Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

  • Home
  • About
  • Best Of
  • Recipes
  • PR & Advertising
  • Contact

April 21, 2014 by: Shell

If It Were Me…

It’s easy to sit on the outside of someone else’s pain and judge.

And oh, we don’t think we’re judging, we’re just saying how we would deal with their situation, baffled by how they are choosing to handle it.

If it were me, I’d post hourly updates on facebook to keep everyone informed, that’s the easiest way.

If it were me, I’d text close family and friends regular updates, that will keep those who should know in the loop.

If it were me, I wouldn’t update anyone unless they asked because this is my struggle and I don’t really want to talk about it.

If it were me, I’d want my family and friends with me for support.

If it were me, I’d want to face it alone.

If it were me, I’d stay right there, I wouldn’t be able to leave that situation.

If it were me, I’d need a break, I’d go home and sleep.

If it were me, I’d do everything in my power to make sure it didn’t happen again.

If it were me, I’d need time before making any big decisions.

If it were me, I’d be worried about the worst that could happen.

If it were me, I’d try to stay positive.

If it were me….

don't judge…but it’s not you. So don’t judge.

Sitting on the outside of a situation, we think about what we would say, what we would do, how we would react. How different it would be from the way someone else is dealing. Maybe we’ve even been through something similar and we do know how we’d react if it were us. But that doesn’t mean that how someone else is dealing is wrong. It’s just different.

When someone we love is going through something rough, let them deal how they choose. Be there if they need you, but don’t “If it were me” them unless they ask. And even then, be gentle with your words.

Before you ask, my three boys, my husband, and I are all just fine(you can see pics from our Spring Break by clicking on my instagrams down at the bottom of the blog). But someone we know is having it rough right now and it’s made me think about how we all deal in different ways.

How a Mom of 12 Gets All that Laundry Done
Pour Your Heart Out

Comments

  1. KeAnne says

    April 21, 2014 at 9:18 am

    Excellent, much-needed reminder, Shell. Thanks for this.

  2. Natalie says

    April 21, 2014 at 9:53 am

    I think it’s in our nature to think it would be so much better if they handled it this way or that way…but it takes maturity to take that feeling and realize we aren’t them. Then we should be understanding and know everyone handles situations differently. Great post!

  3. Alison says

    April 21, 2014 at 10:27 am

    I believe that if we choose kindness first and foremost, regardless of situation, we would not sit in judgement of someone else’s choices and decisions. Great reminder, Shell.

  4. Lindsey @ Redhead Baby Mama says

    April 21, 2014 at 11:15 am

    It’s especially hard watching someone you love go through a situation.  Watching the movie of their life go by is difficult. 

  5. Rorybore says

    April 21, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    I am convinced unsolicited advice and “well why don’t you justs” will be the death of me.
    If someone I know is going through something, I just listen and the most I will ever say is “how is that working?” Just an honest question with no judgement. But, I find if they are struggling with their decision, or any coping issues: this is where they will open up for further dialogue. But, it is up to them.
    And I always, always just simply ask: do you want my advice, some brainstorming ideas together, or just need my listening ears?
    it’s really not that hard.
    Hope everything works out for your friends.

  6. Marina says

    April 21, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    Fantastic post!! Too many of us judge too many people. 🙁

  7. sisters from another mister says

    April 21, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Oh dear friend … once it was me looking in and thinking tssk, tssk … but now i am living it, have shared it, wondered too many times what should or should not be out there … and tell you the truth … i still have no damn idea! But the love from friends online have kept me from losing it on many a day – so perhaps sharing was good … mostly.
    Cannot wait to see you xxx

  8. Autumn says

    April 21, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    This is a great reminder. We all think we know best, and while it is totally understandable (human nature and all) some people lack the etiquette to properly respond to any given situation.

  9. Shop with Me Mama says

    April 21, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    This is so true! Thanks for the reminder!

  10. Keikilani says

    April 21, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    This is so good. Remembering to treat others the way you would wish to be treated. 

  11. Amber says

    April 21, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    Yes, very true indeed!

  12. Angie says

    April 21, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    Mmmmhmmmm… Yup. Have totally been on both sides of that fence. Miss talking. We will have to catch eachother soon!!

  13. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    April 21, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    I am guilty of being judgy sometimes and I try not to, but every now and then it just happens.  I try to catch it, though.

  14. Angela says

    April 21, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    This is a great post. I really try to be supportive and not be judgmental. We all go through things in our own ways.

  15. Debi says

    April 21, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    I love that quote. I hate when people tell me how I should do soemthing

  16. Jessica says

    April 21, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    Everything you said is so true. Sometimes it is hard to place ourselves in someone else’s shoes… and sometimes its even harder to remember that even if we were in those shoes we may be doing things much different than they are.

  17. Felicia says

    April 21, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    So true.  We have to allow space and time for processing on one’s own time.

  18. Veronica says

    April 21, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    You are right. It is so easy to stay on the sidelines and judge. Great reminder to be more empathetic instead of judgemental

  19. valmg @ Mom Knows It All says

    April 21, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    I try not to judge others. Unfortunately over the years I have seen many people quick to judge.

  20. Jenn @ The Rebel Chick says

    April 21, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    A great reminder. We don’t have the right to judge as we’re not in their shoes.

  21. Chelsea says

    April 22, 2014 at 12:58 am

    This is so true. People handle and deal with situations differently and no one has a wrong or right way of going about it. It’s just THEIR way, and when it’s not YOUR situation, then you don’t have a say in how they handle things. A great reminder!

  22. Aimee Smith says

    April 22, 2014 at 1:12 am

    One of my favorite quotes is “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” That is so true, hope everything is better for your friend soon!

  23. Pam says

    April 22, 2014 at 2:54 am

    It is human nature to have an opinion on something. But every opinion does not need to be voiced and or shouted out to the world ( or posted on Facebook). 

    I hope things get better soon for your friend.

  24. April @ My Real Food Family says

    April 22, 2014 at 6:15 am

    I think we all handle things differently and bring a different perspective to each situation. It is important to not judge though and show some compassion for others.

  25. StacieinAtlanta says

    April 22, 2014 at 7:54 am

    Like it or not, we all judge.  We have opinions.  That is simply human nature.  The trick is recognizing when to keep your mouth shut and opinions to yourself.

  26. Liz Mays says

    April 22, 2014 at 8:40 am

    It’s so, so, so easy to judge. But it’s NOT our life, it’s someone else’s so we have to learn to shhhhhh about it and not say anything.

  27. Amy Desrosiers says

    April 22, 2014 at 8:47 am

    As a sister to someone who has mental illness, I have learned this a long time ago!! 

  28. Teresa says

    April 22, 2014 at 9:10 am

    You’re so right. I have to remind people of this ALL THE TIME. People go through so many things in their lives and it’s hard for people to imagine what it’s like to be in their shoes. And then…I get this statement too. Well why don’t you just….. (and sometimes it’s stuff that I’VE ALREADY TRIED). I just want to scream at them to shut up. Sometimes all a person needs is a shoulder. 

  29. John (Daddy Runs a Lot) says

    April 22, 2014 at 9:16 am

    I hear you – loud & clear.  So easy to look at someone’s difficult situation & say “I would do this or that or any number of other things,” but the truth is that, well, we can’t know what we’d do until we ended up in that same situation, and then, whatever we did would be our coping of it – not anyone else’s.

    Rough times are rough times, there’s no two-ways about it — and people need to do what they need to do, to survive.  Telling anyone that they’re “doing it wrong” is, by definition, wrong.

  30. Debra says

    April 22, 2014 at 10:04 am

    So true, but it’s hard not to. I know how I’d react in situations – wanting a sympathetic ear but not knowing how to ask for it. I always feel bad burdening others – which is why I always offer and let people know that I’m around in case they need or want to talk, vent or just cry!

  31. Christie says

    April 22, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Judging others seems to come almost too natural. I definitely needed this reminder today!

  32. Beth@FrugalFroggie says

    April 22, 2014 at 11:45 am

    It is the amazing the thoughtless things people say and do while trying to be well-meaning. More people need this reminder

  33. Krystal says

    April 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    I agree with you. From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. From the inside looking out, you can’t explain it.

  34. April at Two Chic's Blog says

    April 22, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    Great post! We always like to think how we could handle situations, but always need to remember these things! Thanks!

  35. Theresa says

    April 22, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    Well said! It’s easy to say “if it were me!” but we never really know how we would handle certain situations until we are faced with them ourselves.

  36. Emmy says

    April 22, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    So so true!  It really is easy to think we would act a certain way, do things a certain way- but the truth of it is, no one really knows until they are in it so judging does no good. 

  37. Toni says

    April 22, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Wonderful post!  It’s so important to remember that we all deal with things in our own way, and unless it is harming the person, we should let others deal in their way.

  38. Ashley M says

    April 22, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    I have a hard time with this – in certain circumstances. When it comes to family i’m a fixer. I want to fix everyones problems. Sometimes it can be hard to remember that it’s not my problem or my job to fix it. 

  39. Amy @ Marvelous Mommy says

    April 22, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    I totally agree! We are all facing our own battles. Most of the time people are judging without even knowing the whole story! 

  40. Cynedra says

    April 22, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    I more or less agree with what you said except that sometimes when someone says “if it were me, ” they are saying that so when it is them, their wishes are known.    

  41. brittney says

    April 22, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    Totally agree. When Bailey was having all those health probs a few years back I got more advice and less support it was tough to deal with.

  42. Cam | Bibs and Baubles says

    April 22, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    I hear you. The if it were me’s can get to be a bit much. It’s better to really think if it were you and put yourself in that persons shoes. You’re guaranteed to see things with new eyes.

  43. cyndy says

    April 22, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Totally agree.  I too find myself thinking what I would do, but I always remind myself that unless I’ve been in that EXACT situation, I have no idea what I’d really do.

  44. Beeb Ashcroft says

    April 22, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    Very wise and true words! It’s so easy for others to judge a situation, usually because they haven’t been through it themselves and have a hard time relating. Or, someone makes a different choice than another has, but because their lives are different and that is they only thing they can do. I truly think the best thing that we can do for others who are struggling is simply to listen – just really listen. If someone wants advice, they’ll ask, and even if they do, one person’s advice may not be right for them. Great great post!!

  45. Erica says

    April 22, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    These are wonderful words. It’s so unfair to judge someone. We all have a story! 

  46. Raya says

    April 22, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    I try to be mindful of the fact that I don’t always know someone’s struggle. It is easier to go with gut emotion and be gossipy, but when you have been judged you learn to take a step back.

  47. Dawn says

    April 23, 2014 at 3:20 am

    It’s o easy to sit and judge others when we have no idea what we are talking about. And people often do.

  48. Amanda Her says

    April 23, 2014 at 11:19 am

    I agree 100%.  I won’t say that I’m not guilty of it sometimes, but I guess I just need a reminder from time to time.

  49. Amber K says

    April 24, 2014 at 12:11 am

    I suffer from seasonal affective disorder and this time of year is when it kicks in. It’s not easy but somehow I make it through. I love your post!

  50. Dina says

    April 24, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    You are so right. You never know what somebody else is going through. 

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

Be a Part of the Sisters’ Hood

alt text SoFab Badge
Everywhere
  • Contact
  • PR & Advertising

© 2021 · Designed by: Carolyn Yalin