked “what do you know about sex?”. All he knew was a man and woman goes into the room and gets in bed together. That’s all. That’s all he knew about sex.
Part of me was so ever grateful that that was all he knew but another part of me was terrified that that was all he knew. I was grateful that he still had his innocence but terrified because he wasn’t armed with information on sex. In this fast paced world not being educated and informed can be a hinderance to a person. Granted, he would have learned but learned in the wrong way.
The conversation lasted longer than what I thought it would last but it went well. We were thorough and informative. We covered EVERYTHING. He walked away from the conversation feeling better and empowered about sex. I walked away from the conversation with mixed emotions.
I knew it was time for the sex talk buy my heart wasn’t ready. See, as much as I wanted my son to be informed I also wanted him to remain as innocent as he could, for as long as I could keep him that way.
Looking back, it feels great to know that my son knows about sex. And if I’m being honest, as scared and terrified as I was to have the sex talk, it went a lot easier than I thought it would go.
As far as sex talks go, one down and two to go as I have two more sons to have this conversation with. I’m sure it’ll get easier. BTW, my 8 year old just asked if condoms are used to prevent babies… Oh boy, here I go again.