Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Does He Really Still Believe? Pour Your Heart Out

Two years ago, as the Christmas season was starting, I felt a little sad thinking it might be the last year of magic for my oldest.

I mourned at the idea that one of my boys would soon stop believing in Santa and how he knows whether kids have been naughty or nice and the magic of being able to deliver presents to all children all over the world in just one night.

Even though Santa is far from being our main focus at Christmas, he’s still a big part of the wonder of the season. So the thought of any of my boys not believing any more was bittersweet, knowing it means they’re growing up.

But, here we are, two years later.

And my three boys all still believe.

Even my fourth grader.

And I find myself wondering if I should tell him.

From what I’ve seen from his classmates, he’s not the only one who still believes. Parents do so much to keep up the illusion of Santa: there’s the Elf on the Shelf craze(though there’s no Elf on my Shelf), personalized letters from Santa, phone calls from Santa, reindeer food, and Pinterest shows all sorts of ideas like Santa’s footprints by your fireplace. All of these things add up to make the story of Santa more elaborate and possibly more convincing. After all, we’ve had a picture of Santa “caught” in our house every year since my boys can remember.

icaughtsanta

And really, they’re only little for such a short time, why ruin it?

Yet….

I can remember when I taught fifth grade, three little girls asking if they could talk to me in private. They were very serious and concerned. They told me that they were worried because one of the boys in the class still believed in Santa. That he was the only one and they thought maybe someone should tell him so the other boys wouldn’t make fun of him.

I’ll admit that it turns my stomach that I’m even having this thought, because I know I should just want my kid to be himself and screw what other kids think. But at the same time, it’s hard to be a kid, to find a balance between fitting in and being yourself. And I’d hate if the way my son found out the truth about Santa was by being teased.

It’s not like he hasn’t made little comments that suggest he’s starting to question it all. It is rather an outrageous thing to believe, after all. Then again, our kids live in a world where they can hit a button on the phone and facetime with friends hundreds or thousands of miles away. Where the car talks and tells us which way to go. Call it technological advancements, but it’s still seems pretty magical. So, why wouldn’t the story of Santa be real?

One moment I decide that I should tell him and the next I want him to stay young and keep his belief for as long as possible.

Do your kids still believe in Santa? If not, how old were they when they stopped?

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Comments

  1. My 7 year old still believes. My 12 year old knows. He actually believed until he was 11 though. I guess I’m more of the “let them find out on their own” belief. If they ask me, I’ll tell them the truth. My son asked me last year, “Are you Santa?” and I explained. He was just like, “I thought so. It didn’t seem possible to go around the world in one night.”

    • My original thought was to tell mine when they asked. I guess I just thought he’d have asked by now!

  2. My mom chose to tell me the truth when I was in third grade, and I still believed without a doubt. It crushed me, I remember. To this day I think that influenced, even just a little bit, our decision not to emphasize Santa with our kids. This is a tough one, Shell. Hugs to you!

    • A few years ago, I got upset over our decision to even tell our kids Santa was real. I didn’t really think it through when they were little, we just did Santa b/c that was how we grew up. Though we don’t go all out with it.

  3. My sons no longer believe but still like to pretend to believe. My 9 year old asked questions when he was five or six. We had a discussion where I asked him why he think he didn’t exist and when he explained his reasoning, I agreed with him and told him the truth. My 7 year old tends to be emotional and much as I wanted to continue the magic, I told him back in September. I was terrified that he would find out and school and start crying there and cause a major scene. I really think it depends on the child though. If you think your fourth grader can handle it if he finds out at school, then wait. If not, maybe you should. I’m sort of glad that we didn’t tell the 7 year old close to Christmas though. I think that would have made it much more emotionally charged.

    • I like the idea of talking about it when it’s not super close to Christmas. If mine doesn’t figure it out this year, I might have a talk with him when it’s not close to the holidays.

  4. I wouldn’t tell him. He may already know and just not be telling you but I would let him figure it out on his own. Atleast let him have this year and then if he still believes next year, then reconsider. It’s likely if he still believes that many of the other kids in his class do too.

    • Other kids in his class do still believe. I’m not saying anything to him right now, unless he asks.

  5. My 9 year old still believes. I’ve been debating telling her, but I also don’t want her to ruin it for her little sister. I was actually wondering if she still believed. We were talking about seeing Santa and she said “Oh, I know he’s real. But he knows what I want so I don’t need to see him.” She does understand that we don’t visit the REAL Santa.

    Though, when the time does come, I will tell her what my dad told me when I found out (at school, I think — I’m still a little sad he’s not real), that we are ALL Santa every time we give to others. And the magic of Santa comes with giving.

    • I like your idea of what to say. I am worried that once my oldest officially knows, my other two will find out. And while that’s okay with my middle, it’s too early for my youngest!

  6. My third grader still believes and so do her classmates. I have a feeling this may be the last year though. I stopped believing when I was 8 or 9 but never said anything to my Mom or Grandma about it. I still wrote out my list, left out cookies and milk and my Grandma and I went downtown to see Santa. My Mom when I was 16 asked if I knew. I told her I’d known for a long time but not to tell Grandma. On one of our trips downtown, when I was 21 my Grandma during lunch said to me, ” I have something I need to tell you. Santa isn’t real.” I tried so hard not to laugh. I had to tell her I knew but I just enjoyed our tradition and I didn’t want to break her heart by telling her I didn’t believe anymore when I was little.

    • That is such a cute story! I do sort of wonder if my oldest really knows and hasn’t said anything.

  7. My daughter had questions, but I didn’t confirm for her that Santa isn’t really real until she was like 12. Then I told her that she has to keep playing along for her brother. Plus, if she doesn’t believe, she doesn’t get any Santa gifts!

  8. My kids are 4 & 5, and they believe . . . this looks like it’s going to be the most-fun-of-all years, what with the magic really taking a hold of them.

    I don’t remember when I stopped believing, though I remember it being a logical conversation that I had with myself, and I broke it to my parents. I wasn’t upset, at all, but my mom didn’t take it so well.

    My sister, though, was told, by her teacher, in the 4th grade. Miracle on 34th Street had been on the TV over the weekend, and on Monday, the teacher asked who had seen it, some raised their hands. And the teacher, then, felt the need to say “but we all know that Santa isn’t real,” before going on about the classroom business. I know my sister wasn’t the only one who was caught off-guard (and, seriously, at that age? A teacher is probably more an authority-figure than a parent).

  9. I cling to the hope that ALL my children still believe but the reality is that my 13 yr old doesn’t. I think my 11 yr old has her doubts but 7 yr old is still a strong believer. Santa will ALWAYS make visits to my house! Even when EVERYONE in school said there was no Santa I still believed…even when i was way too old. I am definitely not going to announce it to my kids but if they ask questions I won’t lie.

  10. Mine are still little, so they still believe. I am not looking forward to the day when they figure it out … good luck to you!

  11. The horrible reaction my son had when he learned (from a library book, no less!) that the Tooth Fairy was not real, there’s not a snowball’s chance in Hades that I’d ever tell him unless he asked/prodded/begged to know. And he’s 9.

    • From a library book? Oh, no! I think mine has it figured out about the Tooth Fairy but hasn’t said much about Santa.

  12. My son will be 9 next month and he still believes in Santa. (Though he does say he wants things “from the mail” – meaning Amazon – for Christmas) but he has autism and the holiday magic is still alive and well. And I’m happy to hold on to it for as long as I can. But I was in the 4th grade when I discovered Santa wasn’t real and it was heartbreaking. I think it’s fine to let your kids believe for as long as they will – they will let you know when they’re on to your game.

    • I do love the magic of it. There’s something that changes once it’s not about asking Santa but asking mom and dad.

  14. Holy cow I could have written this exact post! My 4th grader still believes too.. at least I think he does. But I don’t dare ask him if he fully does but from the little things he says I think he does, but I wonder too if I should tell him… oh the dilemma, I just don’t know.