I’m a firm believer in the butterfly effect.
That it doesn’t even have to be some big, monumental moment we can point to and say THAT, that’s it, that’s why my life is the way it is.
It could be something small, or a bunch of small decisions we made combined with the decisions others made and had any of those decisions been changed, our lives could be extraordinarily different.
Because of this, I try not to dwell too much on any regrets: because if I’d done X instead of Y, I might not have met my husband or if I’d done B instead of A, I wouldn’t have my three boys. And I could never imagine my life without any of them.
But even so, sometimes I wish I could have a do-over.
Not of every little thing, but where I think “next time, I’ll….”
Only there isn’t always a next time.
Or even if there is, sometimes the path isn’t one that can easily be changed by making different choices now.
It’s more a function of who I’ve fundamentally become.
And while people can and do change, there are certain moments that it’s impossible to get back, to be able to have them turn out differently because we’re able to approach them as a different person.
It’s really not about regret, but I can’t help but wonder how different life would be if I were more…. something… something that I can’t even put a finger on.
Do you ever have thoughts like this? Or do I just need to make sure I have a book the next time I’m waiting at soccer practice so my mind doesn’t wander down this rabbit hole?
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