I can still remember the days when a simple grocery trip required military-like planning. How do you get a 3 year old, 2 year old, and a baby into the grocery store, do all the shopping, get back into the car, back home, and everything unpacked all while keeping everyone safe and still getting the food we needed. It was exhausting.
Five Years Ago
Even as they got a little older, it still seemed like the every day took lots of planning.
A constant to-do list running through my head, trying to get everything done.
But my boys aren’t babies any more(go ahead, just try to call any of them babies). They are 8, 7, and 5. They are big boys.
Summer 2013
Yet, I’ve been so used to doing it all that I forgot that I don’t have to any more.
But I was still trying. Partly out of convenience and trying to get things done faster(it’s faster if I just do it all, right?). But also because I wasn’t realizing just how much I can let go of.
My five year old has informed me that he can dress himself(except for those darn soccer socks). He doesn’t need me pulling things up and on and buttoning.
My first grader completed his 50 math problem homework sheet all by himself during the five minutes I was talking with someone at the door. And got all but one right. He doesn’t need me sitting right beside him the whole time.
Probably the worst of my treating my kids like babies was still tying my third grader’s shoes. Out of irritation during a rushed morning, I asked him if he couldn’t do it by himself. And what do you know? He actually can.
It’s hard to transition from the mom of littles, who needs to do it all, to the mom of bigs, who can do so much on their own. But I’m trying.
And if it turns out they can’t do something on their own, it’s okay, I can step in. But I need to at least let them try.
And if it doesn’t get done the way that I would do it? So what? At least it’s one less thing that I have to do.
Oh, I think I’m still guilty but I know every single day how grown up they are becoming and how much they don’t need me to DO EVERYTHING.
Sure I wish they’d make their bed more often, but I think that will come too, esp when I say things like “you’re not going until the bed is made”
but because they are MY BABIES, I don’t mind giving them a little TLC for now.
I know the end is near. 😉
xoxo
I wonder if I’ll ever get to the point when I don’t think they are my babies.
Now that Katarina is ten, I am much better about this. But there are still moments – usually on very busy days when I am way stressed out – that I catch myself trying to quickly do everything. It is especially hard to remember I don’t have to stand over her for every second of school work. But she actually gets more done and finishes more quickly when I don’t.
It is the busy days that make it really hard- b/c everything is faster if I just do it!
My nearly 4 year old went to the bathroom all by himself this morning. Considering all the challenges we’ve had with him, and how long it took us to get started on potty training – OMG hallelujah! I’ve been letting go of things slowly too. I think I just need to give him the chance to do things by himself. These kids can really surprise us.
(and gosh your kids are so cute!)
Oh yes, I’m SO thankful that I don’t have to help with potty things any more. That was one thing I was happy to give up.
And thanks, I think they’re pretty cute. 🙂
I’m one of those moms that just assumes they can do and I get a little impatient if they don’t. My youngest does not want to potty train even though she could easily do it at this point. Yeah, that makes me a little crazy. I’m much more guilty of trying to get them to grow up faster than trying to keep them little longer.
Sandy
Probably has something to do with having such a big family!
He though mine is three I definitely do this…glad to know it’s ok and I’m not alone!
I just have to remind myself that mine aren’t that young any more!
I try to remember that time flies and that my son will not need me (in the same ways) forever. Babies grow up too fast.
They really do. I cannot believe that my oldest will be 9 soon. I feel like I was just carrying him around.
My kids are still little (5, 3, 3) so I find myself pushing them in the opposite direction. I was happy to do everything for my oldest but with my twins I keep pushing them towards independence. I need less things on my to-do list so I have them do as much as possible. Except when we oversleep and then I don’t care if they know how to dress themselves, I can do it faster!
Oh yes, oversleeping and rushing out the door means I do it all!
I sort of “forget” that I need to let them try. And so does my husband. He called K over to put her shoes back on at the park we were at yesterday, after she was walking in a fountain area. She outright told him she could do it herself!! ha! He was like “oh yeah, you can!” 😉
That’s what it is for me. Especially if it’s something I have to do for one of my boys, I forget that maybe the older two can do it on their own.
I had one of these moments the other day, when my 8 y/o said he wanted a sandwich and then because I was busy doing another chore, went and made it by himself! When I was a kid, I had to grow up really fast, so I’m really not sure what is typical “stuff” for an 8 y.o to be able to do, but when I saw that he could capably make a sandwich (although a messy one), I realized that I needed to reevaluate what I blindingly did for him.
I’m learning just how much my kids are capable of!
Ironically, My oldest is “old.” I give her a ton of freedom and expect her to do things on her own. But my middle and youngest not so much. My youngest is 5 and in Kindergarten and still “that baby.” I am so guilty of perpetuating this. It’s hard to let go!
I think it’s the hardest with the youngest in the family!
Yes, I have to remind myself that my kids are 11 and 6 now so I don’t need to do as much. But sometimes I can’t help it. I wish my daughter would do homework on her own. She gets distracted easily so if I leave her, she leaves her homework.
I can’t completely leave them with homework or it would never get done. But I’m learning I can take a few steps back.
Letting go of that stuff is easy for me.
Except the tying of shoes in the morning.
He just takes SO LONG. And I am constantly late (my own fault). So I just tie them for him and then we run out the door.
I know he can do it. And I try to have him do it as much as possible. But sometimes…it’s just faster if I do it.
We were late this morning, so I did the tying myself. But I’m learning to let that go.
My oldest is 22 and last week she told me she felt like a real adult because she was shadowing someone at a company she wants to look at. I told her in no uncertain terms that I was against her feeling that way and that I was ordering her to go back to being my 5 yr old little girl. =) All kidding aside, it’s so hard to let them grow up. My youngest is in double digits and it’s hard on my mama heart.
Ha! I could see myself saying that! 😉
I had to lol at the tying the 3rd graders shoes. Z would totally get away with me doing daily if I didn’t make him do it.
It’s strange to realize they’ve grown up so much and don’t need me as much.
We were running late this morning, so I did tie everyone’s shoes. And heard “but you’re so much better at it, Mom.” Sigh.
My 10 year old now can cook the entire evening meal for us. Pretty soon they will just have their own apartment. lol
I need to teach my oldest to cook. I would love not to have to make dinner every night.
That is very much a transition we moms have to make as our kids get older. It’s odd, a little bittersweet, but mostly good.
So much of parenting is bittersweet, isn’t it?
Yes!
I’m the opposite. For years I’ve established a routine to enable independence and self sufficiency and when my oldest regresses, I tend to forget she’s just a kid. It doesn’t matter if we follow the same strict bed time & morning prep routine every day and have since she learned to walk and therefore, it should be second nature. She is allowed to forget to use the shoe bin every so often, or to set out her complete outfit before bed etc. My girlie has special needs organization is key for her to overcome, but we all have bad days. My goal has always been for her to be a productive, functioning member of society and even productive functioning members of society sometimes have slightly messy rooms.