Things They Can’t Say: Reflections of Now

Today’s Featured blogger is Kim from Reflections of Now. A social media addict and book lover, this wife and mother is trying to keep her head above water as she swims through the sea of testerone that has taken over her house. She is navigating the rough waters of marriage and motherhood while trying to enjoy each treasure in life. Find her on twitter @KimberlyAMuro and her new facebook fanpage(let’s help it grow with some “like” love!)
I like my life now.

I like where I am and who I’m with and what I do.

I’m comfortable in the space.

When I look back in time this is where I pictured myself.

A mom.

A wife.

Happy.

But sometimes…

Sometimes I wish it were different.

Sometimes I wish that I could linger in bed just a bit longer in the mornings.

I wish that I could take the extra time to straighten my hair and apply my make up just right before putting on that perfectly put together outfit.

Sometimes I wish that I could roll the windows down in the car and turn the music up just a bit too loud, getting lost in my daydreams.

Sometimes I wish it were different.

Sometimes I wish that the mornings were lazy, the afternoons were easy, and the evenings long and quiet.

I wish that our life was a bit more carefree.

That we had that ‘get up and go’ lifestyle where we didn’t need to plan in advance, pack diaper bags, and lug the stroller with us.

Sometimes I wish it were different.

I wish that I didn’t need to stay up into the early hours of the morning just to finish my work in peace.

I wish that the days weren’t spent with a little one tugging at my leg, sitting on my hip, or resting on my shoulder.

That I had a free hand to do something. Anything.

Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to worry about responsibilities and other people first.

That I could walk into a store and restock that cute wardrobe that I once wore.

Sometimes I wish it were different.

I wish that I didn’t feel so invisible.

That I hadn’t lost myself in the title of “mom”.

That our marriage wasn’t a quick ‘hello’ as we pass in the hall.

And that I didn’t feel like I was sinking in quicksand of temper tantrums, sippy cups, checkbooks, and bills.

My family means the world to me, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything…

But sometimes I wish it were different.

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Comments

  1. says

    Beautiful, Kimberly. I think we, as moms, all feel a bit like this, especially when the kids are SO little. As the kids get older, you’ll find yourself a little more often, a piece at a time…and then you’ll wish they were little again (at least I do). 
    xo
    Runnermom-jen recently posted..Sibling WarsMy Profile

  2. says

    Once again, I think we are the same person! I could have written this. The invisible thing is a big one for me. Even though it feels like I am the center of (or at least a large part of) the kids’ world, I feel invisible. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, this parenting job is the hardest job out there. When is that girls’ weekend we so badly need because you are most definitely not invisible to me, my friend. :)
    AnnMarie recently posted..DisappointedMy Profile

  3. says

    I doubt very much you are the only one who has paused a moment in the middle of a hectic day to wish things were different. Or looked back with longing on more carefree days. It’s true, we need to enjoy the moments with our children while they are with us – to make the most of that time – but that doesn’t have to mean at the expense of ALL of our own desires, passions and dreams. Then what would be to our children? empty shells just lugging around laundry and handing out food throughout the day.
    That doesn’t sound like a very good legacy. I think our children should see us as the whole people we are.
    Thank You for opening your heart like this!
    Rorybore recently posted..I Still DoMy Profile

  4. says

    Oh, I completely understand this. But I guess that is what motherhood is. 
    Some days are just pure agony. And still, I would never walk away from it!
    Beautifully written, as always.
    Mirjam recently posted..Close encounterMy Profile

  5. says

    Yes, this. 

    Some days, I literally have to physically pull myself together – put my shoulders back, lift my chin up, exhale, and get on with the day. Sometimes, that’s the only way I can get through it and still remain grateful that this IS my life and I did choose it, and I do love my boys, so very much. But yes, sometimes…..
    Alison recently posted..Turning Back TimeMy Profile

  6. says

    Goodness I feel this way a lot.  Not that I’m not happy where I am, but that I miss who I was.  I miss reading a book in one day without interruptions.  And I miss girl chat that didn’t involve the newest “Thing” our kids were doing or conversations about poop.  I miss NOT having to lock the bedroom door.  I miss going to the bathroom alone.  I miss not sleeping until 9 and then lazing around on Saturdays.

    It is true, one day I will miss these blissful interruptions but sometimes, when I’m in the middle of it all, I wish it was different.
    Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..Fashion Friday: Trends worth TossingMy Profile

  7. says

    I can definitely relate to this post. I wouldn’t give my daughter up for anything in the world, but sometimes (and especially now, while she fights bedtime) I wish I could just be me for a little while instead of always being a mom. 
    Nessa recently posted..The Less-Fun Baby PhasesMy Profile

  8. says

    Yep. I think everyone feels this at times. There are always pros and cons to every phase we are in. The trick is to focus on the good, knowing it will pass, b/c NO phase lasts forever. It’s hard to do sometimes. You are not alone!
    mare ball recently posted..In and Out (ITWW #5)My Profile

  9. says

    You have an amazing knack for communicating how I feel, you know that? The line that struck the loudest chord with me was, “I wish I didn’t feel invisible.” I hate that feeling. I never felt it before I had kids, but I feel it all the time now. Oddly enough, at the same time, I’m happy where I am in life and wouldn’t change that. It’s a curious thing, isn’t it?
    Jen {at} take2mommy recently posted..A very special wine giveaway. Yes, WINE! ($100 value!)My Profile

  10. says

    I’m so glad that you got to share this here and are getting such support!

    I’m proud of you, though, for carving your own niche and your own life and growing career in the midst of life’s craziness. I’m sure it’s tough doing it all but you’re doing it beautifully well.

    For the record…non-moms feel this way too sometimes. ;)

  11. Daisy says

    Wow, your post sure sounds like you’re regretting taking on the mom role, but at the end of the day it’s a sweet sacrifice isn’t it.
    As for me, I almost died carrying my baby due to a blood complication and of course after birth, it weakened my health.
    I’m grateful to have had many wonderful friends in my past and present.
    Also, very grateful to have a husband who understands and knows how much I had worked from 5 AM through 12PM working full time, going to night classes and taking care of my young child.
    So I do understand how much you’re going through, I’ve been there and speaking of free time, it was a planned choice for me. You see, I’d known I had to take breaks from work, so planned my goals around it.
    When you wrote “what if”… I never thought that way, because I always knew.
    Children are precious, they represent love and hope.

    • says

      Oh no, I have never regretted being a mother. Even when life didn’t turn out quite as expected, and being a very young single mom, I have never regretted that decision. But sometimes it’s easy to get lost in caring for others and you end up forgetting to take care of yourself too.
      Kimberly recently posted..A Returned SmileMy Profile

  12. Daisy says

    Funny thing, all these years of being a mother, I never had a “girl’s night out or a weekend out” away from my child.
    I was asked but never crossed my mind, because I always wanted to be a mother long before I had my daughter.
    I never felt invisible.
    I was too happy to see myself with my daughter and watched her grow.
    My child’s happiness made be visible to my surroundings and the people around me.
    Being a mother doesn’t mean you disappear in the role of motherhood, but you become more of a person to all who see you as a mother.
    Cheers.

  13. says

    I think we all wonder if the “grass is greener” sometimes. I’ve been doing the mom thing for almost 30 years now and I don’t really remember another me. My second to youngest just turned 4 today and will be heading to preschool soon. Then it’s just me and the baby. Now that the end is getting near, I’m starting to mourn the loss. At this point in my life, I just don’t know anything else. And I’m not sure I want to.
    Sandy
    momof12 recently posted..The Awesome Dog WalkerMy Profile

  14. says

    This post is one I think all moms can relate to. Just know that you are doing the best for you and your family. Huge hugs and kisses, Kim.

  15. says

    Oh man, sometimes I wish many things were different. But you know what? One day it will be. Kids don’t stay little forever. Marriages change and grow. Things will probably happen to you that you haven’t even thought of. They sure have to me! 

  16. says

    I love how incredibly raw and honest you are in this post. 

    I don’t understand quite yet. Because I want more than anything to be a mom. And I’ve lived the single life for so long (well, I do have a bf now)… 

    I guess I see your life and I long for a bit of that. 

    A case of the grass is always greener? Perhaps. But I hope you make time for yourself too. All of my friends are moms and I see this with them. I see how much they want their voices heard and they just want a free afternoon to do and be and remember for just a moment what it feels like to let down their hair a little bit. 

    I can see how much you love your children and family. But don’t deny yourself the opportunity to take care of your needs, too. XOXO and beautiful post! Am your newest follower. 
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