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As I write this post another holiday is coming to a close.
I want to love the holidays, I really do. But since our daughter passed away, I tend to dread them more than I look forward to the next.
Four and a half years ago, I carried triplets until my body could not carry them any longer, and gave birth to three miracle babies at 28 weeks gestation.
Two of my children survived the many ups and downs of being born severely premature.
One did not.
Life has been bittersweet ever since.
Holidays bring with them a deep appreciation for the precious lives we have been given, but a painful reminder of the life that should be here too.
As I dressed my daughter in her Easter dress, it took everything I had to concentrate on the moment, to give it to her.
My mind kept drifting to her sister, who should be standing next to her, anxiously awaiting for the bow to be tied on her frilly Easter dress and wiggling in her seat as I attempt to braid her hair.
I have learned so much in our journey through infertility and high risk pregnancy and prematurity and infant loss.
I have learned that, in order to survive it all and not grow into a bitter old woman before I even hit 40, I must concentrate on the lives before me and do whatever I can to honor the life that is no longer here.
And this is where my work with the March of Dimes began.
We formed a family team as soon as our preemies where given the okay to be out in the world and walk in honor of our survivors and in memory of our daughter each year. Every dime I raise makes me feel like I am doing something.
Losing a child, spending day after day in the NICU willing her siblings to survive, wheeling home oxygen tanks and heart monitors just so your survivors can begin a life in your home, all of these things make you feel helpless as a parent.
Raising money for the March of Dimes, an organization that plays a huge role in the advancements in prenatal and neonatal care, takes away a bit more of that helpless feeling every year.
I may not have the chance to buy one more Easter dress or dig for one more ponytail holder, but I can fundraise my butt off each year.
Each year I spend the walk appreciating every step my survivors take, every dollar we have raised, the family and friends who have joined us and I reflect on the tragic turn of events that has brought us all to this place.
A place of soaking up life, holding its hand and treasuring just how precious it truly is.
Shell, thanks for giving your space over to Jessica today for her drive to raise funds for March of Dimes. Such a wonderful cause. Jessica, I hope you’re closer and closer to your goal!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Letter to My Son: Part Deux
Thanks so much Alison, I’m getting there and I truly appreciate Shell helping me get even closer.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
It makes me smile to see Jessica here fundraising. I know she can reach her goal for such a worthy cause.
angela. recently posted..Uncoordinated
I’m getting closer, thanks to all of my amazing friends.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
Posting this on Facebook, tweeting it now…and looking toward a day when birth stories are only sweet.
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me large
Thank you SO much Julie. Truly.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
Thanks for sharing this with us, I do love to share this on my pinterest…
Scot207 recently posted..Liposuccion Du Ventre : Guide et conseils
The March of Dimes is near and dear to my heart too.
Emmy recently posted..Pros Must Have Good Pictures
My heartfelt sympathy to you, as you are also a survivor. I hope you meet and break your goal. It looks like you’re well on your way.
Jester Queen recently posted..Zombie Jesus
I’m definitely getting close and this is the highest goal I’ve set yet. Thanks for your support!
Jessica recently posted..Friends
http://jesterqueen.com
Testing comments. Is this one taking?
Jester Queen recently posted..Zombie Jesus
Yes- it came through. Sometimes it takes a minute to go through.
OK, so my e-mail address is wrong above – I’m having to fool the WP comment thingie, which is determined to mess me up.
Here (on the fourth try) is my comment.
My heartfelt sympathy to you, as you are also a survivor. I hope you meet and exceed your goal. It looks like you’re well on the way.
Jester Queen recently posted..Zombie Jesus
Jessica, your story continues to inspire me. I hope you meet and exceed that goal! Love to you (and Shell, you rock for sharing your space with Jess!)
MommaKiss recently posted..A letter to my 18 year old self
She’s the best isn’t she. Less than $500 left.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
I am so glad that you continue to raise funds and awareness Jess. Thank you
Leighann recently posted..The Bear Went Over the Mountain
Good luck, Jessica. I support you in this, in every way.
Natalie @MamaTrack recently posted..An Angel Was Born
Thank you Natalie, I know you do.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
I don’t have much to give, but I will give what I can….good luck to you guys. <3
Thank you so much Christina.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
Good luck, Jessica. I love seeing the pictures of all of you walking. Besides the money you’re raising, you’re teaching your kids so much.
Greta recently posted..Project 365: Week 14
Thanks so much Greta, I love having them walk with each us year.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
Thanks so much for donating your time and space to featuring Jessica and the March of Dimes. I am a March of Dimes Ambassador mama too and we are huge supporters as we also had 28 weeker twins who both made it but like you Jessica have spent more time in NICUs, Hospitals, Drs. Offices, and with medical equipment in our home than I ever care to repeat and for which I hope fewer and fewer families will have to endure due to the work of the March of Dimes. Good luck on your fundraising Jessica, I am right there with you and every single dollar counts! P.S. your pictures are beautiful and just amazing to see those beautiful faces today.
Shannon from ‘mynewfavoriteday’ recently posted..Risking Hope.
Good luck to you as well Shannon, we were an ambassador family two years ago and I loved it (except for the public speech part).
Jessica recently posted..Friends
I wish I had magic words to help, but I don’t.
I hope you meet your goal, fundraising is hard work! I’m currently helping a friend with her charity and it is not as easy as I thought it would be.
Best to you and your family.
Carolyn recently posted..Healthy Breakfast Drop Cookie {Recipe}
The fundraising is something that I love to do. I appreciate your support and good luck with your charity as well!
Jessica recently posted..Friends
I hope you are able to reach your goal. I walk yearly in Light the Night in honor of my mom.
Julie recently posted..Disney honeymoon Day 4
That must be such an emotional walk, thanks for your support Julie.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
Jessica always makes my heart ache and my eyes well…how I love her…
so happy to see she’s so close to her goal!
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..My Bed Through the Years….
I’m getting there, thanks to everyone’s support. xo Holly
Jessica recently posted..Friends
Love your passion for this cause and I’m proud to partner with you (at least $$ since I can’t walk more than 5 feet without getting tired these days, lol!).
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Life’s Lessons: Good House Hunting
I truly appreciate your support Rach.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
March of Dimes is such a worthy organization.
You are an inspiration. Turning heartbreak into change. Mommies and Babies everywhere thank you.
Making It Work Mom recently posted..Easter Weekend 2012
For me, this is the most healing thing I can do, thanks for such a compliment.
Jessica recently posted..Friends
March Dimes newly sounds good to me. And I found it interesting.
Liz recently posted..Hcg diet reviews
I have no doubt that you will reach, and even surpass your goal, Jessica. March of Dimes is one cause I never hesitate to support.
Julie recently posted..I smile because you’re my sister. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.
Truly appreciate your support Julie!
Jessica recently posted..Friends
This March of Dimes is newly heard. But it sounds interesting to me. Thanks for the great post.
Jam recently posted..Good Low Carb Diets
Thanks Shell for giving Jessica this platform to spread her word!!! This is such an important cause!!
Kimberly recently posted..Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday
Your story is touching, and heart-wrenching at the same time. What a wonderful cause you have chosen to support in life. You are to be so admired.
Leigh Powell Hines (@Hinessightblog) recently posted..Southern Porch Entertaining
You should totally enter my contest! I mean all you have to do is get comments! And Moments in Frames is putting up the cash! And this is SUCH a great cause! Good luck!
dumb mom recently posted..Dumb Mom’s Guide. How to Embrace Spring Cleaning.
Coming to visit now, I favorited it in my tweets this week and forgot all about it!
Jessica recently posted..Friends
Your post is truly beautiful and inspiring.
Lourie recently posted..Questions
Love it Shell – I did support Jessica through her page.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Déjà Vu
I love that the two of you are here together, using your voices and hearts for good.
Beautiful.
Galit Breen recently posted..First Day, Last Day
An incredibly worthy cause and one that is clearly very near and dear to your heart. Thank you for doing all you can to raise awareness and thank you Shell for featuring Jessica here. Xoxo
Charlotte recently posted..ready… part two
Shell, you are so kind for giving your space here today to Jessica and her amazing cause. This is what I love most about our blogging world. xo
Tonya recently posted..Odd Ball