I know many others have said this, but when Shell asked me to be her BFF this week I was beyond thrilled. I immediately texted my IRL BFF CA Girl. Then I texted my husband, I said- I know this might seem silly and told him how excited I was. He said, no it’s not silly, it’s awesome. Yes, I married a good one.
I have been contemplating what to say. I thought about telling about some of the features of my blog, but I am hoping you head on over and see for yourself. Then I thought, how do you really get to know a person? And sometimes don’t you just wish you could get into someones head and hear what they are thinking. So today I am going to let you in.
I have always had an active imagination with stories easily playing out in my head. I even dream in stories, often an observer on the side of my own dreams.
I remember as a child sitting by our big picture window wondering when my parents were going to get home from their date night. Knowing in my mind that something horrible must have happened and picturing various scenarios, car accidents, robbery, to the point of real tears.
But somewhere in my childhood logic I figured out that if I let these scenarios play out in my mind and didn’t interrupt them, then imagining them would ensure they never came true. It became my way to ensure that my parents did return home safely. I know this theory is the exact opposite of what some people have sold books about with their theories of positive thinking- but in my mind it made perfect sense.
As a preteen- the scenarios changed to me being abducted by a stranger. I guess a few too many stranger danger talks.
Teenage hormones must have overrun my logic-as a teen it was the party scene- you know the one I am talking about ‘their eyes locked across the dance floor.’—but my previous logic triumphed and fantasy didn’t become reality too often.
Now as an adult, these imagined scenarios vary. Sometimes it is something happening to my husband, or someone breaking into our house, but there is one scenario that often gets me in trouble.
The scenarios that I try and push out of my mind and not dwell on are the confrontations. The confrontations were I imagine an argument with a person who in real life just kind of rubs me wrong. No real offense has ever been committed- but in my head- oh they say something about my children and I respond with the perfect comeback (it is amazing how quick I am at comebacks in my head) and we argue back and forth.
I always come out victorious.
But then there is that twang of guilt with that victory. You know the whole, turning the other cheek thing that I should have done.
The trouble with these day-dreams comes when I see that person again in real life. In my head we had this huge confrontation and they said all these mean and awful things and so if they rubbed me a little wrong before- well now there is just full out contention and anger- at least in my head. I find myself battling and fighting, reminding myself that it was all just imagined.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if my active imagination is a blessing or a curse. If only I could imagine myself winning millions of dollars and make it come true. Oh but wait, it doesn’t work that way with me, I guess what I need to do is imagine myself going broke.
Yes, losing it all…… (lots of money, here I come!)