Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Being a Mama Bear: Things They Can’t Say

things they can't sayJennifer is a SAHM to a Teen Girl and Little Man, wife and caregiver to her husband, and a blogger living in rainy Western Washington state. She chooses to “dance in the rain” in spite of her difficulties, enjoying TV, movies, music, yarn, coffee, liquor and laughter!

I’m a protective mom.

Not in the “helicopter mom” way. I’m not hovering around my children afraid they’re going to kill themselves if I don’t watch them every second. When they were tiny, I found ways to leave them safely unattended while I took a shower. I let them go outside to play alone at younger ages than other moms might.

It bugs me that my kids can’t have the freedoms I did when I was a kid. Because times have changed, however, I try to find an acceptable mixture of rules that allow for some freedoms for my kids that won’t offend the social mores of their generation.

So I think I’m a pretty level-headed mom when it comes to safety vs. freedom. When it comes to somebody doing my kid wrong, or another adult disciplining my child….let’s just say there’s more emotion involved there.

Let me clarify: It’s OK for others who care for and about my kids to help discipline them. Their grandparents, my good friends and their teachers. What gets under my skin and makes me want to slap a person, is when someone thinks they can scold my child without my permission.

I first noticed this instinct in myself when my daughter was around a year old. We went to lunch with two of our best friends. My daughter was munching on fries and she swiped one from one of our friends. He turned and yelled at her, “No!” Now I love this man, but I wanted to yell right back at him not to yell at my baby!

Another time, we didn’t hardly talk to my in-laws for a few years because while visiting them something was said about spanking if we weren’t around. Our daughter was not yet a year old, we hadn’t decided where we stood on spanking, but we did know that no one else should spank our child but us.

When my son was little, there was an awkward incident at a friend’s daughter’s birthday party. The kids were playing upstairs while us moms chatted downstairs. We heard something that sounded like a fight between my son and another boy, so I and the other boy’s mom went to investigate. She got upstairs first. As I’m nearing the top of the stairs I see her grab my son by the arm, yank him down onto a bed and yell at him for whatever she thought he was doing to her son, saying he needed to show her some respect.

My son started crying hysterically. The other mom saw me, said something to her son and shimmied past me on the steps muttering something about how she’s “sorry but her kids had better damn well listen to her” so she couldn’t help it.

I got angry. The other mom may have felt my son wasn’t listening to her, but she didn’t need to grab him by the arm and yell in his face. She didn’t have the right to take matters into her own hands and scare the hell out of my kid like that.

That’s MY child, MY responsibility to discipline as I see fit. She demanded respect from my son, yet didn’t have any for me as his mother.

So yeah, I admit it, I’m a mama bear.

teddy-bear

These were things that got me upset when my kids were little. I’m going to have to work pretty hard at not letting all the social things that are impending for my daughter as she heads into high school (OMG!) get to me too much. The idea of her peers hurting her like I know they will from time to time breaks my heart!

I plan to stay strong when she comes to me with some new angst…..and then cry for her when she’s not looking.

Comments

  2. I raised my kids to know that life is full of hard knocks (which prepared them VERY well for adulthood), BUT my heart broke a lot, especially when my daughter was in high school. There are some mean kids out there 🙁 Hang tough, the lessons they learn now will help. Mine are now 22 and 18 and I couldn’t be more proud of them.

  3. I’m not a helicopter mom but I am a mom that takes no crap and if it involves my kids oh boy. I am so overprotective, and I don’t care who knows it. Lol. My kids are my world, and I don’t take too kindly to anyone speaking to them the wrong way or putting their hands on them. Oh no no no.

  5. I’d have been upset if someone grabbed my kid too. I don’t care if someone yells at my kid if they are doing something wrong–but don’t grab them. That seems so wrong.

  6. I always tried not to hover over my son. I would have lost it if someone grabbed my son by the arm and yelled at him. No one should ever put hands on someone elses child.

  8. It can be so frustrating when people try to discipline your children for you. Everyone has an opinion on how you should be raising and disciplining them.

  10. I think being a mama bear is awesome! Protect those kids with everything you’ve got. And yeah, if someone grabbed my son like that, I think I’d flip out on them.

  12. oh my goodness! I would have been on fire. I’m also a protective mom, and completely agree with you. Especially if I am present when a situation arises you better talk to me first before correcting my child, and you NEVER put your hands on my child in that kind of manner.

  14. My mom was a mom that let you make your own choices and you suffered the consequence of those choices no matter the outcome. I sure learned many lessons and became a strong, independent woman. I try to teach kiddo those same ways.

  16. Oh, I’m so glad I stopped in for this one.

    While I may or may not possibly say something to another persons child, I would NEVER put my hands on them! Or on anybody! Don’t bully a child just because you’re having a tantrum and they’re smaller! Grrrrrr (mama bear growl)

  17. Good gravy some people can really put us to the test!! Someone treating my child like that and then having no remorse for it would cross two lines. I have no patience or desire to be around someone who thinks it’s okay to be mean to my children, and I think that was mean.

  18. I used to get mad about very similar things! As a parent, it is our job to disciplined our children, not random strangers!

  19. If anyone ever yelled at my kids that way, I too would be upset. Unless they are the kids teacher, there is no reason to get in your child’s face like that!

  21. i have a little helicopter mom in me. I watch the kids from my kitchen when they’re outside or I check on them when they’re at friends. There are too many unknowns in the world