A Complicated Relationship: Pour Your Heart Out

It’s a complicated relationship we have.

Those numbers reflect how I’m feeling anyway, but they also provide me with proof that I can’t reason away (my pants shrunk, the cut of this shirt is unforgiving, etc.)- it’s right there in big, bold numbers.

The scale is hidden away in a cupboard so that I don’t step on it too often, but I can’t completely avoid it.

cupboard-950913-m

With my attempts to eat better and exercise more this year, I’ve lost 5 pounds so far. My goal is to lose 15 more (though 20 is my “what I really mean” goal).

There’s a wide range of normal weight, based on height. But it is a wide range… and I’ve been pushing that upper limit for a while now, bogged down by stress. My goal weight is still within that normal range, too.

Doing something about my weight is having a positive effect on my attitude along with my waistline.

But still: it’s a tricky relationship I have with that scale. I can’t listen to it every day or it will start screaming at me that I need to do more, that I’m failing, that maybe I should do something extreme.

If I only listen to it every once in a while and keep up with the healthier habits I’ve adopted, it can gently whisper to me that yes, it’s working, it’s making a difference, that it might not be super fast, but it’s happening.

If I ignore it entirely, my stretchy pants will lie to me about reality and when I finally pull that scale out, it bitch slaps me.

Where’s that balance of listening to it just the right amount? I’m trying to find it.

And I’m trying to keep my unhealthy relationship from affecting my kids, who don’t need to have their perspectives skewed by a mom who calls herself fat when she isn’t really. They don’t need to hear me curse the scale and vow to go on some crazy not-healthy-for-me diet because there was a change of a pound or two.

At the same time, I try not to stress weight gain too much to my middle child, even though we are desperately trying to get his weight to go up. This relationship with weight: it’s complicated no matter which end of the spectrum that you are on.

For now, I’ll keep on with my changes and only listen to the scale once in a while, hoping it will be gentle with me in a way that I’m often not able to be with myself.

Last Week’s Pour Your Heart Out Highlights

  • Dancing from Wine in Mom: “With the stage lights shining on him, it was if that shy kid from an hour ago had disappeared.”
  • My Children Have Watched Porn from Peeling an Orange with a Screwdriver: “So, next time you’re feeling guilty about poisoning your children with the sweet, sweet fruit of the non-organic apple tree, remember that mine know what a menage a trois is.”
  • You Would Have Been Three from Autism Wonderland: “I think how much I would have loved to hold you, even if just once.”

Join in Pour Your Heart Out

pour your heart out Click if you want to find out more about Pour Your Heart Out. Remember, it’s about what you want to pour out: it’s personal, so there isn’t an assigned topic. It’s also about being supportive of others who are sharing: so visit other linkers and be kind with your comments. Linking up? Please visit at least two of the linkers and show them some support in the form of a comment or a share!


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Comments

  1. I hate my scale. I rarely get on it anymore. I just wind up cursing. I am working on eating better though. 

    Congrats on losing 5 lbs! And good luck with losing the rest. You can do it!
    Amber recently posted..Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday!My Profile

  2. I hear you, momma~ I have a complicated relationship with the scale right now {and my body} and I struggle to lose this last bit of baby weight. There’s more at stake now, too, with my little girls watching my every step + learning from my own self-image. It sounds like you are off to a great start~ keep trucking on the rest, you can do it!!! 
    Amy @ Counting My Kisses recently posted..The sisterhood of mothersMy Profile

    • Your baby is till young- it will come off! I try to pass this off as baby weight, but since my youngest will be 6 this spring, I figured I should get on this!

  3. I feel you, it’s a constant battle for me too. I just can’t seem to shake these last few pounds of baby weight (my baby is 1.5 so not sure I can really call it that anymore) but either way my pants are still tight. You seem to be doing all the right things to stay on a healthy track. Keep it up! I’m going to take a cue from you and start using a designated water cup. Why is it so hard to drink water!?!
    Nicolette Springer recently posted..Dear Struggling Friend at the Baby Shower …My Profile

    • I try to say baby weight, but my baby is almost 6. And I had lost all that before, but it’s been a struggle for the past few years. The water cup really is helping.

  4. I weigh the most I ever have, but am in the best shape of my life. Go figure. And my clothes fit fine. I NEVER weigh myself now that I am working out 3-4 times a week, the only reason I know my current weight is because I have recently had my annual physical. I was so proud of myself for not getting caught up on the whole weight thing when I saw it.

    And I LOVE role modeling my strong fit body for my daughters (and son). I think, at 40, I have finally figured out that you have to do what works the best for you. Congratulations on the 5lb weight loss.

    • I think that’s awesome! I used to just go by the fit of my clothes… but that was when I was actually in good shape. Now, everything jiggles. So, I’m going for loss of pounds and hopefully can get to the point where I’m back in shape and won’t pay so much attention to the number on the scale and just how I feel in my clothes.

      Such a good role model for your daughters- and yes, your son. The whole son thing that people are bringing up in the comments is inspiring a new post for me.

  5. I get this. In the past week, I’ve had to face the scale twice – once at the chiropractor’s office and once at the doctor’s office – and they both said different things. Then my home scale told me the same number I’ve been looking at for years. I want to be healthy – and part of being healthy means not mentally obsessing over the scale or defining myself by what it says.
    Becky Kopitzke recently posted..Why I’m Working Myself Right Out of a JobMy Profile

    • Exactly. That number doesn’t define worth. But I’m still going to be looking at it a little more in the next few months, as I work towards a goal.

  6. I know exactly how you feel. Even if my clothes are fitting well and I’m happy with the way I look, the number of the scale can somehow just send me into an emotional spiral.
    Barbara recently posted..DenialMy Profile

    • When I’m happy with the way my clothes fit, I ignore the scale. I’ve only been looking lately because my clothes weren’t fitting.

  7. My scale and I are NOT friends. Over the years I’ve gone from weighing myself twice a day to weighing myself occasionally, life once every couple weeks.  I always feel bad about myself when I’m on the scale, like that number will somehow be broadcast for all the world to see and judge.  Why do we do this to ourselves? 
    MJ recently posted..Life is for the living.My Profile

    • It’s awful, isn’t it? While I’m on this weight loss kick, I plan on weighing myself once a week. Then going to twice a month after I reach my goal.

  8. Thanks for hosting this link up, Shell.
    I appreciate you visiting me so much :-)
    Blessings :-)

  9. Five pounds is great! Don’t knock it. I don’t think there is a woman alive who has a healthy relationship with the scale. Mine broke a few years ago and I refused to replace it.
    Kerry Ann @Vinobaby’s Voice recently posted..Lit Snapshot: Sailing Out of Darkness with Normandie FisherMy Profile

    • I’ll take the five. I just want more- but I’m okay with losing at a healthy rate. I just bought a new scale because I’d gone years without.

  10. It is oh so tricky isn’t it? Our scale broke and so now I only find out how much I actually weigh at Dr. visits. but I can tell in my clothes that I have a little extra on me that I haven’t had before. I too, try to be careful about what I say around my kids, I don’t want them (my daughter especially) to get the wrong or unhealthy idea. I am simply trying to change my lifestyle a bit and lead by example. :)
    Anna Hettick recently posted..A change in dreamsMy Profile

    • I can remember how my mom reacted to weight gain and I don’t want my boys to hear me talk like that. I hadn’t been on a scale in a long time and then when my clothes stopped fitting right (or at all), I knew I had to make changes.

  11. Sounds like you have it figured out- yes it is a delicate balance.  The way the media and society bombard us, it is a tricky thing to be the best we can be and to teach our kids to truly love their own bodies without starting to worry about it too much,  
    Emmy recently posted..Life’s Game of BalanceMy Profile

  12. Good job with sticking to your resolution. It’s very hard not to get wrapped up in what the scale says, even though I need to step on it once in awhile to make sure I’m not over doing it. I don’t tend to talk about my weight or anyone’s weight with anyone, it’s too tough of a subject and everyone’s relationship with weight is different. 
    Julia recently posted..The Fun OneMy Profile

    • And we’re all harder on ourselves than others, aren’t we? I’ll look at someone else who weighs more than I do and think they look fantastic, but be mad at myself for my weight. It is very personal.

  13. I am not a fan of the scale either!
    I prefer to go by inches, rather than pounds. Basically, how my clothes fit. 
    Alison recently posted..FullMy Profile

    • That’s what I usually do. But my clothes had been getting tighter and tighter(and I even bought a size larger in jeans a month or so ago because I didn’t have any that fit), so I knew it was time for a change.

  14. I am in exactly the same boat and have been for quite some time. A few months ago, I was in a really good workout routine — and I wound up stopping because the scale wasn’t moving as fast as I wanted to. I was probably gaining muscle — but for years now, I’ve had a certain number in my head as far as my “fat” cut-off, which I surpassed quite some time ago. 

    I started back on a healthy eating and workout plan after the holidays, and this time I have not gotten on the scale once, because I know if it doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, I’ll stop working out again, which isn’t an option — simply because I FEEL so much better mentally when I do exercise.

    Ugh. Being 36 doesn’t help. Even five years ago, all I had to do was watch my carbs and cut back on the booze and I’d drop 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Not the case these days. But we probably need to cut ourselves some slack and just aim for being healthy instead of skinny. At least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself.
    Mary recently posted..Giving Back Shouldn’t End After the Holiday SeasonMy Profile

    • It is harder at our age, isn’t it? (Even though I’ll insist that we aren’t old yet)
      I need to see that number on the scale, at least until my clothes start fitting the way that I want them to again. Then, I can ignore it and be okay with whatever it is. I am going for healthy, mostly… even though somewhere in the back of my mind is a goal weight where I’d consider myself healthy. ;)

  15. i have an addiction.. i weigh myself every day several times a day.. its crazY! I have lost 86 lbs but it does devastate me when the numbers arent my friend. Ive tried to cut it down to once a week but i havent been able to do it yet
    brittney recently posted..Influenster Jolly Vox BoxMy Profile

  16. I so know what you’re talking about! I finally threw out the scale. We have been on both ends of the spectrum with Bethany. Each time we tried school with her, the stress of it made her stop eating until she weight 85 pounds and then she’d be overdosed on her seizure meds. It took months to stabilize her. Then a new seizure med made her weight go up to 150! She’s only 5′ 2″! Now she’s back down a little. It’s crazy!
    Sylvia recently posted..Another Almost Wordless Wednesday: Kitchen SkillsMy Profile

    • I’m finding I have even more of a struggle when it’s my son instead of me. He’s gained 3 pounds in the past 4 months and I’m hoping that’s enough of a gain to keep his doctor happy. Can’t I just give some of my weight to him?

  17. 5 pounds is a great place to start! I need to hide my scale and hoping my waistline can be inspired by yours :) 
    Lisa AutismWonderland recently posted..AW Sunday Review | 7 Steps to Nighttime DrynessMy Profile

  18. Congrats on the five pounds! You are of to a great start. I hope the pounds fall of easily and the scale reports only positives.

    My three boys are super skinny too. One of my twins still hasn’t hit thirty pounds and he is four and a half. But he is healthy and eats well.
    lisa at two bears farm recently posted..Prepping the GardenMy Profile

    • That sounds like my middle son. My other two are on the thin side as well, but my middle son who is 7 could get away with wearing a size 4 waist, easily. I was like that when I was his age, too.

  19. My scale is telling me tales I don’t want to hear.
    JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Sharing His Love and His TedMy Profile

  20. Oh that scale. We have a complicated relationship too. I like how you keep your put away. I should do that! 
    Adrienne recently posted..Things.My Profile

  21. And congrats on your 5 lbs! 5 lbs makes a big difference when you’re a shorty like me. ;) Although, I think I’m shorter than EVERYONE. Keep up the good work!
    Adrienne recently posted..Things.My Profile

  22. Congrats on the 5lbs! That’s awesome that you’re sticking to it and yes, it’s def a struggle. Oh man, I can’t even begin to tell you the ups and downs I’ve had w/my weight. And it doesn’t look like it’s gonna change any time soon. Sigh, things have been pretty rough in my life lately. But keep up the good work and I know you’re gonna reach and even surpass your goal. 
    Vi recently posted..Pep Boys is the Worst Place to Take Your Car!My Profile

    • It makes it tougher when there are things stressing us out. I tend to stress eat or forget to eat and then it throws my metabolism out of whack.

  23. Yep – I understand being bitch slapped by the scale! It’s a delicate balance.  Eating right to be healthy and wanting to lose a few pounds but not giving the scale more power than it deserves.  I walk with you on this one, Shell.  

  24. Oh Shell- I want so badly for you to read my post about this very issue! What woman doesn’t struggle with it? I think it might encourage you!!! I will first lead you to my post which will take you to Lizzi’s blog where I read her tormenting post about her weight. i pray it has an impact for you-

    http://themomcafe.com/measure-worth-weight/

    Beautiful post here- and one that SO many can relate to, Shell. Me included!!!
    Chris Carter recently posted..Our New Discipline System That Works!My Profile

    • What a great perspective! It’s yet another hard balance. I know that it’s not the outward that counts but at the same time, I want to be healthy to best take care of my family, too.

  25. It is a tricky relationship…and I think as moms and as we age…it’s hard to come to terms with the new body that we’ve acquired.  I think eating healthy and doing what you are doing is a great way to do it!
    Natalie recently posted..Achieving BalanceMy Profile

  26. See…here’s my tricky thing. My scale is my guide, even though I know it shouldn’t be.  As long as I’m within a couple pounds of my “normal,” I’m satisfied.  I need to take into account how I’ve been eating & exercising as well, because I know that tricky scale lulls me into thinking that it’s all about the numbers, when it should be all about my health and fitness.
    Sue – The Spin Cycle recently posted..When Winter PunchesMy Profile

  27. Ugh. I haven’t stepped on the scale since I found out I was pregnant. I always gain about 15 pounds in the first trimester–and thats with being careful. So since this is my *last* baby, I’m letting it all go. 

    However, I’m scared to death about stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office. I think its good you keep it in the cupboard and don’t step on it every day. I hate letting the scale dictate whether or not I feel good about myself, but its kind of the case.
    hilljean recently posted..Men BreastfeedingJan 22ndMy Profile

  28. I step on the scale every day, because I read somewhere that people who do that lose more weight. But I don’t let it bother me if it doesn’t give me good news. It does remind me that I need to eat more apples than apple pie slices, which is my goal. Although the apple pie looks sooooo delicious, sitting there all warm…
    Tina recently posted..A Telephone Is RingingMy Profile

  29. I’m weird in that I’ve never been much of a weigh-er;
    when I was heavy I avoided the scale for obvious reasons, and while I was losing weight I wouldn’t let myself get too obsessed with weighing.  Right now the scale and I are getting along well.  lol
    cyndy recently posted..What I Wouldn’t Give…..My Profile

  30. Oh, Lordie, does this bring up confusing stuff! You touched on a lot of issues that are really close to home. I weight myself pretty regularly and I find that it helps keep me on track physically and mentally. But there are so many deep-seated issues with food, body image, etc. that I still struggle with. Honestly, they are so complicated that I can’t even begin to write about them yet.
    Christine Organ recently posted..A No-Special-Occasion Special OccasionMy Profile

  31. Oh man, I am right. there. with. you. 
    Tiffany recently posted..Happy This WeekMy Profile

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