Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

7 Reasons I Suck as a Soccer Mom

Alright, so I have boys who play soccer.

And I even have the minivan that goes along with being a soccer mom.

But, apparently, I’m NOT a good soccer mom as defined by the behavior of the soccer moms I have encountered.

1. I wish there was only one practice a week for each of my boys instead of two.

2. I think that an hour and a half of a Skills Clinic followed by another half hour of regular practice is too much for six year-olds.

3. When we’ve had a long day already, I have ZERO problem skipping practice in favor of an early bedtime.

4. I cannot bring myself to scream at a group of five year-olds “Don’t let them take it away from you!” or “Get your head in the game!”

5. I am not competitive about bringing the best after-game snack.

6. When it’s cold or rainy, I hope for a cancellation.

7. I have no clue what the scores have been for my boys’ games.

My boys have fun at soccer and that’s all that matters, right? Not if I’m there in a chair that coordinates with their team colors while screaming my head off and analyzing what the coach should be doing better. Right?

Well, if I’m wrong, I’m still not changing. Maybe I’m only cut out to be the mom of soccer players and not a “soccer mom.”

Elaine at The Miss-Elaine-ous Life wrote about her soccer woes today, too. And suggested I link up! Check out her linky!

Comments

  1. OH I would be with you. I loathe the parents that do all of the above. I want my kids to just have fun and learn about sportsmanship and sometimes the sportsmanship is something that needs to be taught to the parents of the kids more…

  2. I think you are right. Maybe you should stick to being a mom of soccer players. They sure do look happy!

  3. Being a reformed soccer mom (my kids have outgrown organized sports), I can tell you the fun is just beginning.

    It always amazed me how many seemingly rational people turned into raving maniacs trying to live vicariously through their kids participating in sports.

    I was the mom sitting away from the crowd, wrapped in a blanket, or under a rain canopy, reading a book in between periods, NOT yelling at anyone.

  4. I don't think I'm cut out to be a soccer mom, I don't even own a mini-van!! I can't stand the parents that are screaming at their five year olds during a game, that's a tad bit too competitive for my taste. It's all about having fun, isn't it?

  5. That's a lot of practice time for their age group! My niece is in her fourth year and she only has an hour twice a week. Yikes! I could not imagine it with two boys.
    As long as they are having fun…that's all that matters!

  6. You know I have been a long time soccer mom. Although a few of these apply to me, not all of them do.

    My two kids who play soccer, love soccer. I wouldn't mind a schedule that was a little more lax, but they LOVE being there. They look forward to training, practices, and games (including the ones in the rain).

    I put up with all of it, because my kids are having fun. A relatively small sacrifice on my part so I can see them smile.

  7. I think you're the best soccer mom! I was at the dr the other day and an 8 year old came in w/ stress fractures in his femurs from soccer. EIGHT!

  8. Isn't it crazy how serious some of those parents are? I tried to let me oldest join when she was young and people were actually rude about her playing because she could not do what the other kids could. She was 5! It is supposed to be about the kids having fun but somehow it is like Toddlers and Tiaras but with a soccer ball.

  9. I'm with you,Shell. I suck as a soccer Mom and a Soccer wife.

    My Hubby has been playing forever. I hate that soccer takes up his every Sunday while I am stuck entertaining the Kiddo–I never go to his games anymore.

    And now Kiddo has started playing, so I have a game on Saturday. And Hubby is a coach.

    And now, after 12+ years, I still don't really like the game.

    {sigh} But I'll go to Kiddo's games and cheer him on…and maybe, one of these days, I'll learn the rules…

  10. I think you've got it right!

    My parents rarely attended my gymnastics practices or competitions. When they did I would have to reexplain certain things to them so they would understand how it worked – or what a skill was. That's probably why I didn't burn out at an early age.

    Fast forward to a few years later and I am coaching – 4 and 5 year olds – I actually had parents ASKING for permission to take their daughters out early for a birthday party. I would assure them their Olympic chances probably wouldn't be affected by skipping a few practices to just be a kid.

    Keep being a mom of soccer players – your children will thank you later!

  11. I am so with you there too. Zach isn't a real good player (not coordinated and doesn't pay enough attention when he plays) but he has fun and that is all that matters to me!

    I agree that that much practice is WAY too much!!! We only have one hour once a week and I think that is plenty!

    Maybe someday I will get more into it – but I am not really sports oriented… so maybe not.

  12. I could never be a soccer mom. that's why I'm a hockey and baseball mom! LOL

    In all seriousness, I do pay attention to the score and want my kids to do well, but I completely agree with you on every other level.

  13. You are my kind of soccer mom! I wish you lived in my neighborhood. Fortunately, my kids are at the age where there are 2 different leagues–traveling for the kids (and parents) who are serious about the game and intramural for families like mine who are happy if the kids are running in the right direction… most of the time.

  14. If I was a soccer mom, I'd probably be more like you than the crazy ladies who really 'bring it'. I'm non-competitive like that. 🙂

  15. That is a lot of practice time for that age group! We do a 1 hour practice once a week and the games are also an hour once a week.

    If one of my kids has the ball, I'll yell to try and encourage them but that's it. I never know the scores. All the coaches say the score doesn't matter anyway at this age.

    Sometimes I think soccer is more for the parents. They get crazy so they can brag they have the best player out there. As long as your boys are having fun, ignore what other soccer moms do.

  16. I'm not the best football mom either. I think 2 to 2 1/2 hours practices twice a week is a bit long and ummm I might have let him skip a practice when we had family coming over.

  17. Between my two boys, I think we've tried them all…soccer, baseball, football, basketball…and I've yet to be one of those moms. I have found that it's almost always the parents who take the game of whatever it happens to be far more serious than any of the kids! I've seen some crazy stuff that leaves me speechless and shaking my head in disbelief!

  19. As a baseball mom, I understand and completely agree with you – it is a lot for a 6 year old and it takes a toll. Now that my son is a high school senior, and this may be his last year of playing I'm surprised to find that I'm really sad there may be no more baseball in my future.

  20. omg – you are so right about #5 – I had to do snack this week and I was the first one – I was sweating bullets……

  21. and this is why I adore and respect you so much. I know I am going to #FAIL at being a sports mom when it's time…but at least I can feel like I'm not alone.

    You're still a great mom in my book sweets.

  22. I am ALWAYS the only mom who votes for shorter practices. We've been doing soccer for ten, very long years now and I still can't tell you what offsides means.

    Also, I cheer when the other team does something great. Hey, they ARE kids. The vast majority of parents seems to forget that. Just wait. You should see some of the things I've witnessed along the way. Parents screaming and swearing at their kids. Parents fighting with parents on opposing teams. Parents getting ejected from the soccer fields. Even, one time, a fistfight between two dads on opposing teams that my husband had to help break up. It's a sad, sad statement on today's society. But luckily, there are some sane ones out there. When you find a good team, try to stay with them.

  23. This made me laugh out loud. I am so right there with you. Or rather, I was. I've now failed out of soccer mom status, but for those few years I just couldn't seem to get as into as everyone else. They are kids people!!! Why tell them it is just for fun and they act like competitive fools ourselves?!? I just couldn't stomach it all. If my kids loved soccer I would have, but they have since moved in different directions.

  24. I would be like you, I'm sure. It's not pro-soccer, so I don't understand why it would get taken so seriously. But I know it does. Those poor kids. At the age, just let them run around and have fun.

  25. What? People try to outdo each other with the snacks? What the HECK!!!!

    I'm with you on the casual and laid back attitude.

  26. So what you are saying is that I shouldn't sign my kids up for soccer, right? I would be EXACTLY like you!!

  27. O.M.G. someone else 'gets' me. I'm BAD too!! -for all the reasons you mentioned… and then some. I don't have the minivan -yet- baby #3 will be taking care of that issue in Dec… but I'm right there with you!! You made my day. whew!

  28. It's definitely not my bag either. We pray for rain every Tuesday and Thursday.

  29. I got the minivan but that's 'cause I run a boys' home – LOL. I LOVE rainy days when everything is cancelled. I'm not competitive about snacks – but my boys love Little Debbies – so I get those. When they were u-8, I coached so I never yelled to get their head in the game. I don't coach boys after 1st grade.

    Last weekend, you would have heard me hollar, "Down the Line" "Follow it up" "WOOOHOOOO" and, of course, "ooOOOOOHHHHHHHAAAAaaaawwww." (u-15 and -12 – my babies are growing up. . . sniff. . .)

    You sound like the perfect soccer mom!

  32. I was a bad soccer mom too. Heh! The snack thing is so funny and so true!

    The snack you bring is directly related to your cool factor. It's like a designer purse, only edible.

    🙂

  33. I think there are enough "soccer moms" to go around that you don't have to worry. Extracurricular activities SHOULD be fun, some parents get carried away.
    I too look forward to the days when Miss K's dance class gets canceled and I can chill out at home. 🙂 Sometimes I just need those days.

  34. This is why I choose limited sports for my girls. I can't stand this kind of attitude! And being on a wet, cold field is, to me at least, utter hell.

  35. LOVE THIS

    Because it is ME EVERY SINGLE BULLET POINT.

    I am so not a soccer mom that I wrote a poem about it.

    If I were there? I'd high five you right now.

  36. That's nothing…you should see some of the nonesense that goes on at kids hockey games up here! I know Canadians love hockey and all, but seriously….parents are not supposed to end up in the penalty box for fighting!
    We were really lucky this summer. My son's 2 soccer coaches were just awesome – really encouraging, never yelled or lost patience. They made sure the kids had fun. So all the parents of kids on my sons' team followed that tone. otherwise, you would have really looked like an *ss.

  38. I come from & married into a big sports family. We take our games pretty seriously. But when my kids are six, and twelve and even sixteen, I hope to be the kind of soccer mom (or mom of soccer players – I like that phrasing!) that you are.

  39. I am so with you…why can't these kids just have a goodtime? Then again I am soooo not the sports type.

  41. I'm like that about everything. It is all about the fun for me. I was talking to the other girl scout leader this weekend and those other girl scout moms are cuh-razy! Like nutso about girl scouts. We're all meh. But our girls have a good time.

  42. I panicked last weekend at my son's soccer game because I forgot to check if I was supposed to bring the snack! I kept looking around for a parent with snacks and couldn't see any. Luckily, another mom called her hubby at home to check the schedule and I lucked out because it wasn't me. Whew. Nothing like being the mom who would disappoint all those little faces after they ran their little hearts out for an hour!

  43. you're there for them and that's what really matters IMO. i do have to chuckle at all of this b/c i'm an avid soccer fan and i was a "soccer auntie" back in the day and am totally looking forward to being a "soccer mom" with Lovie. 🙂

  44. You and I have talked many times about organized sports and how ridiculous I think most of it gets. Be yourself. You're being the most healthy mom, and that's what matters.

  45. Oh my that sounds way too long for kids that age! I would think an hour would be sufficient. Sounds like you live in a soccer town!

  47. If being a soccer mom means screaming at five year olds and trying to bring the best after game snack than I hope you do suck at it. Sheesh. And what in the world…2 practices a week??? Why? I think I would suck at it too, and gladly.

  50. If I were you, I wouldn't want 2 stand around watching a soccer game in the rain! I'd hope for a cancellation as well! 🙂 Seriously, that just doesn't sound fun for the parent – now for the kids, maybe that's a different story! 🙂

  51. I don't think I would get a coordinating chair. Is that why they have so many teams with the same name and colors.

    I saw the beach cart you are giving away on the beach today.

  52. Um, I am glad you suck as a soccer mom. If you ever turned into one of those kind of moms, I would have to plan an intervention.

  53. Soccer is not my thing. I'm hoping none of my boys want to play. Otherwise I'm going to have to really suck it up 😉

  55. I am so right there with you! Our last child, 7, just started playing soccer and I'm fully adhering to the one practice per week option. When I hear the coach say to him, "Devon, time to stop dancing and get with the game" it cracks me up to no end.

    I would take the minivan though, driving a bug to the games doesn't have the same flair as a mini van.

  56. Amen sister! I say we have our kids skip practice this week so we can go to the park with our lattes instead, mmkay? XO

  57. Two hours of soccer in one day for one kid = way too much for the kiddos & the parents, especially at five years old!
    Hopefully they continue to have fun with it, and really, orange smiles. That's the only snack they need on the soccer field! Anything else is just ridiculous!

  59. oh girl, we are so similar. I could give a crap about the competition of it – they are so little. But, dood you have practices? That's intense!

  60. I'm so with you on this! Especially #2. They're 6 years old for goodness sake, can we lose the intensity? I've seen this already from both parents and coaches and we just started our soccer season.

    I'm just entering the world of soccer and being that "soccer mom" is so off my radar. I don't get it. I'm sure I'll be offending some people soon.

    More power to you, Shell! Please don't turn into that "soccer mom".

  61. You are not alone, I am sure that if my son had two practices a week, I would skip one. There is only so much they can handle or maybe it is me.
    Maybe you can suggest they do away with snacks, ours got rid of bringing snacks last year and I was so happy. And believe me I wasn't alone.

  62. That is way too much practice for that age! My son barely made it through his hour practices some days.

    The league we played in made all of the parents sit on the same side and if you started getting to rowdy or crazy-that was it and you were thrown out. So not nearly as competitive but I really liked it

  64. Shit – I read that list and I was thinking "well, I'm right there with Shell." Except, I'm the dad, and I'm supposed to be all "competitive" & stuff . . . but, yeah, I can't imagine trying to keep score of a bunch of 6 year-olds playing. I'd never, ever yell anything other than "don't get hurt" to my kids. And, I'd pray for frequent cancellations. Frequent.

  65. That seems a lot for a six-year old! I have two boys who will soon play soccer. Like you I'm sure I'll be cheering the occasional cancellations.

  67. I meet all the criteria for being a member in the Bad Soccer Mom Club. When's our first meeting? I'll bring the best snacks 😉

  69. I can't for the life of me understand why a "coach" thinks that little kids need to practice for that long…It's too long for little ones, I agree!!! We teach little kids about being competitive instead of about sportsmanship which is very sad to me. I think you're a great mom, it is sometimes about just having fun, not winning.

  70. My son plays u8 and he only has one practice a week. Sage, who is 6, practices for 30 minutes before the game, and then they play for 30 minutes. Once a week.

    Neither age group keeps score. That happens at u9, when they go to the biggest field and go up to a size 4 ball.

    Also, I don't own a chair. I get to stand. However? I have been known to yell at the older kid to get his head in the game. 😉

  71. I'm totally not the definition of a soccer mom. I love to watch them play, I really do. But I don't wear their team colors, that's their job. I cheer my ass off for the whole team even if the MISS a goal because it was a good try!

    Practice, yeah 2 nights a week PLUS a game or TWO on the weekends. Wears me out!

    Can all of us moms of kids who play soccer all go somewhere for a glass of wine and a massage after the season is over?

  72. LOL I'm with you. I'm the Mom with the coffee, the camera and if it's cloudy praying for a little bit of lightening because 2 hours is enough already!!
    PS I've also been known to cheer for the other team if they are getting whopmed. This doesn't make you any friends:)

  73. I'd park my not-color-coordinated chair next to yours any day of the week, lady. I'm not out for victory either. If my kid has fun and doesn't get hurt, it's a good day.

  76. Oh wow. Our soccer program is way more low key out here in the boonies! I could never keep up with all that.

  77. oh I'm totally on the same page as you! Just let them have fun. That's a lot of practice for such little kids.

  78. AMEN. Non-soccer-moms Unite! 🙂 This 6,7,8,9-year-old over competitiveness drives. Me. Nuts. Yet I still do it.

    Why? I swear… Only because my daughter loves it 😉 Pinky swear!

  79. I suck more- I totally forgot to sign my girls up after they asked if I would so they aren't playing. I told them I don't know when the season starts ROFL

  80. My oldest has been involved in sports for the past 6 years. I so do NOT fit in with those moms. At all! Maybe you and I should start our own team! 😉

  81. As someone whose oldest son is about to start soccer for the first time, I'm voting for defining "soccer mom" so it means everything you wrote above!

  82. I try to always get them to practice as long as I remember during the first half hour. But I agree with you on all that other stuff. If they want that kind of competition, they should sign up for pee-wee football!
    Sandy

  83. With you, although for us it's football and I am of the opinion that the coaches put farm to much pressure and require far too much time of families. They are 6, 7, and 8. This is not the NFL, it's not college, it's not high school. They are learning the game. It is supposed to be fun!

  86. Seriously, if faced with a gaggle of Soccer Moms I'd probably just sit there and roll my eyes at them. Perhaps you have a life and don't get so worked up over soccer as a result? #justsayin

    You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, my dear!

  87. Don't feel bad, I too hope for rain or snow on the cold mornings. It is horrible getting up and around to be at the soccer fields at 7:30 am when it was below 40 degrees outside. Yuck!!

  88. Don't feel bad, I too hope for rain or snow on the cold mornings. It is horrible getting up and around to be at the soccer fields at 7:30 am when it was below 40 degrees outside. Yuck!!

  89. Competitive about the best snack? Screaming at 6 year olds?

    No, I don't think I'd make a very good soccer mom either.

  90. I could not even get my son ON the soccer field to play. I am the anti-soccer mom.

  91. I don't think that you are crazy at all (well maybe you didn't use those words) but that is a lot for a 6 year old. And a mother that we all know, doesn't ever stop. We don't have time, so to add extra extracuricular activities are a challange in and of itself!! You're a brave woman!!

    Lynn

  92. –My fam is soccer nuts & Mr. Liverpool is a coach. My son says to me after the game, "Mom, did you see my goal?" I say, "YES, that was great?" & He says, "I didn't get a goal, I was just testing you!" You see, I read during the games. I SUCK more than you so don't feel bad. x

  93. I too pray for rain all the time – what is it? we pay $60 to let them play and then all we want is for it to get cancelled

  94. Oh I am the ultimate sports mom. Baseball, softball, cheer, lacrosse, football, you name it we do it and I think every one of those thoughts.

    Well except I am kind of competitive with after practice snack, but that is kind of my own little issue.

    The thing is you just need to find the other sports moms who are like you so you can sit at the games and complain/make fun of these things.

    You know you are really bad though when you secretly hope your child's team loses so that they can not move on in the playoffs/competitions any longer.
    Totally not something you would ever admit to those "other moms", but honesetly there is only so much time and money that I want to invest in my child's sports season.

  95. I think the fact that you attend the games and practices means more than anything else… especially to your boys!

  96. LOL! Oh Shell! You ARE a terrible soccer mom! Maybe YOU need to "get your head in the game."
    Totally kidding! I agree with everything you've said! (Even as a highschool soccer player, we never did skill drills and then regular practice… isn't that what regular practice is for??!) …the only thing I must say is.. playing soccer in the rain is one of the best… not for the parents.. but for the kids 🙂

  98. The reasons you suck as a Soccer Mom are the exact reasons you don't suck at being an Actual Mom…

    Soccer starts for the Crazies next Fall and I'm kind of dreading it. I think it will be good for them, but it's such a commitment for me too…blech.

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