You know those women who always say they would like to “do lunch”, “get together”, or “hang out sometime”? The women who say these things, but you wonder if they mean it, or if you ever will actually get together? Annoying, right?
Well, I’m one of them. Yup, you heard me.
You see, it’s not my intention to be this woman. But it happens, and I want to talk about it.
I meet a lot of interesting woman. I have a great church, and a great women’s bible study. These two things help cross my path with some amazing women who I would love to be IRL friends with. But the truth is I don’t have the time.
My IRL friends consist of a couple of women I grew up with, and will probably always be friends with. We’ve shared so much of our lives together that I’m pretty sure I will never get rid of them. My old and dear friends are not that accessible to me. I love them and cherish every memory we have, and every visit we get. There is a security in knowing we will be friends now and later in life, but we just don’t see each other much. I look forward to the days when we can catch up and sip coffee when our kiddos are grown and off in college.
Then there are a few women God has put in my life presently for very specific reasons, and I’m so thankful for them!
God has blessed me with these “new” friendships. I think he knows just what I need, and these friendships just sort of happened! I need them, and I think they need me too. We have lots in common in the day to day. Our children LOVE to play together, and “doing lunch” with them is easy and truly enjoyable.
Here’s the thing. I have these kids that are always with me. So wherever I go, they go. They need be fed, cared for, and educated. They need to be socially connected with kids I like, and kids they like. These new friends of mine serve many purposes. They’re my friends, and their kids are my kids’ friends. It’s a perfect match made in heaven. We can visit and chat and our kids can play and really enjoy each other. I’m sure you know how hard it is to find kids you actually want your kids to play with and who have moms you actually want to hang out with and you can be yourself around. Well, that’s the kind of new and dear friends we have. It’s such a blessing.
Then there’s this problem. There are the women you cross paths with from time to time that you would like get to know better, and she would like to get to know you better too. She seems nice, interesting, and you would love to sit and chat with her sometime. Then it happens. She says, “We should get together sometime.” And you say, “Yeah, that would be nice. Let’s do lunch.” And you mean it. It would be nice to get together and have lunch. It really would.
But, as you walk away you realize it’s probably never going to happen. You just turned into the woman who says, “Let’s do lunch.”
Your lives have nothing in common. You have children during the day. The evenings are set aside for family, and the weekends involve much needed family time with hubs that you don’t want to miss. Getting together for lunch means you would have to tote your kids along for a lunch with someone you don’t really know. What can two grown women talk about who barely know each other with two children (or more if she has kids) right there at the table? Or worse, she doesn’t have kids. So you’re on one side with your kids and their mess, and she’s on the other side watching you be a mom. How much could you really get to know a person while you’re distracted by parenting and feeding two kids?
Sometimes, your life just doesn’t fit with someone else’s. Several attempts to get together fall through, and you feel bad. Really bad. You didn’t plan on being the woman who says, “Let’s do lunch.”
Why isn’t it acceptable to say something like, “You know what, I would really like to get together, but the truth is it’s probably never going to happen. Unless you fit into our lives just right I won’t have any time for you. I’m a mom 24/7, and I never get a break. You should give up on me and try to make friends with someone else. I would be a terrible friend to you”.
But, if I was to say this right from the get go I would be some crazy lady! Seriously, can you imagine?
Yet, being the woman who says, “Let’s do lunch” and never does is not nice either?
It’s not that I’m mean or stuck up. I’m just a mom with two boys, one husband, and limited time. I’m at a stage in my life where children and home come first and friendships are way down on the list. In order for me to have them they have to be something that happens by accident and just is. I value friendship with other women. That’s one reason I blog. I just don’t have the time to build new IRL friendships right now.
What do you do when it’s your turn to be the woman who says, “Sure, let’s do lunch.”?
Woohoo- I should finally have my laptop back tonight!!!! I’ve missed you all!