I shut down a lot when bad things happen.
I know that it appears to people who don’t know me that I don’t care. Because something horrible will happen to someone and there I am, just bopping along like nothing has changed.
But, here’s the thing: I DO care. I AM affected. So much so that I can’t really react or I would turn into a big inconsolable incoherent blubbering mess.
Yesterday morning, little Ethan Loney, a two year-old, lost his battle to cancer and passed away.
A two year-old.
I fully believe that he is in Heaven right now. He’s beyond all his pain and is happily playing away, able to do things there that his body wouldn’t allow him to do here on earth.
But, I can’t rejoice that he’s in Heaven.
Because, damnit, he should be with his family, playing and laughing and doing all that little boys do.
When things like this happen, I want to yell at God, not give Him thanks.
This might make you cringe and wonder how I can admit this outloud.
But, here’s the thing: God already knows this about me. It’s not a secret to Him. He knows my heart.
He knows that I question why such things happen and that I don’t say that these things happen for a reason.
Instead, I say that these things are heartbreaking and that I don’t understand why they have to happen and why God couldn’t work a miracle and save Ethan.
And I pray for strength for Ethan’s family.
Strength that I don’t have and it’s not even my child.
Strength because I don’t know how I’d ever make it through something like that.
Strength because they have to keep on going on without him somehow.
I read a blog from a mom who had lost her son and her strength amazes me. Though she would tell you that her strength comes from God. I pray for strength like that for the Loney family. Yes, I’m going to ask that you do read that link. You won’t regret it, though you will need tissues.
Supahmommy is putting together something for Ethan’s family: please release a single white balloon in memory of this little boy this week, take a picture, and email it to supahmommy @ gmail.com
My oldest wanted to write a message to Ethan on the balloon: “Your family loves you.”
Go HERE for more information about Ethan.
And keep praying forJaden to fight, fight, fight.