About Julia: Jersey girl, wife and mom sharing my ramblings, insights, highlights, lowlights and occasional bitching about motherhood, at my blog There’s No Wine in Mom.
I picked bad godparents for my son.
For those who aren’t familiar with god parents, in Christian religions parents pick two people to serve as sponsor for their child at baptism. These people are expected to take an interest in the child’s upbringing.
We wanted to pick just the right people. Friends who we thought would appreciate, respect and enjoy the title.
So we picked our best friends. Friends who we had known for years, friends who were the best man in our wedding and my college roommate, friends who were the first people, other than family, to meet Jackson.
We liked the idea of Jackson having these extra-special people in his life. People who we imagined would come over and play with him. We hoped that these people, who mean so much to us, would play an important role in his life.
Sadly we were wrong.
Jack barely knows his godmother. Every invite we have gotten from her in the past 2 years has come with the lovely “please, no kids sorry” attached at the end of it. Sure, she drops a gift off on his birthday or Christmas but she doesn’t spend any time with him. She never asks to see him.
Jack hasn’t seen his godfather in months. He never calls us to hang out and when I call him he always has some excuse or is annoyed that I haven’t called him sooner. He doesn’t send birthday gifts or cards or call to say happy birthday. Our friendship with him has become a one way street.
If I had to ask Jack to identify these two people he wouldn’t be able to. And it makes me sad. Because I choose these people for him and I made a mistake. I made a decision I regret. And I feel bad that he will grow up without the type of godparents I intended for him.
But I know he is lucky. He has grandparents and uncles and aunts who adore him. We have friends who love him, who are happy to have him over and who want him to call them Aunt or Uncle.
And Jack love’s these friends. He asks to go to their houses and to play with their children. He knows their cars and homes and where to find the snacks.
He goes to them easily and gives hugs and kisses. And they love him too.
And I’m thankful. Thankful that even though I didn’t choose the best people to be is god parents; that my son at the age of 2 has managed to choose some pretty awesome people to take their place.
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Their loss, Julia.
Glad that Jackson has many loving people in his life.
Thank you Alison and I have to agree, he is a great kid and they are missing out on an amazing experience.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
When was the last time you called your child’s godparents to hang out sans kids? The last time you spoke to Godmother on the phone, did you ask about how she was doing and take an interest in her life?
It’s certainly possible you picked bad godparents, but it is equally possible that you stopped returning their calls, reciprocating their invitations and flat-out refusing to carry on a non-child related conversation? In which case, you are reaping what you’ve sown.
It is funny this should be the topic. When my oldest was born I picked my 2 friends who happened to be married to each other. I was a single mom and thought if God forbid something should happen I knew they would love him. His Godfather is now my husband, his Godmother and I are still friends though it was a hard fought battle. No we didn’t cheat and I had nothing to do with their splitting up. But I think it is funny how he ended up being daddy as well. I am sorry your son does not know his godparents. Some people do not realize the weight of that thinking oh how sweet a title. But like you said he is surrounded by others you know will do right by him should the unthinkable occur
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That’s a great story! Like maybe you knew all along that your child would need this man to be apart of his life. It’s great that you and the godmother still make the effort. Good for you for making it work.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
It’s amazing how our intentions can go awry, but your son is fortunate to have found others to fill their role. As much as we may not understand, some people just aren’t good around kids. Perhaps they’ll realize what they are missing once they have their own?
Kerry Ann @Vinobaby’s Voice recently posted..Review: The Comfort of Lies by Randy Susan Meyers
I think that you are right some people aren’t good around kids even if they have the best intentions.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
Godparent seems to have different meanings in different denominations and maybe regions of the country. I am now thinking I need to get in touch with my friend. My godmother prays for me and sent me devotional guides and hopes that one day I will “return to the church”. That was my expectation when I agreed to become a godmother to a child, who might have been mine, but was placed with another family with whom we were friends. Now, I need to find out if her expectation was more like yours.
Maggie S. recently posted..Do You Mind If I Pass?
Yes there are different expectations depending on denominations and I think it also depends on the relationship and your friends view of religion.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
They are really missing out. It sounds like he is a great boy!
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Thank you! He really is a great loving kid.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
Aww that makes me sad. It’s their loss though. I can’t imagine not taking interest at all in a close friends’ child. I didn’t pick godparents, but I’ve always known who I would’ve chosen, and those particular people still adore my little girl.
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I feel the same way. I have friends who I’m not the childrens god parents but i love those kids like they were. I think it’s part of friendship.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
Oh geez, that’s tough. Most of my Godchildren (I have 5) are family but we are Godparents to one boy who is the son of my friend from college. I try to send a card for his birthday every year but that is about all since we live in a different state from him now. We did get to see him about a year ago but I feel badly sometimes that we cannot be more present in his life. I am glad your son has family who love him like that.
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I think it’s different when you live out of state. We specifically picked people who lived near by. That is awesome that you have 5 godchildren!
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
By a doctrine of the church, I have godparents. I have not seen either since that day I was baptized. One is my uncle who decided to exile my father as his brother and he no longer does good with the world. The other is my mom’s best friend but once my mom passed away back in 2000, I never heard from her again.
I am the godmother to an awesome little lady whom we see all the time. My husband is her godfather and is also the godfather of one of his nieces. We are there for every party, every thing we can be. When I have kids, I have already thought of who I won’t be asking because of the same things you listed above.
Quite honestly its their loss and one day, probably too late, they’ll realize that.
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That is wonderful that you and your husband are so involved in your godchildrens lives. I think to me at least that is the point of it to be involved and to be there for the special events.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
They are definitely the ones missing out.
We didn’t pick formal godparents for our daughter, but I am amazed that the people I thought would have that closeness with my daughter all those years ago are people who she doesn’t really know.
Tracie recently posted..Moments of Perfection
I think I’m in the same boat as you, I expected a lot from the wrong people.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
I’ve had the honour of being God Mother to one young man. I have truly tired. I have tried to help guide him towards the God of his infant baptism, but his own parents get in the way. He’s too young, they said. He’s not interested, they said. Sadly, the infant is now a self-professed atheist, pot-smoking, high school drop out. His brother on the other hand, has long talks with me about faith and religion. We have wonderful discussions about God and what it means to live a Christian life. He is hard working at school and is active in the youth group at church. I will always be there for my Godson, but I have to wait for him to make the first move from this point. Your son’s Godparents will one day wake up to the fact that they have missed an incredible opportunity. Until then, your son is blessed with many loving and involved adults. He is blessed.
Rosemary
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That’s great that you will always be there for your god son even if you don’t agree with his choices. Hopefully he will find his way back to you and God. I think it’s wonderful that you have a great relationship with his brother.
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
This is such a great post, Julia!
My older sister’s Godparents were good friends of my parents~ friends that they rarely {if ever} see now, especially since they have lived in different states for at least a two decades. One of our aunts took my sister under her proverbial “Godparent wing.” Our aunt has seamlessly stepped into the role, and she was my older sister’s Confirmation sponsor as well. My sister calls our aunt her “fairy Godmother”~ sure, it wasn’t exactly the way my parents had planned it when she was a baby, but it has worked out for the very best. It sounds like your son has tons of people around who love him to pieces, perhaps one of them will step into that role as he grows older!
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Thank you Amy! That’s really wonderful that one of your Aunt’s made your sister her god child when her’s fell through. I’m glad that we have freinds and family who are special in his life .
Julia recently posted..A Bit of Magic
It’s unfortunate how commonplace this story is. Both my sister and I don’t really know our godparents. But we do have wonderful people in our lives who have taken their places. Don’t beat yourself up for your decision, though–you did what you thought was best at the time and chose people who were special to you. It’s not your fault, but theirs for not being more involved in yours son’s life. Thankfully, he’s been blessed with amazing people who love him and want to know him. Thanks for sharing! ~Xiomara
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Thank you for this wonderful comment, it really made me smile and feel better about this situation. I’m really surprised how commonplace this story is, I would be honored to be a god parent.
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I feel the same way about my wedding party- I was “influenced” by a seasonal (temporary) friend to have her in my bridal party and chose her instead of a dear friend that I am still very close to. The “seasonal friend” is long gone… now I regret it and can never take that day back and redo it with the right people. Ugh. Thank God your little guy has tons of love and connection with other people and family in his life!!! I think once people have kids…things change with friends that don’t have kids. It’s just a new way of life and they can’t understand that until they themselves have their own kids…
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Julia, I’ll take their place! Jack is an amazing little boy! His smile warms my heart every time I see it in one of your posts or on Instagram. You can tell that he is loved and filled with love. To be honest, it doesn’t look like he is missing out on all. It seems like the only people missing out are those that you chose to be his godparents. That’s something they’ll have to deal with but I think Jack will be just fine! xo
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It’s tough I know, I also have regrets abou the god parents we chose for some of our children. I wish I could take it back but in the end it’s their loss!!
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