Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

I Hate Santa This Year: Pour Your Heart Out

Santa arrives at our mall this weekend and I’m not at all enthused to see him.

It’s not because he’s arriving mid-November and I think we should celebrate one holiday at a time(even though, yeah, I do think that).

But instead, it’s my boys’ Christmas lists that have me dreading Santa’s arrival. Or really, it’s just my oldest’s list that is giving me a headache. My other two have simple and short lists.

Santa has never really gone overboard at our house with Christmas gifts. Our kids have always been happy with whatever they found under the tree. They usually don’t need much and don’t even ask for much, either. So our Santa has stuck to whatever budget we have that year and make the best of it and everyone’s happy.

Christmas, 2012

Christmas, 2012

It’s not to say that I judge someone else’s Christmas, either. If there’s barely enough room in your house to contain all the gifts Santa brings, that’s totally up to you. I think it’s one of those parenting decisions that everyone has to make for themselves and we have to realize that someone else’s choices don’t affect us.

But this year, someone else’s Santa IS affecting my house and is making the jolly fat head elf be on my own personal naughty list.

My oldest has asked for one thing this Christmas. He wants a certain gaming system. And it’s more than we’d usually spend on him for Christmas(some years, it would be more than we’d spend on all three combined). Then again, it’s not like he’s asking for something that outrageous… Sigh.

He IS good kid. A practical kid, too.

I tried to appeal to his practical side, saying that well, even though he’s been so good this year, that’s a bigger gift than Santa usually brings and maybe it could be something he gets later on, especially if he saved up his birthday money and maybe had his grandparents go in on it.

He seemed a little let down, but understood. It broke my heart a little, but I am okay with the reality that I can’t just hand my kids everything they want. I wish I could, but well, at least he was understanding that maybe Santa wouldn’t be able to pull this one off.

Until one of his classmates at school told him that last year Santa brought him that same gaming system. So if Santa brought it to that classmate, he could bring one for my son. Especially since it’s pretty much a miracle that particular classmate wasn’t firmly and permanently on the naughty list.

So surely, Santa could bring my boy who is sure he’s on the nice list that same gift, right?

Sigh.

Last year, I worried that would be the final year that my oldest still believed in Santa. But his belief is still going strong.

I don’t want him to give up that magic.

And I certainly don’t want to destroy that magic by letting him know that what’s under the tree has nothing to do with whether you’ve been naughty or nice, but everything to do with what your own parents can afford.

He’s still so young- he doesn’t need to be concerned with budgets. He’s only 8(or soon to be 9, as he would tell you). He can worry about getting his homework done and what he’s going to do for his community service project and who is going to be on his basketball team this winter and if his brothers will ever give him a moment’s peace. But he doesn’t need to worry about anything bigger than that. There’s a time for that- it comes later, but not this young.

And on Christmas morning, he’ll have a roof over his head and food to eat. And we’ll all be together- what’s really important, anyway.

Maybe Santa won’t deliver exactly what he wants, and I know he’ll still like whatever he is given. But I’m still not in a Santa-loving mood right now.

Last Week’s Pour Your Heart Out Highlights

I’m Not a Runner from Wine in Mom: “I wanted to be able to shout to the world, ‘Hey I exercise, I stay in shape, I care about being healthy too.'”

Mia’s Sixteen Cents: The Parenting Lesson My Daughter Taught Me from Mommy of a Monster: “Mia reminded me to slow down, to be more present and enjoy the little things.”

Lessons from the Soccer Field from Redemption Diary: “I realized after that first game how afraid I’ve been all my life to disappoint others…and myself.”

Dear moms, I’m sorry for wanting to punch you in the neck from Beginner Beans: “Just like moms evolve from chaos to amnesia, sometimes we simply have blinders to other’s chaos. We don’t see their struggles or understand their situation.”

Join in Pour Your Heart Out

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Comments

  1. I’m with you on the Santa thing.  My oldest actually knows now (she’s 11) and it makes it sooooooo much easier.  She gets that “Santa” has a budget and limits.  It is a little sad when they don’t believe, but it make the discussions about gifts a lot easier.

  2. Oh Santa. We have a mixed relationship and the gift overload does get to me. I also dread the lists and the comparison with friends at school. For the most part, my boys are great and really only want pretty simple things but my youngest does kind of believe that he can ask Santa for anything and everything under the sun. It’s a hard balance sometimes when wanting to keep the magic.

    • Up until this year, my boys haven’t really talked presents with friends at school- by the time they get back from Christmas break, it seems the most the kids remember is “I got (whatever one item sticks out) and a bunch of stuff.” so it sounds more equal.

  3. I have such mixed feelings about Santa. I never did the whole Santa thing with my daughter but do love the magic of the season. My family tends to go overboard but this year I am sticking to my guns and doing what I think is best for my wallet and family. 

  4. My son just turned 9 this year and as far as I know – he still believes.
    So of course he asked for an iPod — because all the kids at school have one. Of course.
    I’m kinda hoping that as the day draws nearer — the magic is lost!
    In the meantime, we handled it same as you – perhaps he could save his money because it was a pretty big expensive gift. And he has done that in the past – that is how he got a Wii system. We dont’t mind contributing, but we sure can’t buy the whole gift.
    His sisters would have nothing under the tree then. And holiday cheer, peace and love aside: that’s not gonna end well for him.

  5. I do think children get far too many things that they need on a regular basis. Not that I judge any family for their gift giving, whatever time of the year. I can only control what goes into my house. 

    Luckily, my 4 year old is only obsessed with pens and crayons at the moment. 🙂

    • I feel the same way, though I don’t voice that to anyone since it’s not up to me what they do. But honestly, I don’t get doubling the kids’ toy stash with one holiday.

  6. Last year we made a mistake and miscommunicated as parents. I purchased gifts (as usual) but then packages started pouring in that were ordered by my husband, who didn’t come home until Christmas Eve. My son was so excited about all his gifts and compared the quantity of his gifts with his sister and cousin which made them feel bad. (Some of his gifts were duplicates!) Though neither of them got “big” gifts, it was too much and we have been preparing them for a slimmer Christmas. My son didn’t realize that he got so much because his dad felt so guilty over having to work away from home that he compensated with gifts. I don’t even think my husband realizes that. It hurt us financially and hurt the values I am trying to instill in the kids.

    • It had to be hard on your husband to be away, though. I can imagine wanting to do whatever I could in that situation.

  7. After I read your post this morning I almost didn’t link mine up, because it’s a same topic/different perspective kind of situation.  As a parent, I think we always, always want what’s best for our kids, but we take all sorts of different routes to get there and in my particular case, I believe I took the wrong one.  

    • I read your post and I hope you linked it! Will comment after I get these kiddos up and to school!

  8. Ugh. So tough, and I don’t even know what to tell you. I am right there with you — thinking this may be the last year my little dude believes in Santa, so I want to squeeze as much magic out as possible. He hasn’t really made a list … though I’m sure it’s coming any day now. I shudder to think what’s going to be on it. :/

    • I guess that his list isn’t really all that bad and my other two have lists that could be taken care of by about $30 each. Not that that’s all they get, but it’s nice to not have to attempt to whittle down their lists!

    • The little boys still have simple lists. I know that none of them will be disappointed on Christmas, but I wish it could be as easy as using their Santa lists as a shopping list and be done with it.

  10. Oh yes! i’m dealing with the exact same thing here. This year the request for Santa is WAY over budget. I don’t want to ruin the magic for him, but this may be the first year that Santa doesn’t come through with the item he wants. Sigh…

    • I don’t know exactly what is going to happen with Santa. I try to remind myself that my kids have never been disappointed in whatever they were given.

  11. I love Christmas and I remember as a kid not getting all the “big” things that the other kids got but I never minded and was never focused on it. Christmas is about more than the gifts. I do think kids do get too much these days, between friends and family I’m overwhelmed by everything my son gets and he’s barely 3.

    • I don’t really remember that very much- I think it has a lot to do with Christmas break- having about 2 weeks after Christmas before going back to school and seeing friends meant that the conversations about what we all got for Christmas usually just meant we mentioned one or two things.

  12. It’s so hard when kids compare at school what they get from Santa. Good luck making your decision. My kids are at the age they don’t believe and that was a little hard the year we realized they didn’t. When they did believe we always tried to tell them that what they wanted wasn’t guaranteed as Santa had a whole bunch of children to visit.

    • Christmas break has been enough so far to usually stop a lot of the comparisons- except for my oldest, because now those two weeks aren’t enough to totally forget!

  13. My boys each get three gifts each from Mr. C. I know the younger one still believes and the older flip flops about it. We have told them that Mr C works with parents and lets them help make the decisions on how expensive and how many gifts that children should get. If the family can’t afford to buy the games, he isn’t likely to bring a gaming system. They have both been very accepting about that. Contrary to your opinion (which is fine – everyone has their own thoughts on the matter), we think it is important for the boys to know that different families have different incomes and/or place different values on different things. We also discuss how boring it would be with if everyone was exactly alike. Also the Mr. C is how Santa signed his name on the Polar Express. It also happens to be the initial of our last name. So some day when the truth is discovered, we can claim that it never actually said Santa.

    • We do talk about different budgets and that sort of thing with our kids. I want them to be aware of the value of a dollar. But at their ages, I don’t ever want to put the burden of us not being able to afford something on them. I don’t mean something huge, but I don’t think they need to worry about something that is a need instead of a want. And Santa is just a whole different subject for us- I have no problem telling them that something might be too expensive for a birthday gift- but that’s harder to explain when it’s a present that’s supposedly brought to them by North Pole magic.

      I love your idea of the Mr. C.

  14. We are probably getting a gaming system as the only Santa gift for the whole family this year. We are getting it used though. Have you checked ebay or Game Stop, etc. for used systems? They aren’t a whole lot cheaper, but they can be more affordable. 

    • We’re looking. There are some good Black Friday deals, so it’s a possibility. It’s just harder because it’s really only something he wants, and not his brothers.

  15. Right there with ya!  It is hard when they believe.  We have told them that since Santa has to bring things to all the kids in the world some things just aren’t possible; but yes what do you do when a classmate got it.

    My oldest still believes too, I am already dreading the questions that come.  If he straight out asks me I think I will have to tell him, but so far I have been able to say, well what do you think?   

    • We were doing just fine until his classmate told him about his gift. :/

      My oldest really hasn’t even questioned yet, which surprises me. Though then again, I think there’s a lot of magic these days. If they can push a button on tv and get whatever tv show they want, why wouldn’t they be able to write a list to Santa and get what they want?

    • For sure. With birthdays, my oldest understands there’s a budget, but Santa is magic so why should there be a budget?

  17. Christmas is SOOO hard. Two years in a row, my husband lost his job at Thanksgiving time making Christmas for our large family very difficult. We talked to our older kids about it and they did really well with a small Christmas. In fact, we plan to continue to scale back on Christmas and donate our time and money this year to another family who may be struggling. Santa is often not my favorite either. 

    • Oh, that’s so hard. We had that happen one year, too. Though at the time, our kids were 6 months and just turning 2, so they didn’t have any clue. I think it’s so nice that you’re helping out another family. We’ve done that the years that we were able.

  18. Oy, that is tough. As someone who has a very hard time adhering to a budget I shouldn’t be one to pass advice. It is so hard, because I so strongly believe in the magic of Christmas and I have this feeling that my almost 7 year old is losing it. And that is much too soon for me. =/ 

  20. I’m dreading this stage with my kids. It’s going to get rough for us one day since most of our friends only have one kid so their budgets look very different from ours. It’s much easier to buy the big gaming system when you only have one kid to buy for. I’m hoping that I’m off setting it by having my kids make a list of three things to ask Santa to bring and then he picks one gift. Of course if all three things are expensive then I’m screwed! So far my kids are all asking for $40 scooters, candy canes, and stuffed animals which is all within my budget. I love that they are still young enough to think a candy cane is a gift. I’m going to miss these years for sure! 

    • My middle son wants a Puffle(stuffed animal that I can get for $10) and a Lego set(any one will do), so he’s super easy.

      It’s definitely different when you’re buying for multiple kids!

  23. Being Santa for five this year puts things in a whole new perspective. I never went overboard either, but as my children have gotten older, they have asked for more expensive things and Santa has been able to mostly oblige… but do that times five… *SIGH!* Lets just say I feel you pain.

  24. You have found yourself in a tough situation, my friend! We want our children to stay sweet and innocent for as long as possible, yet somehow sooner or later they always grow up on us! My son wants an expensive game system too. I don’t think he’s going to get it either!

  26. I hear everything you are saying and agree that Christmas is often too materialistic. However, I think there’s more than one way to look at this expensive gaming system. Santa didn’t bring my son an expensive gaming system, but he did get me one before my son was even born. It has been surprising to me how much fun I have had with my son and how much fun we have had together as a family playing with this system. So, it is possible that this gaming system could be a cool gift for the whole family! 🙂

    • Except the other two don’t want it, they want other things. So I don’t want their older brother’s wants to overshadow theirs.

  27. So this is probably going to seem weird, but we have never confirmed to my almost 12 year old and almost 14 year old that there is no Santa and they have never asked. Never. We just go with the Santa thing. Now of course I know that my oldest in no way believes anymore, but she has not uttered one word. In fact I am kind of undecided what to do on Black Friday. She really wants to go out and have fun in the Black Friday shopping craziness and I think it would be so fun to go with her, but usually I buy at least a few things for her siblings on that day and with her with me I really feel like I won’t want to. Even though I know she knows I still don’t want to ruin that magical surprise on Christmas morning.

    All that being said my two youngest have EXTENSIVE Christmas lists and always have. They never get everything on their list in part because it would be crazy expensive and in part because we like to
    “surprise” them with a few things. But even though they never get everything on their list and are highly social and outgoing children they have never questioned the fact that some of their friends get more. I think the fact that there is a little break between Christmas day and going back to school helps. So I have no great advice for you. I would just say let your boy keep the magic as long as he can, and 8 still seems like a really magical age. Oh one thing we do sometimes when one child wants a high ticket item like a gaming system is make it a family gift and then get games that would appeal to the whole family. Whew! That was a long response!

    • You are a braver woman than I, to want to go out on Black Friday at all, let alone with a child in tow!

      That break between Christmas and school does really help. I think if kids talk about Christmas at all when they go back, they mention like one or two things they got and then say “and a whole bunch of other things” even though what that actually is differs a lot from family to family.

      We’ve thought about it as a family gift, but the other two really aren’t all that into it. Maybe if we can change their minds. Honestly, last year, with the exception of one or two things for each of them, I wanted to put all the rest of the presents in one shared pile since they usually all like the same things!

  28. Oh, hugs, Shell. That’s rough stuff. I can imagine how it must make you feel, and the need to balance it out between the kids and make sure they all enjoy the holidays. Sigh. Maybe it can be THE gift for all of the boys? You probably have already thought of that, too, but that’s unfair to your other children. 🙁 Boo. Sorry, mama. I wish I had an answer – though you surely aren’t expecting one and just want us to listen. Sorry, I guess I went into Ms. Fix-it mode! (Also – I haven’t yet read all of the comments, so forgive me if that’s a repeat statement!)

    • The other two aren’t really interested in it- so I feel like it would be unfair to them. Especially since their lists are so super simple.

      And girl, the only time I read all the comments are in my own posts! I’m sure I duplicate comments all the time. Though, you really didn’t. 😉

  29. In my opinion, my kids get to much. From everyone. They have very generous grandparents on both sides as well as an Aunt and Uncle that give too. Plus they get from us of course. My kids are pretty thankful though and we try to instill a greatfulness as well as make sure they are aware there are others out there who are hurting and need help and to be courteous and not take things for granted. 

    RIght now the things we are struggling with is they know the true story of St. Nick or Kris Kringle and the little one sometimes has a hard time because his teachers and his classmates believe the “Santa down a chimney” which of course is fine except we’ve had to tell him essentially “don’t crush other kids realization of Santa!”. We choose to go about it differently and other than that it’s been great. 🙂

  30. That’s so hard when your kiddo really wants something you just cannot afford or think is to expensive. We are in the same place with our 8-year-old and although he doesn’t believe in Santa anymore it’s still difficult to say no to something at Christmas. I understand your dilemma!

  31. I understand. My son is 11 and his list might be shorter now, but he lists expensive things. He so wants a Wii U but I can’t spend that much on a system :/

  32. Wouldn’t that be nice to have Santa’s lack of a budget 😉 We are lucky to not have to deal with this yet… I imagine eventually there will start being influence by friends, but for now I will remember to be extra thankful for a kiddo too young to have big wish lists!

  33. Thanks for including my Mia quote from last week 🙂

    I’m starting to feel the same way about Santa for the same reason, but also because Christmas has turned into “gimme gimme gimme” and they don’t even know the real meaning of it. I think it’s my fault…I need to work on getting them to understand what it’s really all about.

  34. Oh yes- that is surely a tough one. ugh. I am struggling with what to even get my kids ‘from santa’ this year- there’s an entire post that needs to be written about that. And yes- my kid wants the same system- he will be 8 in Jan.
    I say that santa picks certain gifts for certain kids. Perhaps Santa didn’t think that was the best gift for him…? Ah… who am I kidding! No- seriously, my boy will do and feel the same way. And the other kids always blow everything out of the water- from toothfairies to easter bunnies to santa. It never ENDS!

    I say it’s personal. Each gift is specially chosen from santa. Period.

    GOOD LUCK!!

  35. We try to limit gifts. My hub grew up in a gift explosion home and I grew up in a home where this years school supplies and clothes were gotten at christmas. Big difference. Also, the grandparents love to spoil our kids. So we buy and make a small assortment of gifts. Our oldest has yet to ask for anything more expensive than a jar of olives or cherries.

    I know a lot of people do the “something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read” system or three gifts because jesus got three gifts.

    All of that aside, life isn’t fair, and that’s a really hard lesson. When my oldest wonders why other kids can behave in ways I do not allow her to, I explain that things work differently in their house. Sometimes she wonders why other kids get things she doesn’t and I explain that they celebrate differently etc.

    We actually live in the middle of a giant jehova’s witness settlement and so our public schools have no parties or celebrations (bc only 5% of the school would participate). It was interesting explaining to my daughter why other kids do not have birthdays or christmas or thanksgiving. Wwe also explained that there are kids without things because their families are poor. I do,kt know, but would it help to explain to your sons about others not having christmas and why?

    Or if the game system is one all the boys can play (like a wii not a ds), then perhaps just talk to your bigger about the possibility of a family gift at a later date? Like “maybe not from santa, but we’ll talk about a playstation for the family in march months.”

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