Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Dear Santa, Toys NOT to Deliver to My House

My boys have Christmas wish lists longer than they are tall.

It seems they want everything that they see in a store or on tv.

While Santa usually does a great job at bringing them enough toys to make my boys happy while still leaving us room to walk through our house, there are a few toys that Santa needs to know are NOT WELCOME in our home.

1. Stompeez

In case you have missed this infomercial, these are slippers that do things when kids walk in them. Like the mouth opens on the alligator, ears pop up on a bunny, etc. But, my boys don’t even like to wear shoes, let alone slippers. I could see them wearing these for a few minutes and literally STOMPING around my house, getting them to work. Then, the Stompeez would end up in their toy room, just adding to the clutter. All for the low price of $20. No thanks.

2. Doggie Doo

This thing makes “gassy noises” aka farts until poop plops out of its butt. Playdoh poop, but still. And the winner is the one who cleans up after the dog three time. Seriously? Playing with dog poop is fun? My boys already think farts and poop are hilarious. I’m trying to discourage it, not encourage it.

3. Flush! Game

A game where you have to put things into the toilet before it flushes and gets you all wet. I can see my boys trying to play a version of this with the toilet in their bathroom. Plus, imagine all the potty talk this will encourage. Again: NO THANKS.
4. Socker Boppers

Just in case your kids need more encouragement to beat the snot out of each other. Mine certainly don’t.

What is on your list of most undesirable toys this year? 

Comments

  1. I could so see my boys playing the commode one, even the big one. I have to say I don't really have a do not bring list. I should count my lucky stars this is the age they have grown past shouldn't I..

  2. Ha! I was so making this own list in my head for a post this weekend.

    One of the big things on my list is the "make your own stuffed animal" toy. My Princess is dying for it. I am so not into in it for many reasons. First of all we need more stuffed animals like a hole in the head. Second of all it is one of the toys that is destined to disappoint because it can't be be nearly as good as the commericial makes you believe and third because it looks like it requires a lot of parent (see mom) assistance.

    The doggy poop game – gross!

  3. The dog poop one made me snort, haha!!

    Anything that makes a racket when a button is pressed, no thank you. Actually, my son has way too many toys as it is, we're probably banning the purchase of more.

  6. Well if you put it in print on your blog Santa is sure to notice. I saw some game this morning where you keep feeding a pig until his belly explodes. Who thinks of these things?

  8. With the notable exception of some sort of touch screen gadget, if it requires batteries & has a speaker, I do not want it anywhere near my home.

  10. That toilet game would definitely lead to real plumbing problems in my house!

    I recently learned that my MIL bought my daughter an Orbeez Foot Spa. I specifically told my daughter, in front of my MIL, that she was not allowed to have it. This thing has 3500 little beads – help me!

  11. I swear I just commented!?

    Was saying the dog crap toy is insane. And my boys want the kidz bop music. Nuh uh.

  12. Those toy makers certainly are obsessed with bodily functions! I don't want anything that makes noises. I also don't want anything not age appropriate. My SIL consistenly buys my son noisy toys that are well beyond his age. WTF am I supposed to do with those? I guess my real issue is the thoughtlessness.

  13. Santa is not allowed to bring my daughter slutty girl dolls. Thankfully she hasn't discovered them yet 🙂

    Or anything on your list!

  15. I actually think I am getting those stompeez for Justin. The kid loves slippers. However my rule this year is "No toy larger than a bread box." We are over-run with JUNK around here.

  16. I bought socker boppers for my nephews one year…because my husband and I were childless and thought it would be an awesome idea…then my nephew punched my other nephew in the face and gave him a bloody lip…yea…we were not the awesome Aunt and Uncle that year.
    If Santa brings my son any more stuffed animals I will shoot him.

  17. My oldest got those Socker Bopper things one year. Definitely do not recommend. That farting, pooping dog is hysterical but still not something I'd like to see around my house either!

  18. Socker Boppers lasted less than a day in my house! (LoL)

    Seems to be the perfect gift from Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents. Wonder if they're thinking these things are the greatest or, if they're trying to tell us something. LoL

  20. I don't want those at my house either. I have (hang my head in shame) owned the sockem boppers! Terrible toy! DON'T get them!!

  21. Wow, I don't have kids so I have yet to see a few of these games… yes, they made me literally laugh out loud but I would NEVER want my kids playing the poop game or the toilet game! I mean seriously? Why even make stuff like this.

  22. Bud would LOVE those socker bopper things, but I'm like you. No way. He needs no further encouragement to be violent.

  23. Please nothing that plays "London Bridge" or any of the annoying V-tech songs/voices.

    PS – sending the hubby into the attic tonight to get the clothes down. He's been working like crazy lately, SORRY!

  24. Has the toy industry completely run out of ideas that dog poop & toilets are the best they could come up with? Seriously, ew. I can't blame you for telling Santa "no way!"

  25. I don't want anything with 'lil bits that end up everywhere…like I saw the Kinder Egg Advent calendar…I'm so over the Kinder Egg toys that are played with for a mere minute and then the pieces are everywhere never to be touched again. I'm okay with the chocolate though. hehe

  26. Ha! I'm with you.

    Stompeez and Pop the Pig – that game that Jessica referred to where you feed the pig until his stomach pops are on the top of my list. Pop the Pig? Really? How gross. Though that toilet game is probably just as bad.

  27. I didn't realize how lucky I am that my kids are in middle school.

    They want cash for Christmas.

    Because nothing says Yuletide like paper money.

    (Sniff.)

  28. Too funny! I heard about a Barbie that comes with a dog that actually poops. That would make my list. Ummmm…no thanks!

  29. oh.my.goodness. I have GOT to get my husband that pooping dog!!! hahahaha!!!

    Thankfully, we really don't have toys in our house anymore… unless you count all of my hubbys Star Wars dolls, ummm I mean, Action Figures. ;o)

  31. When I first saw that dog poop game my mouth fell open, and I'm not easily shocked. SO VILE. Also? Stompies? My daughter wants them. Poor kid.

  32. Oh my goodness, I am so glad I am past that toy stage. A dog poop game, really??

    I am finding that the older my kidlets get, the more expensive the toys are. Case in point: iPhone 4s is on the list! 🙁

  33. Those four things would not be on my list either. We have enough real farting around here, we don't need a game that farts.

  34. Since picking up real dog poop is one of Turbo's chores, I know the doggy poop game is most definitely not on his list.
    And since Bruiser loves making noise, any toy that makes an excessive amount of repeated noise is NOT on the list.

  35. We don't actually let our kids ask for anything… we just give them what we want them to have. That doesn't stop my oldest daughter (who is married and has a family of her own) from looking for the most irritating toys she can find just to annoy me!
    Sandy

  36. I am HIDING this list from my 7 year old son – he would LOVE them all!

    Who thinks these toys are going to be loved by the parents?!!

    These are the kind of ones you would buy for the child of someone you didn't really like 🙂

  38. Haha! My toddler already plays a real version of the toilet game, though he likes to get wet.

  41. OH! And for the past couple of years my girls asked for BabyAlive. I always said no, because we've got two alive babies… and if they want to change diapers they can do so on a real kid ROFL

  42. My friends and family know that they cannot give my children Chanukah gifts that make noise or I will hire a marching band to play outside their window every day for a month.

  43. God – I'm still very much in the "I hope my kids understand what the heck is going on during Christmas" phase.

    While I believe that farts are funny (hey, I'm a perpetual 12 year old guy, this isn't a surprise to anyone), I think that dog game would make me very stabby.

    I only want things that you can look at, quietly, and appreciate from afar. Very afar.

  44. Good thing Will hasn't seen that farting toy because he would want it! He to says he wants everything he sees. It's getting kind of annoying but I am sure I did this to my parents as well.

  45. There are no pooping games or toys at my house. ever.

    I cleaned up too much real poop when my little one was littler to ever think that is a fun idea.

    Scary scary toys.

  49. I adore this list. So funny.

    There are some crappy things (pardon the pun) out there.

    These are not on my list either.

  51. I am totally with you on all of these things. There are some ridiculous items for sale out there!

  52. Oh my, these are things I wouldn't want santa to bring either! What is going on with toys these days?

  53. This year I don't really want Santa to deliver any toys. My house is already filled with enough of them.

  54. I totally agree on the Doggie Doo and the Flush game. Buddy asks for both when the commercials come on and I tell him no every time!

  55. I have never before heard of Stompeez, but I must have them.

    MUST. HAVE. THEM.

    My life will just change for the better, I can sense it.

  56. Oh my! I didn't even know these toys existed. I'm glad they didn't make it on my girls' lists.
    I would be thrilled if Santa left anything that is from EasyBake on the sleigh. If they want to bake, they can bake with me. It's a lot more fun, tastes a whole better and is sooo much cheaper to make a cake that lasts for several desserts than it is to buy one packet that serves 2 kids in one sitting!

  57. My sister has bought my son a music set (think drums, maraca, triangle, tambourine) for Christmas.

    Thank you for this list. In retalition, my nephew may just be getting Socker Boppers from Aunt Melissa 🙂

    One good gift deserves another…

  58. WHAT!?!? LOL, I can't believe that any of these games seriously exist. Especially the dog poop one. Gross!

  59. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ditto! Great post. My youngest is asking for those dumb stoppies, and I keep ignoring him!

  60. Ummmm…ya. Any potty related toy is not welcome in our house either. I wipe enough butts and clean up enough poop! Anything that makes noise is not welcome in our house. I guess that includes pretty much everything! UGH.

  61. Oh Dear Lord… the only thing that cold make those slippers worse is if they made a noise with every step. Although, maybe they do and I just missed that. And that dog pooping toy… Ummm, ya… NO THANK YOU!!

  62. Hey, if the dog poop game catches on, maybe in the future there will be less people letting their dogs crap in other peoples' yards without cleaning it up. Bright side? No? Still gross? Yeah.

  64. play-doh doggie poo…what will they think of next?

    my 4 yr old girl wants those Monster Hight dolls…I already gave in on the Bratz babies, but those ones just creep me out!

  65. Doggie Doo and Flush?? No thank you. My kids don't need anymore encouragement in the bodily functions talk.

  66. Wow, it's like the people who invented these love children and hate parents! The Flushi game is particularly unwelcome here as we are trying to nip the toilet talking in the bud.

  67. I saw the Doggie Doo game for the first time over the weekend while out shopping. I just pray my kids haven't heard of it yet.

  68. Those toys are horrible. Srsly. Mine are old enough that they want computers and iPods and guitar amplifiers.

    A Santa no-no? A piano style keyboard or drums.

  69. Oh my god. I haven't even heard of those but they would definitely be on my list. Seriously, who makes this stuff?

  70. I just had to share this on FB, I agree with every single one you listed. And the other toys not welcome…
    Toys with more than 5 pieces.
    Toys with loud loud noises.
    Toys that can be turned into weapons, i.e. hitting sticks.

  71. Wow. I wouldn't want any of THOSE in my house. I know that.

    ANd I could see my boy getting freaked out by the slippers.

  72. OMG!!! So sad and sorry I missed this. I have never heard of most of these. hahaha. And yeah. No thank you! The soccer boppers I have seen. And no.

  73. Man your list cracks me up!! You can totally tell that it is a list for boys!! My rule is no small toys that have hundreds of parts. You are probably the lucky one that cleans the mess up at your house too!! lol

    Lynn

Trackbacks