The term “kindergarten redshirting” sort of makes me cringe. It sounds too much like a choice we made due to sports*, when that wasn’t the case. We prefer to simply say that we waited to send our youngest to kindergarten. But, when the subject comes up, redshirting is what others say, so I’ll just deal with the slight cringe as I type it.
We made the decision when our youngest was in the 4 year old preschool program that we would send him to KinderPrep instead of kindergarten the next year. He was the youngest in his class, the smallest, and just seemed so young. He didn’t have any sort of delays, despite the “what is wrong with him?” looks or even flat out questions we got when we let people know. You can read more about our initial kindergarten redshirting decision.
Then, last year, while our youngest was in the KinderPrep class, it really felt like we had made the right decision in deciding to wait a year to start him. You can read about those reasons to redshirt.
But now that he’s halfway through his kindergarten year, how do we feel about the choice we made?
All of the reasons I was glad about our decision last year still hold.
He’s doing amazing in kindergarten. I don’t generally do the braggy parent thing because I think it’s obnoxious, but another mom asked me what reading level he was on. And when I told her, she muttered that it was only because he was older than her son.
And you know, that may very well be. He is performing more like he was a first grader. But, I don’t think he would have been ready for the demands of kindergarten last year. He might not have have floundered, but it would have been more of a struggle. He more than likely wouldn’t have reached this level by this time last year had he been in kindergarten then. He loves school and a big part of that is his success. It’s harder to like it when you’re struggling and he’s too young to start hating school.
In case you’re wondering, he’s not the oldest in his class. There are three who are older. He’s certainly not the tallest, though he’s not one of the smallest either(which he is when he’s with the first graders).
He has more confidence because of how he’s able to get things. He’s a leader.
Do you have to be one of the oldest in the class to get things or to be a leader? Absolutely not. It’s just how it worked for us.
Are things too easy for him? No, I don’t think so. Maybe if our school didn’t differentiate learning, he might be bored. But the kids work on their own levels.
It still sticks out to me what one of the kindergarten teachers had said to me, that it’s the only time in our kids’ lives when we can give them the gift of time.
That phrase was picked apart when I was on Huffington Post Live talking about redshirting last fall(as was the idea of waiting to send your child to kindergarten, I was the lone yay amongst the nay’s), like it was a judgment on any parents who didn’t give their child that gift. But I think of it as a gift that not all kids need- the same way a gift of a fabulous pair of size 7 boots would do me no good, since my last pregnancy made my feet grow. They would be an amazing gift for someone else, but not for me. That’s the kind of gift I think of redshirting as: great if it’s the right fit, but it’s not for everyone.
Could he have done okay had we sent him on time? I think so. But is he doing much better because we waited? Yes. Does it weird me out to think that according to his birthdate, he should be headed toward second grade in the fall? Absolutely. I think he’s where he should be. I don’t regret redshirting waiting a year to send my son to kindergarten.
*About that sports thing: our son plays all sports according to his birthdate, not his grade.
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Oh, man, why is this such a debate? I say great! I wish I could hold off on sending my youngest to kindergarten! But her birthday is in March so I have no excuse. I disagree with the push to send kids to school full-day earlier and earlier. Good for you!
It does make it so different that kindergarten is full day and what they expect them to learn. I don’t think every kid should wait, but it’s definitely right for some!
I hate that there is a debate about this. I am, technically, “redshirting” both of my kids. CJ would be among the very youngest in class and, honestly, pushing him was something that I think would have forced him to make social leaps. I, legitimately, do not believe he was ready. There is some thought, in the back of my head, that having him be among the older kids, for a kid who is already big for his size, will work well for sports, but it didn’t factor into my decision-making. I wasn’t “redshirted,” my birthday fell *just* after the cutoff, so I was among the older kids in my grade among those who weren’t held back . . . but I’ve been over 6 feet tall since I was in the 5th grade — “redshirt” was commonly a phrase used around me, especially on the basketball court. Never bothered me. Truly.
Leila, on the other hand, would be right-smack in the middle of kids her own age, but we’re holding her back just so that she & CJ might thrive, independently.
Fortunately, I’m in a financial position where paying for an extra year of preschool isn’t going to break the bank.
There was talk in that chat about it being a thing of “privilege” because you have to be able to afford another year of preschool for your kids. I rolled my eyes hard at that… it’s partly true because preschool can be expensive, but thankfully, I live in an area where it’s not that much, plus working at home my schedule is flexible. I don’t know if I would have made a different decision had I had to pay for full day daycare.
I was always one of the very youngest in my class. I did fine, but my husband was one of the youngest and it didn’t work out for him. (I think there’s a boy/girl factor in there)
We also took a look at siblings- our middle and youngest are 2 years apart but if we’d sent our youngest on time, they only would have been a school year apart, which just seemed really weird.
Sounds like you put a lot of thought into your decision like we did.
My oldest will be almost 6 when he starts bc he’s an October birthday, and I’m so ok with that. My youngest though we will red shirt since he’s an August birthday.,.we really want two years between the boys in school and now with the new school guidelines I am totally in favor of the gift of time.
As a mom with two fall babies who I red-shirted I totally get it! Now the deadlines in our area have changed so neither would have been able to start when they could have anyways, so it just helps confirm my decision was right. In fact with Lucas we learned it the hard way, and ended up pulling him a week and a half of kindergarten and waiting a year. The best decision ever to wait, he was just too young and immature and not ready for it. Ryder has a spring birthday so he will start this fall, but man I have to admit that I do worry a bit more about him as I am sort of used to having my kids be the older ones and he will end up a the younger end. In the end though, every kid is different and what is right for them is different.
You know, I don’t get why this is a debate either. I have friends who have waited and friends who chose not to. I even have a friend who has twins with a birthday 2 days after the cutoff who is hoping to start hers in kinder. I think YOU know YOUR child, and YOU make the best choice for YOUR child. Right? I’m glad you’re happy with your choice. I think my biggest struggle in parenting is with second guessing myself.
I don’t know…maybe if we had “red-shirted” we wouldn’t be having this situation right now. Or maybe we would. Who knows.
I am glad to see this post… you don’t see too many posts that discuss whether or not a parent felt they made a good decision in redshirting. In my experience, most people have regrets by not redshirting rather than waiting one more year to go to kindergarten. I have written several pieces on the topic for a big site. Here is the most recent one I did: This one is titled: Is your son really ready for kindergarten: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/is-your-son-ready-for-kindergarten-kerj/#sthash.Muq0Sm7a.qjtu
I’ve never heard that phrase before Interesting. What’s strange is, this is nothing new. lol There are always the older kids, the general age kids, and the younger kids. Why does this have to be a “thing”? I was always one of the youngest in my class because I had a July bday and I think my parents sent me early. My daughters both went when they’d just turned 5, and figured it was the thing to do with my first son. Well, THAT was a mistake. By 2nd grade I knew my son was struggling. I asked about keeping him back and was encouraged to move him on. 4th grade came around and he did terrible. I went to the principal and she said it would be best for him to move into middle school. Everything inside me railed inside of me. Again I didn’t listen. I think by 6th grade I realized he had ADD, just like I did, and his sister. He’s done better with his ADD meds, but it will always stay with me that I did him a disservice by putting him in school earlier than he should’ve gone and kept him moving to the next grade when he should’ve stayed behind, truly for his own good.
What we choose for our families is just that – OUR DECISION. I wish people wouldn’t judge. I think it’s great that you did what you did, and it was the right thing to do.
I was worried that Jack would be bored with school and seem older than the kids in his class because his birthday falls about a month past the cut off and a friend pointed out to me if he fell before the cut off I would be worrying about whether he is ready or not. Now that he’s been in school for 2 years I know he’s right where he is meant to be, he would not do well with older kids but he does great with his grade level. I think that if he had been born before the cut off I would have held him back a year, knowing the type of kid he is I know he’s not ready to be going to kindergarten next year, he’s right where he belongs.
Also it’s an arbitrary date that schools pick for a cut off for kindergarten and why should we let that determine when we send our kids. We know our children best.
I have actually been asked the opposite with my 4 year old now, who is technically able to go to kindergarten in the Fall with a November birthday, but born on the 23rd (so later in the month). She makes the cut-off and has always been the kid that was above the curve learning earlier rather then later for most so far. Most I think is just that my older daughter is an older by a year and she wants to always be doing what her big sister is doing. I couldn’t keep this kid back if I wanted, but yet I have gotten asked even by my husband’s mother if she was indeed going to Kindergarten next year recently. I truly agree that this is up to the parent, as we know our kids best and are the ones with them more then not. So, I am really sorry anyone would make you question your decision as it sounds like you definitely knew and made the best decision for your son. So, I totally applaud you for that and thank you for sharing your experience here with us.