There are days when I wish for just five minutes by myself.
Maybe I could actually go to the bathroom without an audience. Or get dressed without a small boy asking me questions that I don’t want to answer about my lady parts.
Or just be able to drink a cup of tea peacefully.
But, when you have small children, it’s not really possible.
And can sometimes end in disaster.
On Thursday morning, I was feeling optimistic about a great day with Bear and Cub(Monkey was in school, of course). We were going to go to storytime at the library, and then go to the park to play and eat the lunches I was going to pack.
I didn’t even blog because I really wanted to focus on my boys, particuarly Bear since he was on his new preschool schedule of being home two days a week.
But, before I started getting them ready to head out the door, I went into my room to go to the bathroom and get dressed. I wanted to finish blowdrying my hair, too.
I was gone for LESS than five minutes.
Then I hear, “Mommy, my hands are stuck to my belly.”
Annoyed, I pull Bear’s hands off his belly, thinking he’s being a goofball.
But, it was really sticky. And I asked what he had used….
We walk around the corner to see Cub, in just a diaper, COVERED in something.
What does he have in his hands? GORILLA GLUE.
I managed to calmly ask Bear if he ate any and he told me no. I believed him.
I whisked both boys to my bathroom and immediately into the tub to try to get this off. As the water is running and they are soaking in the warm water, I dash back to the living room, grab my laptop and run back to the bathroom.
To live blog this. Just kidding. So that I can google how the heck I can get this off of them.
There wasn’t a ton on Bear’s skin, but there were big chunks of it in his long, thick hair. Of course, close to the root. I’m thinking that he’s going to end up with a buzz cut because there is no other way to get this out of his hair.
Cub has so much on him that I really don’t even know how to begin to describe it, other than it was like a second skin, a shell. And a thick one. .
Google tells me to try vegetable oil. So, I run to go get some…and I mean literally, I was running like a crazy person.
But, I have to pass through the living room to get to the kitchen. And that’s when I see it: there is Gorilla Glue aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll over our couch.
Our couch that we got new in June. That we love because it’s so big and comfy. Hubs and I can both stretch out on it together.
But, kids are in the tub, so I grab the vegetable oil and rush back to the bathroom.
Google again to see how to remove it from fabrics.
Google informs me: BWAHAHAHAHA! Not going to happen.
I call my MIL to see if she is in town and tell her what happened. She says she will pick up some cleaning supplies and come over.
I’m scrubbing my kids with vegetable oil. It works to get the glue out of Bear’s hair. It’s starting to come off Cub’s skin.
By the time they have been in the tub for about an hour, they have both had enough, so I let them out, even though there is still a lot to remove from Cub’s skin.
MIL gets to my house and we start trying to work on the couch. We both think it’s pretty hopeless.
I start tearing up and getting hysterical. I even tweeted “Goodbye twitter. In case you never hear from me again: my boys got into Gorilla glue while I was blowdrying my hair-” and then tweet 2- I’ll break it up for those of you wondering how I could fit all this into one tweet- I didn’t- “and got it all over our new couch. Dh may kill me. It’s been nice knowing you.”
But then MIL tells me that Hubs got a warranty on the couch. I ask her if she’s sure and then start to wail that it probably only covers normal stuff like if it breaks. Not if you leave your kids unsupervised and they GLUE the freaking thing.
So, she calls him and talks to him. Because I’m like a crazy person and there is no way he would have understood what I was saying.
But, it’s true. He got the crazy kids warranty. Which covers EVERYTHING you can possibly do to the couch.
So then I burst into tears of relief. As he laughs at me for being so upset about it.
It took two days and three long baths to remove all the glue from Cub. Our couch- is a lost cause.
And those five minutes that I had to myself: SO NOT WORTH IT.
I received information about Clorox’s Bleach It Away campaign and am sharing my messy moment for the chance to win prizes from The SITS Girls. To learn more about the messy moment program, check out www.BleachItAway.com. Sharing your story on the Clorox fan page gets you entered for the chance to win $25,000 and daily prizes, and you can grab a coupon for Clorox® Regular Bleach.
I’m also linking this to MamaKat’s Writer’s Workshop.
Wow. Is this what I have to look forward to once I'm a mom?? 🙂
All your tweets make so much more sense now!
Glad to hear that you saved your couch (good thinking on the warranty). Oh yeah, and your kids. 🙂
I was wondering what the tweets were about…glad that you have a warranty!
I have just now learned that 5 minutes to us is like an hour in kid time and they can do just about anything in that time.
HA!
Oh my word. My heart was racing! When does your new sofa arrive? What a relief!
When I saw Gorilla Glue, I was pretty sure your kids were doomed to be hairless, skinless little monkeys for the next 3 months. Glad the vegetable oil worked. I lurve forward-thinking folks like DH.
What a nightmare! But I'm thrilled you bought the Crazy Kids warranty.
Oh my! Of course reading this I am thinking to myself that, this would be something that would happen in my house.
OMG girl, I would have freaked out too! I just read this to my hubby…and he said "you think you have it bad". Glad to hear your boys are ok…but stinks about your couch! I know 5 mins is so not worth it. The other day I was trying to blow dry my hair and my youngest jumped off the bed and the knob of the dresser drawer when right in his eye. Thankfully he was ok but he was left with a black eye!
Still wish you would of got pictures.
Our house knows all to well about how worthless those 5 minutes can be. Maybe I can e-mail you a few pictures of one said incident.
I am so sorry.
God bless those warranty buying husbands. What a relief!
I know how fast it happens. One minute you are trying to find two matching socks the next you putting a dvd player back together.
Better luck today!
Oh my!! I can totally see my boys doing the same thing! The worst they did to our new couch was color it w/ markers. Thankfully they were washable ones. I had to scrub like a mad woman though!
One thing I have learned since having kids. Always get the warranty! You never know what they might do.
Glad all is well now hun 🙂
Maybe I should just keep incubating Jellybean for a few more years – or put off buying those new couches we so desperately want? If it makes you feel better – the dog had diarrhea this weekend and decided Jellybean's room was the best place to go. I just shampooed the carpets in there last month. Sob.
Oh my gosh, shell, you poor thing! Oh, I just want to wrap my arms around you and give you a big bear hug, but with all that Gorilla Glue you're into, we might get stuck together so I'll just give you long distance, hugs, k?
Ugg! but at least you have a real true warranty! not like that stupid camera one I got! errrrrgh!
I am now moving all glue to higher ground. I am so sorry about the couch.
I was reading those tweets as they happened and worried about you but didn't think it was the time to try and engage you.SO glad ur husband had the warranty. We had a similar situation w.Bella when she was 1 and got hold of crazy glue. I know the panicked, crazed, overwhelmed glazed over eyes of hysteria..oh yea, I know them well. Take a breath sweetie. Big HUGS!
Damn, that'll teach you to dry your hair.
Maybe Gorilla Glue will put you in their next commercial?
Wow, the hubby was on top of things, huh?! We have a tube of Liquid Nails in the kitchen drawer that I will now be relocating. HAHA! Glad your boys are ok. 🙂
Glad you got the glue off the kids. I would hysterical too.
Ok, not supposed to be laughing, but come on, you made this hilarious! For one thing, who do you think you are that you get to pee without an audience..really? And a product with the name Gorilla Glue should never have been invented in the first effin place! And your boys' curiosity is the cutest thing ever, even if you lost a couch, you got to admire their drive and determination to explore that shit!
Shell this was one of the funniest posts EVER…sorry, not laughing not laughing…trying to keep a straight face…
Kids will get into anything and everything, won't they? I'm so glad your couch will be covered and that Bear's hair is okay too. Poor Cub. I had to laugh at the thought of him having a second skin though.
oh my gosh. i hope you can look back at it and laugh, but i'm sure the moment was horrifying. hope the kids are ok!!
OMG Shell. I kept seeing tweets about Gorilla glue but didn't have a chance to tweet you back to ask WTF was going on.
Smart hubs on the warranty. he's a keeper! Glad the boys are okay, too!
OMG!!!!!!! I cannot even believe this one…wait a minute…yes I can…I have a boy too.
I would've been FREAKING out!!!!
Glad everything got resolved though!!
FYI – this is Mommyologist – sometimes I'm just too lazy to log into my other google account, so if you get random comments from Mary, they're most likely from me. 🙂
I would have been freaking out!
Not only am I going to hide ALL of the glue in this house (fyi – Elmer's does NOT come out of carpets), I'm stocking up on vegetable oil.
Thank goodness for crazy kid warranties. I think crazy kids should come with their own warranties!
I'm going to hide every ounce of glue in this house right NOW!
Note to self: Make sure dh puts his Gorilla Glue in a locked box.
And throw away the key!
I so would've been freaking out. Over the kids of course, first. So happy your hubs thought about getting that "oh s!*t warranty"!!
Reminds me of a story, waking up to my then 2 year old, now 10 year old, painting my face with Desitin.
Thank goodness gracious it wasn't gorilla glue!
This is one of those stories that is only humorous after the fact. And it is that. But it did kind of make my stomach clench when you described it on the kids… and then on the COUCH! OMG!! Thank heaven for crazy kid warranties!!!
Ally
So glad he got the warranty and the kids and you didn't die.. It's okay momma we all have those moments. Mine resulted in my then youngest being drawn on with a permenant black marker by the oldest. Deep breaths in and out…
Thank goodness for small favors, eh? I fell bad giggling, because I would have been very upset if I were you. It's only funny because it's happening to someone else. 🙂
What did people do before Google when their kids did silly things and then they had to fix whatever they had gotten into? I'm so glad that the vegetable oil worked, that your still alive, and that your husband got the crazy kid warranty!
I think you remained calmer than I would have. I think I would have freaked out on my kids.
Our couch has seen plenty of things, but never gorilla glue. The next time our golden retriever decides to lick her paws on my couch (which leaves a big old wet spot on the couch,) I am going to remember it is just wet and not glue:)
oh, my gosh, I am so glad nothing serious happened.
My heart was pounding,,,I thought he ate it!!!!
Thank you, God, nothing happened.
'
I'm a worrier like that.
And to hell with the couch, the kdis are alright.
xo
Wow. Good flippin' grief!
I'm glad you, your kids, and the new couch are all okay.
I'm sorry that your five mins were NOT worth it!
Eeeek!
How have I missed out on this "crazy kids warranty" thing? Definitely gonna have to ask about that one next time I buy something big. I finally learned my lesson and started buying cell phone insurance when my youngest was a toddler. For some reason he thought cell phones belonged in water. Lost one to the hot tub, one to the bathroom sink, one to the dog's water dish and another to the bathtub! I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
wow, that's crazy! I'm glad the boys are glue-free now and that the warranty will cover the sofa. I don't think I'd ever be able to buy gorilla glue again without having a breakdown after a day like that. *hugs*
Oh, my dear! I am cringing and praying for you all at the same time. Hang on to your sanity … this too shall pass …
It's like gambling! Only not as addictive. 😉
Glad the boys are okay. That's the important thing.
When do you get your new couch?
I am so glad your husband got the full waranty. I can't imagine the stress you were feeling.
We got a new couch and two big over-stuffed chairs – and got the warranty, too! Experience!!! However, they informed us that while our cat giving birth on the couch would be covered, claw marks would not! LOL
So, could they not fix it?
A note of hope – those 5 minutes will be there before you know it – and then you'll kind of miss it!
Oh man. At least life is never boring, right?
OMFG! That is absolutely terrible! Thank goodness for the warranty! Holy Toledo!
I'm giving you a mantra. Repeat it often.
"They'll all be in school in a few years." "They'll all be in school in a few years."
Then you'll get your "me" time without having to worry about the house getting destroyed!
So glad the couch was saved! And, yeah, when they're quiet is when you REALLY have to worry!
Aack! Gorilla Glue is some powerful stuff. They use it to glue furniture together. I got some on my hands once and it turned black and wound not come off for days.
I would have freaked out too.
Mental note: please get the crazy kids warranty when have kids. Seriously, I am shocked and slightly entertained. lol
I was just thinking about how much fun my daughter and I had together when she was younger…then I read your post and remembered I don't miss everything she did. Glad your husband had the foresight to buy that warranty.
Just so you know, girls aren't any better. I have the bright red nail polish stain on my couch to prove it.
WOW! yeah sooooo not worth it! But a great read for your loyal readers like me!!! Have an awesome day! Thanks for stopping by Peaceful Divas today!
Every warranty should at least come with a crazy kids option! I remember when they came out with the paint that kids could write all over and the walls on. With a brother who liked to express his artistic side with crayons and markers it was the Best. Idea. Ever.
Your hubs is such a smart man.
Oh, how awful but hilarious. You will be able to use this one over your boys for decades.
Oh my gosh, a shell. Oh my gosh.
I am so glad your hubs had it all covered and that it's gonna be ok. I had no idea that stuff was such a nightmare!
Those moments when you suddenly realize how quiet the house is? Those are the moments that strike fear into a Mommy's heart. Oh my what an escapade, you must have been so worried about that glue not coming off the boys, I am so glad it did. OK, if we ever buy any new furniture we are taking out the kid-proof warranty if offered. Thank goodness your husband did that. I hope you have recovered now from that morning – a glass or even bottle of two of wine must have been in order 🙂
Wow. I don't know how parents can endure that. Props to you.
Somehow my blogger stopped following you. Weird. Fixed now!
totally laughing WITH you here. WITH YOU.
Google laughing at you? Well, now, that was just hysterical.
Your husband wins this one, jeesh! And don't ever try to blow dry your hair EVER AGAIN!
As hard as it was for you, it made for a great post in your blog for us. We are so all there with you and experiencing your dismay and frustration-and finally fear. Glad it all turned out well and the kids are ok. Your hubby is a gem for remembering to get the warranty. God love him.
OMG Shell! That is crazy! I just can't even imagine what I would've done in that situation. I probably would've just sat in the corner crying and rocking back and forth! Yay for ridiculously amazing warranties and vegetable oil!
the boy once silly-puttied his hair. after getting that buzz cut, he silly-puttied a pirate's eye patch. get a call from the school nurse the next day. teacher sent him to her cause his eye looked goopy. he told her it was silly-putty but she just had to call to check. had the goopy eye for a week. thank the lord he didn't silly-putty the couch!
maybe you'll get five minutes next week, or maybe next year?
The whole time I was reading this I wondered: how did that kid get so much glue out. I have trouble obtaining a little drop to fix whatever thingamabob I'm working on. He must have quite a grip.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! At least it came off the kids.
Oh, dear God, you poor thing. Thank God for the crazy kids warranty on your new couch. We bought a new couch within the last year and got the crazy dogs warranty, too, just in case. You never know when one of them will get a taste for leather. You have an amazing MIL; she simply rocks! When my oldest daughter was 2 (so 32 years ago), she got a big tub of vaseline out of the baby's changing table and vaselined herself and her entire bedroom while I was on the phone with my mom for a few minutes. I washed her hair in Grease Relief for months. =)
Oh WOW! I though it was bad when The Boy wrote with red sharpie all over my ottoman… the glue is WAY WORSE… I'm glad it all worked out, though!
Guess you couldn't get lucky and have it be something nice like baby powder for them to play with.
But thank God for that warranty.
AHHHH! My little one colored with black crayon all over our couch last week. It's six years old…and we had a five year crazy kid warranty. *sob*
OH SWEET BABY JESUS!!!! I m shaking for you.. you are such a brave mom.. I would have fainted….. on the bright side they didnt eat it,,, LOL!!So what did dh say?? was he pissed at all// ps.. got to love MIL….
Oh my goodness that gave me stomach pangs just thinking about your poor couch
Holy cow!!! I need to make sure that there is no Gorilla glue in the house!! And woo hoo for hubby getting the warranty–I sighed a sigh of relief when I read that!
Ok, so I thought a couch covered in poo was bad but that my dear tops that.
Where in the world did they find the glue?
Sometimes it amazes me that children survive their childhoods! It ALWAYS amazes me that their moms survive their childhood!
I haven't had little kids around for a long time, nor have I bought any new furniture in recent memory. Do they really call it a "Crazy Kid Warranty"??? If not, they should!!
I had a run in with Gorilla glue over the weekend. It was with a 38 year old kid though and it wasn't ANYTHING like your story. WOW!
You deserve copious amounts of chocolate and lots of adult beverages!
Oh man just when I thought it couldn't get any worse! With my girls I could totally leave them for 5 minutes and not worry…much. But with my son…five seconds is all he needs!
Oh. My. God. It's like they say "car accidents always happen within a mile of your house". I guess kid mishaps always happen in the five seconds you got to pee on your own! I'm glad you unstuck your kids and that your couch can be replaced. One day… you'll laugh!
Oh good grief! What a story that made – at least it had a happy ending! Yikes!! I would have totally been freaking!
Oh dear. That's all I can say, because my reaction would have been the same!
Oh dear God.
I was actually getting very worried while reading this post because I didn't know where it was going to end, and I really wanted you to have a nice couch.
So glad "kid insurance" exists. Somebody thought that through.
Gorilla glue. Never even heard of it. That junk must be serious.
Oh my God! You poor thing. Your husband is far smarter than me…I am the one that always says no to warranty's and then regrets it!
What a nightmare!!
I'm glad you were able to get it off of the kids.
So, are they giving you a new couch under the warranty?
I have never heard of Gorilla Glue before, but if I ever see it in the store, I will just say no and walk the other way!
Oh man, now I can see why you were shaking!!! I can easily my kids doing the same thing but thank goodness we don't have any gorilla glue, or I'm sure they would've done this by now. We do have a little bottle of crazy glue which I've hidden so well I can't even find it myself.
I always say no to warranties but I can guarantee this post will have me thinking twice next time we make a big purchase on furniture!!!
JAC sent me over, and now I realize you probably don't NEED anymore comments, but I have to say…
Thank you for helping me remember kids do the craziest things!
that was lucky, eh? I mean, who actually buys those warranties? I might actually have to consider it from here on out. And your MIL rocks, obviously.
Oh, my! I think I would have cried (about the kids and the couch). Time alone during the day is overrated. I wait until the kids are asleep to do anything for myself any more. 😉
Okay I don't ever think I will have gorilla glue in the house ever again, so not worth the risk.
I know it won't be long before Tater starts doing stupid things like this. Sigh.
And I'm definitely not laughing at you – I'm laughing with you 😉
My children are now grown, but oh the stories I could tell. Trust me, you aren't alone, and believe me….there will be more stories for you to tell.
OMG! That sounds like hell! Note to self: NEVER buy gorilla glue or super glue. EVER! I can so play this scene in my head with my own boys! I didn't even know they offered the crazy kid warranties. I'm so looking into that if we ever buy new furniture. I'm so glad it wasn't a complete disaster!
Oh Shell, sounds like the exact type of mess CLorox is looking for!
Yeah, that would have been a freak out moment for me too! But I see you survived to tell the tale so hubs didn't kill you!
Stopping by from Mama Kat's.
I'm giggling only b/c I read this w/my mouth hanging open. Once I got to the couch part, I pretty much did a solemn, head shaking, so not gonna happen. How awesome is it that you have a warranty (I rarely ever get warranties!).
Holy crap, Shell!! I can't believe your husband had a warranty that covered everything!! And, thank goodness you got the glue off your kids. I superglued my fingers together just a few months ago, trying to fix an ornament my kids broke.
I totally remember those tweets! I had no idea that it was this bad!! Thank goodness for the crazy kids warranty!!
I am also so happy that neither of the boys ended up with buzz cuts! Your boys have the most beautiful hair EVER!!
It's nice to know that moments like this can end in laughter…
This so made me laugh! Not what happened to you, but because I can see it happening, to me. I've had some very close calls with JBird and Glitter glue. And I'm afraid because there is one container of glitter glue missing… not sure where she put it, or what she's going to do with it. I hope I find it soon.
Thank goodness for warranties! 🙂
Oh my hell! lol
Thank God for "Crazy Kids" clauses. This is why I buy all our furniture second hand, between the kids and the cats, new furniture anxieties would give me gray hair.