Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Focus on the Present

torn paperIn a box not opened for years, at the bottom of a stack in the garage, a torn piece of notebook paper poked out from where it had been tucked inside a long-forgotten novel.

I pulled it out, read the first line and knew immediately what the messy scrawl was describing.

A scene from seven years ago flashed through my mind before I shook my head to clear it away.

I remembered what I was going through at the time. How broken I felt. The words on the page describing thoughts of despair, worry, uncertainty, and pain. All those years ago, I’d written them through tears with my hand shaking.

Easily one of the lowest points of my life, if not the absolute lowest.

I didn’t even finish reading the whole page.

I looked around me, my husband working at my side to get us moved into our new house, my three kids playing in the yard. A family I love more than anything. Good friends I can count on. A job I adore. Sunshine and fun summer plans. A life I couldn’t possibly fathom when I wrote those words seven years ago.

When I thought the world was collapsing around me.

And yet now, I don’t even think about the events that caused me to feel like that.

While everything that happens to us makes up our story and makes us who we are, the past still has a way of melting into blurred memories.

Even those things that seem earth-shattering at the time can fade as we focus on moving forward and the life around us.

I saw no reason to hold onto such a tangible record of the past. So I added it to the growing pile of trash caused by a move.

And choose to focus on the present.

Comments

  1. I’m glad you’re in your present, because it’s beautiful and full of love, joy and hope. 
    Hope the moving is going well!

  5. oh how I loved this, how I felt every word of it with you. 
    I have such a hard time letting go, but lately I find that if I can, if I just loosen my grip a tiny little bit my heart might just open up fully to today. 

    thank you for reminding me of that. 

    glad you are there….xo

    • What happened in the past can be so very different from what our lives are like now. I don’t see a reason to hold on to it. 

  6. Sometimes its good to have a peek into the past to see how far we’ve come and much has changed. But as you modeled with this, its good not stay there. I’ve come across journal entries from my past and I feel like the junk from them was a lifetime ago, coming from a totally different person than who I am today. Beautiful post.  Praying the move is going smoothly and that you will all be settled soon. 

    • Definitely lessons to learn from the past and amazing to see the changes. But definitely best to let it all go. 

      Thanks for the prayers- we are almost done! 

  7. Oh, how I love this and SO get this!  I often find a memory or a note or a journal entry of something that ripped my heart out a year or two ago that barely is on my conscience today.  And it is true how time really does heal all wounds, especially when we focus on the present.  I hope your move went well! 

    • When we are in the middle of something, it seems SO hard. And can feel like there’s no way we’ll ever get through it. Reading those words from so long ago was a very good reminder that time really does heal. It sounds trite in the midst of a tough time, but it’s really true. 

  9. You can see how far you’ve come in seven years – and by tossing that piece of paper, know that you are heading on a new course! Hope the move went smoothly!

    • Definitely ready to be completely past those events! 

      We’re almost done with the move! 

  10. My present is like your past. Looking forward to my current earth-shattering moment to fade into the past so I can move forward. Thank you for reminding me that it WILL happen.

    • It really will. And I know it sounds trite in the moment, but it really is true that time will heal. xo 

  12. Shell, for reasons I cannot comment on publicly, I so needed this. I am consumed with hurt, anger, and sadness right now over the past week. I lost my sweet grandma last Monday (which I know you know) and then surrounding events have been too much to bear. I am trying to focus on the present. I am hopeful that years form now, I won’t care about the thoughts I have now. Thanks for this. I hope your move is wonderful and you all are getting settled nicely. 

    • I’m so sorry for whatever you are going through. If you need anyone to vent to, know I’m just an email away. I’ll send you prayers. And truly, KNOW that there will come a time when those hurts are only a distant memory. xo 

  15. Thanks for sharing this…and thanks for reminding us that just when we think the world is coming to an end there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  16. I need to take a page out of your book, so to speak. I have a whole journal that I should probably just throw away instead of hurting myself by reading it again and again.

  17. This post could not be more pertinent to my life right now, as I stare down HUGE changes, a lot of unknowns and things that make me say, “if everything happens for a reason, what is the reason for THIS to be happening??!” Thank you.

    • I hate those moments. I’ve thought about certain events well, this might be happening for a reason, but that reason SUCKS. 😉 Hang in there. xo 

  18. I love so much that you sent it out with the trash, and that your present is such a beautiful season for you. You deserve good things. 

  19. I came across a few things of that nature when we moved . I tore them up, threw them out and moved on. It’s a great feeling to focus on the present.

  21. That’s awesome! there is nothing better than looking back and realizing that things are where they are supposed to be and that you are right where you belong. I’m so glad to hear that you are able to recognize the good in your life. So happy for you!

  22. This is awesome. Love that you’re choosing to be in the here and now. I’ve done the same. Having been thru some rough patches it’s always nice to hear from others who have come thru and are not living in the past. 🙂