There’s a date in February from almost 20 years ago, that my college roommate and I would only whisper about with “never again” always said along with it.
Because we did something really stupid that night.
No one got hurt and aside from way too much possibly some underage drinking, no laws were broken.
But it was not a night either one of us wanted to repeat. It was mortifying.
I’m not being intentionally vague about the details because to be honest, I only have a few actual memories of that night, the rest a giant black hole that friends laughingly tried to fill us in on, until we begged them to please, for the love of our friendship and any delusions of dignity we might have left, to not tell us any more. We’d rather live in ignorance.
But, it’s not something that is all that uncommon for a college student to do, to have too much to drink and then be out where people can see them. And say stupid things and throw up publicly and I don’t know what else, but aside from the awful feeling the next morning and still feeling intoxicated when I stumbled into one of my midterms, it wasn’t anything overly scandalous. It was incredibly stupid and definitely not a moment to be proud of, but it wasn’t scandalous.
Not back then.
Not when it was just our group of friends who quickly got us off of our dry campus when they realized what was happening before we could get caught and get in trouble for having alcohol.
The same friends who made sure that we didn’t hurt ourselves or anyone else. Yeah, they basically babysat us.
Those friends got us safely back to our dorms when we’d recovered.
And one might have steadied me a bit in the hallway as I headed to my exam the next morning and he might have even snickered at me a little.
Really stupid choices we made that night? Absolutely. And embarrassing, too.
It was definitely not a shining moment, but it was just a mistake we made one night.
We did learn our lesson and there was never another night like that one.
End of story.
But I can’t help but think about how different that could have ended had that happened today.
A play-by-play on twitter of all the idiotic things we were saying.
Maybe even a few videos shared to vine or a longer one posted to youtube showing our stupidity.
An instagram of the awful way we had to have looked.
And because we were both normally rule-followers, adhering to our schools’ strict policies, classmates could have shared and reshared those, thinking how funny it was that we, of anyone, had acted like that.
And given our school’s very strict reputation (and sometimes snotty we’re- better-than-your-school attitude), friends at other schools could have taken great delight in sharing those images, tagged with our school name, getting us into trouble with the school.
Back in those days, if you were caught drinking and it was a quiet incident, you would go on probation. But if it were something that everyone on campus knew about, expulsion wasn’t unheard of.
Our names could easily be found linked to that night, making it appear that was our norm instead of one stupid fluke of a night. I’m sure that would have been super helpful in my job search back then. Isn’t that what schools look for in their teachers?
Maybe none of that would have happened, since after all, our friends did keep us out of trouble and even stopped talking about that night shortly after it happened because they realized how embarrassed we were about it. They were in fact good friends.
But it still just would have taken just one pic, snapped “in fun” to cause a huge spiral. And with how common it is now for us all to share so much on social media, it’s not unreasonable to think something from that night would have been shared.
I have to say that I’m glad that I grew up in the time when I could make that mistake, learn from it, and have that be the end. No one who wasn’t there could say anything about it. Even had there been gossip about it, it would have been their word against ours, with no viral photos or videos as evidence.
Kids can make stupid choices. Even the “good kids” can have their moments. We have to hope that what we’ve taught our kids will keep them from making huge mistakes, but kids push the limits, try things for themselves, and learn the hard way. I know my kids will have some sort of moment that they’ll realize later was a stupid thing to do. And I can only hope that they’ll be allowed to make that mistake without social media causing it to ruin their lives.
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You’re right. Social media has changed one stupid mistake to a mistake that could ruin your life forever. Unfortunately we have to teach our children to think about that…
Which is just stressful. All kids make some sort of mistake at some point. They feel bad enough about it, but having to think about it always following them is really scary.
I’ve had the same thoughts . . . I, certainly, had some serious “thank god I didn’t have the tools I have, now, back then” moments on my memories. I won’t say that I’m immune from drinking a bit too much & doing stupid things, today . . . but, I have the maturity to put away my phone, first. Heck, if I’m truly afraid that I might post something, I’ll change the passcode – not saying that the drunken me can’t remember the new one, but muscle memory will mean a single missed attempt, and that might be enough time for me to re-think what I was going to post.
But the college me? Well, I wouldn’t have done that. I remember making fun of my cousin for changing his name on Facebook for a few weeks . . . while he’s FAR more mature than I ever was, he still didn’t want people checking out his facebook profile as he searched for a job out of college, so he change his name on FB, gave it a few weeks, applied for jobs, got a job, and changed things back. I share that because there are, now, strategies for limiting the damage from “a young mistake,” though, well, I fear that, if you were to do something like run for public office, well, it’d all come forward.
Oh, I still do stupid things, too. 😉
It’s crazy the things our kids will have to think about that weren’t a worry for us.
WIth all the stupid stuff I did when I was younger I am very happy social media wasn’t around to immortalize one dumb moment in time.
Exactly. We could screw up and just have to deal with the immediate consequences, not have it spread any further.
I think about this too – about how much different social media has made life for teens and young adults from when I was at that stage. It was hard enough then, I can’t imagine having things you do or say recorded and retweeted and shared with the student body and beyond. And those things can stick with you. It’s a lot of pressure.
A lot of pressure and stress. Being a teen can be hard enough. I don’t envy kids today (Get off my lawn, I sound so old).
I agree. Some thing that would have been an anomaly in a persons life twenty years ago can now be the defining moment of a life shattered forever. It’s terrible. One picture taken out of context, one 12 second video clip, it’s all become something that can change the course of ones entire life. For the most part I was a good kid but I made a few mistakes and I too am grateful the only thing around at that time was AOL and dial up.
I was a good kid, too. But we all have our moments. I hate that our kids will have to worry about these things.
I think about this all the time. I’m so glad I grew up without the pressure of social media and never had my mistakes front and center for the world to see. It worries me that my kids are going to be on social media far before they can truly understand the long term consequences of their actions. And since all kids make mistakes, it’s a very scary thing to think about as a mom.
I’m so glad we didn’t have social media then! I hope the same for my boys that every mistake isn’t replayed for them.
Oh, I cannot imagine. And I think the same goes for adults. Celebrities have been saying stupid stuff since the beginning of time, but it’s only recently that every damn thing has been highlighted, dramatized, and meme’d. It’s like no ones allowed to make a mistake anymore.
I’m REALLY glad that social media wasn’t around when I was in college, because boy, did I do stupid things.
I cannot even BEGIN to express my thankfulness that there was no facebook or twitter when I was in college. And it terrifies me as my kids are getting older. Whereas we can say “no, that never happened….” it’s so much harder when it’s plastered all over the internet. For EVER.
Great post.
You’re stressing me out! 😉 Just kidding. Sort of. I haven’t started worrying about this yet. But I am pretty sure I will.
And I did stupid things too. I hate to say that it’s a right of passage but it kind of is… you know? I just hate that so much of these things are put out there now. I think we need to start a campaign that says “use social media for ONLY good!” 🙂
Such a good point that times are changing and everything is documented these days!
You are not the only one who has had a night like that. I can remember a summer where it seemed that one of my friends or me had too much too drink and how lucky we were to have friends to watch over us and not have social media to worry about. We all had cameras but those photos are all safely tucked away in our basements. The evidence of our drunkenness was not shared all over and I’m thankful for that.
Oh you are so right! Not to mention all of the things that could be shared now taken completely out of context. With some creative editing people could make just about anyone look like they said or did something they shouldn’t. It scares me. I often wonder what sort of things I would have shared if social media was around like it is now, and yeah so glad it wasn’t.