Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

At the Pool {Annoyances}

If they could, my boys would go to the pool every day of the summer.

They love to splash and swim and jump into the water.

And I’ve actually gotten used to keeping an eye on three: we have our routine down.

But what makes me groan when they ask to go to the pool again is not their behavior or the stress of keeping an eye on them or even the idea of putting on a bikini… it’s other people’s kids and parents who don’t pay attention.

Now, my boys definitely aren’t perfect little angels at the pool(or anywhere else), but I stay on top of them to be sure they are following the rules.

If we had our own pool….

I wouldn’t have to worry about whose toys are whose.  My boys know that if they bring toys to the pool, they are going to have to share. And that if others have toys, they aren’t allowed to play with them unless told they can. But there are kids who grab toys from mine and then throw them in the deep end when they are done playing. Or who use my kids’ toys but then have a screaming fit if one of my kids tries to use one of theirs, even though they have all of my kids’ toys and theirs are just sitting there.  If we had our own pool, all the toys would be ours and any fights over them would be among my own kids and I wouldn’t have to referee.

Splashing would be okay. I teach my kids it is not okay to splash adults or little kids or to just go up to someone and splash them. But, since they are in a pool, some splashing IS going to happen. If my kids wanted to splash in their own pool, it would be okay, as they could only splash their own brothers. No more of whiny kids who splash everyone in their path and then Lord forbid someone splash them back.

Invite only. If we made the mistake of asking someone over who decided it was hilarious to repeatedly  grab one of my boys by the neck and hold him under the water, we would just never invite them back, instead of worrying that that child will be at the pool the next time we go, along with his mom who doesn’t look up from her magazine the entire time.

Since my boys love the pool and it’s been so freaking hot, we continue to go. But, I continue to daydream that we’d hit the lottery so we could buy our own pool. You know, right after we bought our own house.

Are there certain places you don’t like to take your children because of other people’s children or clueless parents? 

Comments

  1. We had a pool party on Friday with a few of hubby’s coworkers and I found myself day dreaming that I wish I had my own pool…then he pinched me 😉

  2. Those little play places in the mall? with the oversized animals or food pieced… parents just sit down and let thier children run RAMPANT. I hate it…

    • Oh, that’s awesome! I think even better than having a pool ourselves would be if one of the grandparents had one!

  7. We don’t have a neighborhood pool, so I’d like my own just because it’s the only way we could get pool time.

    I don’t take my kids to the mall play areas because I can’t stand most of the other kids in those places.  I just choose to avoid them, rather than deal with the drama.

  8. I relate to all of this… luckily our neighborhood pool is usually pretty quiet…pretty much any public place that attracts children lends itself to behavior like this and it’s tough to swallow when you are watching your own children! Mine get told a lot, “Well I’m not her/his mom, but I am yours, so you can’t…”

    • Oh, I say that a lot! 

      I’m learning the times when the pool isn’t as crowded and we go then instead. I’ve heard our neighborhood pool is quieter, but my kids can’t all stand in the shallow end of that one. Maybe by next year.

  9. I’m with Jaimie those places in the mall drive me nuts. Sometimes the parents just go off shopping and leave their kids there.

  10. I’m in quite the same boat as you – though we don’t yet go to the pool . . . but I grow frenzied thinking about a regular pool trip with my kids.  Not too long ago, we went camping and there was a water park — it was a super hot day, the place was crowded, and my kids are still getting the “stand in line” thing.  So, there are slides that my daughter absolutely loved — so I’d go with her to make sure she didn’t cut other people off, and I’d just watch kid after kid shove their way to the front of the line, sensing the frustration in my daughter when I didn’t let her do the same.

    It’s really shocking to see just what parents choose not to see from their own kids.  Gah.

    The problem is, if I had a pool of my own, is that I’d have to pay for it to be installed, and then I’d have to take care of it.  And neither of those really appeal to me.  However, I do have family members with pools of their own, and I think it’s time to start forcing some familial rights upon them (actually, two parishioners of my church have a pretty epic pool . . . I’m really, really tempted to say that, because I’m their organist, I’m allowed to invite myself over to let my kids splash around and drink their beer).

    • I do think that it would be better to have a family member have the pool- be able to use it all the time but not have to pay for it or keep it up would be ideal. 

      My kids don’t understand when there are other kids getting away with bad behavior and they can’t. I was ranting about dumbass parents to my husband and my oldest overheard me. Oops. 

  11. I love Marbles museum in Raleigh, but it can be very wild with lots of kids of random ages and parents completely ignoring them. That’s one place I grit my teeth when we go. Our neighbors have a nice pool, and I think it’s time we get to know them better!

    • We’ve only been there once- and yes, we saw quite a few parents who just sat down somewhere and were oblivious to what their kids were doing. I don’t hover, but I do stay aware of what is going on with mine! 

      I wish one of our neighbors had a pool! 

  12. It’s rather ironic: we have our own pool, but Kiddo doesn’t want to play in it unless I invite some friends over. Sunday has morphed into pool party day, and I beg someone to come over and enjoy the day. But I have learned that it is best to only have one friend (technically family) over at a time to alleviate the drama. More than that and we still run into the problems you listed.

    • I wonder if that would happen here, too- like if it’s there, it’s not as big of a deal any more. Though, I still think mine would want to go in all the time. After all, they have each other to torment. 

  13. I know exact what you mean. Other people’s kids are the worst at the pool. Mine are too little for me to justify putting up with that. We have gone to a nearby water park (a very, very small one) a couple of times and it was ridiculous! Praying for you to won the lotto. 🙂

  14. We dont have a communal pool so I have to take the kids to my Mom’s apartment complex to use her pool. Luckily its pretty quiet and the only kids that are there also have their parents who are watching them closely. 

    Before we moved here though we would go to the Y, and the kids there were little asshats. Not that mine are perfect, but one kid stole floaties from B as he was in the water…I thought I was going to go ballistic. Hopefully youll win the lottery soon!

    • That’s how I feel- mine aren’t perfect, either. But I stay aware of what is going on so if mine act like asshats, I can quickly fix the situation, instead of allowing it to continue and not caring, like what seems to happen all the  time with these other kids!

  15. Except for the toys because they aren’t allowed at our community pool, you described our last pool experience.  There’s one boy in particular that makes me cringe when we run into him anywhere, but especially the pool.  He doesn’t seem to understand that my son can’t swim yet and it’s not a good thing to grab his neck and try to wrestle in the pool.  Actually, he doesn’t seem to follow rules where ever he is.  His mom is one of those usually too busy to get up and pay attention to what her son is doing.

    • I literally had to grab this child off of mine the last time we were there. I yelled at him first and he didn’t listen, just kept pulling my son under the water. So I jumped in and had to actually pull him off. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I also wasn’t going to allow it to keep happening. 

  16. My kids love the pool! I usually swim with them though or the little ones would miss out, so we don’t generally experience what you have. Bringing my clan to the pool means there are plenty of older ones to help with the younger ones. We love it all except for one thing…the price tag!
    Sandy

    • Ours is a monthly fee per family, so it’s reasonable. I’m always close by them, but I can’t stay directly with all three at all times. 

  17. Yes! I agree. That is an issue I found a lot when we travel even to the beach. Some times toys float, or they find a shovel. That bothers me. No, I will not allow my children to take something home that does not belong to them, but if nobody has claimed it, why can’t they use it? I think a lot of parents get the misconception of what we teach our children anyways, to share. Even with their own siblings we teach them, yet we are first to say something, to simple things as this. And the splashing part, GRR! We went to the pool the beginning of June to a friends neighborhood pool. There was a lady there that got ticked off that she got wet. I told her, as nice as I could, WHY WOULD YOU COME TO A POOL AND EXPECT NOT TO GET WET? Or better yet, our beaches in Wilmington get packed during the summer, so finding a spot is hard. You are bound to be close to people. People would really get pissed when my kids came running back to our area, since they got a little dabble of water on them from my kids coming that way. Same issue. Aggravates me to NO end.

    Oh, I gave your lovely blog an award. You can find it at my blog.
    http://lifeofamother2three.blogspot.com/2012/07/i-am-lovely.html

    Hope you are well & weathered the storm okay yesterday. We were in Olive Garden on Western & the lights went out. Blech. I had to get refunded for our movie tickets. Scary.

    • I think people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to the pool or the beach. If you want the quiet, go to certain ones. Or don’t plop your towel down by the shallow end of the pool or right next to a family with young children on the beach. 

      The sharing drives me crazy b/c I teach ours to but then those same kids who were using my kids’ toys will freak if anything of theirs gets used. WHAT? 

      That storm was CRAZY! We were at home for it, thankfully.

  18. so, we have our own pool. and we have our own rules. but when we are a t a friend’s w/ a pool or a public pool, i would NOT hesitate to say something to that mother not looking up at her kid being an ass. it’s a safety thing, not just ‘you’re being a jerk’ thing.

    splashing will happen, indeed, but i agree, not the lil babes or the adults who haven’t gone under water yet 🙂

    • I did have to say something to one last week. After about the 20th time her child grabbed mine by the neck and held him under the water. And not even in a they are playing together and being rough way, but in a this kid is chasing mine around the pool and doing this b/c he is a little asshole way. 

  19. I’m always annoyed by the 11-13 year old boys that set up a water football game in the 2.5 foot section of the pool. They charge around, jumping and tackling each other in water that is the appropriate depth for my four-year-old daughter. Thank goodness she’s tough and doesn’t mind getting splashed because those bigger boys aren’t paying attention to the little ones who wander through their game. If they just moved eight feet over, they would still be in water shallow enough for them to run, but too deep for little ones to get in their way.

    • I don’t get that, either- move out a little further to where they can still stand but the littles can’t! 

  20. Thank you for spelling out swimming pool rules. We don’t have access to a pool on a regular basis, but when we do, I want to be prepared! I’m impressed you can bring three kids anywhere! 

  21. I am 100% in agreement with your pool rules!  The swimming pool is a crazy environment that makes me twitch. But like you we go because the kids LOVE it!  It is amazing that we can finally have a routine when we travel with all three kids to the pool, but I too have found one. It’s so nice to be able to do that finally. It feels like it took a long time to get there! Happy swimming!

    • It has taken a long time to get to this point! And it seems like it does keep getting easier. Thank goodness.

  22. Oh man, MY oldest is one of those, I’m gonna splash you but if you splash me I’m gonna cry like a little girl. It took a LOT of talking on my part to teach him, a) don’t splash if you don’t want it back, and b) if you get splashed don’t bitch about it! LOL

    • My oldest will sometimes whine about the splashing- but I remind him that he was splashing, too and that if he doesn’t like it, he can move. Instead of being that mom who then yells at the other kids when mine was splashing, too. 

  23. I need a pool too girl! It’s definitely not relaxing to go for all the above reasons you mentioned…wouldn’t it just be nice to chill in your own with no worries? You no minus the upkeep of the pool someone else would do that LOL.

    • I don’t really want the upkeep, but it would definitely be nice to just have to deal with our own kids! 

  24. Fortunately, the only annoyances that I have to deal with at a pool are caused by my own children. Annoying little monkeys. 😉

  25. I’m sure there are many places I avoid because of others, but more so I avoid just because watching my 4 is too hard. But the pool – we go every day too and yes it drives me nuts. We haven’t had TOO much problem with the toys though I can agree completely with the way that goes. But what really gets me are the MANY parents who sit there and don’t look up and have no idea what their 2 yr old is doing – holding kids under, splashing everyone within 20 feet of the pool, drowning, whatever. I rarely take my eyes off the pool if my kids are in it. Especially my 4-year-olds. No rest when there with me for sure, yet I see plenty of other moms chatting it up while their toddlers are half drowning in the baby pool with no floaties on.

  26. I have a draft about a mom I saw at the pool who pretty much left her 2 (?) year old unattended in the pool. Sure, he was wearing a puddle jumper, but he was in 4 feet of water, way further away from her that I would be comfortable with. She wasn’t even in the pool, and when he got too close to the rope, she was yelling at her maybe 5-6 year old to help get him off. What if he slipped out of the floatie? I’m not sure if that’s possible, but it still made me uncomfortable. 

  27. We had a pool when I was growing up.  Although proper pool and safety etiquette had been drilled into each of us kids, and that to breach it was to invite death, that was not true of our friends. We had a brother and sister over once. The brother didn’t do his “wait your turn, check the water, stay on the board until the swimmers are back at the edge of the pool” rule. In his haste, he literally dove right on top of his sister, driving her down into the deep end. Fortunately, neither was injured. 

    While having a pool in your backyard will be easier to patrol and control than the neighborhood one, the same stupid behavior will very possibly continue to rear its ugly head until the kids really learn otherwise. Arrrgghhh.

  28. Oh how I hate when we go to the town pool and my boys insist on busting out their beach toys to play in the sand with other kids. I always end up losing something, even though I mark it all.

  29. I have my own pool and I’ve already told my husband that when we move a requirement is either a pool or a yard big enough for our own pool. I’ve been spoiled, I can’t go back to the community pool for the reasons you listed and a few more. 😉

  30. What a relatable post!  I won’t lie–I am always half-terrified to take my children anywhere b/c I don’t feel like dealing with the drama of other kids/parents.  And a serious kudos to you for figuring out how to keep an eye on 3 at once–go you!

  31. Where do I begin???  The pool definitely, the park, I hate with a passion Chik-filet because the parents literally drop their kids in the indoor playground and then they go eat elsewhere…what the heck??  I refuse to go there.  It is either crawling with unsupervised children or teenagers.  UGH!  And don’t even get me started on shopping.  I will be here all day!!  

  32. These are exactly the reasons I don’t go to the park district pools anymore. I HATE when parents don’t watch their kids. I’d like a day by the pool reading a magazine too but since I have kids, I can’t really do that. Someone should let the other moms know the same thing.

  33. I so wish we had a pool, but unfortunately it is not in the cards right now. I have found the older I get the less tolerance I have for the obnoxious behavior of other children especially when it affects the safety and happiness of my own.

    I become one of those annoying parents who have no problem telling the other child that they are behaving inappropriately and to bug off. I know some parents don’t like it, but so what I dont’ like it when they don’t watch their children.

  34. Ditto all votes for playplaces.  On the rare occasions that we go to McD’s, I find one without a play area.  And on the rare occasions that I will take my kids to McD’s play place as a very special treat, we go at 9 in the morning when no other families are there yet.  

    This is our first year doing the pool thing.  We’ve always done splash pads at area parks without issue.  And our pool place is the YMCA- big pool, kiddie pool, splash pad.  Thankfully, we haven’t encountered any issues so far.

  35. My daughter is pretty adverse to water so i guess it’s good that we bought one of those little 3 foot pools for the backyard. She would be less than thrilled with other people’s pool etiquette.

  36. All good reasons not to take my boys to the public pool LOL Luckily my SIL has a beautiful inground one (not that we got there often with my water hating boys )

  37. the toys kill me! My kids know they have to share and I actually bring shitloads more than we need so the other kids can play too, but God forbid the other kids share…drives me crazy…

    • Our baby pool has a giant bin of toys that are community. We just bring a basket ful at the beginning of the season and leave them there. Generally, this works well. The guards ‘clean up’ at the end of the nite. Once in a while you have a toy ogre and her wishy washy mother.

  38. Like a real picture of enjoying in the pool. I like it , because when i was as them also i was enjoying like them. It’s a memorable picture. So, thanks for this post.

  39. Yes! It is so annoying when parents don’t watch their kids at public pools- not only do unwatched kids get annoying but it can be truly dangerous.
    I wish we had our own pool too- mostly so my kids could swim a lot more so they won’t forget everything they just learned in swim lessons. The public pool here is so crazy crowded it isn’t worth it

  40. I must admit Shell, this is one of the reasons I hesitate to join the local pool. While I like my kids, I usually don’t like other people’s. 

  41. Completely agree! Add to this list parents under the influence. Yes, our pool allows drinking at the pool. As a kid, adults with beverage would lurk at the tree line of the picnic area. Now, three bud lites per mom is protocol at the baby pool. So bizarre. And my all time favorite is those mom’s who either don’t bring cash for the snack bar or prohibit their kids from getting a snack and then stand there trying to talk to me and my kids while they have a snack and their kids are screaming and whining. I don’t judge you decisions but please take your kids somewhere else.

  42. I hate when parents don’t supervise their own children. I can’t stand anywhere that’s crowded, requires taking turns, involves bats or swords or weapons of any kind, involves food, water, or drinks with small straws. Other people and their children are beyond messy. 🙂

  43. we use to have a neighborhood pool that was right behind our house. It was the best of both worlds..someone else maintained it and did the work but we had the fun. I could look out my kitchen window and see who was there and avoid certain people if necessary. It’s a relatively small neighborhood so I knew many people and if I didn’t my neighborhood friends did. What really got on my nerves was the teenagers making out when the pool was full of little kids.

  44. It can be like that at the park too.  Kids expect Nate to share but they don’t want to or they want to play rough but get mad when he does it back.  I have a handful of kids (and moms) that I groan when I see them there.
     
    I dream of a house with a play thing and a pool

  45. I’d lo!ve a pool too!  I do get annoyed with other people that don’t keep an eye on what their kids are doing.  Ugh!

  46. It’s so hot here in Florida that we have to find some inside activities. Sometimes I’ll take them to the play place inside McD’s. I won’t let them eat most of the food there (not that I’m saying that’s wrong..I just don’t do it), but I’ll take some yogurt cups for a snack and I’ll buy some milk and apple slices there for the kids and a large coffee for myself to drink while sitting there so I don’t feel guilty about using their play place without paying for something. Recently, it seems that whenever we go there are lots of kids playing in there who are way beyond the age limit. Not a problem if they weren’t so rough and rude to the smaller kids playing. Most of the parents aren’t even sitting inside the play area room, but outside in the main lobby. They can’t or don’t watch them or hear them screaming and yelling and saying some things that really shouldn’t come out of the mouth of a kid.

  47. I take my kids to the pool about once a week and it’s always annoying because I get other kids coming up and asking me to watch them or to hold them in the pool. Um, sorry kids I have my own children to take care of. 

  48. Once again, if you lived near me, I’d have you over all the time so the boys could swim. The only rules in my pool are no diving in the shallow end and no cannon balling Miss Joann. Because my hair doesn’t like it. Oh, and I forgot, you will get EJECTED from my pool, if you hold another child under the water. Are you kidding me? I think I’d have to rip that magazine right out of that mom’s hands. 

    Other than that,  it’s all about having fun. And my pantry has 4 bins that are full of snacks for my little guests to ransack at all times. 

  49. Taking kids out for a swim could be really stressful. I do feel you. Sometimes it’s just too much. Whenever we go out we always try our best to keep an eye to the kids. 

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