Worrying When He’s Just Like Me: Pour Your Heart Out

After getting my children to seven soccer games, one basketball awards ceremony, and one birthday party all in one day, I came home on Saturday night completely done.

Not just tired but done. It had been a good day, but I needed quiet. I needed to not have to talk, to not be around people. That day could have done in just about anyone(and the birthday party is a whole story in itself) but for an introvert, it was overload.

I put on a movie for my boys, figuring they’d fall asleep quickly and I grabbed a book and the quiet was what I needed.

So why would I think anything of it when my oldest comes home from school and just wants to be alone?

He’s still at the age where he tells me just about everything and I’m well aware of the dynamic in his classroom. There isn’t anything going on that’s upsetting him. He’s involved in several sports, is active, has friends, is a smart kid, even a leader in his classroom. He’s a good kid.

So why question why he doesn’t want to play with his brothers or one of the neighbors or even do something with me, instead choosing to do his homework in his room(calling for me if he gets stuck) and then play Minecraft or build something with LEGO or work his way through the Harry Potter book he’s determined to finish before this grading period is up.

Of all people, I should get it.

I need that quiet time alone and get really drained without it.

And my son is doing what makes him happy.

Yet somehow, I think it’s totally acceptable for me to be an introvert but I worry that my son is so much like me.

And it’s not like this is a part of me I’d change if I could. Over the years, I’ve wanted to change various things about myself… the length of my nose, my freakishly short torso, the size of my thighs, and even my height. All superficial things. I never wished I could change how I was deep down, though.

I wouldn’t want to change my son, either.

But yet I still worry that maybe someday he’ll wish that he was more like his outgoing Dad and younger brother. I hope not. I hope he loves who he is: I love who he is.


Have you ever worried about something silly when it comes to your kids? Do you ever worry about ways they are just like you?

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  1. says

    My son is three and I can remember worrying that he may be color blind. My husband’s father was, and colors were my son’s biggest struggle at the time. He could count to 10, recite the alphabet, and knew all of the basic shapes – yet he mixed up colors so much. Now he knows them all and what a relief it is!
    Kecia recently posted..Eat your Favorite Foods without WorryMy Profile

  2. says

    I was the same way when I was a kid.  Actually, I still am.  I enjoy the peace & quiet of just being alone and have canceled more plans with friends because I just didn’t feel like socializing.  My boys seem to be ok spending every minute together, so neither one of mine are like me in that respect.
    Robin (Masshole Mommy) recently posted..Chris’s World Famous Homemade GuacamoleMy Profile

  3. says

    Oh my daughter and I are the same. I am an introvert and so is she. And I did the same at first, trying to change her and make her more outgoing. But I’m finally settling into just helping her love her introverted self and be her introverted self. But it is so hard. 
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  4. says

    Syndil is such a social little thing- but she already spends an hour or so each day sitting and reading by herself. Sometimes I worry that I should be playing with her during that time, or at least read to her, or something?? But then I realize that she is happy, and will get me if she needs me. The worry is just part of the process, I guess. I don’t know that it will ever go away.
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  5. says

    My older son is so like me in so many ways – he’s short-tempered, he’s a bit of a know it all, he’s terribly sarcastic and he’s so quick to get his feelings hurt.  These things that are so like me are the first things about him that worry me, and drive me crazy.  Maybe it’s just because I know those traits so well that I know how hard they can be.  In any case, his versions seem more pronounced than mine, probably because I’m looking at them from the outside in.  
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  6. brett says

    I think worrying about our kids kind of comes with the territory. I actually thank God for LEGOs daily because they are what helps my son cope when he gets angry, overwhelmed or frustrated. But I worry. I worry he does too much of it and not enough whatever else.

    We are their moms. Its in our nature to worry. It sounds to me like a great thing that hes already able to feel that he needs some alone time at a young age and can identify and act on it :)

  7. says

    I worry about everything and anything under the sun when it comes to my daughter. Did I pack a healthy enough lunch? Did I spend enough time with her when I got home from work last night? Does she have enough friends at school? I could go ALL day! I am a huge worry wart. My daughter is exactly like me and I am thankful for that. She is loving and full of compassion.
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  8. says

    I think my ex worried a little bit about my son because he was content to be a homebody and be alone. Since I’m that way too, I totally got it but my ex was super social so it was harder for him to understand. Both he and I must have alone time every day to decompress and recharge. 
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  9. says

    I think it’s great that your son )as well as yourself) want to be alone. It shows growth and confidence in self. When I was growing up, between my brother, activities and family I was NEVER alone. It forced upon me a kind of dependence, and it wasn’t until I was in grad school, when I could have hours by myself that I really found myself!
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  10. says

    Most definitely. I see myself in my son in so many ways and he definitely has some ‘deep’ traits of me that I wish that he didnt have. Im worried he will be a follower not a leader because hes not confident. Its something I have to work on every single day
    brittney recently posted..Babysitter VS daycare?My Profile

  11. Karen says

    As an introvert myself, I can completely relate.  I think we worry about the kids because society tells us there is something “wrong” with wanting to be alone.  My youngest daughter, though, has been similar since she could crawl.  She used to go put herself to bed when she had had enough with the family.  It is draining to be around people all day, and I can definitely understand the need to recharge with some quiet time.

  12. says

    I used to worry that my oldest was overly nice (he’d say excuse me when taking a soccer ball during a game, ugh!). He got made fun of quite a bit for being too nice, and it made grade school hard. Now that he’s grown, he’s a big muscly tough guy that most would not think to pick on, but the best thing is he’s still nice and it’s the thing people love most about him. :)
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  13. says

    My hubby needs quiet time and so does my daughter.  It is amazing the bond they have and how they both have helped me learn more about each of them.  I don’t need quiet time! LOL  

  14. says

    I worry that my daughter will be a little inappropriate in social settings like I was when i was a kid but she seems to be doing okay LOL we are teaching her to be appropriate and to listen and be respectful.
    Leighann recently posted..The Swaying of my SoulMy Profile

  15. says

    Gosh, I worry about such crazy things concerning my kids. My 4 year old daughter is so bossy and stubborn, will she grow up to be a bully? My six year old son is so sensitive about everything and takes things so personally, will he toughen up or be bullied by others? I worry will they be happy? Will they get married? Will they get a good job someday? I try not to get too caught up in it and not be a worry wart – and just try to live in the moment with them.
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  16. says

    First, he’s adorable!  Second, I don’t think you need to worry.  We all need quiet time.  I don’t think it means he will be an introvert necessarily.  I’m an extravert and definitely need my quiet time.  A lot more lately than usual.  Our kids make us worry.  It’s just the nature of the beast…being a mom.  It never ends, does it?
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  17. says

    I worry about the SAME THING. All the time. My son is just way so much like me, I worry for him. I should only be worried, in the end, that he’s happy.  Then again, I guess that is why I worry about him – I was only happy on the surface most days.

  18. says

    Oh absolutely. All the time. And it’s usually a trait or characteristic that I see in my kids that remind me of me. Interesting how that happens. For example, shyness or being introverted. There is part of me that feels like things would just be “easier” if he wasn’t so shy yet…I am and, like you said, I wouldn’t change that for me. 
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  19. says

    I think it’s normal for every mother to worry about their child. He is absolutely adorable! You are doing an awesome job, Mom!

  20. says

    One son was shy like me, another is a literalist like me – I understand the challenges – and sometimes I do really, really well. Othertimes, I over-think, understand the cause-and-effect in the future so wanting for them to avoid certain challenges – but realizing they need to be where they are, they need to have time to grow into. It’s kind of like they say that if a baby doesn’t crawl before he walks, it will interefer with his processing. Sometimes they do need to deal with the challenges of their choices without our intereference so they can better process later.

  21. says

    What a great reminder for me. I need to be better at appreciating what my kids are for who they are. I worry a lot about my middle child who is awaiting an autism evaluation; he’s always been different than his brother and sister but it’s not in a bad way. I worry unnecessarily because he has friends and he is unique but not anything that is “bad”. I need to embrace the things that worry me about my kids more!
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  22. says

    I can really relate to this. I’m an introvert I crave quiet, I need that, down time after a long day and my son is the same way. Some days he doesn’t want to leave the house and I can be the same way and yet it causes me to worry, to wonder why he isn’t more outgoing and I know deep down that he gets this from me.  
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  23. says

    This sounds exactly like my son, he is very much like his father that way! My daughter and I are both social butterflies, but if she’s anything like me, I’m going to be in for it when she hits her teenage years!
    Terin Garrett recently posted..Wordless Wednesday 3/19My Profile

  24. says

    I know what you mean. I worry about my girls for various reasons. It’s true that each one is different and have different personalities. I like to be alone as well.

  25. Eliz Frank says

    You’re not alone… Most moms are worry warts. It comes with the territory. i suppose. :-)

  26. says

    I worry about silly things about my kids all the time so I totally get it. On this particular issue, I worry about the opposite- I am very outgoing and my son usually takes after me, but has stage fright which is the total opposite of me {I was in plays, did choir, gave speeches, etc.} so I worry about him being NOT like me. But like you said, our kids {and us!} are perfect just the way they are.
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  27. Angie says

    The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as thy say! It’s amazing the qualities that our kids possess that reflect us so closely!!