I’m wearing my best shoes and finest pearls for the composition of this feature. Heh…riiiiight. It’s 12:29am. I’ve got a Diet Coke in one hand and a blueberry muffin in the other. What? How am I typing you ask? I have a very dexterous tongue. Keeps others from asking to use my laptop (and likely the reason I put ASS in SASS).
There are LOTS of recurring themes in my life which is probably fairly common as people age. I will be stuck at my present 32 forever. I deem it so! I’m very comfortable with who I am and my current themes. Stoooopid is one of those themes that runs the gamut. I’m never safe from it. No amount of hand sanitizer or public bathroom toilet seat covers can protect me from it. I’m also random…could be the current hour…or the copious amounts of caffeine I consume OR just the mind fizzle of raising an insanely sassy almost 3 year old. Moving along the random theme and bathroom schtuff (yes, I’m going to tie all this together) I almost ALWAYS have some sort of incident when using a public restroom. I detest them. *VOM* Like getting the shakes, cold sweats and teetering on the edge of full blown panic attacks type of detesting. Then common sense tells me I like my shoes way too much to pee on them so I inevitably enter the Danger Zone and come out with a blog story……such as this….
I was at a departmental meeting at one of the school buildings in the district and ran down the hall (because I’m an adult and I CAN RUN IF I WANT TO) to pee. And OF COURSE I would pick the ONE stall void of toilet paper. I didn’t notice until I had already commenced stream release which was too late. So I sat and waited. Surely someone would be entering to void their bladder shortly and I could ask for a few squares, right?!
I waited
And sat
And waited
…..and sat….
Finally I grabbed my purse and started digging. NADA. NOTHING. ZIPPO. ZILTCH. No tissue or napkins.
But…..BINGO!
Found a sour apple DumDum sucker.
The sucker was a nice treat (yeah! I pottied in the big girl potty!) and the wrapper worked in a pinch.
_____________
That pretty much sums up my life…finding what works in a pinch on the fly so I don’t drip pee on the good stuff (like shoes). AND I always seem to be the one just a square short but I found a way to make that work for me. Life is about perspective!
I am incredibly humbled and honored to have a chance to let my stupid hang out a bit here in Shell’s space. No doubt all of her readers know what an amazing woman, mom and friend she is. Its is the utmost of privileges to be asked to share! Thank you Shell!! After you’ve looked into her heart, soaked up her awesome ideas and advice and crooned over the most fantastic of stories (Like Bear’s Girlfriend) hit up the pond. Guaranteed to make you laugh…you’ll either laugh with me or at me but as long as you’re laughing I am thrilled!
Too funny! I don't think I would have ever thought of using a dum dum sucker as TP! Good tip to keep in mind!
Totally hilarious! This makes me want to run to Target and get one of those travel rolls of tp to carry in my bag!
Sounds like something that would happen to me, though I usually have some sort of kleenex in my purse…most often it has some old gum in it though. 😉
DAFFY!!!!!!! My Girlie!!!!! I love you so.
you and Shell in the same place today? I may just DIE of happiness…and this story..CLASSIC. Of Course a Dum Dum lollipop wrapper worked, but um, ouch, did it chafe? LOL
thanks for having her here Shell, I swear you are two of my favorite people and her blog is the one place I go to just giggle.
PASS THE DORITOS girlfriend!
xoox
This is too funny! Desperate times call for desperate measures!
I love this story! It's proof that a woman should never clean out her purse. You never know when the junk in there will come in handy.
Yay for Daffy! I love her! She is quite an amazing woman and freaking hilarious.=)
Hahaha – I guess I need to keep a few suckers in my purse now.
I have followed Daffy forever and she always cracks me up..I especially love our emails over my comments on her blog. I can so picture you doing this.. my question is where was the wonder woman underoos dangit they would have been perfect, you could have used that lasso to grab tp from the next stall.
Love our writing style girl and can't wait to read more.. heading over now!
The reason why we should all keep a dum dum sucker in our purse.
Anyone that can turn using a dum dum sucker wrapper into an analogy for their approach on life is amazing. So happy to have found you Daffy.
Thanks for sharing!
Oh Daffy. I love you. Already following but I would follow again if I could!
Her blog title is one of my favorite sayings and yes, I really do say it that way…
This would so totally happen to me. In fact, I have to drive north to pick up my kids tomorrow and this has reminded me to make sure I have tissues in my purse!
You are quite clever. I would've never thought to use a dum dum wrapper…necessity and luxury all in one.
I love this sassy duck so much. Finally got myself on her e-mail list so I don't miss a post.
as for the dum dum wrapper? I may have just drip dried way longer.
Bwaaahaaahaa!! Very creative use of a sucker wrapper. I'm off to check out her blog…the title alone is funny 🙂
I went to the loo in a restaurant once with my six yr old, I found there was no paper in my stall so I asked her if she would pass me some. She said… 'did you go #1 or #2?' much to the amusement of the lady waiting to use the bathroom! I said just pass the paper and she said she wanted to make sure she gave me enough for the job!!!!
True story!!! can't believe I haven't blogged that one yet..hee hee.
Cool.
Thank you SO MUCH Shell!! The dum dum wrapper is great in a pinch! While a tad bit small, the waxy coating makes it a decent substitute considering some of the other options!
Classic Daffy!
lmao! I love daffy, she just cracks me up. A dum dum wrapper… lol
Heheeheeheehaahaaha! Peepee talk!
That is great! I love how you reacted to no TP. Have a lollipop!
sounds like an awesome BFF, can't wait to go visit her 🙂
thanks for sharing :)!!!!
That made me laugh! A Dum Dum wrapper! That is perfect. Just perfect.
Hurray! I love Daffy! She had me hooked with this post as soon as she mentioned the Diet Coke, blueberry muffin, and the dexterous tongue! Woah baby! You go girl and put the ASS in SASS!
why is there never any toilet paper in the public bathrooms. Even worse is when you see the roll sitting on the floor, wet and disgusting, and you are drip drying.
Fun post for a friday!
I love this woman.
I just do.
Her first post, that I ever read, she just killed.
It was about a mouse in her hair and it killed me.
Pee in my pants and a little gas may have even squeaked out, too.
Oh my that's hilarious! Another great reason why moms carry Dum Dums in our purses!
Ha! I love Daffy, and the bathroom story sounds like something that would happen to me!
this post is too funny, and i have never heard the phrase bat crap crazy before, but i intend to make liberal use of it now!
Hysterical! Love her already.
dear daffs,
thank-you so much for not peeing on us. we really appreciate it.
signed,
your gorgeous, sassy, totally dry shoes xoxoxo
love your blog and hers !!! 🙂
Hilarious story…only a bit disturbing, but creative. I think I would have preferred a tootsie pop. 🙂
Since we're only "meeting" for the first time here, I won't tell you the random things I've used in similar situations.
Yes. I used the plural.
This kind of thing happens to me. Often.
so I know we can be friends.
Thanks the smile today!
Great choice for BFF FRIDAY!
I would have never thought to use a lollipop wrapper! genius! 🙂 Great story!
I think I'm going to try using my tongue on my laptop…lol…that's awesome!!! Kinda gross, but awesome!
HAHAHHAHA!!!! What a great BFF–off to check her out now (and as someone who totally understands the perils of using public restrooms, this post was right up my alley this morning).
I adore my Daffy!