AnnMarie is married to her college sweetheart and together they are riding this roller coaster of life. When not shuffling her four kids around and folding and putting away the endless mounds of laundry that a family of six creates, she loves to read, write and can often be found at Target or Barnes and Noble. She is the author of Tidbits from the Queen of Chaos which is a blog about the ups and downs of marriage to a sports-loving extrovert and motherhood involving a teen, twin tweens and a preschooler.
You can find her at www.tidbitsqueenofchaos or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/tidbitsfromthequeenofchaos and Twitter @queenofchaosmom
Confessions From the Queen
That sounds so cool. Unfortunately, I am the Queen of Chaos so not so cool. I thought a lot about what I wanted to write over here on Shell’s space. I decided I am going to take the very literal approach and let loose and say what I can’t say on my own blog.
I absolutely hate conversations about how I never call or visit when I am am calling or visiting.
If I hear the phrase, “We need to be close,” one more time, I might seriously answer with, “No, we don’t.”
Forgiveness is hard when the other person doesn’t get the memo. At what point do you say, “I tried and can’t do it anymore?” I’m about there.
I am a little sick of friendships lost or strained because kids will be kids and trying to control who they like or hang out with never works. It makes me afraid to put myself out there at all.
On that note, my kids get left out all the time and I don’t call moms demanding to know why. I deal with my kid, have a discussion about why that is happening and advise them to call someone else. Is it easy? No. Heartbreaking? A little but what is the alternative?
I think I might scrap the whole writing fiction thing and write a book on how to deal with your kids being left out since I seem to know a whole lot about that topic. I’ve been on both ends. My kids have been the ones left out and they’ve been the ones leaving kids out. Both ways suck and in a perfect world, everyone would be invited to everything and everyone would be friends but this is far from a perfect world.
Can you tell that I am really tired of this subject?
Middle school makes me want to homeschool. Between homework, teachers, friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, phones, iPods and so on, there have been so many highs and lows, I feel sick from this roller coaster. One minute I have complete joy and the next a puddle of tears. I know it’s the age but I am getting whiplash from the mood swings.
I don’t like being a football widow and I resent having to keep the wheels turning in this house while my better half sits at a restaurant, eating food that is hot while watching game tape and football games.
Not taking care of my share of things because my better half is not taking care of his share of things is not working. Neither one of us is winning and the house ends up being the biggest loser.
I am hugely possessive over the DVR. That’s what happens when every time you watch TV, the other person changes the channel–right in the middle of the show you’re watching.
If you see me early in the morning (dropping Gia off at school) and I am looking like I am about to work out or just worked out, it’s a big, fat lie. Chances are I slept in the very clothes I am wearing because getting out of this house is hard enough without me figuring out what to wear. Thank God Target came out with a line of pajamas that look like real clothes.
I am crabby because my children don’t sleep when they are supposed to and then won’t wake up when they have to. I am proof that a person can survive on as little sleep as possible. Well, I am proof that no sleep makes you crabby.
Like a teenager, my screen saver is Taylor Kitsch. I used to have my family but I see them every day, all day long. Tim Riggins…I didn’t but I do now. That makes me smile. Don’t judge.
Whenever I start to feel inadequate as a homemaker or mother, I watch Hoarding: Buried Alive and Toddlers and Tiaras (I can’t watch Honey Boo Boo) and immediately, I feel better. That’s why after Nico’s games on Friday nights, I curl up in bed and watch a few episodes of each. Seriously, better than therapy.
I will end this post by saying this. I wake up every morning hopeful for what the day will bring and by the end of the night as my head hits the pillow and I replay the day’s events (which usually ends with me yelling at the kids to go to bed and scowling at Leo for changing the channel) and wish things went differently, I ask myself these questions:
“Did I hear each of my kids laugh at least once today?
“Did I tell each of them I love them?”
“Did I tell Leo I love him?”
The answer is almost always yes so I can go to sleep feeling like I might not be perfect but I am doing the best that I can.
I love reading everything you write because it is ALWAYS YOU. I really don’t know how you do it all AnnMarie!! Seriously. I mean I have two kids and don’t work and neither of them are old enough for the big sports events etc. I am always amazed at how you juggle it ALL!!!
I love the end the best. THAT is what makes you beautiful. 🙂
Aw, thanks, Chris! There are days when I am not sure how I juggle it all. 🙂
Thanks so much for having me today, Shell! I love being here and now my brain has been free of the clutter. 🙂
I love you…love reading all your words and love knowing how much you KNOW Yourself, how honest and true you are with us.
meeting you was one of the HIGHLIGHTS of my year and I adore you. XXOO
Right back at ya! It’s the only way I know how to be. 🙂 I adore you, too and am happy to call you my friend. 🙂
Tim Riggins!! I don’t blame you there. At all.
I love how you ended it, and how you end each day. Sometimes it’s just a big you-know-what show of a day, but the miracles shine through.
Yep, we have a lot of “those” kind of days over here and many times it’s the “love yous” and laughter that are the only things shining. 🙂 I don’t see my Tim Riggins crush ending anytime soon.
Hmmmm….for one, I think I need to go to Target and get some of those pjs. Two, maybe I need to start watching tv…I have those same feelings. Three, more sleep = less crabby. Is that what I am doing wrong? I love reading your posts Ann Marie. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one. And I LOVED how you ended it. I try to tell my family I love them too. I need to tell my husband more often though.
Thanks, Michelle. I definitely feel like you and I have a bond of going through this stuff together. Target pajamas? Run, don’t walk and get them now. 🙂
It’s an every day struggle, isn’t it? You’re a great mom and wife though. The crabby stuff melts away when you love like you do. Don’t be so hard on yourself. xo
That’s just about the sweetest thing to say! Thank you! And yes…an every day struggle. 🙂
I love your honesty and I so get so much of what your saying. I totally can relate to the “kids being left out”. We too have been on both sides of the coin – but if there is one thing that I will say, Mom’s getting involved complicate and make more drama. We would have so much to talk about IRL!!!!
We would! Let’s make that happen! I agree 100% about the drama and that we would have so much to talk about!
Wife Swap is another one that makes me feel like a GREAT parent. Or at least, normal!
Middle schools years are the hardest, in my experience.
It’s always nice to have a place to vent!
Wife Swap is on my DVR because you are right, it does make me feel like a great parent. Thank goodness we have places to get it all out.
Oh, so much WORD to all you’ve said….the bedtimes and the getting up in the morning, how hard middle school is, my crabbiness, being disappointed I’m the only one who seems to be holding up her end of the bargain…ALL OF IT. I’m doing the best I can, and most days I think that’s better than average. (but some days it just isn’t) *sigh* So glad to know I’m not the only one . –Lisa
You can ALWAYS count on me to help you feel less alone. 🙂
One of my favorites! I cracked about your screensaver! Love watching shows that prove I’m not the worst mom in the world.
I usually get a funny look when I am asked what’s on my screensaver but t makes being tied to my phone a little sweeter. 🙂 TV is a great way to feel like I am not as bad as I sometimes wonder.
Holy Moly! There is a lot going on in your house. But who doesn’t have a lot going on? Right? Sometimes the men do think they can just work and come home and flip on the game. I love football, but things still have to get done around the house. By the time my son is in middle school, chores will definitely be in formation :). I’m glad you got to let it all out right here on this blog post. I hope it allows you some time to clear your head to face your circumstances with family and friends!
It was awfully nice of Shell to let me do that! Thanks for reading!
Girl, this entire post is TRUTH over and over again. Kids getting left out? Check. People judging? Check Check Check. The target line of PJ’s that look like clothes? Oh thank God. And I 100% understand trying to make relationships work until you just can’t try anymore. Always my weak spot. Because I will try until it’s not good for me and I’m weary from it – but never to my benefit. Thank you for sharing your confessions with us. I feel a little less alone with mine today because of them. xo
Thank you, my friend for letting me know I am not alone in these. 🙂
Your blog is one I check daily for posts! I love being able to read updates! I only have two kids, and 99% of the time I am so grateful they are old enough to drive themselves (or have friends who drive) places to go. I still have enough places to take my daughter that we get quality time together. And as for the being left out and friendship issues….I totally relate. My son has been though this especially. And it sucks. But…it is life. And learning to deal with it is part of life. And getting involved as a parent (unless there are some real bullying or mean issues going on) isn’t the way to go, in my book. I learned that when it was kind of forced on my with my daughter’s friend’s mom (who was, is still, to some extent, on of my closest friends). It put a strain on both parent and girl’s relationships. They have recovered, not to what they both were, but it has worked out and moved on. And middle school and high school do end. TRUE friends last forever. (As evidenced by my forever friend from 5th grade who I see frequently).
Hang in there. PLEASE keep writing! And being honest, saying what we all feel, but just don’t know how to express.
This is the sweetest comment! I love that you are reading and you are so right. It IS a part of life and we are doing a huge disservice by not teaching our kids how to deal with it. That line, “Middle school and high school do end,” I love that and will keep repeating it when it gets to be too much. Thank you so much for this!
I love that you just went off with the things you can’t say. Sometimes I wish I could do that. I get what you mean about the friendships that you just want to give up on.