It feels personal, I whined.
Yes, whined.
My husband is practical enough to roll his eyes and tell me that what a friend had said, it wasn’t personal.
Whenever I hear someone say that, I immediately think of this movie scene:
Screenshot from IMDB
I picture adorable little Meg Ryan in her raincoat belted over her pajamas, talking to Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail.
And I’m on Kathleen’s side: things feel personal.
When I’m being personal, that’s when I get the best results. Putting my heart into something… much, much better than when I take all emotion out of it and just hammer away at something robotically.
Sometimes I do go the robot route. Because it’s something that has to be done, something that will be done a lot more efficiently if I don’t think so emotionally.
When something is particularly emotionally draining, I sometimes take the personal out of it and just simply get through, knowing it might hurt someone else or hurt me, but that I can’t change it and we just have to get through it.
And I know that when others act, they often don’t mean it personally. They’re just dealing with their own crap. Whether it’s their own emotions or simply a to-do list. They aren’t acting with an intention of bwahahaha, this will hurt Shell.
I guess sometimes that could be the case. But probably a very, very, very minuscule percentage of the time.
Just like I try to have the best intentions(most of the time anyway) in my words and actions, but someone could take what I do as being personal to them, even if it’s not what I meant.
It’s human: to look at things that happen, things that others do, and process them by how they affect us.
We can then shake it off (shake it off… oh, that song is so catchy) and realize just how big the world is beyond our own thoughts and feelings. We can see the bigger picture. And realize that something truly wasn’t personal….
You know, unless it was… oh, Kathleen Kelly, you so get me.
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I’ve been trying to take things less personally because I find that i take everything personally. John has a bad day at work and I automatically assume he is annoyed with me, when it’s just the bad day he had. I have to remind myself that others actions and reactions often have nothing to do with me.
I know exactly what you’re saying. I’m learning to step back from some situations so I can process the information before I say something. Things aren’t always personal, even though I often see them that way at first.
I truly believe “it wasn’t personal” has become the default “I was an asshole but don’t want to come across as an asshole” statement. I’ve made honest “it wasn’t personal” decisions . . . have a budget, and have expenses, and need to make something work, so I had to lay someone off, and I chose based on the business sense. That decision wasn’t personal – but delivering the news – well, it was.
A one-on-one interaction is always personal, whether you want it to be or not.
Like saying “Not to be rude, but…” or “No offense, but…”
I’ve had to do similar things- always hard and it’s truly not personal. I try to remember that when I’m on the other side of things.
I try to see the bright side of things most of the time—but I’ve come to realize most people are inconsiderate. They really just are. It’s not personal (ha ha!) but they are more what I would call negligent to others’ feelings or maybe just a lack of empathy? Either way it would be nice if some people thought of others every now and then instead of their own bubble. But we’re all human I suppose 🙂
Great post. Great movie scene.
Yes, things SHOULD be personal. They should mean something.
But not in an attacking way, right?
I worry often that I might say something that may be hurtful; if I did/do it is definitely unintentional and not personal.
It’s part of why I can’t seem to push myself to want to send my writing too far out into the world – I fear hurting someone and also being hurt by vicious comments.
Man, the internet is mean. And I would take the meanness personally.
I know I would.
So.
Once a month or two, I dust off my blog and post something there, aiming for relevant and meaningful and true, but also hoping I don’t offend. It’s the least we can do as human beings, I think. Make each other think and feel without the feelings being bad.
I overthink things quite a lot of the time. Even when I have a strong opinion on something, I’ll write it and then rethink and start adding in all the “but I understand if you think THAT way instead of this because….” So, I’m either understanding and wishy-washy, or harsh with a strong point. That’s tough for me.
I love when you dust off your blog. You always give me something to think about.