It’s a complicated relationship we have.
Those numbers reflect how I’m feeling anyway, but they also provide me with proof that I can’t reason away (my pants shrunk, the cut of this shirt is unforgiving, etc.)- it’s right there in big, bold numbers.
The scale is hidden away in a cupboard so that I don’t step on it too often, but I can’t completely avoid it.
With my attempts to eat better and exercise more this year, I’ve lost 5 pounds so far. My goal is to lose 15 more (though 20 is my “what I really mean” goal).
There’s a wide range of normal weight, based on height. But it is a wide range… and I’ve been pushing that upper limit for a while now, bogged down by stress. My goal weight is still within that normal range, too.
Doing something about my weight is having a positive effect on my attitude along with my waistline.
But still: it’s a tricky relationship I have with that scale. I can’t listen to it every day or it will start screaming at me that I need to do more, that I’m failing, that maybe I should do something extreme.
If I only listen to it every once in a while and keep up with the healthier habits I’ve adopted, it can gently whisper to me that yes, it’s working, it’s making a difference, that it might not be super fast, but it’s happening.
If I ignore it entirely, my stretchy pants will lie to me about reality and when I finally pull that scale out, it bitch slaps me.
Where’s that balance of listening to it just the right amount? I’m trying to find it.
And I’m trying to keep my unhealthy relationship from affecting my kids, who don’t need to have their perspectives skewed by a mom who calls herself fat when she isn’t really. They don’t need to hear me curse the scale and vow to go on some crazy not-healthy-for-me diet because there was a change of a pound or two.
At the same time, I try not to stress weight gain too much to my middle child, even though we are desperately trying to get his weight to go up. This relationship with weight: it’s complicated no matter which end of the spectrum that you are on.
For now, I’ll keep on with my changes and only listen to the scale once in a while, hoping it will be gentle with me in a way that I’m often not able to be with myself.
Last Week’s Pour Your Heart Out Highlights
- Dancing from Wine in Mom: “With the stage lights shining on him, it was if that shy kid from an hour ago had disappeared.”
- My Children Have Watched Porn from Peeling an Orange with a Screwdriver: “So, next time you’re feeling guilty about poisoning your children with the sweet, sweet fruit of the non-organic apple tree, remember that mine know what a menage a trois is.”
- You Would Have Been Three from Autism Wonderland: “I think how much I would have loved to hold you, even if just once.”
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