Pour Your Heart Out: When Mom Misses Something Important

I had the hardest time leaving my firstborn.

And I mean for the amount of time it took to go to the grocery store alone.

I eventually got better at the separation, learning it was good for them and for me to have time apart.

At one point, I even felt like woo-hoo, mama’s headed out of town and I have zero guilt.

Me and Bear

Me and Bear

Though my 6 year-old Bear now absolutely hates for me to be out of town and he doesn’t deal well with it, so that makes trips a little harder.

Yet, I go out of town anyway. It’s rare that it’s just a fun girls’ weekend: it’s usually for a blog conference or event… which, while fun, can still be seen as a working event. A-hem.

And next week, I’ll be gone to TWIN Camp: fly out Tuesday after school drop-off, back Thursday night. A quick trip, really.

When Hubs and I were looking at what was going on for those days, it was just school… no big events, all things he could handle.

But about the second after I confirmed I was going to go and my plane ticket was booked for me, a little note came home in my Bear’s folder.

The kindergarten concert would be that Tuesday night.

I’ve heard the songs: Bear has been singing them for me for the past few months.

I knew this was coming.

Yet, some how, I thought that it would be this week, not next.

Because who wants to add the craziness of a nighttime event like that to the last week of school, right? Wrong.

There isn’t a late flight I could take and still attend his concert.

I’ve missed small things in my kids’ lives. Soccer games here and there.

But nothing big.

Mama is always there for the big things.

This concert is a big thing.

The only way that I can go is if I don’t go to TWIN.

But, I gave my word and said I’d go: to me, there’s a level of professionalism involved with events like this- it’s not just a girls’ night out that I’d be bailing out on.

So, I’m going to go.

And miss the concert.

Hubs will get video for me.

And I’ll try not to cry too hard that night, knowing what I’m missing.

Have you missed out on any big moments for your kids? How do you deal with the guilt?

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Comments

  1. I am so sorry you’re going to miss Bear’s concert! I know your heart must be aching. Did you tell him yet?
    If Bear is anything like my 6YO son… bring him home a little something from the airport. It will make his day :)
    Jen {at} take2mommy recently posted..Sitting at the Girls’ TableMy Profile

    • I haven’t told him yet. He doesn’t do well with notice of me leaving. He would refuse to go to school this week if he knew I was leaving next week. 

  2. I used to travel so much with my previous job that I missed out on quite a bit. My husband or my parents took lots of photos & videos and I always made time to sit with them when I got back for us to view them together. Then we would talk about all of the little fun details. It is hard missing out on those big things but it is also for a good reason that you are missing them.
    Kristen recently posted..RelationshipsMy Profile

    • My husband has missed a lot and I know he doesn’t feel this guilt. I guess I just need to get over it! And have him take pics/video!

  3. This is so ,so hard. It’s so hard to miss anything that they do, but at the end of the day, things happen and come up. I’m thinking one of these days, it actually needs to be that we get away just for fun! Kids are unbelievably resilient, and it gives them a chance to shine- without us. And thank goodness for technology. xo
    Ashley {@} My Front Porch Swing recently posted..Space to BreatheMy Profile

  4. Oh, that’s a tough one. I feel for you. I have yet to miss something, but my husband is gone during J’s preschool “graduation”.
    I’ll be recording it for him to watch later.
    Carolyn recently posted..Pay Your Bills, Check Your BoobsMy Profile

    • Mine travels a lot so he’s missed quite a bit. And somehow doesn’t have this guilt!

  5. Last year I missed my oldest’s 5th grade Interest Fair, which is a HUGE deal in the middle school. She had spent months researching and working on her project. When I realized it was going to conflict with my trip I was heartbroken. She was disappointed, but not as much as I was.
    I was even more disappointed that I was not there when her project won 1st place. So she totally recovered, I agree with Ashley kids are very resilient, I though still have guilt a little over a year later. He will be fine. You wil be sad. Guilt it is what mother’s do.

  6. Ugghhh…that stinks! I try to tell myself that I am or will be at everything else so they won’t remember if I miss one or two big things. For the most part, that has worked. My younger son was in the hospital when my older son was in his preschool play. His very first one. I don’t even remember what it was about and neither does my son, thank goodness! I’m hoping it is the same for you guys. And who the hell plans for a big concert the very last week of school? Blame the dumb planners on that one!
    AnnMarie recently posted..Five Things I am Proud ofMy Profile

  7. I’m sorry you are going to miss the concert.  I’m glad for video cameras, though, so you’ll be able to see it later.  I think it’s admirable that you are keeping your commitments.  It is really hard to be a mom and do the other things in life.  Yeah, I wouldn’t have expected a night-time event the last week of school.  My daughters had two of them, though.  What a hectic time!
    Karen recently posted..BetweenMy Profile

  8. I haven’t had to miss anything big yet, but I’m sure I will (my oldest is only 4, so there hasn’t been much to miss, event-wise). I’m sorry you’ll be gone for it, not because I don’t think you should go, but because I know you’ll be sad. He will be just fine. Maybe you can even make a huge deal about it when you get back, popcorn and everything to watch it like a “real” movie night.
    angela recently posted..Happy Memorial DayMy Profile

  9. Awww. I’m sure your heart is breaking that you’re going to miss his concert. I know the heartache. I didn’t miss Miss K’s school performance that she and all of third grade had been practicing for month’s on. No, she had to miss it. Unfortunately my Aunt’s funeral was the same evening, at the same time and Miss K had to sacrifice attending the performance. I was crushed asking her to do such a thing, especially since she had a small speaking part. She took it rather well, but I’m still sad about it.
    Other than missing a semester awards ceremony, that is the worst one so far. I try to not miss anything BIG event either, but sometimes things beyond our control happen. Big hugs to you mama!
    Tiffany recently posted..PYHO: NeighborsMy Profile

  10. Oh Shell, I’m sure your heart is heavy knowing that you’re going to miss his concert. Mine would be too. But sometimes life happens and things have to be missed. I’ve missed a couple of important things in my kids lives and it did hurt. I took them out for ice cream and a special date to make up for it and all was well. Hugs my friend :)
    Delilah recently posted..Show Us Your House: Family Room TourMy Profile

  11. OH man that bites. It sucks when you have to choose between your child and another very important situation. It is even harder when you have to choose between your children which has been my case many times. With them all in 3 different schools for their lives it has made it quite interesting.
    Angel recently posted..52 Weeks of Happiness with Leigh I love my state..My Profile

  12. I know this has to hurt your heart. Kids are resilient. I think it will effect Bear much much less than you. Maybe you can make plans to do something special, just you and him, once you get back?

    • I doubt he’ll give me any other choice. He doesn’t like to leave my side after I come back from a trip.

  13. As much as I tried to attend all the big events my kids were involved in, there was always a few I couldn’t make. I think in the grand scheme of things, missing a few won’t make a lasting impression on them, it was that I was there for all the rest that they remember. 

    So sorry you’ll miss the concert. Maybe you can make a big deal of watching the video with Bear when you get home. 
    Tara R. recently posted..Sleepless nightsMy Profile

    • Thanks for your perspective. I think since this is my first time missing, it’s hitting me harder.

  14. This post is so spot on for how I’m feeling this week, I haven’t missed any big things yet, but the idea makes me anxious already. But it’s inevitable isn’t it, we can’t be there all the time, so thank goodness for video cameras! And presents!
    The Bonny Bard recently posted..The hours go slow, but the years they go so fastMy Profile

  15. Oh I’m sorry. I can imagine how hard this must be. Could you skype with Bear before/after the concert? We find ourselves doing that a lot since my husband has a horrible travel schedule.
    Barbara recently posted..Dear NathanMy Profile

  16. I’ve missed a couple of biggies in Teach’s life. When she was a senior in high school I went to her Winter Guard competition, but didn’t want to stay for hours just to find out the results. She was the captain which was cool, but we weren’t really expecting them to win or anything. It turned out that the night they announced the state wide scholarship winners (there were three) was at the that event. She was one of them! I was not there to see her win…
    Sandy
    momof12 recently posted..Did You Miss Me?My Profile

  17. Urgh, so hard. I haven’t experienced this yet, and I dread it. I’m so sorry you’re missing Bear’s concert. Hugs.
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Toddler ‘TudeMy Profile

    • I’m taking comfort from all the mamas who have older kids- seems everyone eventually goes through it!

  18. Oh my this is so hard. I’m so sorry you have to miss the concert. I haven’t had to go through this yet, though I know someday I will and I know it will devastate me. But I believe (hope?) that our little ones understand. And when they look back, they won’t see the things we missed, they’ll see all of the things we attended and all of the times we cheered them on.
    Tricia recently posted..DaydreamingMy Profile

  19. We have had a couple events at preschool my husband couldn’t make. JDaniel would have loved him there, but my husband made sure to make to to relive the event with him via pictures and special time together.
    JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Lipton Honey and Tea Review with Tips for Staying RefreshedMy Profile

    • My husband has had to miss a few for the kids, but this is my first. I guess if they were okay without him, they’ll make it without me.

  20. I still feel strange leaving the house without the kids. I’ve missed things like sports games, because with three kids sometimes my husband and I need to split up to handle the schedules. I had to go out of town overnight to help deal with my very ill father, and I felt horrible when I found out how much my youngest missed me!
    Patricia P recently posted..The Plague is Running Through Our HouseMy Profile

    • I’ve had to miss soccer games- b/c my boys have had them at the same time on different fields, but somehow, it just didn’t feel the same. But I guess it will all be okay.

  21. My best friend got married in Hawaii, and my husband and I were the only people going with them. Tickets were purchased, car rentals secured. And then? We had snow days, and school was going to run longer. Now my oldests 1st Grade Honors Day and Continuation Ceremony was going to happen after we were gone. I was a disaster! My mom teaches in our district, and couldn’t take the day to come watch either. My boss’s sweet wife went and took pictures for me, and he was fine with it, but my heart broke to know that I wasn’t there.
    Megan M. recently posted..Speak up, or Let it Ride?My Profile

    • That would have been a hard situation- no way to stay home for that! Glad you got the pics! 

  22. I had to work the day of Ben’s Christmas play this year. I never have missed any of their plays or programs but had to miss this one. I know exactly how you feel. It sucks.

  23. My husband has missed a few things for the kids because he was out of town or he couldn’t take off work.  I still can’t figure out why my kids’ school has their holidays concerts in the middle of the afternoon instead of the evening.  My kids are sad in the moment, but it amazes me how quick they bounce back.  And getting a video of a performance definitely helps!

    I’m finally getting my chance to go out of town later this year.  My son is a mess when my husband travels, so I worry how he’ll be with me gone.  I’m also worried that I’ll miss a big event since I’ll be gone during the school year.
    Evonne recently posted..And off we go!My Profile

    • My husband has missed quite a bit. And I bet he has no guilt about it. I hope when you head out of town, there’s nothing big going on.

  24. With four kids, three of them very active in school and non school activities, I run into more conflicts than I’d like.  I try hard to balance.  I’m not always perfect, and I get upset with myself.  What I have learned is, some of those things seem very important in the moment, but there is always more important events to come.  You won’t miss them all.  They won’t remember all of the events anyway, I promise.

    I’m not saying it’s easy to miss, it always tears me up.  I am saying, everyone will survive, and in the future it will be clear you didn’t scar him by missing this event.
    Oka recently posted..Soccer, Soccer, SoccerMy Profile

    • Thanks for the perspective. I think that it’s hitting me hard b/c it’s the first time for me. But, you are right- I’m sure we’ll have plenty of times when things like this happen and I won’t be able to be at every single thing.

  25. Aw, honey… I am sorry. I have to miss a school concert this Friday for the triplets since I have to work and can’t get anyone to cover my shift. It’s hard, trust me I know. 
    Jen recently posted..The Secret of Field TripsMy Profile

    • We just need money trees so we don’t have to bother with silly things like jobs. ;) 

  26. I have yet to miss something important — soccer games here and there and the odd gymnastics night — but I know it will come. But honestly, reading your post brought tears to my eyes and just the thought of when the time will come that I will miss something. Because that time will come. Big hugs to you.
    Deb recently posted..A hazard of working for yourselfMy Profile

    • Seeing all the moms with older kids who are commenting- it seems like it’s inevitable that we’ll miss something!

  27. It’s so difficult to have to make these choices.  I would have done the same thing, because I believe in keeping commitments, etc.  But I know how hard it is to find peace of mind when we can’t choose our kids first.   I’m feeling this one!  Thanks for sharing it! 
    Ilene recently posted..I Am A RunnerMy Profile

  28. Ugh- and why don’t they let everyone know when these things are sooner? That is what drives me crazy and they often tell too close to the event. What ultimately matters is that he knows you are there for him and that he is most important even when you cannot actually be there.
    Sorry there was this conflict.
    Emmy recently posted..I Believe in Traditional MarriageMy Profile

  29. I wish ther was someway you could skype it.
    Lisa recently posted..Things on TV and Movies that Never Actually Happen That WayMy Profile

  30. I’ve missed a few things. My kid’s very first lacrosse game, where he scored 2 goals and got his “warrior name.” I was attending a 3-day prep event, and while scheduled – I still felt bad I wouldn’t see his game. Know what he told me? After being so excited about his goals and being named “War Eagle?” He said “it’s ok you weren’t there, mom, I’m only 6 and I’ll be playing sports like forever!” damn kids, they know how to melt ya.
    MommaKiss recently posted..Your legacy…My Profile

  31. That is tough. We all miss a few of the big things during our kids childhoods. 

    Planning a big concert the last week of school is crazy. 
    Tracie recently posted..Bargaining With GodMy Profile

  32. I know exactly how you feel! I have had to miss my fair share of things. Just one of those things that happens when you are a working mama! Also, I schedule things early as I am sure you do. IF you had known about the concert THEN–you would have said no then but this last minute stuff is well, last mintue and sometimes a mama gotta do what a mama gotta do! Be blessed.
    Katina recently posted..Personal Disciplines-Pour Your Heart OutMy Profile

    • Exactly. I don’t understand why we’re notified so late when they knew it was coming up!

  33. Oh that sucks BUT I like the suggestion another commenter made about watching it WITH him afterwards. I missed the kids’ holiday concert back in December. I was in Costa Rica attending my dad’s funeral. But I watched the video and made sure they knew I was proud of them! It’ll all be okay and there will be PLENTY of other things to go to!

    By the way, the picture of you two is GORGEOUS!
    Melissa {momcomm} recently posted..Blog Critique: Life Well BlendedMy Profile

    • I think that’s what we are going to do!

      And thanks- we had a photo session at Duke Gardens this past month. Such fun!

  34. I’m sorry you’re going to miss his concert.  But you can watch it again with him when you return and then ask him for an encore performance.  Cute pic of you two :)
    Julie recently posted..PYHO: How a friendship should be!My Profile

  35. I know it royally stinks, but honestly you will remember that you didn’t make the concert for a while, but he will forget quickly. Don’t let the guilt bother you. I think teaching your son to stand by his word is very important. Leading by example is always the best way to do it.
    Big hugs for you!
    Kim Young recently posted..Daydream BelieverMy Profile

  36. It’s really hard to miss those big events. I try to make it to school stuff and so far have been pretty successful. Though many times my husband and I have to trade off events for my stepsons because we can’t take the little ones with us. You just have to do your best.
    Denise recently posted..Mornings SuckMy Profile

    • As some of the moms with older kids have been pointing out, I guess this is just something that happens!

  37. Well I didn’t entirely miss but I was 30 minutes late to my daughter’s K celebration (so I was there for 15 minutes of party).  I had a doctor’s appointment out of town that couldn’t be rescheduled.  I cried.  I got on her level and told her how much I wanted to be there and how disappointed I was to miss the event.  She hugged me and said, “It’s all right mommy.”  But I know it isn’t.  It was a big deal and I missed it.  That night we took her K video and popped popcorn and set up a K celebration just for the family.  It was salve for us both.
    Where is the ME in Mommy? recently posted..What I Think About: PuppiesMy Profile

  38. I had to miss a few things when I was still in college (evening classes). I felt bad of course but I also tried to remember that I have been there for everything else and will be there for lots of other things in the future. Just because we have to miss one or two things doesn’t mean we are one of those absent parents that never go to any of their child’s activities! We are not super mom, no matter how hard we try to be!! He may be disappointed for the moment but it will be forgotten quickly and you have the whole future ahead of you to attend things like that!
    Deanna recently posted..Oh no.. Summer Break…My Profile

  39. LOVE that picture.
    I haven’t missed anything, but it speaks to the fact that I don’t have a life more than anything else. LOL
    I’m sure it will happen one day though.
    MiMi recently posted..Adult Attention Deficit DisorderMy Profile

    • Thank you. I think I was tying his shoe or something. LOL

      I guess it will happen to all of us at some point.

  40. Aww, that’s got to be hard. Good luck to you both! Big hugs.
    jenn @ so this is love recently posted..When You Don’t Know What to Say…My Profile

  41. That’s got to be so tough for both of you. I’ve had to miss a few minor things due to work, so I always try to make a big deal about it when I get home and have my kids tell me all about it so I can try to re-live it with them.
    Debra recently posted..I Love A ParadeMy Profile

  42. Oh Momma guilt sucks. But… life does happen, and sometimes that means that Momma has a life too. Hopefully this will teach your son that lesson. As hard as we try to be there for every big & little thing, life doesn’t revolve around one person. Such a tough lesson to swallow… for both Momma & their children! Hang in there, Shell! 
    Kelli @ Momma Needs a Beer recently posted..Accepting ChangeMy Profile

    • You’re right. It can’t all revolve around one person. Still wish I didn’t have to miss! 

  43. Ugh! Mommy guilt is nasty – I missed The Hare’s 4th grade choir concert when I went to Dallas two weeks ago for a writing conference. I booked the trip months in advance, not knowing when this concert would be scheduled. It hurt – I won’t lie – and I called her before to wish her luck, and immediately after to see how it went. But truly – our kids have to learn that they are not the center of our world. They need to learn that it is okay that we have interest and responsibilities outside of the family. And it is something we need to learn too so that we don’t wake up one day with a 14 year old and a 10 year old and ask ourselves, between uncontrollable sobs, “Who do I want to be?”
    Emily @ My Pajama Days recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: I don’t really like runningMy Profile

  44. Awww I know you are so torn! We’ll all call and get that concert moved to this week for you :)
    Natalie recently posted..Put a Little Bounce in Your StepMy Profile

  45. I haven’t missed anything BIG yet but they are 4 and not involved in anything.
    I know that it has to be so hard to know where your heart wants to be and instead have to be somewhere else because of a commitment. You writing this, proves where your heart is and the video will warm your heart over and over again.

    Thank you for ALWAYS speaking from your heart and sharing your “hard stuff” with us , so that we can feel like no matter what, we’re never alone as moms.

    love u xo
    Kirsten recently posted..Pour My Heart Out: The Merry Ole Month of MayMy Profile

  46. Ugh, I can imagine how this is tearing you apart.  Thank goodness for high quality videos these days, right?  

    Why not watch the video with him when you get back…that way, he can be with you while you watch him perform.  I know it’s not exactly the same but it’s the next best thing!!!

    Plus, bringing him home a little gift from the airport may butter him up a little bit…heehee!
    Helene recently posted..Even stay-at-home moms can get in shape!My Profile

  47. First of all, that picture is gorgeous!!

    Secondly, this stinks. I’m sorry there’s not a solution. Thanks God for technology, so you can watch the video. I know in your heart you want to stay home, but like you said, there is a level of professionalism that needs to be kept. 

    When I did work, it was very demanding. My youngest spent a week in the hospital, and every day I had to leave him to go to work. It was awful. 
    Adrienne recently posted..When I Grow Up (Again)My Profile

    • Ugh. I guess we are always going to feel pulled in different directions as moms.

  48. Oh, Shell. I can feel your anguish and I’m aching right alongside you as I consider how I’d feel if I were in your shoes. There’s just no right answer, but it sounds like you’ve reached the best compromise under the circumstances. 
    Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..By Any Other NameMy Profile

  49. Been there as well…thankfully you will have more opportunities to be there!  
    emily platanosandmangoes.blogspot.com recently posted..My graduate, my sonMy Profile

  50. Oh Shell that is so tough. I missed SO much when I was in the hospital pregnant with the triplets. Ashlyn started middle school while I was in the hospital, I felt like the worst mother on the planet but she has forgotten and he will too.
    Jessica recently posted..Right where I am: 4 years 7 months 19 daysMy Profile

    • I guess we all miss something. And yet our kids are still okay. I’ll need to remind myself of this next week.

  51. I haven’t missed any, but I can tell you that all these additional activities, especially in May, don’t add to life. We’d have been better off sitting with our feet up on the porch.

    Enjoy that conference. Bear knows he has the best mom. Ever.
    Maggie S. recently posted..Can You Take It?My Profile

  52. This is going to sound horrible, but I missed a concert too. A concert that was important. Here’s the bad part: I do not remember whose concert it was. Just that I totally missed it. It was a miscommunication on my part. I thought it was at 1 it was at 12. I think it was my sons concert. He doesn’t bring it up every other day. I didn’t even think about it until just now. We survived. It didn’t get video taped. He is so young, there are going to be many many more. And they will be grand. I haven’t missed those. I saw my oldest perform her first solo. It didn’t get recorded. We lived. It’s going to happen again. Our children are more resilient than we are. Our guilt plagues us. Try not to let it do that to you. I know it is easier said than done. But it will be okay in the grand scheme of things.
    Lourie recently posted..So Random it’s Wednesday!My Profile

    • Thanks for that perspective! I think since mine are still young and this is my first thing I’m missing, it’s seeming like a much bigger deal than it actually is!

  53. I had to miss some softball games this year for a work conference. It made me feel horrible, but she understood. They all eventually understand.
    Jennifer recently posted..The Dinner DilemmaMy Profile

  54. I think everything is BIG to kids.

    I just asked my daughter if I’ve missed anything big of hers.  Yep.  I missed her 3rd grade awards assembly.  How do I deal with the guilt?  I simply forget.  :)
    angie recently posted..Wordful Wednesday ~ Memorial Day Weekend GratitudeMy Profile

  55. Oh that’s so hard! Good for you for honoring your professional commitment, but that just hard! (I already said that!)

    I don’t think I’ve missed anything yet, but I know I will. I may have missed The Girl losing her first tooth… I think that happened at her dad’s, but by that point, I had spent so much money on the tooth fairy I was okay with it!
    Sorta Southern Single Mom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: The DownsideMy Profile

  56. Aww, I’m sorry, I know that must be so hard and of course you were torn about the decision. But you are there the majority of the time and that’s what’s important. I haven’t really missed a whole lot yet since D is still so tiny, but I think every mother faces this at some point.
    Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..More Thoughts on New MotherhoodMy Profile

  57. I missed my first born’s kindergarten celebration/concert last year while in San Diego….
    my hubs went…Blake was disappointed, but he was okay…
    Bear will be too…good luck breaking the news…
    Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..#EclosBeauty Giveaway!My Profile

  58. I feel for you! Hopefully there will be many more concerts to come!
    Life As Wife recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Holiday WeekendMy Profile

  59. It’s a tough choice for sure. I have missed little things that I couldn’t bring my youngest to when I couldn’t find a sitter. And even those things bothered me so I can only imagine what you feel right now. Good luck to both of you. I’m sure you’ll both be okay in the end!!!
    Susi recently posted..Moving up… 5th Grade DanceMy Profile

  60. This is so hard, I know.  I’m so sorry.  I now it will not be easy, and I’ll be thinking of you.  That picture of you two is fantastic.  Jacqueline did a great job. 
    Leigh Powell Hines @Hinessightblog recently posted..Pack Your Bags: We’re Heading to The Mast Farm Inn in Valle Crucis, N.C.My Profile

  61. It is hard missing out on those big things but it is also for a good reason that you are missing them.I have missed little things that I couldn’t bring my youngest to when I couldn’t find a sitter. Thanks for sharing.
    Claire recently posted..Why Can t I Become PregnantMy Profile

  62. It’s so hard missing things when it comes to our kids. Your kiddos know you love them :)
    Tina @ Life Without Pink recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: EyelashesMy Profile

  63. I haven’t missed anything yet, but it’s inevitable, right? I don’t have work engagements that take me out of town, but with three kids there is a lot of life to interfere. I’m sure Bear will quickly get over it and will have to much fun showing you the video. It’s almost like a private show just for you. I’m sure it’s still not ideal, but I hope it all goes well!
    The Mommy Therapy recently posted..Will Smith Has All The AnswersMy Profile

  64. I totally get your dilema. It’s really hard to miss anything your kids do.

    Maybe you could have a special viewing party when you return?
    JamieAnne recently posted..The Blink of an EyeMy Profile

  65. yeah. I understand you. Just have a bonding with your kids when you return.
    Carol recently posted..flat rate moversMy Profile

  66. Cynedra says:

    I’m a little late as usual replying. It is sad that you have to miss his concert. It does seem really weird that they would do it the last week of school. This year for my boys’ events we were told at least six weeks before each of them when they would happen. May have been earlier. Unfortunately, they both ended up getting sick on the respective days of their concerts so we didn’t end up going to either one. My younger one was devastated and cried for a week afterwards that he wasn’t in it – Christmas concert – despite the fact that he was running a fever and vomiting – as was everyone else in the house. Older son got sent home with a fever the day of his concert – and if you get sent home with a fever, you aren’t allowed back for 24 hours. My niece broke her finger in PE the day of her concert and didn’t make it. Right now, I am hoping that nothing happens on the 13th – the day of younger son’s VPK graduation. Anyway, he will be fine and so will you – eventually. It is amazing that DHs don’t suffer from the same guilt we do about these things.

  67. I missed my daughter’s first year at school. I did feel guilty about it at that time, but she doesn’t seem to remember, so that helps
    Nikky44 recently posted..Sharing The LoveMy Profile

  68. It’s sad to miss these events but at least it will be recorded and you can watch it later with him. 
    Jess recently posted..The Family That Trailer Camps Together…My Profile

  69. Just a “go you” for still going away/out despite the kids–hard, but so, so important!
    Meredith recently posted..Why I’m Pretty Sure My Husband Secretly Got an Egg DonorMy Profile

  70. Oh Shell…I get it. As a working mom (outside of the home) I have missed out on many things at Norrin’s school. Many many many things – I’ve had to pick and choose what events to make or miss because it’s time I need to take as vacation. It’s tough. And just recently I sacrificed a few days to attend blog conferences. Doesn’t make it easier. But I say, that it’s an investment in myself. And if I’m working to make myself better – then Norrin will benefit.

    When you return, take a night and do something special for Bear :D
    Lisa – AutismWonderland recently posted..Feels Good To Be Glam #MaryKayGlamMy Profile

  71. Oh I am so so so sorry.

    I know there are some parents who HAVE to miss a lot of functions because of work or other obligations but I was never one of those either.

    I am at EVERYTHING.

    Except the one day when Karly’s final volleyball tournament was on the same day as Jack’s last test before Black Belt.  It wasn’t his actual black belt test. Karly would have had to skip the tournament.

    But for a precursor test, we decided I’d take Karly and Bill would take Jack.
    I thought I was fine. Until that morning. When I was surly and picking fights and suddenly burst into tears.

    I know. It may sound crazy. But I realized I was just completely sad and frustrated that no matter how hard we tried to manage our lives in a sane way that accommodated my presence, it wasn’t always going to be possible.

    Yep. I cried. And it was still the right thing to do.

    So. Good luck, mama. I’ll be holding virtual tissues for you next week….
    julie gardner recently posted..I don’t mean your kid, of courseMy Profile

  72. Ugh. I’m sorry, that is going to be HARD. I think you made the right decision. As much as we want to we just can’t always be there for everything and do everything.
    Marta recently posted..The Gown.My Profile

  73. That’s so rough. I’m sorry, Shell. You know it will be okay, but it’s still hard.

    Hugs.
    Natalie @MamaTrack recently posted..Essence of Now (June 1, 2012)My Profile

  74. I am so sorry – I know how painful this must be for you. Sending hugs to both of you.
    Angela recently posted..PWS + DMD = big problems… dinner at our houseMy Profile

  75. Awwwww this breaks my heart because I know how much you’d love to be in two places at once. And while it may seem like a big event now, there will be others and I promise Bear won’t remember. Xoxo and have a great and safe trip!
    Charlotte recently posted..so you say my ex is marriedMy Profile

  76. Hello, my friend. Oh, how I have missed you and this blog world. Turns out this writing gig is a heck of a lot tougher than I thought it would be. 

    This one just stabbed me in the heart. I’m so sorry. But remember, there will be many, many more moments in his life. In fact, when I think back, a lot of my girls’ school programs kind of jumble together. I just asked my 14 year old if she remembered her end of the year program when she was six. She told me she remembers some of the songs, but other than that, not so much and she told me, (because I specifically asked), that she couldn’t recall her father or me being there. We were, for the record, but evidently it doesn’t matter in the long run. 

    And I think, as mothers, our guilt never ends. I went to a 3 day conference recently. My 17 year old, in a frequent teenage girl meltdown, said, “You left me for over a week.” 

    My wise and darling friend, an attorney with 4 girls of her own, told me when they were small, the moments she missed, ate her alive with guilt. But those girls now, could not be prouder of their mom. All professing they want to be just like her. 

    Don’t let it eat you up. You will both come out of this,shining. 

    Oh, and take those girls’ trips, too. You deserve them. 
    joann mannix recently posted..I Went To A Writers Conference And I All Got Was A TribeMy Profile

  77. Poor Momma!  I’m so sorry that you will miss this concert Shell!  Maybe you can do something special with just him before you leave or have him give you a special concert?  I hope you don’t cry too hard either.  I’m still working on being able to be apart from Nate for longer then a few hours but I’m sure there will be some things I miss.
    stephanie @ babe’s rockin’ mami recently posted..Punk Rock Papi {Flab to Fab}My Profile

  78. I stopped back to check the linky for some good reads and was horrified to find that my comment didn’t post — now I feel like that guest who ruins your good bathroom towels and doesn’t apologize — so, so, so sorry!

    If I remember, my comment was that your son will absolutely love to watch the tape with you. My daughter was thrilled to share her dance recital with daddy that way and was so excited to see what she looked like from the audience. Pop some popcorn and make a real “thing” of it and he’ll be beaming.

    And have fun at the conference!
    IASoupMama recently posted..I Just Got the SpiritMy Profile

  79. Oh, heartache. I can just imagine how hard that would be.
    Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Grace in Small Things: #2My Profile

  80. That must have been really hard.  What counts, though, is all those other times where you’re there – you’re always there.
    Lady Jennie recently posted..CoquineMy Profile

  81. Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer.
    It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information.
    Fantastic read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your
    RSS feeds to my Google account.
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