Worrying When He’s Just Like Me: Pour Your Heart Out

After getting my children to seven soccer games, one basketball awards ceremony, and one birthday party all in one day, I came home on Saturday night completely done.

Not just tired but done. It had been a good day, but I needed quiet. I needed to not have to talk, to not be around people. That day could have done in just about anyone(and the birthday party is a whole story in itself) but for an introvert, it was overload.

I put on a movie for my boys, figuring they’d fall asleep quickly and I grabbed a book and the quiet was what I needed.

So why would I think anything of it when my oldest comes home from school and just wants to be alone?

He’s still at the age where he tells me just about everything and I’m well aware of the dynamic in his classroom. There isn’t anything going on that’s upsetting him. He’s involved in several sports, is active, has friends, is a smart kid, even a leader in his classroom. He’s a good kid.

So why question why he doesn’t want to play with his brothers or one of the neighbors or even do something with me, instead choosing to do his homework in his room(calling for me if he gets stuck) and then play Minecraft or build something with LEGO or work his way through the Harry Potter book he’s determined to finish before this grading period is up.

Of all people, I should get it.

I need that quiet time alone and get really drained without it.

And my son is doing what makes him happy.

Yet somehow, I think it’s totally acceptable for me to be an introvert but I worry that my son is so much like me.

And it’s not like this is a part of me I’d change if I could. Over the years, I’ve wanted to change various things about myself… the length of my nose, my freakishly short torso, the size of my thighs, and even my height. All superficial things. I never wished I could change how I was deep down, though.

I wouldn’t want to change my son, either.

But yet I still worry that maybe someday he’ll wish that he was more like his outgoing Dad and younger brother. I hope not. I hope he loves who he is: I love who he is.

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Have you ever worried about something silly when it comes to your kids? Do you ever worry about ways they are just like you?

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Comments

  1. Oh my. The bane of parenthood:). The child most like you challenges you the most! Love this post and it’s a good reminder to me on my most frustrating days.
    Kristine recently posted..Shakespeare with a side of apple crispMy Profile

  2. I .. not joking… worry and see the short patience my oldest girls have… luckily the youngest has not learned it from me.. yet! They have other great qualities but I really wish the lack of patience was not what they gained from me… argh… 
    aimee fauci recently posted..Meet Angela Irick- Author of Ashley Wins the First Day of SchoolMy Profile

  3. My daughter exhibits all my perfectionist tendencies. I want to tell her it’s just not worth it.
    Becky Kopitzke recently posted..When Words Go Down the ToiletMy Profile

  4. My two youngest have picked up my creative side. It’s great except that I’m afraid they will be starving artists. lol J/K.
    Tess recently posted..Tuesday ThingsMy Profile

  5. I am the same way, introvert who craves alone time. It re-energizes me. I’m the one at the party that just sits back and observes and then I wonder why my daughter isn’t more social.
    Katie recently posted..Self Doubt about HomeschoolingMy Profile

  6. My son is three and I can remember worrying that he may be color blind. My husband’s father was, and colors were my son’s biggest struggle at the time. He could count to 10, recite the alphabet, and knew all of the basic shapes – yet he mixed up colors so much. Now he knows them all and what a relief it is!
    Kecia recently posted..Eat your Favorite Foods without WorryMy Profile

  7. I was the same way when I was a kid.  Actually, I still am.  I enjoy the peace & quiet of just being alone and have canceled more plans with friends because I just didn’t feel like socializing.  My boys seem to be ok spending every minute together, so neither one of mine are like me in that respect.
    Robin (Masshole Mommy) recently posted..Chris’s World Famous Homemade GuacamoleMy Profile

  8. Oh my daughter and I are the same. I am an introvert and so is she. And I did the same at first, trying to change her and make her more outgoing. But I’m finally settling into just helping her love her introverted self and be her introverted self. But it is so hard. 
    Tricia recently posted..Wearing cute shoesMy Profile

  9. My 2 year old marches to the beat of a different drum, just like his mommy. He’s such a free spirit. I remember being more like my son when I was younger. He inspires me everyday to open up more. 
    Desiree M. recently posted..American Girl Doll + Book GiveawayMy Profile

  10. Syndil is such a social little thing- but she already spends an hour or so each day sitting and reading by herself. Sometimes I worry that I should be playing with her during that time, or at least read to her, or something?? But then I realize that she is happy, and will get me if she needs me. The worry is just part of the process, I guess. I don’t know that it will ever go away.
    Helena recently posted..Growls in both earsMy Profile

  11. My older son is so like me in so many ways – he’s short-tempered, he’s a bit of a know it all, he’s terribly sarcastic and he’s so quick to get his feelings hurt.  These things that are so like me are the first things about him that worry me, and drive me crazy.  Maybe it’s just because I know those traits so well that I know how hard they can be.  In any case, his versions seem more pronounced than mine, probably because I’m looking at them from the outside in.  
    MJ recently posted..Write what you love, love what you write – Week 3My Profile

  12. I think worrying about our kids kind of comes with the territory. I actually thank God for LEGOs daily because they are what helps my son cope when he gets angry, overwhelmed or frustrated. But I worry. I worry he does too much of it and not enough whatever else.

    We are their moms. Its in our nature to worry. It sounds to me like a great thing that hes already able to feel that he needs some alone time at a young age and can identify and act on it :)

  13. I worry about everything and anything under the sun when it comes to my daughter. Did I pack a healthy enough lunch? Did I spend enough time with her when I got home from work last night? Does she have enough friends at school? I could go ALL day! I am a huge worry wart. My daughter is exactly like me and I am thankful for that. She is loving and full of compassion.
    Jessica recently posted..Give Your Man A Little TLC With Dove Men+ HairMy Profile

  14. I think my ex worried a little bit about my son because he was content to be a homebody and be alone. Since I’m that way too, I totally got it but my ex was super social so it was harder for him to understand. Both he and I must have alone time every day to decompress and recharge. 
    Liz Mays recently posted..NETGEAR Nighthawk Saves the Signal!My Profile

  15. I think it’s great that your son )as well as yourself) want to be alone. It shows growth and confidence in self. When I was growing up, between my brother, activities and family I was NEVER alone. It forced upon me a kind of dependence, and it wasn’t until I was in grad school, when I could have hours by myself that I really found myself!
    Lindsey @ Redhead Baby Mama recently posted..A $720 Haircut… for Charity @StBaldricksMy Profile

  16. Most definitely. I see myself in my son in so many ways and he definitely has some ‘deep’ traits of me that I wish that he didnt have. Im worried he will be a follower not a leader because hes not confident. Its something I have to work on every single day
    brittney recently posted..Babysitter VS daycare?My Profile

  17. Oh, I have definitely had my moments of worry about one of my children being just like me or my husband. Then I remind myself that we turned out okay.
    Virginia @thatbaldchick recently posted..Zelenshoes.com #WinConverse Giveaway | 2 Winners (4/18)My Profile

  18. You are so right – my daughter is like that, and with sharing a room with her sister, she doesn’t get a lot of alone time. I need to get better at allowing her some ‘peace’ and maybe that would help with the fights wit her and I!
    Krissy recently posted..How Hammer Toe Can Change Runners’ FeetMy Profile

  19. As an introvert myself, I can completely relate.  I think we worry about the kids because society tells us there is something “wrong” with wanting to be alone.  My youngest daughter, though, has been similar since she could crawl.  She used to go put herself to bed when she had had enough with the family.  It is draining to be around people all day, and I can definitely understand the need to recharge with some quiet time.

  20. I used to worry that my oldest was overly nice (he’d say excuse me when taking a soccer ball during a game, ugh!). He got made fun of quite a bit for being too nice, and it made grade school hard. Now that he’s grown, he’s a big muscly tough guy that most would not think to pick on, but the best thing is he’s still nice and it’s the thing people love most about him. :)
    Rosey recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: On the MapMy Profile

  21. My hubby needs quiet time and so does my daughter.  It is amazing the bond they have and how they both have helped me learn more about each of them.  I don’t need quiet time! LOL  

  22. I worry that my daughter will be a little inappropriate in social settings like I was when i was a kid but she seems to be doing okay LOL we are teaching her to be appropriate and to listen and be respectful.
    Leighann recently posted..The Swaying of my SoulMy Profile

  23. I do worry that my daughter is going to be a hard teenager to deal with. She’s only 2 now but she is sooo stubborn about everything. Oh well, we’ll just have to see what the future brings!
    Karen recently posted..Oh Joy! For Target Party Decor {GIVEAWAY!}My Profile

  24. Gosh, I worry about such crazy things concerning my kids. My 4 year old daughter is so bossy and stubborn, will she grow up to be a bully? My six year old son is so sensitive about everything and takes things so personally, will he toughen up or be bullied by others? I worry will they be happy? Will they get married? Will they get a good job someday? I try not to get too caught up in it and not be a worry wart – and just try to live in the moment with them.
    Debra recently posted..Meatless Meals – Veggie QuicheMy Profile

  25. First, he’s adorable!  Second, I don’t think you need to worry.  We all need quiet time.  I don’t think it means he will be an introvert necessarily.  I’m an extravert and definitely need my quiet time.  A lot more lately than usual.  Our kids make us worry.  It’s just the nature of the beast…being a mom.  It never ends, does it?
    Mo recently posted..Grammar Nazi Part III’ishMy Profile

  26. I worry about the SAME THING. All the time. My son is just way so much like me, I worry for him. I should only be worried, in the end, that he’s happy.  Then again, I guess that is why I worry about him – I was only happy on the surface most days.

  27. oh I am so this way. Throwing birthday parties makes me want to leave my own house. I’m too much of an introvert. 
    Dina recently posted..Comment on Muppets Most Wanted: A moms review with coloring sheets by DinaMy Profile

  28. My son is barely two, but I feel like some of my qualities are already in him. Unfortunately, my impatient quality! I know he is a toddler in the terrible two’s, so I hope he grows out of this stage…
    Krystal recently posted..Educational Preschool Programs by Embark12My Profile

  29. My oldest is just like me too, and I worry about that. I’m very analytical which can sometimes be problematic and stressful. My five-year old is just like that. My youngest is wild and fun (which I can be if I try). You’re doing an amazing job. Introverts become writers and artists. Who doesn’t love and admire writers and artists?
    Susanna Barbee (Zealous Mom) recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Trip to the Ice Cream StoreMy Profile

  30. Oh absolutely. All the time. And it’s usually a trait or characteristic that I see in my kids that remind me of me. Interesting how that happens. For example, shyness or being introverted. There is part of me that feels like things would just be “easier” if he wasn’t so shy yet…I am and, like you said, I wouldn’t change that for me. 
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..NYC Half RecapMy Profile

  31. I think it’s normal for every mother to worry about their child. He is absolutely adorable! You are doing an awesome job, Mom!

  32. One son was shy like me, another is a literalist like me – I understand the challenges – and sometimes I do really, really well. Othertimes, I over-think, understand the cause-and-effect in the future so wanting for them to avoid certain challenges – but realizing they need to be where they are, they need to have time to grow into. It’s kind of like they say that if a baby doesn’t crawl before he walks, it will interefer with his processing. Sometimes they do need to deal with the challenges of their choices without our intereference so they can better process later.

  33. What a great reminder for me. I need to be better at appreciating what my kids are for who they are. I worry a lot about my middle child who is awaiting an autism evaluation; he’s always been different than his brother and sister but it’s not in a bad way. I worry unnecessarily because he has friends and he is unique but not anything that is “bad”. I need to embrace the things that worry me about my kids more!
    Brandy recently posted..Mega Bloks Hot Wheelsâ„¢ Bad to the Blade & Fast Fish GiveawayMy Profile

  34. I can really relate to this. I’m an introvert I crave quiet, I need that, down time after a long day and my son is the same way. Some days he doesn’t want to leave the house and I can be the same way and yet it causes me to worry, to wonder why he isn’t more outgoing and I know deep down that he gets this from me.  
    Julia recently posted..Old School Blogging – March 2014My Profile

  35. With a mama and loving and accepting as you, I bet he’ll be just fine and full of self confidence!

  36. This sounds exactly like my son, he is very much like his father that way! My daughter and I are both social butterflies, but if she’s anything like me, I’m going to be in for it when she hits her teenage years!
    Terin Garrett recently posted..Wordless Wednesday 3/19My Profile

  37. My niece is full of attitude, at the age of four she is nothing but a ball of sass. We’re always worried that if we don’t curb her somewhat that later on she’ll get in trouble at school for that sass and not understand why. On the other hand we don’t want to change who she is.
    Cassie @ Southeast by Midwest recently posted..Bring Kleenex Style to AnywhereMy Profile

  38. I worry about my teen ALL of the time! Like your son she sometimes needs time just to be but I always want to fix things and make it all better. This is a reminder that I need to let her be and give her the space she needs. 
    Rachee recently posted..Disney’s Muppet Most Wanted ActivitiesMy Profile

  39. I worry all the time about things when it comes to my kids.  Are they too outgoing, are they too shy, will they be afraid of things.  I think that’s totally natural as a parent. 
    Toni recently posted..Financial Planning Help With Mom Corps #MC #sponsoredMy Profile

  40. I don’t have kids yet but I do worry they will have the same tendencies I have now.
    Tracey recently posted..Foolproof First Date Ideas & OutfitsMy Profile

  41. Oh, Shell.  The older they get, the more I see myself in them…especially Twin A.  That independent, forever questioning, sometimes sassy creature?  Is just like her mama.
    Sue – The Spin Cycle recently posted..Going SailingMy Profile

  42. I’m the same way as a parent. I don’t want them to be as sensitive as I was growing up. Trying to be conscious of those types of things as I raise the twins. 
    Lisa recently posted..Photo Shoot Tips + Savings on Photo BooksMy Profile

  43. I know what you mean. I worry about my girls for various reasons. It’s true that each one is different and have different personalities. I like to be alone as well.

  44. It’s fun to poke fun pointing how a child is “just like your father” or some such thing, but when you see a similarity that might not be funny or could even be difficult, yeah, you worry. I think it’s natural. Actually sounds to me like he’s pretty well-rounded.
    Jennifer Hall recently posted..The View From Here: My Journey Toward Breast ReductionMy Profile

  45. Eliz Frank says:

    You’re not alone… Most moms are worry warts. It comes with the territory. i suppose. :-)

  46. I worry about silly things about my kids all the time so I totally get it. On this particular issue, I worry about the opposite- I am very outgoing and my son usually takes after me, but has stage fright which is the total opposite of me {I was in plays, did choir, gave speeches, etc.} so I worry about him being NOT like me. But like you said, our kids {and us!} are perfect just the way they are.
    Shell Feis recently posted..Pudding Filled Carrot Garden Cupcakes RecipeMy Profile

  47. My kids got my clumsiness. ANd my lack of fear. So they tend to do crazy things that get them hurt
    Debi recently posted..Girls Day Out at Chuck E Cheese with a Giveaway #RipItSipItWinIt!My Profile

  48. My daughter is strong-willed and opinionated. Totally like her momma, and yes… It worries me sometimes!
    Jessica – Fused Life recently posted..Juicer Giveaway!My Profile

  49. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as thy say! It’s amazing the qualities that our kids possess that reflect us so closely!!