Getting Through the Rough Spots in Marriage: Pour Your Heart Out

When we were first married, we were starry-eyed-in-love newlyweds.

But really, we didn’t have much of a clue how to be married. Being young, we thought we could float on a cloud of love and that would be enough.

When you throw in a baby and big job changes a little less than two years into marriage… And then add in a huge move and another baby in year three, it got rocky.

We thought maybe love wasn’t enough. That maybe it’s possible to fall out of love.

Accusations of I’m not happy and You don’t make me happy flew fast and furious. Thinking the other should change.

Some how, we made it through that rough patch, realizing that love is a decision and marriage required effort and should be taken more seriously than deciding to quit some hobby that we no longer felt like doing.

Once we made each other a priority and accepted that it’s okay and even normal to have ups and downs, our marriage became much stronger.

We had another baby in year five. And made another big move in year six. But this time, the stress wasn’t there because we knew we’d be there for each other.

As we approach our ten year anniversary this week, I couldn’t imagine my life without Hubs.

He’s my best friend. He gets me like no one else does. He’s my partner in parenting our kids. He can make me laugh so hard that I can’t speak and tears run down my face. He supports me when I try something new. And he loves me even when I’m being unlovable. And I try my best to do all that and more for him.

The thought of life without him is unimaginable. I’m so very grateful that we chose to work through those hard first years because life is so much better with us together.

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Comments

  1. says

    Incredibly sweet. There is something to said for surviving the first few years especially when you add in babies, moves, and job changes (my hubby and I did all the same things in our first three years of marriage). I definitely don’t fear any challenges that may come up for us becuase I know we have each other’s back! Congratulations on 10 years!

  2. says

    Love this. That’s a lot of major changes in the early years. We’ve experienced similar phases but yes, when we accepted each other, stopped trying to change each other and made each other a priority, it got easier. Happy Anniversary Shell! 
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Dear Body…My Profile

  3. says

    I love this, Shell. It’s such an important reminder. Marriage, love, life – it’s all hard. But worth the work and worth the time and just worth it all. Thanks for sharing.
    Andrea recently posted..That girl.My Profile

  4. says

    What a wonderful post. As someone whose marriage did not make it through those rough spots, it makes me happy to hear that you know it and appreciate the hard work it takes. I know I do! Happy Anniversary!
    Single Mom in the South recently posted..Re-PrioritizingMy Profile

  5. says

    This is so touching and so true. Marriage is such hard work and it’s so easy to place blame or take it for granted. It’s a constant effort to make it a priority and I love that this was an honest post about that. You guys make the cutest couple both then and now. Happy Anniversary!!
    AnnMarie recently posted..The Gifts of CFMy Profile

  6. says

    These are beautiful sentiments that are so very true to every marriage.  Love this statement:”love is a decision.”

  7. says

    Congratulations on 10 years!  That’s an awesome accomplishment.  It was hard for us as well the first couple of years being married.  We did fine the first 4 years of being together, but then we got married and had a child (who was born with special needs), I quit my job to stay home with our son, and it was very stressful.  It could’ve ruined us.  But we chose to go the other way.  Boy, am I thankful for that!  It’s always gratifying to know that your partner is there for you and you for him/her no matter what.  Congratulations again!  And happy anniversary!

  8. says

    Happy Anniversary!  Life is full of “rough patches”. But your character tells how you will weather them. We have been married 42 years and not all of them have been blissfully happy. But we truly love each other and took our vows seriously (not to mention we are both pretty stubborn). We have been blessed to not have insurmountable issues, but I still like to think we have accomplished something pretty good. Hey, Hubs retired 6 months ago and I haven’t killed him yet. That must be love!
    Seams Happy recently posted..Tea Pot Cozy TutorialMy Profile

  9. says

    You are so right about love being a decision! Too many people view love as just a feeling and not as a verb. Loving someone and being in a relationship requires hard work, compromise and a consistent decision to support one another. Thank you, as always, for sharing such important words!
    Xiomara| Equis Place recently posted..With Great Risks, Come Great Rewards.My Profile

  10. says

    Happy Anniversary! I loved the part about loving you when you’re being unlovable. It’s not so tough to love people at their best, but the ones who love you at your worst? Keepers! xo
    angela recently posted..The Magic They MakeMy Profile

  11. says

    When I was a young girl, my grandparents used to tell me that the first 5 years of marriage were the hardest. I never could understand this, although I should have listened because they were married for 50+ years before my Papaw passed away..Anyway, they were right. The first 5 years of our marriage was not always pretty but, we too knew that our love was more than a feeling – it was a commitment. I am so glad we stuck it out because I can’t imagine life without my husband now.

    Congratulations to the two of you for being married for 10 years. Even in the best of relationships that is no easy task. Happy Anniversary + here’s to many many more!

    Lacey @ CHARM + Sass
    Lacey recently posted..Addiction + Honesty in BloggingMy Profile

  12. says

    Congratulations on reaching this milestone in your marriage. Any lasting relationship will endure many ups and downs. Still, after almost 33 years of marriage, I am so grateful to have my husband by my side…..still.
    Janet Singer (ocdtalk) recently posted..Lighten UpMy Profile

  13. says

    Shell, you never fail to make me nod my head in agreement with your posts. you by far are my favorite blogger EVER! just saying.

  14. says

    I think those of us in long marriages come to love and value our spouses even more over time than when we first fell in love. After a few years you’ve seen the best and worst of each other, and still choose to love.
    Patricia recently posted..Kitty Cat BirthdayMy Profile

  15. says

    I think it takes a really long time to get to know one another. It happens way after the wedding bells, for sure. It’s great that you stuck it out. You are right; marriage is a decision. A decision that comes out of love.
    Rachel recently posted..This Time is OursMy Profile

  16. says

    Hope you have a wonderful 10th anniversary.
    We just celebrated 5 years last week, and, our marriage is stronger because of the big changes (buying a house, having his younger brother live with us for a year..etc) and the little things. We both make an effort.
    :) It’s work – but the thing I’m willing to work the hardest at.
    mrs.d recently posted..Back to basicsMy Profile

  17. says

    I know I am late to this…but congratulations on learning what it takes to have a successful marriage!! UNconditional love. What a crazy ten years you have been through! You are amazing. XOXO
    Chris Carter recently posted..My Big, Wide RoadMy Profile

  18. says

    Marriage is a constant work in progress but totally worth it! They say the first seven years are the most challenging, I disagree. It’s always challenging until you find the right balance and even then it can be too. The difference is knowing how far you’ve come and what you have overcome together.  
    Charity recently posted..Quiet weekendMy Profile

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