Five years ago… no, wait, 10 years… no, somehow it’s been 15 years since I graduated from college. And the day after graduation, I wrote this in my journal:
5/19/1999
If had college to do all over again:
- I’d be less afraid.
- I’d be more involved.
- I’d study less.
- I wouldn’t procrastinate.
- I’d realize that grades aren’t that important.
- I’d fall in love more and be heartbroken less.
- I’d be easier on myself.
- I’d have learned earlier that nothing is really as big of a deal as I think it is.
Attitude is what I’d change. Sure, there were events that happened that never should have happened Or ones that I wish would have happened, but really, the events of it make up who I am and shape my attitude.
And now, 15 years later, I’m living in a way that newly-graduated me would be proud of. (Even if she might cringe at the size displayed on the tag of the comfy shorts I’m wearing today.)
I still have fears, but I don’t let them hold me back. I get involved when I want to, with what I find important for me and my family.
While there’s nothing to study for, I know college-grad me meant to spend the time with what’s important and not let the little things consume me. Check.
I’ve learned to set earlier deadlines for myself than when I actually have to get something done so even if I procrastinate, it’s just on my own deadlines, not on the real ones, so I’m still early with things.
I’m in love. With my husband, with my boys, with my friends. And I’ve realized that heartbreak is just a part of life but that it passes and one day, you realize that while you might remember being heartbroken over something or someone, you won’t remember much of the details because you’re too busy living your life.
I still struggle with disappointment when I set high expectations for myself and I don’t meet them, when I can’t do everything, let alone do everything well. But I’ve learned that hard work does count for a lot and there are some things I have to let go and also that no one is paying as close attention to me as I am.
Nothing is really as big of a deal as I think it is. I remind myself of this constantly. Everything seems big in the moment, but very few things are truly that big of a deal in the long run.
It is very much about attitude. I can choose to let myself get bogged down by the little things, to stress out over every little thing, to let fear hold me back, to worry about what others think…. or I can keep my head up, do what I think is best for me and my family, work my ass off, and know I don’t have control over everything.
College Senior Pic and This Year
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I love this so much. First of all, my GOODNESS look at you!!!
You look like an actress I cannot think of … someone, though. I really love this. I love the way you’re talking to your younger self and how you just know what you need to tell her. And how she, you, already kind of knew. Thanks for sharing this.
You look exactly the same, but with blonde hair!! Look at you! I’m glad you’re living the life you want! I hope that I can live the life I want one day.
Beautiful! You haven’t aged a bit! Just grown wiser. 🙂
Firstly, you haven’t aged, girlfriend!
You were very wise as a college grad – I wish I was as savvy as you were. But I am where I am, and I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned.
It’s funny I was thinking about all the things I’ve done this year and how I’ve really surprised myself and I was thinking I wish I had gotten more involved when I was in college. If I had made a list like yours at the end of college it would have contained a lot of the same things. I think your college self would be very proud of where you are today. You haven’t aged on bit since that picture, what’s your secret : )
That’s so awesome! Love this. And like a lot of commenters before, you look the same except lighter hair. So pretty.
Congratulations – not many people can look back on their life and say “Yeah, I’ve created the life I wanted to live!”
Gorgeous, smart, creative and REAL then and now.
🙂
Sounds like you are in really healthy place right now! I’m glad you’re happy and satisfied with life. Having a family and friends to love and be loved by is the most important thing in life!
how wonderful that you made that list and then looked back on it. I should get out my journals and do that!
You do look the same! I love that you’re now living life the way that you want to, and agree that time has helped me realize that it’s important to not get bogged down and stressed out by the little things.
I love that you are in such a great place in your life now. I’m not sure my journals from that age are quite as insightful as yours, so I’m glad you are sharing yours here. This is a good reminder, and there are definitely things on your list I need to work on in my life.
You are the person everyone will recognize at reunions because you have hardly changed at all!
Reflection is good for the soul sometimes. I enjoyed reading this. You are a beautiful person inside and out. You look younger now! How are you doing that?!?
I like your senior photo! You don’t look different at all. You age well!
You haven’t aged a bit!
I’m proud of how far I’ve come over the last 15 years (graduated college in ’99 too). I think I’m a much better person now than I was then.
“Nothing is really as big of a deal as I think it is. ” I love this. I should make it my new mantra. The past 5 weeks have been such a mess, this would help a lot.
LOVE this Shell!!! It’s amazing how far we can come… and how all of our history, our experience, our failures and our misguided turns somehow led us to who we are now. Lets celebrate THAT.
You were pretty smart back then too. I love that you wrote those things A FEW year ago! 😉
I’m learning the lesson about things not being that big of a deal too… still!
xo
You haven’t aged a bit. And you were so wise in your words. It’s funny – I came across some old journals from high school recently and oh boy. Let’s just say I definitely wasn’t so mature then! Love these words and so happy that you are in such a solid place right now.