Things They Can’t Say: Where is the Me in Mommy?

Every Friday, I turn my blog over to one of you for you to share an honest post and different viewpoints. Since y’all know I would live in yoga pants if I could and I’m one of the people who posted the cartoon talked about below, you know this could only come from a guest poster! But it’s definitely in the spirit of “Things They Can’t Say.” 

Fitted Blazers v. Yoga Pants: A Truce?

 

There is a cartoon circulating noting the irony in how women dress.  For the people of the world, we get dolled up. But for the people at home, well, some might say we look sloppy.

 

This cartoon does not reflect my life.

 

When people see me dressed up every day, something weird happens.  Assumptions disguised as funny comments are passed.

 

You clearly haven’t been married long.

 

Only ten years.

 

You obviously don’t have children.

 

Yeah, these two kids just keep calling me “mom” for no reason …

 

Women who work outside the home have more reason to dress up.

 

I work outside the home two days a week; I dress up seven days a week.

 

People who are comfortable with their families don’t have to dress up. 

 

I don’t have to dress up; I choose to.  There is a difference. 

 

In a million ways I fail as a mom and wife but looking my best matters to me. It matters to me because my husband matters to me.

 

Matt has seen me at my ugliest and my ugliest has nothing to do with what I’m wearing.

 

He has seen me ugly cry from the brokenness accompanying the death of my mom.

He has seen me throw adult tantrums.

He has heard words come out of my mouth that broke his heart and threatened our marriage.

 

This man has seen me ugly and he loves me right through it every damn time.  If I wore yoga pants and t-shirts everyday, he would still love me because he values me.  His actions prove this fact.

 

So, I dress up because more than the people “out there” in the world—the ones I don’t know and don’t care about—I want to impress this man who loves me at my ugliest.

 

When he walks into the bedroom and says, “You look great!  Why are you so dressed up?” and I reply, “For you.” You should see his face.

 

He is my reason.  I will give the best of me to this man, including my beauty.

 

This is who I am and how it works in MY home with MY husband.  If you choose to wear PJs every day, more power to you.  But please, don’t judge me as a vain, childless newlywed who lacks self-esteem because I’m wearing heels, and I won’t judge you as the woman who “let herself go.”

 

We can be friends because in the end, our goals are the same—to be the best women, wives, and moms we can be.

 

So from the gal in a fitted blazer to the mom in pajama pants, I offer you a truce. Let’s not let how we look divert us from our goals.  Let’s support each other.

Reagan and family

 

Reagan is the ME behind Where is the ME in Mommy?  You can follow her on Facebook but if you want to see her on Twitter, please teach her to Tweet.  Reagan is a full time mom, wife, and intellectual ninja who desires to inspire women to be the best moms, wives, and women they can be—regardless of how they are dressed.  She is not afraid to be opinionated, weepy, or sarcastic.  And yes, she always looks this good.  

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Comments

  1. says

    Hmmm. Interesting perspective. I know my husband likes when I dress up, but I also know that he likes it when I am in my running gear (for some reason that appeals to him :) ). I will confess that a I may have thought not so nice thoughts about a mom all dressed up pretty or in white while at the amusement park or a ballgame. So I guess you are right. Let’s throw out the assumptions and just accept each other for what we are not what we look like.

    • says

      LOL–I went to a Rockies game last week and I may or may not have been totally dolled up … in white!  Ha!  As for the workout gear, maybe it’s in male DNA to find that attractive?  I come home from teaching TRX plastered in sweat and barely smelling better than eau de wet dog and my man  considers it foreplay.  :)  Thanks for the comment
      Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..Fitted Blazers v. Yoga Pants. A Truce?My Profile

  2. says

    Great post.  I’m someone who typically dresses up…but it’s more because I work.  And by dress up, I mean that I get dressed every day and that does not include yoga pants (I don’t even own a pair).  If I’m home, I’m in jeans and a sweater or sweatshirt.  However, I do often come straight home from work and immediately put my pj’s on!  ;-)
    Kmama recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: T-BallMy Profile

  3. says

    I’ll admit some days I do meander around the house in yoga pants for a while; the days when I know I have a massive amount of chores to do and my favorite jeans are dirty. But on a general day, I get dressed because I want to look nice for my husband. Now if only I could find a way to convince the baby to stop spitting up on me so I don’t have to change shirts four times a day. :)
    Sarah recently posted..Real Food Snacks for KiddosMy Profile

  4. says

    I take spurts where I get tired of the pjs and shorts. I don’t often go anywhere. So I will go all out and dress up, well dressed up for me cause I can’t do heels. I can see how that would work doing it everyday. I think it is awesome that you do that.
    Angel recently posted..Things I am afraid to tell you..My Profile

  5. says

    I love this, because I feel this way sometimes. I dress up, at least a little, every day. When I don’t, I don’t feel my best and other parts of my life suffer. Is that shallow? I don’t think so, and you articulated that so well here.
    angela recently posted..An ArrangementMy Profile

    • says

      Your question about “is this shallow” is so interesting.  I honestly get that comment a lot.  I dress up so I must be shallow.  When people who say that make that assumption I want them to know that for people like “me” having to always be “comfortable” is lazy.  So there you have it.  I guess we can either be shallow or lazy.  Or we can just say–whatever sister.  You do what works for you and I’ll do what works for me.  Thanks for your comment and sorry for my novel of a reply :)
      Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..Fitted Blazers v. Yoga Pants. A Truce?My Profile

  6. says

    I have my days where I dress up, but at the very least I try to look like I put an effort into looking good.  Even if it’s just jeans and a cute tee, I throw on some make up and attempt to do something with my hair.  My husband loves when I dress up, but it doesn’t matter to him if I don’t.  I do it more for me.
    Evonne recently posted..There’s 2 for Every 1My Profile

  7. says

    I love this post.  I have gone from a lady that dressed daily.  Now, I get puked on 100 times a day – not just my shirt either.  I have turned into a mom who is a jeans and tee shirt girl.  It has made me sad.  I have been trying to find ways to updated my jeans and tee shirt look while maintaining the comfort of my jeans and tees.  

    • says

      This comment made me so happy :)  

      First, I so remember those spit up days.  The eau de baby spit will pass before you know it!  Until then, stay strong, mama!  I’m so sorry you are bummed about the mom gear and I hope you find a way to blend mom wear with hip chick wear in a way that suits you best.

      Secondly, jeans and tees are perfect for dressing up.  Simple things to jazz it up: add a fitted blazer, or a pair of wedges, or a statement necklace, or sparkly bracelet.  Easy peasy!
      Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..Fitted Blazers v. Yoga Pants. A Truce?My Profile

  8. says

    AMEN to that! I dress up almost every day and I am a SAHM. I get weird looks at playdates, at Target, you name it. I dress up for MYSELF and so I can look and feel the best I can, as well as for my husband. Personally, I don’t feel good when I am dressed in yoga pants and an oversize T. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with this outfit, it just means I don’t prefer it! There are so many ways to still be comfortable and fashionable if you so choose.. My motto is “Don’t Give Up! Figuring out how to adapt to motherhood while keeping a sense of self is an art form.”

    • says

      “Don’t Give Up! Figuring out how to adapt to motherhood while keeping a sense of self is an art form.”  Well this pretty much should be the subtitle of my blog.  When I first had kids I felt so consumed by “mom” that I felt I disappeared.  Finding balance has made all the difference … even when that balance happens in the closet.  

      Thank you for that amazing quotation and for your comment.
      Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..Fitted Blazers v. Yoga Pants. A Truce?My Profile

  9. says

    Great post on a different perspective. I wish I had the energy to dress up (and I wish I had the clothes to do it). I love my yoga pants and pretty much live in those and leggings in the winter. In the summer, I do try and change it up a little bit. Maybe I’ll try this for a week and see if I feel differently. No judgements on those that do. We all do the best we can.
    AnnMarie recently posted..Summer Break: One Week DownMy Profile

  10. says

    While I love being in my pjs, one morning a week my husband and get to have a date because he’s off and the kids are in school and I ALWAYS dress up like we’re going out dancing or up to NYC when we might hit the mall and the local diner and grocery shopping. He doesn’t need me to do this but I like to look nice. And I like when we dress up for each other. It’s sweet. And we make one hot couple.
    Alex@LateEnough recently posted..More Popular Than My Son Having PneumoniaMy Profile

  11. says

    What an excellent post! I love this! We really do need to put some effort in for our man. I try, but don’t always have it together for him. This is pretty inspiring, girl! Thanks!

    • says

      Oh Adreienne I must admit I giggled a bit when I read “have it all together.”  That’s is DEFINITELY not me. I just look nice whist floating in a life of chaos.  Maybe that’s why I get dressed up … it’s the one thing I can do that makes me feel like I’m getting it together.  

      Thank you for your comment (and your writings!)
      Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..Fitted Blazers v. Yoga Pants. A Truce?My Profile

  12. says

    I know I should do this! I KNOW IT! But sometimes it feels so hard! I get a big case of the “why bother’s”. Why bother getting dressed up when my 2 year old is just going to smear PBJ all over my pants? Why bother getting dressed up when my 6 yr old comes and puts a slug on my sleeve. I could go on and on. But I should do this. I should find a way. I would love for my husband to know the reason I get dolled up is for him. Great perspective!
    Hopes@Staying Afloat! recently posted..Project ChickvilleMy Profile

    • says

      Goodness do I hear you girl!  When my daughter was a baby I generally got up and got ready.  Then I endured a day of spit up and nose slime but when 5:45 rolled around, I dashed into the closet, changed quickly, powdered my greasy forehead, applied chapstick (the shinier kind) and a spritz of perfume.  By the time Matt got home, it looked like I’d looked good all day. :)
      Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..Fitted Blazers v. Yoga Pants. A Truce?My Profile

  13. says

    I WISH I could wear heels. Still, I love being dressed up. I’m more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of person, but I’ll always at least put that much effort into my appearance before I’d ever consider staying in pjs or even sweats. Even when I don’t feel like it, I’d much rather take the time to make myself look better, because when I feel like I look good, I just feel better. 
    Ness recently posted..What the baby’s been up to.My Profile

  14. says

    I’m the kind of gal who only dresses up if I’m going out of the house or trying to look nice ‘just because’ for my husband but I don’t have anything against women who do!  I think we all have the same goals, like you said.  However, women in PJs and perm caps…that bothers me and I just don’t have a reason!
    stephanie @ babe’s rockin’ mami recently posted..Old Ladies Move Faster Then MeMy Profile

  15. says

    I don’t love dressing up. I’m sure my sweetie would appreciate it if I did it more often. But like you, he seems to love me no matter what. Aren’t we lucky?
    Sandy
    momof12 recently posted..Teach’s Big NewsMy Profile

  16. says

    Until very recently, I was the SAHM who lived in PJs. I hate to admit it was because I didn’t want to have to add to the laundry, but yeah, ’cause I didn’t wanna add to the mounds of laundry created by my family! Also? It’s just so comfortable! However, I had a change of heart because I noticed the longer I went without getting dressed up, the worse I would begin to feel about myself. I noticed listening to negative self-talk was easier, and that resulted in me getting more insecure in all aspects of my life. I needed to change, and I cannot believe that dressing up for myself, making myself up for ME was what made the difference!
    Jennifer recently posted..Cleaning Out My Picture Files: The Kitchen Sink v18My Profile

  17. Phoenix Amari says

    Its a nice post. I think mom should dress up by the choice of her hubby to look beautiful in the eyes of him. The hubby should wear dresses by the choice of his wife to look beautiful in the eyes of her. How is this idea?
    Phoenix Amari recently posted..elinformedavid.comMy Profile

  18. says

    This post is awesome! I think it’s really unfortunate that a mom’s dedication to her kids is being based, by some, on how she dresses. I do wear yoga pants from time to time, but usually I don’t because with time, it (or yoga pants) make me feel like crap. I look nice because I can and because I make that a priority, that’s all. No magic. No neglect.
    Jessica recently posted..The Clicking Series – Photography Tips for BeginnersMy Profile

  19. says

    I get scared dressing up nice.. I love dressing up really nice but if I do sometimes I invite hubby to be allover me and I know how exhausted and tired I am to have somebody kisses and hug and allover me. So I stick to yoga pants when I don’t want anybody touching me :)- 
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