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June 3, 2013 by: Shell

Focus on the Present

torn paperIn a box not opened for years, at the bottom of a stack in the garage, a torn piece of notebook paper poked out from where it had been tucked inside a long-forgotten novel.

I pulled it out, read the first line and knew immediately what the messy scrawl was describing.

A scene from seven years ago flashed through my mind before I shook my head to clear it away.

I remembered what I was going through at the time. How broken I felt. The words on the page describing thoughts of despair, worry, uncertainty, and pain. All those years ago, I’d written them through tears with my hand shaking.

Easily one of the lowest points of my life, if not the absolute lowest.

I didn’t even finish reading the whole page.

I looked around me, my husband working at my side to get us moved into our new house, my three kids playing in the yard. A family I love more than anything. Good friends I can count on. A job I adore. Sunshine and fun summer plans. A life I couldn’t possibly fathom when I wrote those words seven years ago.

When I thought the world was collapsing around me.

And yet now, I don’t even think about the events that caused me to feel like that.

While everything that happens to us makes up our story and makes us who we are, the past still has a way of melting into blurred memories.

Even those things that seem earth-shattering at the time can fade as we focus on moving forward and the life around us.

I saw no reason to hold onto such a tangible record of the past. So I added it to the growing pile of trash caused by a move.

And choose to focus on the present.

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Comments

  1. Alison says

    June 3, 2013 at 8:48 am

    I’m glad you’re in your present, because it’s beautiful and full of love, joy and hope. 
    Hope the moving is going well!

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:15 pm

      I’m SO ready for the move to be over and done with. Almost there! 

  2. KLZ says

    June 3, 2013 at 9:17 am

    An excellent choice

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      Thanks! 🙂 

  3. Evonne says

    June 3, 2013 at 10:26 am

    We can’t enjoy the present if we’re living in the past. Good choice.

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:17 pm

      Exactly. And things are so much different now. Back then doesn’t matter. 

  4. Jennifer says

    June 3, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Letting go of the past is a sign of healing. That’s a good thing.

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:17 pm

      I do feel like I’ve let all of that that I’d scribbled out go. 

  5. Kir says

    June 3, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    oh how I loved this, how I felt every word of it with you. 
    I have such a hard time letting go, but lately I find that if I can, if I just loosen my grip a tiny little bit my heart might just open up fully to today. 

    thank you for reminding me of that. 

    glad you are there….xo

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:18 pm

      What happened in the past can be so very different from what our lives are like now. I don’t see a reason to hold on to it. 

  6. Jo Lynn says

    June 3, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    Sometimes its good to have a peek into the past to see how far we’ve come and much has changed. But as you modeled with this, its good not stay there. I’ve come across journal entries from my past and I feel like the junk from them was a lifetime ago, coming from a totally different person than who I am today. Beautiful post.  Praying the move is going smoothly and that you will all be settled soon. 

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:19 pm

      Definitely lessons to learn from the past and amazing to see the changes. But definitely best to let it all go. 

      Thanks for the prayers- we are almost done! 

  7. Ilene says

    June 3, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Oh, how I love this and SO get this!  I often find a memory or a note or a journal entry of something that ripped my heart out a year or two ago that barely is on my conscience today.  And it is true how time really does heal all wounds, especially when we focus on the present.  I hope your move went well! 

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      When we are in the middle of something, it seems SO hard. And can feel like there’s no way we’ll ever get through it. Reading those words from so long ago was a very good reminder that time really does heal. It sounds trite in the midst of a tough time, but it’s really true. 

  8. momof12 says

    June 3, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    Good plan! Moving on is the only way to truly heal.
    Sandy

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      Thanks, Sandy! 

  9. Debra says

    June 3, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    You can see how far you’ve come in seven years – and by tossing that piece of paper, know that you are heading on a new course! Hope the move went smoothly!

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:24 pm

      Definitely ready to be completely past those events! 

      We’re almost done with the move! 

  10. Sarcasm Goddess says

    June 3, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    My present is like your past. Looking forward to my current earth-shattering moment to fade into the past so I can move forward. Thank you for reminding me that it WILL happen.

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:25 pm

      It really will. And I know it sounds trite in the moment, but it really is true that time will heal. xo 

  11. JDaniel4's Mom says

    June 3, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    What a wonderful reminder of how much things have changed! It does sound like it was time to let it go.

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:25 pm

      No need to hang on to how things used to be. 

  12. Adrienne says

    June 3, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    Shell, for reasons I cannot comment on publicly, I so needed this. I am consumed with hurt, anger, and sadness right now over the past week. I lost my sweet grandma last Monday (which I know you know) and then surrounding events have been too much to bear. I am trying to focus on the present. I am hopeful that years form now, I won’t care about the thoughts I have now. Thanks for this. I hope your move is wonderful and you all are getting settled nicely. 

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:26 pm

      I’m so sorry for whatever you are going through. If you need anyone to vent to, know I’m just an email away. I’ll send you prayers. And truly, KNOW that there will come a time when those hurts are only a distant memory. xo 

  13. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom says

    June 3, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    What a wonderful reminder, Shell. The present is where we should focus – what a difference time makes. 
    Hope all is going well with the move! 

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      Time truly does heal. Cliches are cliches for a reason. 😉 

  14. Amanda Jillian says

    June 4, 2013 at 1:04 am

    Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

  15. Natalie says

    June 4, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Thanks for sharing this…and thanks for reminding us that just when we think the world is coming to an end there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  16. Teresa says

    June 4, 2013 at 10:05 am

    I need to take a page out of your book, so to speak. I have a whole journal that I should probably just throw away instead of hurting myself by reading it again and again.

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      How I love that quote! 

  17. melissa at filling our bucket says

    June 4, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    This post could not be more pertinent to my life right now, as I stare down HUGE changes, a lot of unknowns and things that make me say, “if everything happens for a reason, what is the reason for THIS to be happening??!” Thank you.

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      I hate those moments. I’ve thought about certain events well, this might be happening for a reason, but that reason SUCKS. 😉 Hang in there. xo 

  18. Tracie says

    June 4, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    I love so much that you sent it out with the trash, and that your present is such a beautiful season for you. You deserve good things. 

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      No need to cling to the past. It has no bearing on what is going on now. 

  19. Julia says

    June 4, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    I came across a few things of that nature when we moved . I tore them up, threw them out and moved on. It’s a great feeling to focus on the present.

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      It feels good, doesn’t it? Toss it and move on. 

  20. Christine at More Than Mommies says

    June 4, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    There is so much freedom in being able to put the past away, right?  The most important things are right here in the present with us! Beautifully written. 

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:29 pm

      So very much freedom. A feeling of getting lighter. 

  21. Krystal says

    June 4, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    That’s awesome! there is nothing better than looking back and realizing that things are where they are supposed to be and that you are right where you belong. I’m so glad to hear that you are able to recognize the good in your life. So happy for you!

    • Shell says

      June 4, 2013 at 4:29 pm

      Thanks, Krystal! It is a good feeling! 

  22. Anna Hettick says

    June 6, 2013 at 11:59 am

    This is awesome. Love that you’re choosing to be in the here and now. I’ve done the same. Having been thru some rough patches it’s always nice to hear from others who have come thru and are not living in the past. 🙂

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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