Things They Can’t Say: A Day in Mollywood

You know what I think of when I think of today’s featured blogger? Someone who knows who she is and blogs from a very honest place. Please welcome Molly from A Day in Mollywood. Someone I absolutely cannot wait to hug at Blissdom later this month!
I have this problem. Maybe you have it. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you have it but you don’t even know you have it. As was the case with me.

My problem is called negative self-talk.

I became aware of this life-altering, tragic habit only after seeing the same therapist for an entire year. What? Everyone has a therapist, right? Or is that just me? Okay, moving along . . .

She told me that I beat myself up too much. That I have a terrible case of negative self-talk. I was shocked when she said it.

“No I don’t,” I argued.

Later that night I thought long and hard about her words. The conversation in my head went a bit like this.

Who does she think she is? Telling me I beat myself up too much. I don’t beat myself up. I just have high standards. And I don’t meet most of the standards. I am far behind my standards. I can’t do anything right. God, I really suck at life. I have to go to therapy. That right there is a sign that I suck. Man, I’m really worthless.

Do you see what happened there? Yeah, me too. Look how mean I was being to myself!

Negative self-talk is when your inner voice tells you very bad things. The voice talks so quickly that most people don’t even know it’s happening.

The next time I saw my therapist I told her about my little light bulb moment.

“You’re right,” I said with a smirk, “I hate on myself and I didn’t even know it.”

She looked me in the eye and said, “Now that you know you have the power to stop it.”

POWER. Now there is a word that should be in every person’s vocabulary.

After 30 years, I had perfected the art of negative self-talk. Only now is it clear how severely this terrible little voice inside has affected my physical and mental well-being.

Think about it this way – if there were someone standing in front of you telling you horrible, no-good things multiple times a day, well, you’d be a mess, right? It’s the same with negative self-talk.

But it’s not easy to stop. First comes awareness but then comes the hard part. Stopping the talk before you start. You have to learn to catch yourself before you attack. I’m not always great at catching it. Sometimes I have to stop mid-sentence.

For instance:

Ugh, look at this laundry piling up. I hate laundry. Maybe if I were more organized it wouldn’t pile up like this . . . oops. There I go again. You’re not a bad person for not doing the laundry. You’re a tired mom and it happens to everyone.

Do you see how I changed my self-talk? I literally talked myself out of the bad thought I was having.

Now that you know about negative self-talk, I’ll give you a challenge. Listen to yourself. No, really. Listen carefully to that unspoken dialogue taking place within you. Are you being nice to yourself?

Because you should be.

Please show Molly some comment love here and then go follow A Day in Mollywood. You can also find Molly on facebook and twitter.

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  1. Hi Molly, nice to ‘ meet’ you. I think everyone fights with their inner critic, and we all are far too tough on ourselves. Love how you suggest catching ourselves mid-sentence. We all should be nicer to ourselves.
    Vinobaby recently posted..It’s My SITS Day & the Origin of VinobabyMy Profile

  2. I love this post! It is so easy to head down this path and forget all the wonderful things we all do everyday.
    JDaniel4s Mom recently posted..Read.Explore.Learn.-Valentine’s DayMy Profile

  3. Nice to meet you Molly! 

    I have a bitch in my head – she tells me constantly that I’m not good enough, that I haven’t accomplished enough in my life and look where I am today – just a mom.

    I need to squash that bitch. :)

  4. Great post!

  5. It’s so funny we try to be so nice to everyone else in our lives yet we do this to ourselves! Self love it’s so important.. great post. We really have  to have a positive conversation in our heads with ourselves, love ourselves for our good and not so good points.
    Jen recently day- say what Phil?My Profile

  6. What a great post Molly. Seems we all struggle with that so it’s nice to see it’s (normal) and addressed. :)
    Cindi recently posted..Stories of Love: Acts of LoveMy Profile

  7. Hi there. Great content. As someone who is trying to build an audience, I am always open to new ideas. I just started following you on bloglovin. Hope you can check me out:

    Join the obsession!

  8. I’m in the process of listening to myself more & trying to eliminate negative self talk. It took being put on an anti-depressant to get to this point, but it’s helping & for that I’m grateful. It doesn’t always work, but I’m WORLDS better than I used to be.

    Thanks for writing this out :) I think for someone that doesn’t have that negative talk doesn’t really understand it!
    beckykid recently posted..Got a question for me?My Profile

  9. Negative self-talk is the downfall of many a mom. You need to be your own cheerleader.
    Making It Work Mom recently posted..I am going to kill himMy Profile

  10. Wow is this ever great advice! You know what’s funny, I NEVER allow my girls to participate in negative self talk. No “I can’t do it, I’m not smart enought”…but just now realized, I do it all the time!! Must stop!
    SassyModernMom recently posted..Seeking Revenge On The Dude Who Parks In The Drop Off Only ZoneMy Profile

  11. Such a great post! I needed this reminder today :)  
    Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] recently posted..Margaret and BertMy Profile

  12. Great advice. I’ve found that helps with my anxiety, too. I even do what I consider talking TO my anxiety, and it helps.
    Misty @ The Family Math recently posted..Month in Review: JanuaryMy Profile

  13. I am so very bad about doing this. I do it ALL the time. You are right, it is very hard to stop.
    Jennifer recently posted..Share Your AwesomeMy Profile

  14. “The bad stuff is easier to believe.  Ever notice that?”

    Maybe I need a therapist, I have never been able to stop.
    Oka recently posted..PMM ~ Couldn’t be prouderMy Profile

  15. So THAT’S what’s wrong with my brain…negative self talk…

  16. I’m sooooo guilty of this myself.  I cut slack for everyone else except myself.  Really need to do better on this!
    Helene recently posted..Pouring My Heart Out…Parenting Has Turned Me Into a Social HermitMy Profile

  17. This? Is amazing and necessary and all sorts of wow.

    {Thank you.}
    Galit Breen recently posted..Inch by InchMy Profile

  18. Me! *raising my hand* I have a therapist!

    I totally beat myself up about having so little patience for my kids. I think, “If I was a better mom I’d be more patient and could shrug off the whining and crying and they’d listen and be good and man, do I suck at this…”

    But what I’ve realized is exactly what you said: I have to cut myself some slack. My kids aren’t easy. And I’m doing things to help myself be more patient and happy and a better mom, from medications for depression/anxiety/irritability to getting more time for myself.

    Happy mama = happy kids. We gotta take care of ourselves, too.

    Great post!
    JD @ Honest Mom recently posted..“I have no patience with my little kids.” I hear you. And here’s how I’m managing.My Profile

  19. I can fully relate, because it seems the only one I’m consistently negative to is myself.
    Must have more convos in my head!
    MommaKiss recently posted..Things I learned in Louisiana.My Profile

  20. They spoke about this exact thing at the conference I went to this weekend- and yes it is so easy to do. We would never let someone else talk to us this way, or someone talk this way to our kids- so why do we do it to ourselves? Great post!
    Emmy recently posted..The Weekend Just for MeMy Profile

  21. I do this to myself, sometimes without even realizing it. If I don’t let others talk to me this way, I need to stop letting myself do it too. Great post, Molly!!
    Kimberly recently posted..A Little Something For YouMy Profile

  22. It’s so easy to be a negative-talker and not even realize it.
    I know I do it to myself sometimes, and realizing it is good, it’ll help stop it.
    Great post.
    Carolyn recently posted..Make Google Reader Work For YouMy Profile

  23. This is a great post Molly… I agree we all need to start paying attention to our self talk ! I find it hard sometimes as well and um NOPE you aren’t alone I have a therapist too.
    Birdie recently posted..What is Love?My Profile

  24. Great post!  What finally made me realize how much negative self-talk I was doing was surprisingly my mother-in-law, because every time I said something even remotely negative, she contradicted me so strongly that I was actually really annoyed by it.  But once I realized it, I could at least try to stop it a bit when she was around.  Which led to trying not to do it all the time.  I think instead of thinking about what’s wrong with ME that is making it hard, I’m trying to figure out what situation is making it hard for me to reach my high standards.  That’s helping me feel better and make real changes!
    Jessica@Team Rasler recently posted..InferiorMy Profile

  25. I used to beat myself up way more than I do now. It just takes too much time and effort to try to whip myself into shape!
    momof12 recently posted..Ground Hog DayMy Profile

  26. I think you might be hiding inside my head…seriously… you sound just like the “little voice” inside my head…the one that says, “Expect the worst and be happy when it doesn’t happen.”
    Sorta Southern Single Mom recently posted..Friday Fragments: In Which I Swear…Twice!My Profile

  27. I love this post!! I do this a lot, and need to stop. Thanks for the advice!
    Jessica recently posted..Worth ItMy Profile

  28. I love this! I need to print it and stick it right on my fridge…
    Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..This Is My Blog, For Better Or For WorseMy Profile

  29. I had the same lightbulb moment with MY therapist!! :) The negative self-talk had put me in such a low place. I didn’t even understand it was happening. The hard part is stopping what has become a habit. When I pay attention I’m able to catch it…still have those days that I tend to listen! This is a really great post and an important one for so many of us women.

    Thanks for being so authentic and sharing!!

  30. Great guest post!

  31. Good for you! Take that power and give yourself a break! You are good enough, don’t listen to yourself if yourself is trying beat you down!
    Tara recently posted..Tasty treats…My Profile

  32. Great guest post, thanks for sharing. There is so much truth in this post I’m ALOT of women can relate. 

  33. I am guilty of Negative self-talk myself.  Thinking I am not good enough, blah,blah. I have been doing some exercising in front of the mirror every morning. Saying something positive over and over again, hopefully my brain gets it one day. Wonderful post.
    Rambling Redhead recently posted..Super Bowl SundayMy Profile

  34. I’m guilty of the same . . . and I’m far meaner to myself than anyone else has been, ever.  But, like most any behavior, knowing that you’re committing it is the first step to stopping it.

    Great post, and thank you for reminding some of us that we’re not alone in what we’re doing.
    John recently posted..Where I write about words and caffeine and dinner and stripper films masked as horror flicksMy Profile

  35. Someone pointed this one out to me about six years ago. Eliminating self talk really made a difference in my trajectory.

    See you at Blissdom!
    (FL) Girl with a New Life recently posted..A More Meaningful Valentine’s Day & A Love Note from TolstoiMy Profile