“Boys will be boys,” the sweet teacher laughed when my son had zero desire to sit in the circle at his Mommy and Me class and clap his hands along with a song. Oh, no. Instead, he wanted to climb and jump off of all of the gym equipment. It continued as he got older and as I had my other two boys.
They’d find a lone ball in a pile of other toys and that would be the thing to play with. Boys will be boys.
They’d always manage to find a way to get dirty. A stick to use as sword. They’d run instead of walk whenever possible. They were loud in their playing. Superheroes, pirate ships, climbing trees. We saw it all. Boys will be boys.
And so sometimes, I totally get it. I get where the stereotype comes from, why “boys will be boys” is a thing.
Our home can be chaotic and loud. My boys can be messy and they keep us busy with their sports schedules. They like video games and building with LEGO. They don’t always like to bathe and in the time it took me to type these few paragraphs, one of them ate half a large pizza as a snack.
Sometimes I’ve even shaken off some of the goings-on around here as “boys will be boys.” I’ve laughed and decided what is a battle worth fighting and what is a hill I’m not willing to die on.
But, I absolutely hate “boys will be boys” used as an excuse for bad behavior. For hurting others, for not having manners.
That’s not on the boy being a boy, that’s on the parent allowing the behavior.
Last week, after witnessing a boy grab my youngest by the neck, throwing him to the ground, and jumping on him FOUR different times and having that child’s dad laugh and say “boys will be boys,” I was ready to show him that “mamas will be mamas” and go kick him(the dad, not the kid) in the balls. I posted on my fb page: “The next person who excuses their son’s obnoxious behavior by saying ‘boys will be boys’ is going to get a swift kick in the ass.” Apparently after thinking about it more, I decided that a kick in the balls is more appropriate.
Now, my son thought it was all pretty funny. He wasn’t really getting hurt.
But if it were my son(any of them) doing this to another child, I would have stopped it after the first time. Because even though that’s your friend and your friend is laughing, it’s not what you do.
That dad would disagree with me. And he wouldn’t be the only one. Boys will be boys and boys need to learn to toughen up and roughhousing is a part of that. *cringe*
Y’all. From oldest to youngest, there is less than three and a half years separating my three boys. I’m aware of roughhousing.
But we’ve taught our boys the difference between having a wrestling match with their dad or each other or their uncle and getting physical with kids at school, the park, soccer practice, etc. I’m not okay with my boys hitting or kicking or roughhousing with other kids. We’ve taught them that they are to keep their hands(and feet and whatever else) to themselves.
I’m not saying that they’ve never had their moments- they’re kids and still learning. BUT. Should they hit/kick/etc. someone(even if it’s “just joking around with a friend”), there will be consequences. I will not let them get away with hurting others in the name of “boys will be boys.”
There might be some boy stereotypes that my boys live up to, but I don’t agree that physical violence should be one that we accept. I won’t accept it.
Last Week’s #PYHO Highlights
- It Brought Me To You from Wine in Mom: “And I thought to myself, how did I get here?”
- On the Importance of Hurry from Twingle Mommy: “There are times in life when we have to hurry our kids along.”
- I Miss the Memories I Don’t Have from Life in the Pitts: “Her image is a little blurry, like I’ve been staring into the sun, and now my eyes are having a hard time focusing on details.”
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