She’s so easy to talk to.
She starts talking before your butt even has a chance to hit your seat.
She always has something to say.
And it makes practice go by so much faster with someone to talk to.
But should you talk to her?
For the past two seasons, I really haven’t made friends with the other soccer moms.
Most of that had to do with keeping an eye on my other kids while practice was going on- it was too hard to sit and chat without losing sight of my kids… and considering one of those was just three last year, I need to keep a close eye on them.
But practices this year are at a different field: where I can see the playground easier. Plus my boys are a little older.
So, I can chat with the other moms.
On one of the teams, the parents seem to get along nicely. We’re been together for three seasons now and everyone knows each other.
On another, I just can’t seem to fit in. Probably because I have at least 10 years on all the other moms… more in some cases. And I’m only 35, ya’ll.
But on the third… there was that mom.
Who seemed so easy to talk to.
But now I’m noticing that everything out of her mouth is a criticism.
And while she’s easy to talk to…
Is that really what I want to be talking about?
Do I want to be a part of drama?
To be negative about everything? The coach, the team, the practices, anything and everything and everyone who could possibly be gossiped about?
No.
And um, yeah… I realize glass houses and stones and all that to even be blogging about it.
In these parts it is everywhere. Finding a parent to talk to that doesn’t complain about someone or something is an effort in futility. Because of those parents, the ones who won’t be nice, do nothing but complain and make it no fun for the kids, I never put them in organized sports like that. They could never have any fun.
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Most of the parent drama hasn’t spilled over to the field, thankfully.
10 years on the other moms! Did they all start having kids in high school? I tend to avoid the drama and not encourage the negative. It is too easy to get sucked in.
Barbara recently posted..Just Another Monday
Pretty much- or at least, right after.
The only moms I’m friends with from soccer I was friends with before the kids started soccer. It is hard to make friends. And who wants to be friends with a really negative person.
secret mom thoughts recently posted..Soccer Happiness
I agree! Not worth it!
Nope, not friends. We can sit and chat during a game or practice, but I wouldn’t call us friends. I would never just call them up out of the blue.
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I haven’t found anyone like that. Just more friendly this year than last. Baby steps over here.
I’m not there yet, but I have a feeling I’ll be that mom who doesn’t talk to other moms because I’m too busy with the kids or er, Instagram.
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Ha. The phone is a good distraction. Though on one of the fields, I get NO reception!
(looks around to see who else is hanging out at Shell’s comments section) I am generally chasing the little guy around at the dance studio and at gymnastics. I have a few moms at each place I am friendly with. Abbey’s first year at dance we had a really wonderful group of moms, but we’ve scattered to the winds, though some of us are there again at the same time this year. Some of the moms, frankly, intimidate me a little.
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There are some of those moms at ours, too. So I just keep to myself.
I am friendly, but would not consider any of the other parents friends. I actually think it’s better that way because as my daughter has moved from team to team sometimes those other parents become monsters, even though you’ve been friendly in the past. I have never sought any of these parents out once she’s left whatever team…perhaps if we had become “friends” I would? I don’t know, but I don’t regret that choice. I can’t give that much to every person I meet. However, I will say that as far as complaining about things goes – I think that’s actually useful in many different situations – it’s the only way to get things changed. Seems to be less useful in the dictatorship that is a soccer team but in other situations (particularly school, and other volunteer organizations) it’s a great way to bring about positive change. It may sound negative on the surface but only by identifying problems can we change them.
That’s a very good point. On the team that I mentioned where everyone is friendly to each other- at the beginning of the season, we had a TERRIBLE coach. And the parents all banded together and got her replaced.
Sounds like she’s (the third team Mom) the “half glass empty” kind of person. Just ask yourself, do you really want to spend all your time filling her glass? (Not!) Sports can be great and you can really develop some wonderful friendships but it takes time. (Coming from someone who’s got close to 10 years on you! LoL)
Nope, not worth it!
I know exactly where you’re coming from. I usually do the hello, how are you small-talk thing and politely sit in the corner of the bleachers by myself. Some of them are nice to chit chat with, but there is drama swirling all around. I hate that!
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I figure we’re all busy enough, we don’t need the added drama!
If only it weren’t so hard to make friends. I totally get what you’re saying!
Lisa @ Two Bears Farm recently posted..Running, and More Running, Recap for September
I know. SIGH.
What’s interesting, is if most of us feel this way…why is there so much drama:)? It’s a tough call. I’d like to think I do a great job of staying away from negative moms, but sometimes it’s next to impossible. I just try and do my best to steer the conversation into more positive territory. Easy to say…harder to actually do.
Holly recently posted..Finishing Your Opportunities
It is easy to get sucked into the negative, for sure. Even if we don’t like drama, sometimes it’s just easy to feed into.
I’m not really “friends” with any of the other soccer moms. One, I am ridiculously shy and people often take that as snobby, which is SO not the case, but… Two, many of the moms on our team are friends outside of soccer, like “best families” for years , in PTA and church together. And, well, after one of them offered their kid $40 bucks if they scored a goal last week, I really wonder how much we can chat about.
Good luck to you, hon. I wish your kiddos were on my kiddo’s team. We’d find plenty to chat about
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Ah, we are very much alike. I don’t know how many times people have said to me that when they first met me, they thought I was a bitch. Just b/c I’m quiet.
$40 for a goal? Sheesh.
And yes- we’d find lots to chat about!
I can definitely relate! Except on my son’s team, it’s just the opposite – I’m probably the youngest by at least 10 years. There always seems to be a negative mom on every team, and I do my best to avoid her, but it seems like all the other moms know each other and have their own “groups” already formed. If you figure out how to make friends with positive, non-excluding moms, let me know!
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The funny thing is that before we moved here, I was one of the younger moms. Then here, I’m an old mom. It’s so odd.
Nope, not really. I don’t notice any drama but all the parents on my sons soccer team just kind of keep to themselves & are anti-social, lol. When he played baseball it was like that too. The only parents I ever talked to were ones that went to church with us or that I had met through something else because everyone else just did their own thing.
That’s how it seemed last year for most of ours.
I’m right there with you! I’ve had a couple experiences where I’ve tried to fit in and be part of the group, then I’ve realized I don’t really care much for the moms or don’t have much in common with them. I guess that’s how we get to know whom we want to be good friends with rather than whom we just say hi to at the practices/games. I wish there was an easier way!!
Mary @ A Teachable Mom recently posted..Hey, God – Let’s Make a Deal!
Would be nice if there were an easier way!
I can’t do drama and criticism. Life is too short and there is too much negativity in the world as it is. With people like that, they usually rub off on their children, too. And their kids become negative and critical. And I don’t want to expose my kiddos to any more of that than we already have filling out society. I don’t blame you one bit. But, then again, I’m not a social butterfly, so I could probably think of a dozen plus reasons to keep to myself. LOL
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..My Favorite Moments
A-men.
thankfully, it hasn’t spread to the kids yet.
Im friends with some through preschool and pretty much stick with them. I can’t believe you have 10 years on them!! They have babies young down there, huh??
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They really do! Back in PA, I was one of the younger moms. Here, I’m OLD.
It’s so hard for me to make mom friends as it is, I couldn’t be friends with a woman like that! Hooray for you being able to chat now though, that’s great!
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It does make practice go faster when there are people to talk to!
That mom who always has a negative piece of gossip to share will share things about you the second you walk away. Definitely not a friendship you want to build.
We don’t do the sports team thing in our family, but if we did, I would probably be the mom sitting by herself with a book.
Tracie recently posted..Homeschooling Hyperbole With Katarina
That’s so true. I’m sure she gossips about everyone.
If there’s ever any practices where my kids not practicing are at home, I do bring a book!
My son just started hockey so I’m kind of in the same boat as you were in the first year. I’m more concerned about him trying not to bash his head off the ice. I have talked to some moms but the conversations are very generic. If I had to sit with a mom who critized people/players, I wouldn’t sit with her.
Kimberly recently posted..When I Used To
Maybe it will get better as everyone gets comfortable with each other.
I talk to most of the moms on our soccer teams. I would consider a few of them to be friends, but those are the ones my kids have played with multiple years.
As far as the negative moms?? They’re pretty easy to deal with, just be POSITIVE! You will find out one of two things … either she is being critical because she has nothing else to say and feels uncomfortable with the silence, or she really is just a gossipy little bitch ;0) either way, trying to out positive her negative is FUN! lol
LOL In one’s case, I’m pretty sure she’s just a gossipy little bitch.
I’ve been trying to talk to the other moms, but I’m finding it hard. Many of them seem to already know each other, they have older children that have already played various sports. It’s hard breaking through. I don’t want to be too pushy, but I don’t want to seem like I don’t want to be friendly.
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It is really hard when they seem to already know each other.
I just found your blog, and I absolutely love it! You have such a refreshing sense of honesty.
I coach my stepsons’ baseball teams, and I see the same things with the parents there. On my older son’s team all of the parents get along (we’re been together for a few years now as well), and we all even go out drinking a few times during the season. This year my younger son started and the atmosphere from the parents is much different. Nobody talks to each other, and the few that do seem to want to start with the drama. I wonder if maybe it’s the newer teams that don’t feel as “friendly”?
At least as the coach I don’t seem rude if I don’t get too chatty with the parents. Both the boys are starting basketball next month though; so it’s time for a new crowd, and I won’t be coaching. I’m hoping for a good crop of basketball moms.
Welcome!
I do think part of it is just getting comfortable with each other, like on the team that has now been together for three seasons. That one is definitely the friendliest.
That’s a hard call. You want someone to talk to, but then again, it’s not always the right person. I go back and forth between wanting desperately for anyone to talk to and I enjoy it for a while, but then realize I probably got in over my head and now I have to untangle myself from it. I think this is why I stay so aloof. Which doesn’t help things…
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Monday Listicles: Fall Faves
Ah, girl. We have so much in common.
For some reason it is easier for me to make friends with moms during swim lessons vs sports teams. Maybe it is just random but that has been my experience so far. I am one of the older ones too.
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My boys have just been playing soccer so far. The team where I’m the old mom? I’m also the only one who is not military. I totally stick out.
The swimming lesson moms are nice, but we mostly chat about the antics of our kids and don’t see each other outside of lesson.
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Though it’s nice to be able to have that easy conversation.
I know what that’s like. I’ve been part of groups like that and not part of groups like that. As soon as they hear I have twelve kids I become somewhat of a “freak” show and they all want to know everything about me even the most intimate details. Sometimes it’s easier to just sit back and say nothing.
Sandy
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I can understand some curiosity, but not being overly nosey!
So far we are not part of sports…but it’s probably coming…let’s see. It hurts when the moms look younger (and ARE) I remember going to my sons first kindergarten things, I felt like an old grandma lady compared to these little girls. Now to make both of us feel better, a lot of these “moms” had their babies in high school….sooooo their kindergarten kid would be about 5 now…make sense? I felt so much better. YOu and I waited, got married, waited a little more. Blah blah. So when you see those little mommy’s remind yourself they had that baby right out of high school or IN it!
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That’s very true. On that team where I’m the old mom, those moms did have their kids at 17 or 18, while I didn’t have my first until I was 27… which is OLD for down here and young for where I grew up.
Our kids think they are the only ones who have a tough time with friendship decisions
I usually sit on the sidelines playing with my phone. At my kids age, I’m usually the only mom there. Most just drop and run. But the ones I do interact with don’t seem too interested in making new friends. That’s ok with me.
Dawn @ Come Over For Coffee recently posted..Putting It All Out There Today – Please Be Kind
I cannot wait until mine are at the drop and run stage! At one of the fields, I get NO reception on my phone.
It is so hard to make mom friends… sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it while I talk with my friends on twitter.
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Thank goodness for twitter!
I have three seasons of soccer under my belt, too, and while I am polite to everyone, I honestly don’t feel the need to be BFFs with any of the other moms. I am older than most of them(47!), and my husband is a commissioner, so perhaps they are intimidated, but I just don’t have the inclination to tap dance around that. I suppose that once my boy has been playing with the same kids for years, maybe it will be different.
Tina recently posted..Rainy Random
True- I don’t see a need to be BFFs either. But being able to have some friendly chit chat passes the time much faster.
I keep to myself at soccer also – mostly because everywhere I turn I see people we graduated high school with. Yea… stay far far away… lol
Actually hubby actually said to me one day “Some of the moms of the kids on B’s team are really white trash” I laughed and mentioned that I graduated with a couple and they are actually planning a hs reunion” He said “Oh my gosh! That’s what these people were talking about” hahaha
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Um, yikes! I would stay away, too! Reunion? For what? Though OMG, just a few more years and it will be our 20th!!!! How is that even possible????
I know this woman you speak of. She also morphs into a man every once in awhile and seems to make her way into every team in America. I can’t promise but I am sure she’s popped up in Europe at times too.
I avoid these women and men as much as possible. They are real downers and they wil not hesitate to discus your life and their opinion of it in front of others.
They do seem to be everywhere!
Oh, Shell…run for the hills! No, I’m just joking. I have become really good friends with the moms from baseball, basketball and football. They happen to be all the same and my son was best friends with all of their sons and when it was good, it was soooo good (Vegas trips as couples, Disney trips as families, Friday night pizza night) but when it is bad, it is the worst ever (some of our sons have grown apart, some haven’t made teams or some have issues with the coaches that happen to be the husbands of some of us). I will not hijack your post because I could write a whole lot on this subject. I will just say, be cautious.
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You should write a post, girl.
Are the other moms off of 16 and pregnant?
Blond Duck recently posted..An elephant and panda
Ha. Not quite, but a lot of women have babies very young here.
Yeah, Buddy. I get it. Mainly, if I take a book I really want to read, there is no shortage of brilliant conversationalists. Plenty of time, low level of commitment. All it needs is a thermos of good coffee.
Maggie S. recently posted..Sitting Around Here On Sunday
I’ve taken a book a few times, but it’s hard when I have the other kids there, too.
Ugh, it’s hard too because you’ve already started the relationship, and the person ‘expects’ you to sit and chat or they feel snubbed. I say go w/your gut and avoid the drama. Nothing good can come of it anyway, and it’s highly likely you’ll end up on the receiving end of it no matter what you do anyway. Just guessing.
Good luck either way. : )
Rosey recently posted..Look Who’s Home to Visit
Very true. I’m sure she’s negative about everything.
I am on Alex’s team but not really on Lucas– and it isn’t just me. It just seems like the parents talk more with Alex’s group and everyone kind of sits by themselves with Lucas’s team. I have found one mom I talk with at practices but really have so little in common with her that it would never become anything more than talking during practices.
Emmy recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: Report Cards
Maybe it’s just the mix of people that makes a difference.
I have had this issue in the past when my 8 year old played soccer. Although I also met one of my very dear friends through talking to one of the soccer moms on one of her other teams. here is hoping that now that your other boys can run off to play with less supervision you can make a nice normal soccer mom friend.
I’m starting to, finally!
I love this topic Shell, because it’s so us, so right now.
We’re in this new phase with more than one kid in sports and we’re spending so much time with all of these new people!
I love the idea of connecting with these moms, making new friends for me and for my kids, but the negativity? No thank you! Just makes me wonder what’s being said about me when I’m not there!
Galit Breen recently posted..The Big Gay Race
I know- it is a concern when someone is so negative. She’s probably like that all the time, about everything.
I am a very social person but for some reason I never made friends with the other soccer parents. My husband always manages too but me well I’m too focused on the game and where my little ones are.
Charity Deleon recently posted..Your always the victim
for sure, my primary focus is on my kids! So I’m perfectly okay if I’m just there to watch them and don’t talk with anyone. But it does help pass the time when I can chat with the other parents.