Things They Can’t Say: Confessions of a Semi-Domesticated Mama

Though “Things They Can’t Say” is more of a play off of my blog name than actually things the guest bloggers can’t say, sometimes my guest for the week gets inspired to share something that makes them a little nervous, as is the case with this week’s. But I know y’all will be super supportive as you meet Delilah from Confessions of a Semi-Domesticated Mama.
I wonder what goes through the minds of people when they see me. Do they see a happy, fun loving, and carefree woman? Or do they see beneath the facade to the effects of the life long genetic condition that has become my curse? When I look in the mirror all I see is what I so desperately try to cover up in any way possible. I hate going out in public because I never know if people can see what lurks underneath the layers of carefully applied make-up. Nobody has ever asked about my condition but I almost wish they would, instead of just staring and wondering. Or even worse, pointing and whispering.

 

I’ve never talked about my battle with Hirsutism before and I honestly never thought I would talk about it in such a public way. I’m tired of hiding, I’m tired of worrying that someone will see truth in one of the pictures I post on my blog. I’m tired of wondering if every person I see when I’m out with my family is wondering what is wrong with me. If I saw you on the street and noticed you staring, these are the things I wish I could say to you.

 

My condition is called Hirsutism. It is a genetic condition that causes an excess growth of facial hair in women. I have suffered from the physical and emotional effects of this condition since my early teens and trust me when I tell you that early teens is the worst time to be afflicted by any kind of a noticeable disorder. Whoever invented the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” was a liar. Words hurt and worst of all, cruel words stick with you for the rest of your life. Through out high school I was called the worst names, made fun of incessantly, and driven to tears nearly every single day.

 

I have tried every facial hair removal product and procedure that is available. I have had laser hair removal on my face 3 times and each time, the hair just grows back. I wax, I use creams and now, as my condition worsens, I shave. Every morning while I take my shower I have to shave parts of my face.  The stubborn, coarse hair along my jaw line, chin and neck is the main source of my constant social anxiety. If I do not remove the hair that grows rapidly in these areas I would have a full 5 o’clock shadow by the end of the day.

 

There is no cure for this condition. I could just embrace it and choose to join a traveling carnival as The Bearded Lady, some days I think that would be easier. Acceptance tends to be automatic among the carnival folk but I would still have to face the world. I worry every time I leave the house that my make up might not hide the appearance of the hair growth that happens all day long. I worry that my children might get teased for having a mom with such a socially unacceptable problem. Or even worse, that one of my girls might inherit this condition from me. How can I teach them to accept themselves if I cannot do the same? How do I teach them to stand tall and brave in the face of criticism and teasing when I myself find it hard to do either?

 

I tell my story today for a purpose, for a greater good. I want you to be kind to the people who cross your path. You never know what battle they are fighting or what demons are haunting them. You never know how deeply the stare that lasts just a moment too long can wound or how the whispered tones behind my back make me hate myself a little bit on that day. I would much rather you ask me a question so I can share my story with you.

 

These are things I wish I could say.

That paragraph about her writing this for the greater good is so powerful, isn’t it? Please some Delilah some comment love here and then go follow her blog.  You can also find her on facebook and twitter.

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Comments

  1. It is so hard to have something that stands out and makes you different on the outside when who you are on the inside is super special.
    JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Read.Explore.Learn.- A Present for MomMy Profile

  2. Pouring your heart out …. and my heart wants to hug you. So sad you feel so trapped …
    The upside of the internet is that you have made friends out here that love you for the you that you are, the one you share – and when you meet us, we will just be so busy squeeing and loving on you –  and hoping you don’t notice my wrinkles and my second chin, oh yes and that hairy chin the fertility drug lords gave me, and the lbs on my ass that won’t go away.
    OK, so I don’t know what to say to make you feel better – so a virtual hug will have to do for now xxxxx
    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Paying your kids.My Profile

    • You know, I am overwhelmed by the support and love of the friends that I’ve made in the blogosphere. Anyone who says “internet friends” can’t be real friends doesn’t know how powerful these friendships can be. And you said exactly the right things to make me feel better just by being you. Thank you :)
      Delilah recently posted..What’s Cookin’: Layered Chocolate Eclair CakeMy Profile

  3. Thank you for your honesty. I am sorry that you have to go through this, though I am positive it has made you a stronger, more accepting person. Your strength shines through in this post.
    Cindy Bryl recently posted..AmenMy Profile

  4. How brave of you to share this over here.  I’m sorry you are cursed with your condition.  I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and that is one of the symptoms.  I, thankfully, do not have that symptom, but I am constantly analyzing my face, scared that it might one day show up.  Big ((HUGS)) to you.
    Kmama recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: Being a MomMy Profile

  5. ((hugs)) thank you for your honesty and sharing this…I’m sure it was a difficult thing for you to do.
    Robbie recently posted..How Monday Kicked My…..My Profile

  6. Thank you for sharing this, and you are so right about not knowing what battles people are facing. I have hair issues myself and am constantly fighting against it. Hugs to you.
    KeAnne recently posted..Voyage of the DamnedMy Profile

  7. Oh, Delilah, I just want to hug you. I want to hug you and punch all of those idiots that made you cry, that judged you for something you can’t control, for something that you’re already self-conscious over. Why oh why do people have to point fingers? We all have something that makes us insecure, and the sooner we realize that and stop pointing out other people’s flaws, I think we’ll be happier. 

    Thank you for your courage and honesty. You’re beautiful in every way. 
    Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy recently posted..Mouse-Earing the PagesMy Profile

  8. Your anguish really comes through in your writing (when you want it to), and my heart goes out to you. You are a great friend – supportive, funny, caring, open, accepting – all the important things. I hope to meet you one day irl, and I agree with ByWord of Mouth Musing – there will be so much squeeing and jumping up and down that we’ll both just be a blur anyway (until the bouncing causes one or more of my jelly rolls to knock you down). xoxo
    hollow tree ventures recently posted..Kitchen Fail (aka Why It Takes Me Two Hours To Ruin Dinner)My Profile

    • All you guys are making me weepy today with your love and support. Thank you. And if my jelly rolls hit your jelly rolls do they cancel each other out? I’m not good at physics….xo

  9. Delilah, I think you’re gorgeous and you’re a great writer to boot. This couldn’t have been easy to write, but you did it with grace. Well done.
    Louise Ducote recently posted..The NavigatorsMy Profile

  10. How brave and courageous you are to step out from the hiding and say, “This is me. I am tired of living in fear of being found out.” I know it is scary but you sound beautiful to me. I am sorry that you have to deal with this and I wish I could give you a big hug. “How can I teach them to accept themselves if I cannot do the same?” Such a powerful question that every mom faces with one issue or another. I will definitely be checking out your blog.
    AnnMarie recently posted..Raising a TeenMy Profile

  11. How brave of your to write about this. I can only imagine that the teen years were horrible. You bring up a very good point that we don’t know what the people we pass on the street are going through, physically or emotionally. The world would be a better place if all of us were a bit kinder to everyone we meet.
    Patricia P recently posted..The Kind of Mom I AmMy Profile

  12. First of all, I applaud you for being brave and sharing your story.
    Secondly, you are beautiful. I don’t even have to see you to know that. :)
    Happy Mother’s Day.
    thedoseofreality recently posted..“Time” To Read Another MagazineMy Profile

  13. Delilah – thank you SO Much for sharing your story here today.  I think you’re so brave to share it.  And I hope that you help people and get that greater good you talk about.  I totally agree.  
    Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..What Would You Say to Your 18 Year Old Self?My Profile

  14. Lots of hugs to you. I’m sorry you have dealt with this all of your life….but like many have said… You are beautiful as we see inside your heart on a daily basis. And inside beauty truly..TRULY… is the only thing that matters.
    Amory/Irish Twins Momma recently posted..Letter to My Pets Link up (May)My Profile

  15. You’re amazingly brave for sharing this, Delilah. I’m sorry that people have been so judgmental about your appearance – it’s not a reflection on you, it’s those who judge.

    Thank you for sharing your story.
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..The RaceMy Profile

  16. We all have something.  All of us.  Some of try to hide our insides and some our outsides. It’s so hard.  And oh I wish I could reach through my screen and give you a hug because I’m sure you make an amazing friend.  Because you get it.  You get that we all have something and that judging helps no one.  Know you’re wonderful.  Show confidence in how wonderful I’m sure you are.  And hopefully people will see right through what you want to hide.

    xo
    Becca recently posted..ON BEING A MOMMy Profile

  17. This is something I try to teach my boys – that everyone is different – and I encourage them to be curious. we met some strangers in the mall, i think it was the food court, and a little boy was in a wheel chair. after a bit of conversation, my son asked me why – and I looked at the mom in question, she nodded. So I told my son to ask the little boy. Then we all just watched 2 little men have a conversation about legs not working but that his arms are strong and that he loves to play basketball. The boy and the mom seemed happy to talk about it – like you said – instead of it just going unsaid, with curious looks.

    so.

    i hope your daughters learn the same – and i will continue to do my part with my boys – for the greater good.
    MommaKiss recently posted..ExhaleMy Profile

  18. This is why I fell in love with Shell’s blog…moments like this. Moments where you can let it all come out and be open and honest and people will hopefully learn something from it or carry it with them and share it with someone else.
    I think your words were beautiful and I think that speaks more about you than anything else.
    Kristen recently posted..The Tail of Two Lobsters (Pun Intented)My Profile

  19. You’re awesome Delilah!
    Anna recently posted..Trash DayMy Profile

  20. Delilah, you are awesome! Thank you for sharing your story and your heart with all of us. I already thought you were amazing but I think you are that much more amazing after reading your story. Thank you for sharing heart with us. 

  21. So honest and raw, thanks for sharing.
    Carolyn recently posted..Make Pretty PencilsMy Profile

  22. That’s the beauty of meeting you virtually because we can see the thing that is most important first  - –  your heart. 
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..Easy Homemade Strawberry Banana PuddingMy Profile

  23. Thank you for sharing your story and most of all that reminding us all that a little kindness goes a long way.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Life’s Lessons: Around the (Blog) WorldMy Profile

  24. TheWolfette says:

    Thank you !!!

  25. There is beauty in everyone and in everything. Thank you for so bravely sharing your story.  It is a wonderful reminder to all of us. Everyone does indeed have a battle or demon to face. We must remember that in every encounter. 
    Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop. recently posted..I can’t say that!My Profile

  26. So. You learn new things everyday about your sister-wife, eh? This explains why we do our cookie baking only in a dimly lit kitchen. Turn the light on, girl, you’re awesome.
    Erica M recently posted..yeah write #56 challenge grid winnersMy Profile

  27. Often I consider how unfortunate it is that our society places such emphasis on how we look. We are so focused on looks that cosmetic surgery is the number 1 medical procedure performed in the U.S. Sad.  That said, it doesn’t make it any easier for you to deal with your condition. From what I’ve learned of you through the blogging community I sense you are a very beautiful person who cares for her kids and her community. I’m sorry you have to deal with strangers staring at you, rather than approaching and entering into conversation. I will do just that when I happen upon someone that causes me to look. Thanks to your brave writing!
    stephanie recently posted..There’s Something Happening Here…My Profile

  28. I have the same condition and also have to shave my face daily, so I really appreciate your ability to say the things that I have never been able to bring myself to say. You are brave and wonderful.
    Tara recently posted..Isn’t That PinterestingMy Profile

  29. I do hope you felt a burden lift by sharing.  THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE – it’s the way it works. I’m so sorry you feel uncomfy with your ‘different-ness’….I’m sure you are beautiful on the inside and that’s what really counts. I once had a brain tumor removed – one eye didn’t blink for months afterwards, and I had to wear a clear patch over it so I would get nothing in it.  I learned much about myself…and others…during those months. I remember walking into a crowd and folks would see me and turn away.  WOW!  I learned NOT to do that and I still  always try to look at someone in the eye, no matter what they look like on the outside.  May you cross paths with more accepting people and learn to the let the inside shine outside….more each day.  Thanks for sharing.  You are strong and courageous for sharing.  May God bless you in great ways. 
    The Better Baker recently posted..{Sugar Free} Strawberry Cheesecake & Weekend Potluck #17My Profile

  30. You know, I do feel like such a burden has been lifted off of my heart. It’s hard to write authentically when you feel as though you’re hiding a big part of yourself. I feel a freedom that I haven’t felt in a long time. Thank you! xo
    Delilah recently posted..What’s Cookin’: Layered Chocolate Eclair CakeMy Profile

  31. I am so glad you shared this today, over the past 2-3 years I developed hair on my chin, a part of my neck and sideburns and I have to shave it because I don’t know what else to do.  Mine isn’t as bad as yours and I was fortunate not to go through school but I know how it feels to hope no one notices or if you forget to shave and you are already out, it’s all you think about.  The razor burn and assuming everyone can tell.  It’s hard, it’s so hard and you are so brave to write about this.  
    stephanie @ babe’s rockin’ mami recently posted..Walking. Seriously, just walking.My Profile

  32. This is a powerful post. Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate you.

  33. It’s hard to write authentically when you feel as though you’re hiding a big part of yourself.I have to shave it because I don’t know what else to do.  Mine isn’t as bad as yours and I was fortunate not to go through school but I know how it feels 
    Jeanie recently posted..PR Agency DevonMy Profile

  34. You are so brave.  Thank you for sharing. I am sure the hardest is waiting to see what will happen with your daughters.  Thank you or sharing information about something I knew nothing about.
    Making It Work Mom recently posted..Pass Me the Bubble WrapMy Profile

  35. Right on brave woman!!!!!!!!! I’m so glad to see someone have some guts to come out in the open. I have a skin condition too and for the longest time just wished I was like everyone else. But guess what? No one has the perfect situation. I will take my skin condition over their problems anytime. Thanks for sharing. I’m so proud of you stranger. :)

  36. I think you are an incredibly brave person!  You carry a heavy burden…but your sharing will help someone!  It will make me a more compassionate person because your words will be in my head the next time I see someone with a visual struggle.  Thank you for sharing something so difficult with me.

  37. firstly, I love your name! I adore Delilah and always thought I’d name a daughter that…alas, I married a man with a wobbly awkward last name and so our children are all one syllable…
    anyway…
    wow…I can’t even imagine….and middle school kids are awful, I remember…
    Thanks for sharing…
    Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..I’m So Pretty Thanks to Sibu Beauty!My Profile

  38. INCREDIBLY classy post, Delilah–gorgeous, thank you…
    Meredith recently posted..An Ideal Mother’s DayMy Profile

  39. jennifer says:

    Great post, this is very interesting… I will share it on my pinterest…
    jennifer recently posted..voip cheapMy Profile

  40. Kids can be very cruel and unfortunately, adults can be too. i hope sharing your story helps to raise awareness and stops the name calling and the stares. 
    Jessica recently posted..Mother’s Day and a FairyMy Profile

  41. Great condition *insert sarcasm* right? I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome and have this lovely symptom. I feel your pain – and your fear. I find myself checking out my daughters face for anything that might be a clue to if she has it … she’s 2! Yes, it is a curse – but you are a stronger woman for having shared.
    Sara recently posted..Time to Share The LoveMy Profile

  42. Thank you so much for your openness. “You never know what battle they are fighting or what demons are haunting them. ”  That is so true, and a good reason to always lead with kindness.
    Writing, sharing the deepest parts of ourselves – these all help bring about discussion, understanding, and hopefully less judgement.
    You’re remarkable. 
    Jenni Chiu recently posted..One mother to another.My Profile

  43. Oh Deliliah, how very brave you are to share your story. My very good friend is currently going through something similar and is trying electric hair removal to hopefully kill those pesty hair follicles. 
    You are so right, we don’t know what battles others are fighting! 
    Jackie recently posted..Mother Knows BestMy Profile

  44. So brave of you to share this with the world. I have heard of the term before but didn’t really know what it meant. I hope, that by sharing this people will learn about it and get educated. And I hope, that maybe someday a cure will be found.
    Susi recently posted..Mother’s Day… a recapMy Profile

  45. Great! Well, I admire the precious time and effort you put into it, especially into interesting articles you share here! It was very interesting. Awesome post.
    Bonnie W. Slater recently posted..Nexus Pheromone SprayMy Profile

  46. In college i lived with a girl who faced something similar. I would never think to mock her but i know first hand tgat kids can be cruel. Thanks so much for sharing your story and shedding light on this issue.
    Charlotte recently posted..chillin with queen bitty and the blond duckMy Profile

  47. Oh this is such a brave post!

    And that last paragraph? Poignant perfection.

    Thank you for this!
    Galit Breen recently posted..Sunshine and Cookies and FriendshipMy Profile

  48. It is absolutely true that words can hurt more than sticks and stones. The emotional damage stays with you forever. Thank you for sharing this.
    Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) recently posted..Life’s Little ChallengesMy Profile

  49. Wow Delilah, what an incredible post. I had never heard of Hirsutism before, and I am so sorry to hear about the taunting you endured in middle school. My facial hair issue didn’t show up until after I had kids, but it really makes me feel so self conscious, so I hear you loud and clear sister. In fact making fun of myself first about it (with the avatar, etc.) is my go-to coping mechanism! I too tried 3 laser treatments and it didn’t work. I was supposed to go for 5, but I was discouraged and couldn’t afford the expense. Maybe we should try to get a group rate and get those extra two treatments together?! And I agree with Nicole and Robyn, when we meet, we’ll be so busy hugging that we won’t notice the hairy faces…unless our beards get tangled, which is a very real possibility. Love and high fives on your bravery, powerful writing, and true beauty. ~ Leslie
    Leslie recently posted..How to Find Great Hotel Deals with DealAngelMy Profile