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4 Crazy Texts When Mom Is Away

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Parenting: Alcohol required

When you leave your husband with your kids for five days, you might get some pretty funny text messages while you are gone.

By the way, there is not enough alcohol in our house. No, no, honey, there never is.

Chuck E Cheese is CrAzY. Need alcohol. Actually, I think they serve beer… Which prompted this response:

If you order beer at Chuck E Cheese, they always card you. So they can take down your info and report you to DSS. It’s a trap! It probably is. That’s why I refuse to go to Chuck E Hell.

Is there such a thing as alcohol delivery service? There should be. Genius. A subscription to this service would be a perfect baby shower gift. Or Mother’s Day.

I think maybe I need to go away more often.

It’s nice when Hubs realizes just how hard this parenting thing is.

 

Comments

  3. Ha! My husband said the same thing about there not being enough alcohol in our house. Although its probably due to the fact I drank it all while dealing with these screaming boys. So good to meet you this weekend, wish we would have had more time to chat. 

  8. I’m with you! I’ve never been away (other than in the hospital to have more babies) for more than a couple of hours. And during that time I get all sorts of weird texts. There are days I wish I didn’t have a cell phone. Hope you are having fun!
    Sandy

  9. An realizes that you actually do keep everything running like a well-oiled machine… a chaotic one, but well-oiled none-the-less! Probably why I ended up pregnant the night I came home the one time I left my ex with the baby for a few days!

  10. Question is how long will he appreciate “how hard this parenting thing is”?  As soon as mine returns to his regular routine, he forgets.

  11. Those texts are great. I LOVE when my husband realizes how hard my job is. He had the two year old at the car dealer with him last week and text me to say there was a “poo-plosion” and wanted to know what he should do because he was stuck waiting in the dealership. All I could think was “welcome to my world, Honey.”
    So glad you got time away!

  14. I hope you had a great time and didn’t come home to too many disasters! I often dream of starting a wine truck that would cruise around the neighborhood selling wine by the glass or bottle. It would follow the ice cream truck around and have it’s own awesome jingle to lure everyone out!

  16. Ha ha this is hilarious! I bet you were having a great time laughing as you read these texts! Hope you had a great time at the conference!

  17. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve told my husband there should be an alcohol delivery service.  It could be just like my favorite pizza place where you give them your phone number and they can pull up your last order and ask if you want the same thing again! “Would you like the 2 liter Chi Chi’s Margarita, a bottle of Oliver Winery sangria, and a pint of Evan Williams honey whiskey again, ma’am?”  “No, thanks, my cold’s all cleared up, you can leave off the honey whiskey.”  “Alright, we’ll be there in ten minutes!”  HEAVEN!  My husband keeps telling me it’s illegal, but I really don’t see how.  

  22. That’s hysterical!  It is nice for them to get a good reality check!  An alcohol delivery service sounds like a great idea.  When people ask me how I do it with four boys under 7 I always say…WINE!  🙂  To have it delivered when I realize i’s 6pm and I have nothing left, well that would be FABULOUS!  

  23. last time I was away I got this text-“I love you so much and I miss you”
    to which I thought, wow-what a great guy
    then it was immediately followed by “don’t be mad, Hope cut her hair”

  26. My husband probably would have done the same thing but believe it or not he can’t text, he’s really really great at take out though.  Can you believe it? lol

  27. LOL…… it is good for the goose to get a taste of life from the gander’s perspective!
    I think he write a post and share the adventure: good and bad. ha ha

    When I was in college – there was this delivery service that would go buy your booze and deliver it to you. It’s how the underage set got their beer. Or so I was told anyway 🙂

  28. I’m glad he had the chance to walk in your shoes (flip flops!) for the weekend 🙂 And thank you for just one more reason to stay far, far away from that mouse-crazy-house. Spending time with you was one of the highlights of my weekend 🙂

  30. Sounds like dad was a tad overwhelmed by the boys this weekend! Hopefully he now has a greater appreciation for all the craziness you deal with on a daily basis. With or without wine!

  31. It’s nice that he gets to experience what it’s really like with kids for a few days. I wonder if I should be expecting the same messages from my hubby when I take off for a weekend soon….

  33. ha,ha! Luckily, the hubs & ex-hub don’t know how to text, so I just get the crazy phone calls! Last year I had gone to Vegas for 5 days. The day before I came home, I got a call at 5 in the morning from Princess Shaney (12) freaking out that she had her first “visitor” (sorry TMI). I told her to go in and wake up her dad so I could talk to him. She hands him the phone, and I am trying to tell him what is going on and the whole time he is going off on her about how if she can’t sleep she should wake him up & not call me. This whole time I am yelling at him to shut up so I can tell him what is going on. Finally I tell him to shut the f&#*^ up & then he yells at me. So, I finally say are you done, are you going to listen to me? She STARTED her (well you know). That is the best way to get a man to shut up, lol. Then he starts freaking out,  “what do I do? I don’t know what to do!” Calm down, go to my house, I have stuff there. I will call the hubs and let him know that you are on your way, then you don’t have to go to the store.” 
    The best part, I was 500 miles away and the dad & step-dad HAD to deal with the trauma!!! Way too good. 

  34. Those are great! Did you get any picture texts too? I get them when I’m gone and I love seeing how the girls are dressed, or how messy their hair is…. 🙂

  40. My hubby has worked for Dept. of Children’s Svcs. for 17+ years, and he thinks it is perfectly acceptable to have a beer at Chuck E. Cheese. In fact, he highly encourages it. Glad everyone survived!

  41. They just don’t get it do they? Hahaha. I was sick for three days. OMG he was dying. He couldn’t believe I kept going upstairs! I was SICK!

  42. My husband doesn’t get it.  Probably because he has NEVER watched them longer than 8 hours straight and it takes longer than that for them to decide how to push someone’d buttons 🙂

    Hope you enjoyed Blissdom and you kid free weekend.

  44. And that is why I am oh so thankful that in my Canadian neck of the woods we do not have a Chuck E Cheese. We do have alcohol delivery though…kidding.

  45. I love it!!  It is so nice when they get a little slice of our reality.

     I’m meeting a friend out of town this weekend.  Whenever I do go away I purposely leave the refrigerator completely stocked but yet missing something completely vital (such as milk).  It looks like an innocent oversight, but it’s really just my evil side making sure the weekend isn’t too easy on him.  Running to the grocery store with two kids is required to truly get a little taste of my reality.  He may be on to me, though, so this time maybe I’ll leave a little laundry!  

    Hope you enjoyed your {well-deserved} time away!!!

  46. Ha! So true! I had some similar texts this weekend while I was at Blissdom too. My response? Welcome to my world, honey.

    Maybe this will make them appreciate our lack of sanity a bit more!

  47. The alcohol delivery service is what husband’s are for. They get the alcohol and bring it home. Guess it doesn’t work to well when mom is out of town and the husband is in charge. 

  48. This made me laugh out loud!

    I have never been to Chuck E. Hell before and don’t plan on it. 🙂

    Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on Blissdom.

    • I tell my kids only Grandma Helen(mil) can take them there. I hate that place.

      I don’t know if I’ll ever get a real wrap up done for Blissdom. Will post pics soon, though. 

      While Blissdom doesn’t exactly leave you with a concrete list of to-dos like Type A does, it’s inspiring- gives you the idea that you can do so much more… like what Ash and I are now working on. 😉 

  49. I am still laughing to myself after reading this. Just observing my husband every other weekend when he is home with me and the kids makes me laugh, let alone 5 days of being home ALONE with the kids. 
    P.S. Chuck E. Cheese was my first job as a teenager I worked there for 2 days and quit and still haven’t stepped foot back into one. 

  50. I hate chuck e cheese and refuse to go there no matter what… never, ever. Ever. Thank goodness for grandparents!
    Looking forward to what you have to say about your trip to Blissdom!

  52. I used to work with a little boy through the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.  Chuck E Cheese is total HELL.  I can tell you that on three or four occasions, I would go in to the bathroom there only to find an over-flowing sink clogged with almost half of a frickin’ cake.  How in the hell that happened nearly every time I was there, I have no idea.  So nasty.

  54. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I was gone for more then a couple hours.  I spent the night with my sister at the hospital several months ago and remember getting a few texts.  It’s nice to be appreciated for all you do!

  56. Alcohol delivery service! I am in if you need a partner.
    Your husband did great, it sounds like. Mine would have just ran to his parents house.

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