About Andrea: I’m a native NYer who relocated to NC in ’06 and still misses pizza, bagels and my friends and family. Good Girl Gone Redneck covers the day to day musings of my life a a stay-at-home mom who is trying to find my footing as my daughter is off at Kindergarten. Stop by and commiserate, please!
Enough with the mommy wars.
Seriously, people. Enough is enough.
Actually, enough with the women wars of all kinds.
Would that be so hard?
The catty eye-rolls. The whispers behind the back.
OMG! She’s breastfeeding her 3-year-old! She used formula since birth. I heard her baby slept in the nursery at the hospital. EVERY night.
Why don’t you want kids? Kids are a woman’s greatest joy. You haven’t lived until you’ve given birth.
Wait, what? You had a C-section? Well, you didn’t really GIVE birth, then. Did you even have contractions? An epidural? Oh no, when I have my baby I’m going totally drug-free. Totally.
I’m going to cloth diaper. No way will I add to the mess that is our environment. It’s so easy. Reusable diapers? Say what? I have enough laundry.
Work at home. Work outside of the home. Stay at home. Work part time. Full time. Volunteer. Don’t. Join the PTA. Don’t. Let your kid take the bus to school. Don’t.
What does it matter?
You make your choices and I’ll make mine. Is it really that hard to look at another woman and say, Hey, your kid is adorable. I love his outfit! and not turn it into a battle of coupons, sales and Gymboree vs Old Navy vs consignment?
Should I care if you keep every bit of clothing from the day your first child was born? Or if you get rid of it as fast as they grow out of it? Do whatever you have to.
Is it wrong to have a second baby shower? A third? A sprinkle?
Doesn’t every baby deserve to be celebrated?
Why judge? Don’t judge. Please.
It hurts my head so much to hear how women everywhere feel so much guilt about one thing or another. For goodness sake, Kate Winslet recently came forth and admitted she lied about her C/S delivery with her first child. If she feels like a failure because she didn’t have the perfect delivery where did that come from?
Moms everywhere have babies everyday.
Does it matter HOW they get into the world as long as they do safely? And they and their mamas are healthy?
Sometimes I’m in awe of women. I like to think I’m not one of them. I like to think I don’t even have to try.
But put Snooki or Kanye’s baby mama in front of me and oooh, boy, I judged.
Should I have? Probably not.
Maybe it’s the whole celebs are different mentality. Maybe they put themselves out there enough that they just don’t seem like regular moms. I mean, they are. But they’re not.
Because when I heard Gwyenth Paltrow talk about how she was just your average mom? I judged. Big time.
And then am I not judging the women who judge? I am. But I feel as though this is something they’ve brought on themselves. Does that justify it? Probably not. Where does it end?
It needs to stop. If we don’t have one another’s backs, who will?
So cover your babe while nursing, have a kid old enough to ask for it, never nurse a day in your baby’s life – I don’t care.
Get back to work as soon as possible. Stay home with your kids as long as you can. Work part time. Full time. No time. Out of the home. Inside the home. I DON’T CARE.
Have one kid. Two. Three. Four? More? – I don’t care.
Have none. – That’s cool, too.
It’s your life to live. Just as I live mine. Can we please move on from there?
Amen, y’all. Please leave Andrea some comment love here and then go visit Good Girl Gone Redneck.
Andrea has such a way with words. I can so hear her reading this wonderful post.
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..St. Patrick’s Day Activities: Part One- Read.Explore.Learn.
I agree. We have enough to deal with as people and as parents without judging and criticizing other moms. Variety is always a good thing – it allows us to learn from each other. Let’s move on, indeed!
Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Thanks For Keeping It Real, Universe
Thanks, Deirdre!!
Kim, yes. SO very much!!
Shell, thank you for letting me share in your space today!!
I’m honored!
Andrea recently posted..With all my heart.
HEAR HEAR!!! I could not agree more. I have always said as long as your kids are healthy how they got that way makes not a difference in the world. As long as they are loved and know it whose business is it? What happened to us being the softer side of God, being His representation of courage and beauty and strength along with the ability to empathize and love someone right where they are.
Southern Angel recently posted..I get frustrated when.. FTSF
I love this sentence … “As long as they are loved and know it” because that’s what matters most!
I couldn’t agree more! As long as you are happy, then who am I to judge?
Hear hear! Whole-heartedly feel that.
Well said! Bravo!
*blushes* Thanks for the applause and support!
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” Matthew 7:1 Well drat! Guess I should leave Snooki alone? Sigh. (Chuckle.)
That cracked me up. I almost wrote that saying but I’m so not up on the exact wording! But yeah – I’ve tried to back off of Snooki. :>
I agree. However it’s the basis for our society really. To feel superior to something or someone. With shows like honey boo boo and real house wives of wherever, we all just want to know that we are better than something instead of feeling like we’re failing at everything. I don’t think that will ever change unfortunately.
Crystal recently posted..My favorite TV couples in honor of Valentine’s Day romance.
Thanks, everyone.
Crystal, I agree, it is SO much a part of who we are these days. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. I try to work at not being that way but the modern society and media totally WANT us to watch those train wrecks!! I can say I’ve never ever watched Honey Boo Boo. But she’s riding her train to the bank anyway. Can’t win!!
I agree totally! As long as you aren’t letting your kid harm anyone and you yourself aren’t harming anyone, do what you need to do to get through each day. Not one of us is perfect and not one of us is the same.
Great read to start the weekend, Andrea!
Kristen recently posted..Conversation Hearts
Thank you, Kristen! I appreciate that. And love your mindset, too! Enjoy your weekend.
WORD!
Andrea, this is so what we all need.
Mothers everywhere should mother as each of us sees fit.
I love how you spelled out your truth, and I agree with every word.
I also love that you bring this spirit to the Mama’s Comfort Camp. Thank you for this and for your work as a Den Mother.
Yael Saar recently posted..EnChant with us: A Healing Song Circle for Valentine’s Day.
Thank you, Yael. I’m glad you liked it. We are powerful mamas and the support we share makes us even more so!! xo
Amen! I say this all the time! Women are our own worst enemy. It’s too bad because we have so much to offer each other….just look around the internet and all the women-owned blogs. Thanks for this reminder!
Jennifer recently posted..Following their debt free journey
You’re welcome! Looks like we’re kindred spirits then. And yes! SO very much to offer each other. Beyond words!
Agreed! Maybe all this looking outward and criticizing others is a way to avoid looking inward at what we feel we’re missing in ourselves. And maybe if we reached out to others having difficult instead of snickering over them, no one would feel like they’re going it all alone. And maybe if we all did that, like the entire human race, and if we all worked on ourselves, the world would be a much better place.
Can you tell this is a pet project thought process of mine?
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..Red Velvet Cheesecake Cake
I can tell – and I love it! Sometimes I just want to scream when I hear the randomness that women I know say – or say they’ve been exposed to. It stinks. I hate it, but I love the support!
I am so with you! Being a Christian homeschool geek it is always fun how I get judged from all sides. Just cause I do something doesn’t mean I have a problem with you when you don’t. Chill girls!
Oh, I am SO sure! One of my closest friends homeschools her daughter. I have no problem with that. And she has no issue with my sending my kid to K. We do what we need to do. I left out one line – YOU DO YOU! AND I’ll DO ME! :> Sorta! Thanks for commenting!
I think part of why we judge is because we are trying to protect our position. If we choose something, we have to decide WHY, and then we have to defend it… and once you’ve created a defense, the next step is attack. I agree. We should just be happy loving our kids and try to encourage our friends to do the same… and remember that we all love em just a little differently. great post!!
AJ Collins recently posted..Beloved… she laughs
What a great mindset. It’s so true. Unfortunate that the human mind works that way and we stick to it for so long. Here’s hoping for changes!
Abso-freaking-lutely! You know, I often feel like we bloggers are just more enlightened than your average Jane.
just JENNIFER recently posted..Link the Love!
I adore that statement. <3
Oh it is so lovely to see you over here.
I hate the judging too. I want to kick judgers in the judge pants.
Kimberly recently posted..Sex In The Dark With A Boot On
Thanks, girl. It’s lovely to be here. I thank SHell for that!
And yes – a big swift KICK! I’m completely with you. Kick with a boot is even better.
xo
YES, THANK YOU! I hate the judging, and the guilt that results from it. I’ve been guilty of it, as I’m sure we all have. I couldn’t agree more – it needs to stop. We all need to do what’s right for us, because every family’s circumstances are unique.
Kristin @littlemamajama recently posted..Today Show Anchors Do The Harlem Shake
Judgmentalness (is that a word?) drives me NUTS! I agree with ya Andrea 100%. While I’m all for people’s right to express their opinion, I am also of the mind that if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all! I’d like people to learn more empathy, try to figure out what someone else might be going through that causes them to behave in certain ways. Empathize with why someone may make the choices they do instead of imposing your opinion/judgment on them. You never know what someone else is enduring. The world isn’t black and white between right and wrong, there’s a whole lotta colors in between worthy of celebrating! Great Post Andrea, thanks for sharing Shell!
Tanya @ Mom’s Small Victories recently posted..A Liebster Award That Made My Day!
Tanya, thank you so much for commenting! It’s so true – isn’t that what our parents were supposed to have taught us? How did we go so far off track? I love the celebration of colors. Excellent!
Andrea, I love this. Let’s just stop the judging already. I was so guilty of it with my first because I didn’t feel confident in my parenting choices. Now I own the choices and decisions I made. Those decisions work best for me and my family. Being a mom is hard, and we heap enough guilt on ourselves. We need to just listen to each other and empathize with each other’s struggles.
Jenny recently posted..Tips for Calming Your Nerves for Auditions
Thank you, Jen (Jenny? I call you so many things!) – I appreciate that. It’s true that the strength we develop as we move forward as parents helps. I’m glad you’re as strong as you are and that I have you in my world.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I just love you Andrea! As I read this, I couldn’t help nod my head in agreement and sneak out a “mmm hmm.” We judge so harshly when it comes to one another and for what? To be part of the crowd that judges? To make ourselves seem better? We have to do better. There are so many moms out there that just need support and who else can give them that besides other moms who’ve been there and can offer no judgement but plenty of advice. Same goes for us just as women. Women should be turning to each other for help and a push into greatness, instead of being like crabs in a barrel, trying to pull one another down while stepping on others to succeed. Bravo, Andrea, Bravo.
Amiyrah recently posted..#FashionFriday- LIttle Frugalista Review
You almost made me cry just there. Help and a push into greatness. So what we need from one another.
I love you, too, mama! Thanks for the incredible support.
Hi Andrea! Thanks for this post! I LOVE it! I think this all the time, I’m tired of the mommy wars. Whatever. There is a broad range of safe parenting l behaviors that produce securely attached people!
Kathy Morelli,LPC recently posted..BirthTouch® Virtual Book Tour! Linky with these Fabulous Women!
Thanks, Kathy! For coming by and commenting, and for being one of those who gets it.
You nailed it, Andrea! I could not agree more. I hate that this mommy war thing is the default position. I think it stems from an underlying insecurity with a person’s own choices that leads to tearing down someone else’s decisions. (And I have never, EVER understood the whole birth shaming thing. If the baby is out and both mother and child are healthy, that’s a successful birth no matter the details. Good grief)
The Dose of Reality recently posted..Not To Go Too Jerry Maguire On You…
With people like all of us on the case, maybe the default will keep changing!
And ladies, you completely rock with your incredible support. Much love!
Love this ! So well said. I’m so sick of being judged and hearing conversations that start with, “Did you hear So and So….” I didn’t and don’t want to. I don’t care! I thought it would get easier with teens but it only gets harder. I always say and firmly believe that people should do whatever works for them. It’s nobody’s business really.
AnnMarie recently posted..A Valentine’s Quiz
AnnMarie, I love this comment so much. I didn’t and don’t want to hear it, either! Thanks for sharing that in response to my post.
Great post, Andrea. Congats. Well said.
Leigh Powell Hines @Hinessightblog recently posted..Toffee Coffee: Leigh’s Fabulous Friday Pick
I’m sorry for not saying thanks sooner, Leigh! I had trouble getting back over here and blanked!
Andrea recently posted..Needing a kick in the you-know-where.
Then probably you should BACK AWAY from a certain place we met
Seriously, an invaluable resource, but WOW! Thank goodness for the blog world where we got to know the “real” us! 
I try really, really hard not to judge, but sometimes its hard.
Single Mom in the South recently posted..Friday Fragments: Valentine’s Edition
PS We need to have a girl’s weekend. Just sayin’
Single Mom in the South recently posted..Friday Fragments: Valentine’s Edition
Yes. Yes, we do. (Attn, Shell, you hear her, right?)
(Clapping)
Well said, my friend! I like to think of myself as one of the mamas who doesn’t judge, but you’re absolutely right. There are times I still let myself slip into the wrong frame of mind. Great post!
Adrienne recently posted..Featured Blogger: Semi-Domesticated Mama
Thanks, girl! I truly appreciate the support!
Standing ovation over here!! Brilliantly said! We truly need to rise above those women who judge…. period.
Chris Carter recently posted..February Friend #4
Thank you! And yes, we SO do. (p.s. It appears after clicking through that I have your book on my Kindle. It’s possible I’ve read it and am blanking when, but I think it’s in my to-read folder that’s not really a folder, so yay!) :>
I so agree with this. We’re all different people with different families, children, needs, and backgrounds. As long as you aren’t abusing your kids, it doesn’t matter to me what kinds of choices you make as a parent. They don’t define you and they don’t have to define our friendship. In fact, what if women could rise about it enough to think, “Hey, I could never cosleep with my kiddos, but it really seems to work for her. I wonder what that’s like.” instead of thinking “she must cosleep/cloth diaper/make baby food/work to make me feel bad about myself.”
Susan recently posted..I’m Doing It Right: The Flu Edition
You know I adore you, Susan. Your words are perfectly poised to remind us all of how we should react and respond. Let’s hope we all DO!
Andrea recently posted..Needing a kick in the you-know-where.
This, I LOVE THIS!! I think most of us, unless we are one of the super judgey, have felt this way a hundred times by the time our first born is six months old! It’s ridiculous and no one needs it!
Stephanie @ Babe’s Rockin’ Mami recently posted..Abby {birth story part two}