Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

6 reasons my kids will never have perfect attendance

perfect attendance

Off to school they go… sometimes.

When report cards come out and days absent or late are tabulated, my boys are never going to have zeros listed there. They’ll never have perfect attendance. While I do think it’s important for them to be in school as much as possible and not miss out on their lessons, sometimes, they are going to miss school… or at least be late. Here’s why:

Doctor appointments are so much easier without all kids in tow. I’d much rather schedule a check up for one of my boys during school hours so that I don’t have to bring all three kids with me or try to find a babysitter. Even though this is an excused absence, it’s still an absence.

Our family lives far away. And while we try to make our visits during breaks or the summer, if we have to miss a day or two of school for a visit every once in a while, we’ll do it. Also, our family lives in the land of snow. Sometimes it’s better to have the kids go back to school late from a break rather than try to drive in a blizzard.

If they don’t feel well, they can stay home and rest. So far, none of my boys has learned to abuse this one- we’ll see how that goes as they get older. But for now- if they are telling me they aren’t feeling well and there’s a chance they might puke all over their classroom or spread their germs to their classmates, I’d rather err on the side of caution and have them stay home.

Sometimes, we all need a day off. It might not be an actual sickness, but just like I can have a day where I’m feeling run down and need to rest, my kids can have that same feeling.

Special events mean no school that day(or at least an early check out). One of my oldest’s favorite kindergarten memories is when I checked him out early so we could get to a showing of Harry Potter. Vacations count in here, too. I’m hoping to take the boys to Disney sometime in the next year or so and it probably won’t be over a break.

The number one reason my boys will never have perfect attendance: being late means no perfect attendance. While I try my best to get them to school on time, there are mornings when we are simply running late. When I can make the choice between screaming like a banshee and stressing to rush them out the door or I can take a deep breath and realize that I’d rather chill out and have them be a little late. Especially on the first day back after “Spring Forward”(damn you, DST) or after an especially long day. Or when it’s pouring buckets of rain. Or when I have the worst cramps in the world(gotta love that my periods are getting worse as I’m getting older) and can barely move out of bed.

 Do your kids have perfect attendance? Do you let them miss school for reasons other than being sick?

Comments

  1. When my son was in the fifth grade, he decided he wanted perfect attendance that year. He never asked to stay home, got upset once when a doctor’s appointment was scheduled during the day (demanding it be rescheduled), and even went to school sick a couple of times. At the end of the year, he was given a coupon for a free Pizza Hut pizza because of never missing a day.

    He was so disgusted at the “prize” for all his dedication, he was never concerned about it again.

    • Not much of a prize, isn’t it? And if kids are genuinely sick, they should be at home- not at school spreading their germs to their classmates and teachers. So much more important for them to get better. 

  2. I agree with all of the above except for the special events and lateness ones. As usual, I would not condemn or judge you for your way, mine is just a different way. I am of the mindset that if you are not 5 minutes early you are late and our family has made adjustments according to this philosophy. Not the right way necessarily but our way. Also, I would be interested in seeing if any of the above changes for you when your guys hit high school and are say playing sports. Being late on game day at most schools either means you can’t start or you can’t play in the game that day. As they say ‘things change’. As always, love your posts.

    • I do try to get them to school on time for the most part- b/c I know how important it is to get settled and right into the day. It only happens a few times a year. But because it’s only a few times and mine are still young- I just don’t stress over it. 😉 

  3. I was away with just the baby last week for 4 days. On Monday, I kept the 3 year old home from preschool because I just missed him so much, and wanted to be with him. I figure, it’s preschool, he won’t miss out on much. We had such a great day together, no regrets!

    • I love that. My mom let me have days like that- I didn’t have to fake being sick, I could just tell her that I needed to stay home. And because I didn’t abuse it, she never had an issue when I asked. 

  5. last year my daughter had near perfect attendance but just because it happened that way, she missed one day the entire year because she was sick. My son on the other hand has pretty bad allergies and he misses on average a day every month between feeling bad and dr. appointments. we’ve never been late to school (knock on wood) but if they feel bad they get to stay home or be picked up. and if Dr. appointments can’t be scheduled outside of school time when it’s beneficial to me, then they get scheduled during school time. My kids actually don’t like to miss because the school gives out charges on a monthly basis. But this year is shot as far as that goes. 🙂

    • Ours really doesn’t do anything to recognize it. We live in a large military community and so many kids miss for things like the day their dad leaves/comes back from deployment. 

      I figure as long as it’s not all the time and their work isn’t suffering, then it’s no big deal.

  6. We took our kids out of school to go to Disney twice. They were the best vacations we have ever been on and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I have let my kids stay home when I thought they needed a break and the boys will never have perfect attendance because of their CF appointments. They are an hour away and are in the afternoon.

    • Appointments like that make it hard! My kindergartener missed a whole day for his doctor appointment because the only appointment they had was smack in the middle of the day. He could have gone to school for about 45 minutes at the beginning and end of the day- but that seemed too chaotic. 

      We are really hoping to go to Disney- and really think we’ll go during a less crowded time than school breaks. 

  7. I was a kid who had perfect attendance, but mine don’t. There are RULES now about keeping them home when sick. I too have kept them when we’ve had something special going on. You just have to take each situation as it comes.

    • Exactly. Each situation is different, each kid is different- and I know it will all change as they get older. 

  8. My kids will never had perfect attendance either…. for all the reasons you stated especially the needing a day off one. 

    • If we need a day off as adults- we have to realize kids can feel that way, too. Not that I flat out TELL my kids that, but I know as their mom when they need it. 

    • Even with immune systems of steel- they’re still going to get sick or need a day off for something. Glad to see I’m not the only one who thinks this isn’t the end of the educational system as we know it. 😉 

  10. YES!! We have no problem taking the kids out of school when necessary. I do not do well in big crowds, so I avoid taking vacations when EVERYONE else seems to be taking vacation — it’s a big stress reliever. We took them out of school for Disney last year, and just recently took 2 days so we could go skiing a couple weeks ago… my 2nd grader was stressed about the homework she had to catch up on, but it was a good lesson for her. Life goes on… And life goes on too quickly, if you ask me. I don’t believe in “perfect” anything, so perfect attendance has never been a goal for our family. Embracing the moment? That’s a goal my family can shoot for. 

    Such a great post, Shell. CHEERS! 

    • Oh girl- crowds freak me out. And I just can’t see going somewhere like Disney during a school break. 

      Making memories is really the most important thing. 

  11. I had perfect attendance MANY years in school. Boo. Don’t know if I was ridiculously healthy, my mom was anal, or she just wanted to get rid of me :).

    My kiddo was home sick with me today. That’s my life.

    • I never had perfect attendance. I don’t remember being sick much, but I was allowed to have a day off here and there, just because. 

      Hope your little one is feeling better! 

  12. 🙂 Nope, we don’t have perfect attendance… but only because each of them get sick about once a year. My hubby is on the school board and he takes that role very seriously… but also doesn’t really see the point of keeping them home for “mental health” days. Every family is different. I totally understand the reasons. If a kid stays home from school… with a fever or just says they don’t feel good… there is no T.V. or video games. It’s a screen free day. It really cuts down on the kids choosing to stay home so they can play. We also haven’t stayed home from school for Disneyland (though it’s the way to go if you don’t care about them missing school) — If we let them stay home “just because” or to go on vacation, it defeats the “School is your job” line of logic that we use to get them to buckle down. 🙂 Great post.

    • My kids know if they are home sick, it’s a very low key day- they aren’t getting to do fun things. As a former teacher, I do believe school is very important- but just like I might get a day off of work for some reason, I’m okay with the occasional one for my boys, too. 🙂 

  13. We just got my son’s report card and he has 13 absences. Oops. But they are mainly for the second reason – my family lives in California and we like to make it a longer, rather than shorter, trip when we visit so they have time to play with their cousins and grandmother. That’s worth it to me. But apparently, it’s really 4th and 7th grade in NYC that matters the most in terms of middle school and high school placement. So I’ll focus on near perfect attendance in those years and not stress the other years 🙂

    • Oh, that’s totally crazy that those years count more! I’m so glad we don’t have to worry about school placement here. 

  14. Do my kids have perfect attendance? Absolutely not. I’m actually envious of your approach to lates. In our world taking a whole day off here and there (usually following a medical appointment earlier that day) means we can do the roadtrips & outings that keep everyone sane. Children’s museums, the zoo, conservation areas, so much of my son’s learning happens outside of school.

    • Their tardies actually don’t happen all that often- I think it’s only been like 2 or 3 times this year. But when they happen, I realize that I don’t have to freak out and have them stressed out by all my rushing around. 

      We did something like that with my middle son’s last day off b/c of a doctor’s appointment. It didn’t make sense to send him back to school that day so we went to the park. He loved it. 

  15. I just saw in paper a boy who gratuated from grades 1-12 with no absences from school which I found amazing. My kids only miss school when they are sick and 7 years ago because of my Dad’s funeral. The last couple of years neither one has missed a day of school. In Junior High those with perfect attendence and no lates got a pizza party. Any vacation we take is when school is out. Once my kids got into Junior High and High School they had to make up any assignments they missed (even gym) so staying home from school means double the work when they get back.

      • Though I said in here that my kids will not have perfect attendance, the amount of days they miss doesn’t total more than a handful in a year. Just saying that a day here and there doesn’t hurt them. 

    • And when mine are older than preschool and elementary age, I might rethink some of this- it all has to make sense to each family’s situation. Around here, they don’t even recognize perfect attendance- so many military families here and kids missing for parents leaving for/returning from deployment and spending time with them then. 

  16. I am so with you on taking vacations during non-school vacations. That is the ONLY time I will go to Disney. My older two are in middle school and I know that it is frowned upon to miss school for things like vacation, but they are both good students and like AnnMarie we have the best vacations during these times.

    I also pull them out for Dr’s apppointments and such. Hello I am pulling out for two dentist appointments and two yearly physicals this week alone! We are never late to school, but that is only because my children have inherited my husband’s freakishly on time gene and have complete meltdowns if it even smells like we are going to be late. The only thing I don’t do is mental health days. Not to say that I wouldnt’ let them stay home if I really felt like they needed it, I just don’t like it when parents let kids know things like “you have two mental health days to use when you want”. I just feel like kids shouldn’t have that kind of decision making power. Honestly my children love school and the only reason they ever want to miss is because of an awesome vacation!

    • Disney during a break scares me. The crowds. Oh, my. I’d only go then if someone handed us a free trip. LOL

      I’ve never told my boys they have mental health days. I’d worry they would try to abuse it if I let them know that they could stay home if they needed a break. But I can judge as their mom if they do need a break and keep them home- I just don’t explain it to them in those terms. 😉 And have only very rarely had those days. 

  17. I LOVE THIS.
    I have been having “discussions” with other parents already about Kindergarten because I feel like I want to go away for Labor Day this year, the same way we do ever year (for our anniversary and it’s cheaper that week) and there are some other moms aghast, aghast I say at me not having them in school that FIRST week of Kindergarten. Now I understand how important it is, but they will start school before Labor Day and meet the other kids etc, then we’ll go away and they will come back and it won’t be any different.

    I plan to take vacations when the whole world isn’t doing it, meaning that we won’t be going during breaks etc, I’ll take them out of school to go to NYC to see shows and to visit their grandma who is likely moving to NC or Georgia (sniffles) within the next 2 yrs. I will keep them home if they are sick or if we all need a mental health day…I know that this is looked down upon but I can’t help it. I don’t want them to be so rigid that they don’t have fun or know the true GIFT of being able to RELAX.

    I truly loved this…I could have written it. 🙂

    • We’ve talked about this- so you know how much I agree with you, but just wanted to comment here and say thanks for understanding. xo

  18. First of all I want to say I take offense to those students who come to school ill. I feel it is very selfish – to put mine (I work in a school) and my son’s well being at risk for their own convenience, goal to get perfect attendance, etc. 

    I think schools giving out awards or other recognition is a policy that must be done away with, as it can have ill intended consequences. Just thinking about the health department and/or school districts admonishments that we take precautions including staying home when ill so as to not spread illness is incongruent with encouraging perfect attendance.

    Switching gears…my daughter died in the sixth grade. I am so thankful for any and every day I allowed her to stay home. Seize the moment; the next one is never guaranteed.

    In this discussion, much depends on the child’s grade level. With my daughter, having always been in elementary school, a days lessons felt less imperative. At the high school level, things change – but so do a student’s choices. My son had not missed a day this year (high schooler), so when he came to me last week and asked if he could stay home, I supported him in this. I am grateful he made the choice to be honest and forthright with his request rather than skipping school and my permitting it was my way of acknowledging that with him. 

    Also, our children have plenty of stress on them as it is and they only get to be children once. That part is so important for us all to remember, I think.

    • I’m a former teacher and I HATED when kids came to school sick. Because they’d get their classmates and ME sick. 

      Thankfully, our schools don’t really even recognize perfect attendance or make any big deal out of it, so it’s really not even on my boys’ radar. 

      I’m so sorry about your daughter. It really is about making memories when we have the chance to.

      I totally agree that a lot has to do with a child’s age and what is going on at school. Right now, mine are in preschool, kindergarten, and second grade- so it’s not as big of a deal when they miss. 

  19. I absolutely agree with you, Shell, especially on #4! My mom did a similar thing for me when I was younger; we called them “mental health days.” I was always a perfectionist and overachiever, but it’s nice to just have a day off when you’re feeling burnt out! While my little guy isn’t in school yet, I think I’ll probably have a similar policy. I’d much rather emphasize being excited about school and learning (even if it means a day off here and there) than having perfect attendance.

    • I loved when my mom let me have those days! I haven’t outright told my boys they have those days- but I can tell when they need them and suggest they stay home. It doesn’t happen often, which is probably why I don’t think it’s a big deal. : )

  20. My daughter has PTSD from abuse she endured in preschool. Kindergarten went great, she went to a private school. This year she is in public and her PTSD is coming back due to being bullied and nothing being done about it. I always told myself she would never miss a day unless really sick. A week ago, I took her out for a weekend get away. At first I felt guilty but then once we got there and I saw her relax and laugh again, I didn’t care. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

    • I’m sorry she is having such a terrible experience. It really sounds like she needed a break to stay home and be loved on by her mama to build her back up to be able to go back to school. I hope you find a good solution for her. 

  21. My kids aren’t in school yet but I’m sure we will never had perfect attendance either! 

    is it even possible??? are the kids that do it? lol

    • yes, but not all kids get sick during school times. My daughter is in 5th grade and to date has only missed 1 day in Kindergarten, and I can’t honestly recall what that was for. We all take vitamins every day and are in good health. I know not everyone is as lucky as us, however, my daughter’s accomplishment and dedication should be celebrated and not discounted because of others assumptions. I know that some people will send their kids sick, and I agree that is wrong. As a matter of fact, my 1st grader missed a day this year because she said she felt bad enough not to go. I do joke that as soon as the 5th grader misses a day due to illness, it will open up opportunities to leave early for weekend trips, but as of now, we are still “perfect” attendance for one. BTW, I am looking into a “Perfect Attendance or Excused w/ Dr’s note” award for our school.

    • yes, but not all kids get sick during school times. My daughter is in 5th grade and to date has only missed 1 day in Kindergarten, and I can’t honestly recall what that was for. We all take vitamins every day and are in good health. I know not everyone is as lucky as us, however, my daughter’s accomplishment and dedication should be celebrated and not discounted because of others assumptions. I know that some people will send their kids sick, and I agree that is wrong. As a matter of fact, my 1st grader missed a day this year because she said she felt bad enough not to go. I do joke that as soon as the 5th grader misses a day due to illness, it will open up opportunities to leave early for weekend trips, but as of now, we are still “perfect” attendance for one. BTW, I am looking into a “Perfect Attendance or Excused w/ Dr’s note” award for our school.

  23. Julia starts Kindergarten next year (gasp) when attendance matters. But I’m pretty sure it’ll matter as much to me as it does to you. 
    I feel like, I know, we won’t have perfect attendance. I’d much rather create a memory for Julia (like your Harry Potter one) then have perfect attendance.
    Great post!

    • My youngest is supposed to start kindergarten in the fall. I’m so not ready. And yes- it’s good to create those kinds of memories. And that was really the only time that whole year I did something like that with my son and yet it really sticks out in his mind- even though all he missed was the end of the day packing up, snack, and story. Totally worth it.

  24. Definitely don’t have perfect attendance thanks to sickness and I did pull my daughter out for a doctors appointment.  I don’t know if I would pull them out for a fun day-not because there is anything wrong with it– but as as kid I had so much anxiety about missing school, hated to– and while my kids don’t have that, I think I still have it for them so don’t think I could do it.

     And Amen about age and periods!  I swear I never used to get PMS– but now the week before- hello watch out kids it is real!! 

  27. Awesome post!  When I was a kid, I never had perfect attendance, largely because my family all lived far away and we took time off to visit them.  Obviously I see the value in kids attending school (I was a teacher), but I can tell you right now that my daughter will never have perfect attendance.  I feel like kids have the rest of the lives to stick to a stringent schedule.  As you mentioned above, sometimes we all just need a day off.

    Becky 🙂

  28. Thank you! I’m a single working dad with two young boys, one in Pre-K the other in Kindergarten. I made the choice to send them to private school for a better education since local public schools are very poor. Well the rules are strict, and even moreso against the parents. I drive my kids to school, and several occasions have arrived at the bell, yet the teacher still writes me as tardy, and four tardies = absence. That’s insane. I understand they don’t want classroom disruption, but a few minutes after the bell I can understand, but at the bell, no. Also the mental health day I agree with. Especially this time of year, middle of winter, when you’ve been going 5 days a week for weeks on end, no sun, cloudy, snowy, miserable. Sometimes you just need to stay home and veg out to break the routine and much deserved R&R.

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