Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Bragging-Jaded and Those Moms: Pour Your Heart Out

I can’t be the only one who rolls her eyes at those bragging facebook statuses.

  • Yay, little Princess had 100s across the board on her report card!!! We’re so proud of you, Princess!!!! (of course, Princess is too young to be on facebook and read it)
  • Prince’s soccer team won again today, 10-0 and he scored every goal! Proud that the team’s best soccer player is my son!!! (usually accompanied by tagging the parents of kids on Prince’s soccer team)

Ugh, ugh, ugh. It goes on and on. Everything from babies who must be geniuses because they rolled over to high schoolers who are the most perfect teen ever.

Now, look. Some of it really and truly is worth all the fuss and it’s hard to contain that excitement. And maybe those moms post that stuff so their family can see and know what is going on.

Other times I wonder who exactly those moms are trying to impress… especially when they take an accomplishment and make it seem like it’s so much more important than it actually is (like Yay, SpecialSnowflake got a ribbon for the race at school today!!! when your kid goes to the same school and guess what? Every kid got that same participation ribbon).

I know, I know: keep scrolling, just ignore, it’s not a big deal.

And it’s really not. That’s what that “hide” button is for on facebook, right?

But, I’ve now become bragging-jaded and hesitate to post those my kids are awesome moments when they occur. Well, my kids have awesome moments all the time, but I mean those ones that are worthy of shouting it from the rooftops because I don’t want to be one of those moms.

Like finding out that my first grader is in the top of the four spelling groups in his class and how on his last report card, his teacher said that he has already met the end of the year benchmarks in almost all of his subjects when he only needs to be at the halfway point.

That’s really awesome stuff, right?

Especially when you consider that this is the same child who, not all that long ago, wouldn’t have even been given a spelling list at all and was working below grade level in every single subject. So, it was more the celebration that things turned around for him and he’s doing so well that made me want to tell everyone and anyone about it. I wrote a lot about his struggles here, so why not the successes?

Hard at work.

Hard at work.

So maybe I should cut those bragging moms some slack, too. Maybe they are bragging about their child’s sports skills because they never even knew if their child would be able to walk. Maybe they are bragging on grades because of a former struggle. Maybe they are bragging about friends because their child used to be bullied. Maybe. It’s possible.

I might need to stop rolling my eyes so much. (Notice I said “so much” and not “entirely.” Some of those statuses will still make me shake my head at those moms.)

Last Week’s Pour Your Heart Out Highlights

  • Thank You from Green Eyed Country Girl: a reminder that a blog comment can be powerful.
  • On Being Invisible from The White House: once we become moms and as we get older, do we lose ourselves and become invisible?
  • Goodbye, Dr. Seuss from Momfeld: letting go of those things that were once a huge part of our kids’ childhoods.

Join in Pour Your Heart Out

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Comments

    • To me, it’s like participation trophies. Not everything needs to be celebrated. At least not outside of our own homes.

  3. My kids are far from perfect, so I get what you are saying. I think I do tend to leave the worst stuff a little private. Otherwise, how am I going to make my millions writing that tell-all book should one of them happen to be famous someday?
    Sandy

  5. I know my kids are awesome and I want the world to know too, but I just can’t do the Facebook brag thing (much) for exactly the same reasons you said.  So mostly I save it for my blog 🙂 I’ve always wonder what Facebook would be like if people really spoke the truth, all day long, no holds barred.  It would be interesting at least. 

    • It would be interesting. And much more dramatic, I think. Nothing wrong with a little bragging sometimes, but the all the time or the bragging on the things that aren’t worth it or the ones blatantly trying to make someone else feel bad… I can do without!

  6. I definitely do a lot of eye rolling when I’m on facebook. But you make a good point here – just like we don’t always know the struggle someone else is facing, we also don’t always know why the accomplishment seems so very big. 

    • I’m really trying to keep that in mind. When I found out about Bear being in the top spelling group, I did post on facebook b/c I was just so excited. And I think that my long-time readers totally got why I’d be so excited. And then I felt the need to go back and explain for those who joined me more recently, when the struggles have been fewer and further between.

    • I found out about some pretty big family baby news on facebook once and I was pissed. When my younger brother got married, I told him that not that I was telling him to have babies right away but that whenever they choose to, I better not find out they were expecting or the baby’s gender or the baby’s birth from facebook or I’d be really pissed at him. LOL

  8. I have a few braggers on my feed as well. I get what you are saying about not knowing their struggle BUT I can’t help but think it’s them overcompensating for something else. I think it’s okay to share milestones and achievements but it’s the quantity at which someone posts that raises a flag for me. If someone is posting everyday about how awesome their family is, I start to question how good things really are for them. 

    • Agreed. All the time and for such small things, I wonder what is really going on or who they are trying to fool.

  9. Yeah- I get your take on it all. And I love your change of perspective in knowing that we really DON’T know the story behind all those statuses and children who are praised on FB. I just assume that either way, the mom/dad needs attention, and the child (any child really) deserves the spotlight. I would rather have those statuses than the snarky mean negative ones…

    • That’s true. The snarky/mean ones make me uncomfortable while the overly braggy ones just make me roll my eyes.

  10. “Momma My brain is falling out!” “Sure is. I can see your thoughts” Childhood trauma, one “don’t pick your nose” bleed at a time.
    Truth. That was my status today. I think we all want to brag about our kids and we have every right to. Things like spelling is an amazing feat and why would you keep it to yourself. Yes, I want to vomit when I see the same parents brag about things like “He pooped on the potty” she “smiled at me”…like WTF?

    • Now, that status is awesome! Some things really are worth bragging about, for sure. It’s the mundane that is stretched into a status about the best kid ever that I have an issue with.

    • That cracks me up! I think I’d be double checking every time to be sure I’m really posting in the private group and not as my actual status. 😉

  12. I can’t stand facebook for these reasons + the constant complaints drives me up a wall. I also hate finding out that someone in the family is pregnant via facebook, like come-on. Would have been nice to know when I saw you last week!

    • I have found out family baby news on facebook and I was really upset. I let my youngest brother know that if he ever does that to me, I will kick his butt.

  13. I was like you in that I just didn’t say anything about my kids’ accomplishments because I didn’t want to seem all braggy. If someone brought it up, I’d talk about it, but otherwise not. You really do need to shout it from the rooftops about your son’s great progress though! He’s a little rockstar!

    • There really is some news that is worthy of posting and should be celebrated. It’s the constant bragging on everything that drives me up a wall. I did post a little about Bear’s progress on facebook, knowing my long-time readers would get my excitement. Then I felt the need to go back and explain for those who have only been around recently, in the good times.

  14. We all want to brag on our kids. I think it should be that we do so because we are truly proud of them and not to make us look good as parents.

    • I use it primarily for blogging purposes. And there are certain people’s statuses I know I have to skip for my own sanity (but can’t unfriend b/c they are related to me).

  16. Facebook is plenty good for sharing photos with the grandparents but I try to keep from updating every. single. little. thing. like I see in my facebook feed – drives me crazy! We REALLY don’t need to know your kid just puked on you, or that he peed in the living room. Seriously?! I think maybe some parents feel like they have to “keep up with the Jones’s” in the kid arena and over compensate.

    • I had someone I ended up hiding because she updated her status several times an hour, all day long. Some positive, some negative, but it was constant. I wanted to ask her if she ever heard of twitter. 😉

  18. Oh, yes! This. I am jaded, jaded, jaded. It’s a no win situation for me on FB. I either feel like a Negative Nelly or “one of those” moms. It’s good to look at it like maybe something else was going on to warrant the Special Snowflake (btw, that cracks me) post. Congrats to your little guy! He certainly has come a long way! So happy things are easier for him these days. 🙂

    • I know it is hard to find that balance. Life isn’t all great or all bad. I think it gets uncomfortable when anyone posts too much of one or the other. And thank you, yes, things have gotten so much better for my little guy.

  19. I’ve rolled my eyes at braggy parents on Facebook, but I’ve also bragged about  my child. Not constantly, but occasionally. I don’t live near family, so Facebook is the best place for me to share this kind of stuff on a platform where the whole family can see it. And those “congratulations” that people post? I show them to my son. To keep up connected.

    My son was premature and my (rude) pediatrician told me my son had a X% chance (I don’t remember the number he said) at being retarded. Yes, retarded. So the fact that my first grader reads at a fifth grade level and gets all S+ is something I’m extremely proud of. That’s why I brag. So give them a little slack (but not too much. sometimes they go overboard!). 🙂

    Thanks for writing this.

    • That’s a good idea to do that! My family is not big on facebook so I don’t use it that way. One of my brothers isn’t even on it at all.
      I can’t believe your pediatrician said that. I would have wanted to punch her. And yes, I’d be just as excited to share that happy news of how well he is doing!

  20. I don’t have kids yet but I am sick and tired of braggy parents on Facebook. To the point that I have hidden the news feed of a few of my friends! I have vowed to not be braggy but at the same time it is good to acknowledge milestones and achievements.

    • I know it’s natural to share good news. It’s just a bit overwhelming when someone feels they have 10 great! news! best! day! ever! statuses every day. It comes off fake.

    • Instagram is my favorite social network. I love scrolling through the pics and seeing little slices of people’s everyday life. It’s usually drama-free. 🙂

  22. I have a friend who started a gratitude group on FB so we could share the positive things about our kids and not overwhelm our Facebook feeds. It’s nice. And I try so hard not to post all of the negative stuff about my toddler (because I really am grateful to have him.) I definitely think there are some people who need to find a balance with those types of updates.

    You will not see me posting about potty training on my Facebook page. Just. No.

    • That sounds like a great group to be a part of! I think some positives are needed on facebook- it shouldn’t all be negative. It’s about finding that balance.
      And agreed on the potty training, especially those who post the pics to accompany it.

  23. I have one on my fb that does this daily, her kid isnt 2 yet and hes been stringing along full sentences since 9 months and singing country songs SHE makes me roll my eyes!

    • Baby genius, in the making. I totally get wanting to brag some, but some people just take it too far for my taste.

  24. Guilty. I’m one of those moms. I try to balance the posting of good stuff with the funny and often shitty crap my kids do too though. But that’s what FB is for, right? I won’t apologize for using it the way it’s intended. But I am sorry if I offend you with the magnitude of sharing I do being proud of my children’s awesomeness. 🙂

    • I think there is a need for staying balanced and posting some of the good stuff- some of it really is worth singing high praises about. The ones that start to bother me(and I end up blocking) are the ones who update their status every 5 minutes with yet another “fabulous” accomplishment. I think those tend to read a little insincere.

  25. The funny and sad thing about posts like those.. not speficic to kids either.. is that if you know that person, you know life is not as amazing as they are posting it to be. I find myself posting less and less to FB.. 🙁

    • Yes. That mom who is posting about how great everything is is the same one I saw crying at school drop off. :/

  26. I do a lot of Facebook eye rolling. And I try to keep a perspective about it because I’m sure people roll their eyes at my stuff from time to time and I also know that some people post so much because it’s there way of keeping grandparents and other family members in the loop.

    • I try to keep it in perspective, too. Just something I’ve been thinking about for a while and came to the surface when I started to post a brag.

  27. I understand the occasional bragging. I do it. But I have some people on my Facebook list that do it CONSTANTLY to the point where it gets exhausting. Everything is perfect in her life. Her husband. Her kids. Her dogs. Her home. I’m like, “Come on. SOMETHING has to bug you, right?” 

    Or I have the Pinterest Moms who constantly post stuff they make. Nothing wrong with making stuff but it’s like daily and it irks me if they say stuff like, “Why do people still buy the store bought Valentines when homemade is so much easier and nicer?” I dunno. Because some people detest crafting? Yay for you but there are non-crafters out there. And store bought stuff rocks 😉

    • It is the constant that bugs me. Every once in a while and I think it’s great- I like and comment and woo-hoo. But all the time- it just seems fake.
      Some of the pinterest moms crack me up with the things they make- especially those where there is a great version for $1 at the store and they spent hours working on it and say how much it saved them (13 cents).

  28. I don’t think there is anything wrong with bragging about something your kid did, but as long as you know when to quit.  I knew someone who would monopolize an entire evening with all the wonderful things her kids did.  Whenever I see her in the parking lot of the grocery store, I run the other way.  Lol!

  29. I hate seeing complaining  updates.  How life for them sucks.  I find it more refreshing than annoying to see people proud of their family and kids. I agree that some can overdo it but I see nothing wrong with sharing your excitement for your child’s accomplishment.  If a parent isn’t gonna brag on their child no one is. 

    • It isn’t the brags that do it necessarily- it’s more about finding that balance of posting when you really are proud and have something to share. I don’t like constant complaining my-life-is-awful statuses, either. Life is not good or bad all the time, the way some people make it seem.

  30. I go through stages of being that mom and being irritated at that mom. I post more about our kids than my husband would prefer.

    • Ha! I hear you. I think it’s about finding that balance of sometimes being that mom and other times, realizing it isn’t something for facebook. 😉

    • I try to do that too. I figure it’s easier for people to avoid my blog if they don’t like what I say than for them to avoid facebook. 😉

  32. I’m not a mom, nor do I want to be, so maybe I just don’t understand all the hooplah about posting about what your kid does. I mean, yes my mother will occasionally post about my brother and I when we accomplish something like his graduation from the Air Force, or my acceptance into one of the Big 12 colleges, but otherwise, she just goes about her online life like normal. I mean, you have to be something other than just a mom to a person, you have to be yourself too. 

    • Agree. It shouldn’t all be about the kids. Some of it is exciting and should be shared, but not all of it.

    • Do not get me started on participation ribbons and trophies. I’m okay with them for little kids, like four year olds playing soccer, but not as they get older.

  34. I think every comes across as bragging when sometimes it’s not really the case. I think when we view things on Facebook, we are just seeing one text update – it’s not a complete conversation. We don’t know anything about what else happened that day. Sometimes one tiny thing means the world to us because everything else in our lives is falling apart. In that case, it’s not bragging, it’s making the most of something that we can actually be happy about. 

    • So true. And I’m trying to keep that in mind. Really, the only ones that bug me are the ones who do it constantly because it seems so fake.

  35. Haha! Too funny! I see those status updates too and think, what the heck am I doing wrong! Then I look at my kids and notice how happy and loved and special they are and forget about it!!!

  36. It’s so hard to know where to draw the line. Lately my personal facebook has just become an advertisement for my blog! I rarely share things about my kiddo anymore unless it’s on the blog.

    • I definitely do more on the blog than facebook when it comes to my kids. Or twitter, since it goes by so quickly.

  37. facebook has good and bad points. annoying parents are one of the bad points. although it’s entertaining to see the braggers when I know them in real life and how full of poop they can be…

    • Yes! There is a certain relative of mine who is constantly bragging… and I know the truth. Occasionally, I want to comment and call her out. 😉

  38. I’m not a mother but I can see both sides and you make a valid point! I just get through it by over posting photos of my cat!! hahaha <3 

  39. It really is a tough subject! I am also not one of those bragging people either. But, yes, you make a good point that maybe there are or were issues we are not aware of. Thanks for sharing that perspective.

  40. I think the same things some times. But I don’t really have an issue with them bragging about their kids. I know some of my online friends do not have anyone to share these little things with. Many of them only have their online friends.

    • That is true. It’s nice to be able to share. When it’s constant, it gets annoying, but some is great.

  41. I haven’t had to deal with bragging parents yet, but now I’ll know to try to be more open-minded about it when it does start to happen. You never really know what’s going on.

  42. I try to keep it a mix and only brag about the really, really, big things (okay, I don’t even know when the last time what I did a braggy post). But, don’t let you not wanting to see other peoples’ posts stop you from posting yours:) I bet there are a lot of people in your family and friends that would love to see it!

    • Probably a reason I don’t do it much is b/c my family isn’t on fb much. So, I have to actually talk to them to share(or use instagram, they use that). I know my readers who have been here for a long time wanted to hear the updates about my middle son b/c they read about his struggle for years. It’s hard to find that balance.

    • I do think some bragging is perfectly fine and expected. It’s the excessiveness that gets to me.

  47. I don’t have a kid so I can’t really say what I’ll do on facebook but it drives me absolutely nuts when people post statuses to their kids that their kids will never see!!! It’s so ridiculous!

  49. I’m grateful every day that most of my friends are funny, self-deprecating goofballs who would rather joke about themselves than brag on Facebook.

    Wait. Did that sound braggy? Like I have a lot of awesome friends?
    Forget it. They’re all idiots. Ha!

    (I am only half-kidding. My friends aren’t idiots, but thank God we’re silly on Facebook and prefer to laugh than post ‘my kid is the best ever because he breathes’ status updates.)

    Don’t hold back when you’ve got something great to share. People know your heart. They do.

  52. I love talking about my kids, but everyone doesn’t need to hear about it all the time…I try to stay balanced.

  54. I honestly barely read my Facebook feed because some of those posts make me want to gag.  But I know a lot of the situations aren’t exactly how they’re being presented, and it says more about a person who needs to brag about every little thing than it does anyone else’s accomplishments or “lack” there of.

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