About Tayarra, this week’s guest poster: I married my highschool sweetheart & am a full time working mom of 3 boys. . I literally run my butt off. I blog to process it all. To share my secrets, failures, and joys. Hopefully I’m an inspiration to someone out there to keep going. To live their best life no matter what they’ve been handed.
There are a few big things in my life that I can’t talk about on my blog. I fear that those that were involved will read my words and be hurt not seeing the bigger picture. But, this is part of my life story that I’ve wanted to tell for a long time.
I remember sitting in a car while you “met a friend”
I remember the gritted teeth, the yelling, and the fights
I remember the parties and if we’d make it home those nights
I’d keep my mind busy watching late night tv wondering when you’d gather us up to leave
I remember wishing our couch was full instead of separated by walls
I remember talking to my brother and sister about how life was
The notes we folded and slid under your door
The comments we’d say with more nerve than before
I also remember dinners around the island every night
Pictures of us cuddled in your arms, wrapped in a quilt in dim light
The coaching in the backyard
The house where we stayed
There were times of bad decisions
Times when you didn’t think we knew
Things you didn’t think would affect us
A life we didn’t choose
Maybe these things you thought didn’t matter
But to me it was as if my life was shattered
These were little things and there are things much worse
But that didn’t change the fact that this felt like a curse
There were times I wanted to forget, squint my eyes to hide it all
There are nights I still see when my eyelids fall
The scratches, bruises, and blood; we saw it all
Times I stood up and wouldn’t take no more
Times I felt like the adult and pulled strength from my core
You never turned it on us
You kept it between you two
But that didn’t matter when we loved both of you
The mind of a child is so easily shaped
We have a choice on which path to take
To overcome our battle scars or run with what’s been shown
How would we end up when we are grown
It’s taken years to realize what was there
Where you came from, what you experienced, wasn’t fair
Forgiveness, strength, a life mended
More respect for what you went through and how you raised us comprehended
The memories remind me of the mom I’m not going to be
And to choose the love that you showed me
Piling on your strengths and using the weaknesses
To build a family stronger, who believes in God, and has you with us
We can stand on our own because of what you taught us
To live our best lives and run strong through the darkness
Walls are broken, love and pride abound
You are strong, loving, and supportive
Loving my boys in a way you only could
Them loving you like any grandchild should
Your children see you. They live what you live, say what you say, do what you do. When you THINK what you are doing doesn’t affect them, the way you talk to or fight with your spouse, the way you “party”, the way you dismiss them because you are too busy, or because you want more of your own “me” time. It affects them. I try to keep that hurt little girl alive in my mind to keep a part of me at their level. Someday they will gain perspective. They will realize stress, hardships in life, and what forgiveness is all about.
Please leave Tayarra some comment love here and then go follow Five Sharp Lives!
What a powerful post! I am so glad things have changed and gotten better. It makes me sad to know you had to go through all that.
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Baby Bat’s Lullaby- Read.Explore.Learn
I was sad about it for a long time and my child like perspective made things seem so much worse, I’m sure. But, I now realize how strong it made me.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Wow! I can see why you can’t say that on your blog. Powerfull stuff.
Yes, I certainly don’t want to scratch open old scars! But, I think the message is so important for those that just don’t realize how deeply they are affecting their children.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Wow your emotional is so raw. Thank you for sharing this and a piece of you with us. I can’t imagine how hard it was to go through growing up.
Hard times for sure. But, I’m thankful parts of me held on to the good. There was a lot of good and we were loved.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Tayarra, you are so strong to talk about this so openly! And your message is clear and one that needs to be spoken…thank you.
Natalie recently posted..Tailgate Appetizer Recipe: Cream Cheese Dip With Ham & Cheese (And Served In A Sourdough Bowl!)
Thanks, Natalie. I’m still a bit nervous about it. It’s something that I’ve wanted to talk about for a really long time.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Wow. This hit me in my gut. So powerful – devastating and hopeful at the same time. Thank you for sharing this and for illustrating the power of choices and forgiveness. Beautiful post.
Thank you so much, Mary! I’m thankful for the strength it has provided me. And I’m extremely thankful for a forgiving heart.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
T, you’re making me all emotional today. There are many things that I want to “do differently” but you’re so so right knowing that kids see, hear, know, learn more than we think they do. Love to you, lots of love.
You know I love you long time!!! We all have things we need to do differently!!!
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Thank you for such a wonderful reminder about how much children are truly aware of what is going on in their environment.
I love that despite all of the things you wrote about you chose to hold your head high and rise above it. You found even more strength in your heart when you were able to forgive. You are such a strong person.
Erin recently posted..7 Year Old Phineas and Ferb Birthday
Thank you so much for your words, Erin! I have a great relationship with my parents and things are just as I have always wished they would be. Things are certainly different than they were back then. I just wish others had the same “rest of the story”.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Thank you so much for your words, Erin! I have a great relationship with my parents and things are just as I have always wished they would be. Things are certainly different than they were back then. I just wish others had the same “rest of the story”.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Thank you, Shell for allowing me to speak about something I’ve wanted to get off my chest for a really long time.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
A message that needs to be heard. I am happy that things are better for you, so happy that your children are able to have the grandparents they deserve.
Thank you for the powerful reminder of how important our words, actions, and priorities are everyday as parents.
Yes, things are so much better! Thank you for hearing my message!!
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Very powerful. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to put that into words, but a great reminder for us as parents. Thank you for putting yourself out there. The poem was beautiful!
Mimi recently posted..It’s Time to Spill the Beans
Thank you! No, not an easy thing to write. Thank you for your words.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
This is my first time reading you and I sit here with tears in my eyes. Such a powerful story. I’m so glad you found a place to tell it…
SassyModernMom recently posted..Tip From The Suburbs:Timing Is Everything
Thank you, yes, I’m thankful for Shell and the opportunity.
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
What a powerful story! Im so glad you were able to get that off your chest, in a safe place. Your absolutely right, what we do has an impact on our children. I am putting the computer away this weekend, putting my iPhone in my purse, and immersing myself in my kids. Thanks for the reminder!
Jessica recently posted..He Taught Me How To Love
I hope your weekend was successful with your little ones!!!! Thank you for your words and support!
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
This is an amazing post. So glad I got to read it and be a witness to something so hard to talk about.
just JENNIFER recently posted..TGIF: Funny Shit My Son Says #2
Thank you, Jennifer! Yes, very hard to talk about this subject!
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Wow Honey. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Kim Young recently posted..Orange Pumpkin
Thanks, my friend!!
Tayarra recently posted..Training Frustration
Tayarra,
I know that must have been so hard to write! So beautiful and raw! I carry childhood wounds around with me too and as a mom of three myself, sometimes I act very childish in my emotions when I get stressed out. I don’t have that strong emotional bond to draw from my parents, so it makes it harder. I try to be sensitive to their fragile psyches, regardless, but I’m definitely not perfect. I like how you wrapped it up in your last paragraph – that the children are watching. Powerful reminder.
Thank you and way to go!
Elle
“All work and no play makes mommy a dull chick.”